Books & Badges – Chapter Twenty-Seven

NOT EDITED

Theodore, in the ballsiest decision he had ever made, had Gina drop him off at the police station after work. With a little help from a very kind detective, he found his way upstairs and to Russell’s desk. Tentatively, he cleared his throat.

Russell lifted his head, tired expression quickly shifting to worry. “A-are you–?”

“I’m okay,” Theodore said, his voice soft. “I came to make sure you were, too.”

Russell pushed himself to his feet and tugged Theodore into a hug. He tensed at the lack of warning, but he wrapped his arms around the detective without complaint. “If I’m not at your house in an hour, text me and tell me to get my ass over there. Can you do that?”

“I-I think so.”

“Thank you,” Russell whispered. He pulled away, eyes on the floor rather than Theodore’s face. “I’m not an alcoholic, but if I don’t go to your house immediately after I’m done here, I’m going to go to the bar. That’s fine on a good day.” His gaze shifted to the shorter man’s face. “Today is not a good day.”

Theodore pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, giving himself a moment to think. “When you have a bad day… you drink?”

“No. When I have a bad day, I want to drink. A lot. I do my best not to. Moderation is… much more difficult when you already feel like you’re drowning.”

Theodore searched the detective’s face, unsure how he was supposed to respond. There were so many things he wasn’t used to. A man openly telling him exactly what was on his mind was one of the many. “Umm…” He cleared his throat. “How about I stay here with you for that hour? And then we go?”

“You have a daughter. You have supper.”

“She’s with my mom. I mean, they’re at my house, but she’s with my mom. I can let her know I’ll be home a bit later than usual.”

“Are you sure?”

Slowly, Theodore nodded. “If you’re having a bad day, you shouldn’t be lonely. That eats away at you just as much as bad thoughts and feelings do.” Pulling his phone from his pocket, he sat down in one of the chairs in front of Russell’s desk. “So I’ll just sit here.”

The smallest smile came to Russell’s face. “Thank you.”

“No… no problem, Russell.”

***

After Russell got off work, Theodore rode with the detective back to his house. After climbing out of his car, Russell turned to Theodore. “I just need to grab a change of clothes. Wanna come in?”

After a moment, Theodore nodded. He figured there was no harm in seeing more than the already gorgeous exterior of Russell’s house. He pushed open the door and grabbed his cane. With Russell’s help, he climbed out of the passenger seat and closed the door.  “I’m excited to, uh… to learn a bit more about your… personal aesthetic.”

Russell chuckled. “I’m not sure I have one. Simple and okay to live in is about all I got.”

“Okay to live in is an acceptable answer.”

“Mm.” At the door, Russell pressed a kiss to the top of Theodore’s head before unlocking the door. He pushed it open and gestured for Theodore to go in first. Though he hesitated, Theodore stepped inside without stammering or complaining. Russell stepped in behind him, quietly closing the door. “Welcome to my blank walls. Original paint, original flooring.” He kicked off his shoes, gesturing to the kitchen. “Original appliances.”

Theodore smiled up at him. “You don’t cook, anyway, so that doesn’t matter much.”

One corner of Russell’s mouth lifted. “Not a bad point.” He cleared his throat. “You can keep your shoes on. Since we aren’t gonna be here forever, that just feels like a lot of unnecessary movement for you.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem. This way.”

Theodore followed Russell through the house and back to his bedroom. The bed was made, the sheets entirely crease-free. “You really do sleep on the couch when you’re here, don’t you?”

“Most of the time. I was sleeping in bed when you heard that racoon, though,” Russell said. “But I’m usually exhausted when I get home, so I grab a snack, a change of clothes, and then sleep on the couch since I didn’t shower.”

Theodore shook his head. “I’m glad you eat actual meals when you’re at my house.”

“Me, too. Actual food is… very nice.” Russell tugged open one of his dresser drawers and pulled out a sweatshirt. While he gathered the rest of his outfit, Theodore let his eyes roam over the room. Russell hadn’t been lying. The walls were entirely bare. No pictures or paintings. No college degree up on the wall. No awards or articles of his achievements.

“Why don’t you hang anything up in here?”

“Before I got this place, it’d been a long time before I lived in an actual home. I got used to moving around and shit. Guess that’s still stuck in my head,” Russell said.

“Why’d you move around so much?”

“Initially, it was for when my father got a new job.” Russell closed the dresser drawer and tucked his clothes into a duffle bag. “After he was out of the picture, we… couldn’t afford the house, so we moved to an apartment. Landlord jacked up the rent not too long after, so we stayed in a motel for a bit. Things continued back and forth from there.”

“I’m sorry you had to live with that kind of back and forth.”

Russell offered a smile. “Thanks.” He zipped up his bag and lifted it over his shoulder. “Who knows. Maybe I’ll figure out how to truly accept this place as home someday. Guess we’ll see how things go.”

Theodore nodded. “How long have you lived here?”

“Oh… two, three years?”

“Jesus, Russell.”

“What can I say? Old habits die hard.” Gently, he squeezed Theodore’s shoulder. “Come on. Let’s get home so you can relieve your momma of her babysitting duties.”

***

Back home, while Russell retreated to the back of the house so he could shower and change out of his suit, Theodore headed into the kitchen, where his mom was finishing up supper.

“Hey, baby.”

“Hi, Mom.” Theodore cleared his throat as he leaned back against the counter, fiddling with his cane. “Thanks for staying the extra hour. Russell… I don’t know. I think he needed me today.”

“No trouble at all, sweetheart. I love taking care of Vera, even when she’s a little under the weather. Speaking of, chicken noodle soup is almost done. It just needs to be warmed up a little longer.”

“Awesome. Thank you.”

She nodded. “So… Russell. Bad day?”

“This case isn’t treating him so well.”

“Okay.” She cleared her throat, crossing her arms over her chest. “This is not me criticizing Russell. As far as I’ve been able to tell so far, he seems like a very nice man. But cops have a very difficult job, and they all handle bad days differently. If, at any point, you feel uncomfortable or scared with him around, you call or text me, and your dad and I will be here before you even know it. Okay?”

Theodore nodded. “Okay. Thanks, Mom.”

“Of course, baby.” Hands on his cheeks, she pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I love you. Stay safe.”

“I will. Love you, too.”

She smiled. “I’m just gonna go say goodbye to Vera, and then I’ll be on my way. but again, if you were to need anything, you give me a call.”

“Okay, mom. I will,” Theodore promised. She smoothed a hand over his hair before walking out of the kitchen.

By the time the soup was ready, his mom had left and Vera was in the living room, curled up on the couch. Theodore brought in two bowls of soup, handing one over to his daughter as he sat down beside her.

“Thanks, Daddy.”

“You’re very welcome, sweetheart.”

Vera pulled her legs closer to herself, holding the bowl in her lap. “Is Russell still here?”

“Yeah. He’s showering, and then he’ll join us here for supper.”

“Awesome.” Vera picked up her spoon, looking over at her father. “So… can we eat on the couch more often?”

“Absolutely not,” Theodore said with a laugh. “Only when one of us doesn’t feel good. Otherwise we’ll continue to eat at the table.”

“Why?”

“If we eat on the couch all the time, our brains will think it’s time for food every time we sit down.”

Really?”

He nodded. “The brain likes routines. That’s one of them.”

“Cool,” Vera whispered.

He and Vera were almost through an entire episode of her favorite YouTube ghost hunting show when Russell walked into the living room. Dressed in a university hoodie and a pair of sweats, his hair still wet from the shower, he looked a little less sad than he had at the station, but he was still missing a bit of that Russell charm.

“I left a bowl out on the counter for you. Chicken noodle soup,” Theodore said.

“Thank you.” On his way to the kitchen, Russell leaned over the back of the couch and pressed a kiss to the top of Theodore’s head. He came back with a bowl of soup and a can of pop. He sat down next to Theodore and, tentatively, Theodore leaned into his side. Russell cleared his throat, wrapping an arm around Theodore’s shoulders.

“Feel better after the shower?”

“A little bit,” Russell murmured. He nodded toward the television. “What’re we watching?”

“Ezra and Jude. They ghost hunt on YouTube. Curse words are bleeped out, so it’s more or less child-friendly.” He pointed his spoon at Vera. “It’s pretty much her favorite show in the world, and truth be told, I’d much rather be watching this than Dora.”

Russell chuckled. “I don’t blame you. My niece went through a phase where she absolutely loved Sid the Science Kid. I told her the TV was broken when she came to visit for, like, a whole month.”

A surprised laugh escaped Theodore. “You’re terrible,” he whispered.

“Hey, I said she was the light of my life, not that I’d always been honest with her.”

Theodore shook his head. He leaned forward, setting his empty bowl on the coffee table. Settling into Russell’s side again, he rested his hand on the man’s chest. Russell laid his head on Theodore’s, only lifting it for the occasional spoonful of soup or sip of pop.

Even Russell’s bad days were a million times kinder than Shane’s good days. Theodore still had no intention of letting his guard down, but it was nice to know a little bit more of Russell’s range of days and emotions. Somehow, that made him feel… safe.


A/N: I don’t think I’ve stated it in an actual note, but this will be a series! So once I get closer to finishing book one (ahem, 70,000 words and still going), you guys will get to vote for the crime part of book two, maybe the romance part too. We’ll see how it goes!

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When Toxicity and Mental Health Affect a Story

Hey, guys!

Sorry for getting this post out to you much later in the day than planned. The power company cut our power so they could cut down tree branches almost immediately after I posted today’s chapter of The Spectator, and we were without it for almost two hours, and then it was tragically time for bed. But anyway, let’s get into it, shall we?

As all of you know, I’m sure, posting on Wattpad was initially something I enjoyed. I enjoyed sharing my stories there, even when I had no readers, even when I only had one (Gabby). I’ve always loved interacting with respectful readers, and I still do enjoy that part of it. But as you know, Wattpad eventually grew to be incredibly toxic for me.

In between the constant changing environment on Wattpad (Oh, we’ll do ads to pay our writers! No, we’ll do nothing. Oh, what if we make readers pay for coins that they can use to pay for chapters and we give the writers with that feature a small cut? Yeah, most of them are in their teen years and don’t have jobs, but it’ll be great!), the toxicity of many commenters, and the sexual harassment story I don’t often talk about, it was no longer enjoyable.

For my own sake, I won’t say much more than the sexual harassment was directed at me from a man who is now an ambassador at Wattpad. Funny how that works, huh?

Anyway.

“Finally, an update!” It’s been six hours since I last updated. Finally isn’t an appropriate word, but you can bet it was always the first or second comment on most chapters I posted. When people comment things like ‘finally’, you come into the mindset that the only thing that matters is finishing a story so readers don’t have to ever wait for updates. And eventually, that’s the mindset I hit. Hitting word count milestones was worthless to me. Finishing a chapter was worthless. Finishing a book was the only real joy I ever felt in the last two or so years on Wattpad, and even that joy only lasted for the five minutes before I started the next one.

Not being able to feel any happiness from finishing a book starring a character you’ve loved sucks, and it takes its toll, both on you and on the story.

That’s where we come to today.

I’ve written ten books in the Bo Austen-Taylor series, and although I love the characters, there are many aspects of some of the books I flat-out don’t enjoy. I rushed through many of them so I could hit those five minutes of joy, and it shows. Some of the resolutions are rushed. Some of the killers have half-baked backstories that, while included in the story, make little to no sense, there are far more plot holes than usual, and far worse of a crime: I took away all of Bo’s character development from the Bo Austen series because I couldn’t write a character healing while I was worsening.

And that hurts.

Bo worked so hard to hit this place where he didn’t need to be normal all the time because Jensen wouldn’t love him if he was normal, because Jensen loved him because he was Bo, because he was Eli. And I took it away because… how the hell are you supposed to write a character on his way to better mental health when you can’t even take care of your own? When you don’t even put your own mental health at the forefront of your concerns?

For Bo, I feel that I need to rewrite the Bo Austen-Taylor series. For myself, I feel that I need to rewrite the B-A-T series. I haven’t written a single word in book 11–or a single word in book 5 of Young Bo–in almost two months. They’re both hard to look at, and they both remind me that I failed Bo every single time I open them. I need to fix it.

This is where my question to you guys comes in. I have ten books written. I can either A. continue posting the current B-A-T drafts while I rewrite the series or B. remove all of the B-A-T books and begin posting them the same way I would have on Wattpad, as they are written.

This brings me to issue two: Killer in Training.

I love Freddie, Paris, and Preston, but adhering to the backstory laid out in the B-A-T series has caused an issue in that book two of the series has no actual plot until about 5K words before the end. Even if it’s enjoyable to read, the first 25,000 words have no plot, and that’s not fair to those characters or the reader (even if you’re enjoying it, which is okay!).

If I rewrote book one, the main thing that would change is the ending. Hell, it’s probably the only part I would rewrite before diving into a new book two. I won’t spoil it here in case you haven’t read the current ending, but for those of you that have read it, I’m sure you can imagine what a change in the ending means, what a slight change in his backstory means. Hint: it involves Paris.

So this one isn’t so much a question as it is a statement. I’ll be rewriting the ending, at the very least, on Fedkenheuer, and then I’ll begin book two again, this time with a brand new premise, and I hope you guys will be excited for that.

In regards to both of these rewrites, July 1st will be day number one. Which means that if I post B-A-T as it’s written, the prologue of Happy Face will, more than likely, go up on the first or the second.

But anyway, that’s all my thoughts, and I’d love to hear yours, as well. Thanks for sticking with me, guys.

Books & Badges – Chapter Twenty-Six

NOT EDITED

“I’d like access to his home. I’m hoping you have a key so I don’t have to break the door down or get myself a locksmith,” Russell said.

Dani, Vince’s daughter, sniffled. “I don’t. But he always left one out, tucked under his car. In the, umm, the tire well? Tucked up in there. He said those fake key rocks were begging for someone to break in, but I lose things, so…” She cleared her throat. “They should still be there.”

“Thank you, Dani,” Russell whispered.

She nodded. Before he could stand up, she grabbed his arm. “You’re gonna find the bastard who did this, aren’t you, Russ?”

He searched her eyes, that familiar sting burning in his own. “Yes. I’m not gonna let him go without justice.”

“Good.” A pause. “A-are you really going to be able to do this? Dad loved you like his own, Russ. I can’t… even begin to imagine what this will do to you.”

“I can’t hand this over to someone else. I can’t hand Vince over to someone else.” Russell laid a hand over hers and gave it a quick squeeze. “I’ll manage, Dani. I just gotta find the person who did this, and then I’ll be okay. Then we can heal. Okay?”

Thankfully, she nodded and let go of his arm. “Good luck, Russell.”

“Thank you.” Though he kept it to himself, he knew damn well he really needed that luck more than ever before.

***

Just as Dani had predicted, the keys were still tucked into the tire well of Vince’s car. Russell closed his eyes as he held the keys to his chest. “Thank you,” he whispered, head tilted back toward the sky. Though most of the time, he’d be thanking God, this one was for Vince’s ears only. If the man hadn’t loved his daughter so damn much, he never would’ve left them out for someone to find. That had nothing to do with God and everything to do with Vince’s heart of gold.

Russell walked up to the house and, for what would be one of the last times in his life, unlocked the door and stepped inside. He let out a shaky breath as he closed the door. He flipped on the light and, out of habit, kicked off his shoes.

Vince’s badge hadn’t been in his wallet. The only other place he ever kept it was in his bedroom. If it wasn’t there… Russell shook his head. He needed it to be there. He didn’t want to think about what it could mean if it wasn’t there.

On his way down the hall, Russell couldn’t help but be distracted by the photos on the wall. One of them, the one that had caught his eye, was the day Vince pinned Russell’s detective badge onto his chest. Russell smiled, sniffling as he stepped away from the photo. Christ, he couldn’t believe Vince was gone. The man had taught him so much about police work, so much about life. And now he was just… gone.

Russell cleared his throat, doing his best to keep his eyes off the other photos as he made his way back to Vince’s bedroom. He edged the door open with his foot and peered inside. The room was tidy, the bed made. That didn’t surprise Russell in the slightest. Vince had always been an organized man. His house, as far as Russell had ever seen, had only ever reflected that.

He flipped on the overhead light and stepped into the room. He checked every place the badge could’ve been: on the dresser, on either of the nightstand, in either of the nightstand drawers, on the top shelf in the closet, in the detective memorabilia box under the bed.

But it was nowhere to be found.

Russell’s gut twisted as he took a step back toward the door. He hoped to God he was remembering the details of their last off-duty cop shooting incorrectly. Hell, he prayed he was remembering them incorrectly.

If he wasn’t, Vince wasn’t the first cop this bastard had shot in cold blood.

***

Russell stopped in front of Emelia’s desk, clearing his throat.

She lifted her head, expression softening as soon as her eyes met his. “You look like hell, Russ.”

“Been a long day already,” he said quietly. “I need you to check out a file for me.”

“Why… can’t you?”

“Because I know they won’t let me.”

“Russell.”

“My dead partner.”

“Oh, Russell,” Emelia whispered.

“They never caught the bastard that shot her, Emey. You know this could be the same guy. I just need to see the details, the ones that I never heard about through casual conversation.”

“What makes you think it’s the same guy? I mean… aside from the fact that they’re both cops. We know wearing a badge makes us a target to a lot of people, Russ, not just one guy.”

“If I’m remembering things correctly, they were both shot off-duty–”

“Vince was retired, Russ.”

“Emey.”

She held up her hands. “Okay, I’m sorry. Continue?”

“They were both shot off-duty, they were both shot several times–overkill–from behind, and their badges were stolen off their person. Vince was shot on the sidewalk, and i-if I recall… correctly, Lauren was shot in an alley four blocks from her house. Vince was shot on his way back home. I’m certain of it. He always walked that road on his route when he wasn’t able to sleep.” He clapped his hands together, tipping his fingers in her direction. “Please, Emey. I just gotta know.”

“This isn’t good for you.”

“Not looking for good or bad. I’m looking for fucking justice.”

“Okay,” Emelia said softly. She pushed herself to her feet. “Sit down. You need to just… sit for a moment. You don’t look okay, seriously.”

Russell dropped into the chair in front of her desk. She patted his chest as she walked past him. Russell bowed his head, closing his eyes. It wasn’t even noon yet, and he already wanted to be done with the day. He wanted to pack up his shit and go home for the day. Or to the bar. The bar sounded good.

He scrubbed his hands over his face. That wasn’t exactly a great line of thinking. Undercover work in Narcotics had gotten him to a bad place in life, especially with alcohol. Drinking it in moderation nowadays was fine, but when he was already having a bad day, there was absolutely no chance at ‘moderation’.

Emelia sat down at her desk, a folder in her hand. Russell leaned forward to grab it, but she held it out of his reach. “Russell, I have seen you in a lot of bad places. Recovering from the terrible undercover job, after Lauren was killed, after your mom–”

“And I came back every single time,” Russell said. He held out a hand. “Give me the folder, Emey. Please.”

“I just need to know that you won’t go into a bad place this time. You’ve recovered from the others. I’m willing to admit that. But you shouldn’t have to go through another.”

“I won’t.” Russell wiggled his fingers, leaning forward even further. With a sigh, Emelia handed the folder over to him. “Thank you.”

“Sure, Russ. You… you keep your head on straight, okay?”

Russell nodded. “Yeah. Do my best.”


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Updates every Wednesday!


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Books & Badges – Chapter Twenty-Five

NOT EDITED

Theodore was at work for all of an hour before Russell walked in through the doors. His chest tightened, gaze following the detective as he headed back to the children’s section of the store. He hated that seeing Russell put him on edge, but he couldn’t help it. There had been a time when Shane would ‘drop by’ the bookstore to make sure Theodore wasn’t speaking to Gina too much or hanging out with too many male customers.

Eventually, Russell came up to the counter and set a puzzle and a picture book on it. Theodore took in the detective’s shaking hands, flushed cheeks, tense jaw, and watery eyes. “My God, Russell. Are you okay?”

Russell pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, nodding. “Yeah. I’m good. J-just doin’ my job.” He tapped his fingers to the puzzle box. “Need something at the station to distract Vince’s granddaughter so I can talk to her mom.”

Theodore rang up both items and tucked them into a bag. “Do you wanna come over tonight?”

“Vera doesn’t feel well. You shouldn’t have to worry about me, too.”

“I think I’m capable of worrying about two people at the same time,” Theodore said. “I’ll worry about you whether or not you’re at the house, Russell.”

Russell sniffled, looking down as he passed his debit card through the scanner. “I know. I-I just… don’t want you to feel crushed or pressured by me being there so much.”

“So long as this case is ongoing, I feel nothing but good about you being at the house. Not only does your presence there make me feel safe, but I also get the benefit of getting to comfort someone else. That’s… that’s pretty darn nice.”

Russell offered a shaky smile. “I’ll probably come over. I-I just don’t know what time it’ll be when I get there.”

“That’s okay. Just text or call, let me know.” Theodore handed over the bag, grabbing Russell’s hand as soon as the detective took it. “I have my phone on me. My boss thinks I’m talking to my parents or my daughter if I’m on my phone. Text me if you need to talk.”

“I’ll be okay. But thank you,” Russell whispered.

Theodore gave his hand a tight squeeze before releasing it. “This is hard for you, Russell. Take care of yourself.”

“Thank you. I-I’ll do my best.” Russell took a step back, offering a smile. “Keep up the good work, Theo. You’re very calming to at least one of your customers.”

“I’m glad to hear it. I appreciate the stellar review.”

Russell’s smile was a bit more genuine that time. At least, Theodore was pretty sure of it. “I-I’ll see you tonight, Theo. Take care.”

“You, too, Russell.”

***

Theodore took his lunch break in the small cafe area of the bookstore with Gina. He checked his phone for what felt like the millionth time that day before sticking a forkful of salad into his mouth.

“I saw your detective in here earlier,” Gina said.

“Well, he’s not my detective.”

“You’re dating him. It’s not, like… a property thing. You’re not being Shane to him. It’s kinda like me saying he’s your boyfriend. I’m just using his job title.” Gina took a sip of her pop. “Does it make you uncomfortable? I won’t do it if it does.”

“I think it’s kinda cute,” Theodore said after a moment.

She smiled. “Awesome. So, what’d he want?”

“He just needed to buy some stuff for work.”

“At the book store?”

Theodore lifted his head. “Yes? What’re you getting at?”

Gina held up both hands. “I don’t want to get in the way of your relationship. I stand by the fact that he seems like an incredible guy, and he’s done absolutely nothing to make me feel otherwise. But because of everything that happened with Shane, I just… I just wanna make sure it stays that way.”

“Russell’s great to me and to Vera. H-he called her sweetheart this morning and then apologized in case I was uncomfortable with that. He’s good to me.” Theodore cleared his throat. “But I do appreciate you looking out for me. Lord knows I’m cautious, too.”

“You have every right to be,” Gina said. She folded a fry into her mouth. “His car’s parked outside your house a lot.”

“How do you know that?” Theodore asked.

“How do you think?”

“Stop driving by my house in the middle of the night, you creep.”

Gina laughed. “Hey, if I need to go for a drive, I’m gonna make sure you’re okay in the process.”

“Oddly appreciated.” Theodore cleared his throat, looking down as he stirred his salad. “He’s spending the night a lot. I feel safe when he’s in the house.”

“Even though… he’s a man?”

“Yeah. I think it’s the badge. H-he’s the one who found Shane, too.”

“Makes sense. I’d probably take comfort in both of those things, too.”

“So it’s not stupid?”

“God, of course not. A man that makes you feel safe and comfortable? That’s not stupid. The reasons he makes you feel safe and comfortable are not stupid. From what you’ve told me so far, he seems incredibly kind and respectful, too.” Gina shook her head. “You aren’t an idiot, Theo. You’re doing great with him.”

“Thank you,” Theodore whispered. He took another bite of his salad before tapping his fork against the bowl. “How’re things going with the new dog?”

“Oh, gosh, I love her. She doesn’t like her crate yet, but that’s understandable. I still need to work on getting her used to it and comfortable with it. She’s not potty-trained yet, either, but she already knows what door to go to for outside time.” Gina smiled. “She’s perfect.”

“Good. How’s she like Boyd?”

“She loves that little shit, oh, my God. I was a little worried about him tugging on her ears or her getting too rowdy with him, but they fell asleep on the living room floor together last night. He used her like a pillow, and she seemed pretty okay with it.” Gina shook her head. “You and Vera should come over some time. I-it’s been a while, and Boyd would love the playdate.”

Boyd, Gina’s son, had been yet another relationship that had been a casualty of Theodore’s marriage to Shane. He hadn’t liked the idea of Vera hanging out with Boyd, even though Shane refused to claim Vera as his own. Theodore hadn’t liked it but he hadn’t seen much of a choice in the matter. Shane had waited to drop the bomb of that particular requirement until after they had gotten married, until after Theodore was already well within his clutches.

“It… would be nice to pick up playdates again,” Theodore said quietly.

“You think so?”

“Yeah. I think Vera would be happy for it, too.”

“Great. I-I don’t wanna force you into that too quickly, so if you feel uncomfortable with it or if it makes you nervous, just let me know. We’ll postpone it, okay?” Gina asked.

“Thanks, Gina. I appreciate that.” Theodore smiled. “Hopefully things will go well enough that there isn’t a reason for fear or nervousness on my end.”

“I’ve been hoping for the same damn thing since day one. It takes time, but you’ll… you’ll get close to being who you used to be.”

“That’s the hope.” Theodore cleared his throat. “I guess I don’t want to be who I used to be. Not exactly.”

“Yeah?”

Theodore nodded. “Old me never would’ve dared take the risk of dating Russell.”

“You took the risk of dating Shane.”

“Shane was a barista when I met him. Or… he told me he was. He was a businessman, but I guess he knew that wasn’t my type. But something as dangerous as a cop? A detective? I never would’ve dared associate myself or Vera with someone we could… we could lose. New me is braver, and I don’t want to lose that as I get ‘better’.”

Gina smiled. “I like brave you, too. He dates very attractive men.”

Theodore snorted. “You’re such a shit.”

“You love me.”

“Thank God, or we’d both be totally screwed.”

Gina chuckled. “Yeah.” The smile came back to her face. “I love you, too.”

“I know. Thank you.”

“No problem, Theo. No problem at all.”


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Books & Badges – Chapter Twenty-Four

NOT EDITED

Russell opened his eyes as Theodore shifted for the seventh time in the last two minutes. “You okay?” Russell asked, his voice raw.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me,” Theodore said.

“You sound like you’re in pain.”

“I’m always in pain.”

Russell sniffled, pulling away from Theodore.  “Roll onto your good side, Theo. Your hip needs your comfort, too.”

Theodore sighed. He laid a tentative hand on Russell’s cheek. “You’re in pain, too. Why does mine get to take priority?”

“Because your pain means you need to roll over so you don’t further injure your hip. Mine means I have to feel… empty for a while.”

“That’s… that’s not a good enough answer.”

“It’s the only one I got.”

Theodore shook his head. “Switch me sides.”

“What?”

“Lay on this side of the bed.”

“Umm… are you sure?”

“Yeah. Just… don’t get used to sleeping on that side.”

One corner of Russell’s mouth lifted. “I won’t. You want me to stand up and switch sides?”

“You can… you can climb over. J-just… no touching.”

“No touching. Promise.” Russell pushed himself up and climbed over Theodore, turning his head to meet the shorter man’s gaze. “Now what?”

“Lay down on your side, facing that way,” Theodore said, pointing to the door.

Russell did as told, closing his eyes as Theodore scooted closer and wrapped an arm around him. “Aha, I see. Now you can lay on your good side.”

“Now I can comfort the hip and you.”

“Thank you,” Russell whispered.

Theodore stayed silent for only a moment before stealing Russell’s phrase of choice, “No problem, Russ.”

***

Russell awoke to an empty bed. He wasn’t surprised, to say the least. Theodore was incredibly quiet when he got out of bed, despite the cane. Tragically, Russell had a feeling that quietness came as second nature because of Shane. Russell had been forced to develop that habit, too, though when he was much younger. Walking on eggshells, especially when the abuser was a light sleeper, had been a necessity.

He only hoped that, someday, Theodore would feel safe enough to not be so quiet.

Russell pushed himself up, closing his eyes as he stretched his neck to one side. Theodore’s bed was–oddly–more comfortable than he was used to, and his neck hadn’t quite adjusted to that yet. He figured he’d find it damn perfect eventually, assuming that Theodore kept inviting him to spend the night.

With a sigh, he climbed out of bed. After a quick restroom break, Russell washed his face and changed into his suit from the day before. In the kitchen, he murmured a soft, “Morning,” before pressing a kiss to the top of Theodore’s head.

“Morning,” Theodore said. “Sleep okay?”

“Yeah. Thank you.” Russell cleared his throat. “I’m gonna head into work a little early. I have a theory I’d like to work on, and the sooner I find out who shot Vince, the better.”

“Okay. Can you stay long enough for me to finish these pancakes? Then you can take a couple for breakfast.”

“I can do that.”

“Great,” Theodore whispered. “Coffee’s fresh. You can steal my travel mug again, if you want.”

Borrow. I’ll happily borrow it.”

Theodore chuckled. “Sure, Russ. Borrow.”

“Thank you.” Russell gave his shoulder a squeeze. “Jesus. You weren’t kidding about this shoulder.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty tense.”

“If you’re okay with me massaging that, I’ll get it back to functional.”

“You… would do that for me?”

“Yeah. Free of charge,” Russell said.

Theodore smiled. “You’re… you’re adorable.”

“I try.”

“It’s working for you,” Theodore said. “If… you wanted to come over again tonight? Supper, maybe a movie with Vera before she goes to bed?”

“I think I can manage that.” Truthfully, Russell didn’t want to be alone tonight, just like he hadn’t wanted to be home alone the night before. He had practically thanked God when Theodore had called him that evening to ask if he wanted to come pick him and Vera up and spend the night.

Still, he hated that he didn’t want to be alone. Russell was used to burying himself in a case every single time he managed to get put on one, but this time, attempting to bury himself in the case made him crave comfort. It was a balance he wasn’t used to, well, balancing.

“Hey, umm…” Theodore cleared his throat. “Vera asked me about Halloween last night. If you’re still up for going with us, I’ve decided that… I’m up for that, too.”

Russell couldn’t help but smile. “I’d still love to come along.”

“Great,” Theodore whispered. “I-I don’t know if it interests you–Shane hated the idea of it and… and wouldn’t let it happen–but Vera and I, we’ll be dressing up. D-do you want to match?” he asked.

“Shane… is an asshole,” Russell said softly, leaning back against the counter.

“I know.”

“Anyway, I would love to match, but it totally depends on what a dork I’d be.”

“Vera wants to go as Toad.”

“Toad?”

“Yeah… Blue Toad, from Super Mario Bros.” Theodore shook his head, an adorable smile on his face. “I’m being forced to be Mario, because he’s short, but Vera was hoping you’d be Luigi.”

“Umm, I will one hundred percent go as Luigi. That lanky green bastard knows how to jump.”

Theodore laughed. “I know absolutely nothing about that game, so I’m going to have to take your word for it.”

“I could bring it over sometime. Or… maybe you and Vera could come over sometime. If we play the one on the Wii, I’ve got three remotes.”

“I will… take that into consideration. Thank you.” Theodore reached out and touched his cheek. “Don’t move?”

“Not movin’.”

Theodore leaned up and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for being you, Russell.”

“Ah, no problem. I enjoy being me, so… looks like we’re both happy.” Theodore only smiled at him. Russell pushed away from the counter. He grabbed Theodore’s travel mug from the cupboard, clearing his throat. “Needed curiosity. Do you have anything specific you want me to wear for Halloween, then? Like, do I need a mustache?”

“I like your face a lot without one.”

Russell chuckled. “Me, too. Are you wearing a fake one?”

“No. Vera gave me permission not to.”

“Then we’ll be the mustache-less plumbers. Totally works for me,” Russell said.

“Thank you.”

“No problem.” Russell filled up Theodore’s travel mug and snapped the lid into place. Clearing his throat, he leaned back against the counter. “Depending on how today goes, I might be late for supper. So… Don’t make you and Vera wait for me. If I’m not here, just go ahead and eat. Okay?”

“Are you sure?” Theodore asked.

“I’m sure. I don’t wanna starve you guys out.”

Theodore chuckled softly. “I don’t think we’d starve, but still, I appreciate the heads-up.” He laid a hand on Russell’s chest, and after a moment of hesitation, Russell lifted his own hand to cover it. “I can’t even imagine what being alone is like for you right now. So while this case is ongoing, I-I’m going to use it as an excuse to invite you over all the time so I don’t have to feel like I’m depending on you. Is that something you’re okay with?”

Russell searched his face before nodding. “Yes.” He cleared his throat as Theodore pulled his hand away. Russell crossed his arms over his chest. “For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t consider you dependent on me. So what, you sleep better when I’m in the house? That’s not being dependent. You take care of Vera on your own. You cook on your own. You clean on your own. I’m not buying your groceries or paying your bills. Heck, you aren’t even letting me drive you most places. You aren’t dependent on me, Theo. You just feel safe with a cop in the house.”

“I… guess that’s true,” Theodore said quietly. “It’s still… difficult for me.”

“I know. Reasonably so. You went through something incredibly traumatic, Theo. You have every right to feel… conflicted about who makes you feel safe. I’ll never hold that feeling of conflict against you.”

Theodore looked up at him. “I hope I’ll be able to believe that someday.”

Russell offered a smile. “You and me both, Theo.” He turned his head at the sound of footsteps. Vera, still in her pajamas, padded into the kitchen, a stuffed animal hugged to her chest. “Hey, sweetheart.”

“Hi, Russell.” Vera crossed the room, wrapping a hand around the bottom hem of Theodore’s shirt. “I don’t feel good, Daddy.”

Theodore pressed the back of his hand to her cheek, then her forehead. “You’re a little warm. You can stay home. I’ll… I’ll call Grandma and Grandpa, see if one of them can stay with you.”

“I wanna go to school. I just need you to fix the warm feeling.”

Theodore smiled. “I’m sorry, baby girl. It doesn’t work that way.” He smoothed a hand over her red curls. “How about you go back to bed, and I’ll call Grandma while I make a couple pancakes for Russell to take for work.”

“Really?” Vera asked.

“I think it’s for the best, baby. Especially if you wanna be well enough to go trick or treating on Halloween.”

“Okay.” Vera gave Theodore a hug and took a small step back. “Night, Russell.”

“Night, sweetheart.” Once she was out of sight, Russell cleared his throat. “Sorry.”

“For?”

“I called her sweetheart.”

“I kinda figured that was your cop voice, so I figured those were your cop words, too.”

“Little bit.”

Theodore nodded. “Then it doesn’t bother me. Vera likes you, and… so do I. So, uh…” He cleared his throat. “So it’s fine.”

Russell smiled softly, leaning over to kiss Theodore’s temple. “I like you, too.”

“Surprisingly, I knew that one.”

Russell chuckled. “Good.” He rubbed a hand up Theodore’s arm. “I’m gonna go on a little walk around the house, if that’s okay with you. You can make pancakes without further interruption, and you can call your mom without me intruding.”

“I appreciate that. Thank you, Russell.”

The detective flashed a smile. “No problem, Theo. See you in a few.”


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Teaser – Symbolically Carved

NOT EDITED

Chapter One

Friday: February 8, 2008

Freshly promoted from the LAPD’S Central Bureau’s Narcotics Unit, Dallas Silver found himself more than ready to join the homicide department. After spending the last week on leave to nurse an injured shoulder, he wanted to get back to the job. He needed to get back to the job.

A bit ironic, isn’t it? First you became a cop, did the whole vice and narcotics thing. But now you’re going to willingly choose stupidity and move to homicide?

Dallas chose to ignore the voice in his head. Ed–though Dallas tried not to call it that to it’s face, er… voice–fed on attention. The less he responded to Ed’s nagging, the longer he could live his peaceful, well-constructed web of lies.

Clearing his throat, Dallas walked into the station. Smoothing a hand over the buttons of his shirt, he drew in a calming breath. He held it for a moment, let it out, and made his way to the lieutenant’s office. He felt confident in his ability to win over the lieutenant with the same ease he had for winning over most people.

Dallas was well-practiced charmer, what with his half-smiles and slight Texan drawl. With the lieutenant, he had an extra benefit. Much like himself, Lieutenant Alec Fox was a black man.

He stopped at the open door to the office and gave a little knock. Alec lifted his head, a smile coming to his face as soon as his eyes landed on Dallas. Just like that, Dallas thought.

“Officer Silver. Hope you made the drive okay?”

“Oh, not too bad. You get used to driving with this damn sling on eventually.”

Alec chuckled. “Suppose I’ll take your word for it.” He pushed himself to his feet and rounded the desk. With Dallas’s right arm held to his chest by the sling, Alec didn’t even bother with an awkward attempt to shake his hand. Evenn Dallas could appreciate that. Instead, Alec laid a hand on his shoulder, just long enough to let it serve as a greeting. “You wanna see your desk first, or your partner?”

Dallas’s heart clenched. “Partner?”

“He’s a forensic tech. The chief and I agreed that you can work without another officer for now, but we’d still like someone else there to keep an eye on you.” Alec gestured to the door. “Walk with me?”

“Of course, sir.”

“He’s a bit of a rule breaker, but he’s… mellowed out in the last few years. When it comes right down to it, he’s one of our best employees. We normally have him partnered up with another forensic tech, but he’s unfortunately out of state for a little while. It’ll be the perfect time to transition you in as his partner. Shift buddy. Workplace friend. You can call it whatever makes you feel the most comfortable.

Dallas nodded. “Thank you for not partnering me with another officer, sir. It’s deeply appreciated.”

“You’re welcome. Like I said, we made a collective decision to wait until you felt ready for one.” Alec stopped just short of the lab and turned to face Dallas. “Losing a partner is far from easy, Dallas. You’ve passed your mental evaluation, but that doesn’t mean you don’t need help. It doesn’t mean you’re forbidden from seeking help. Okay?”

One corner of Dallas’s mouth lifted. “Of course, sir. If I need help… processing, I won’t hesitate to find that help.”

“Good.” Alec walked into the lab, and a moment later, Dallas followed. “Bo? I’d like you to meet that officer we talked about.”

A short blonde white man lifted his head. His blue eyes lifted to Alec’s face first, scanned over Dallas second. After closing the book before him on the table, he rose to his feet. “I see your right hand’s unavailable, so I’ll skip to introducing myself. I’m Bo Austen, forensics. As I’ve been told, you’re stuck with me for the next week or two.”

“Well, I didn’t use the word ‘stsuck’,” Alec said. “You’ll be partnered for the next week or so.”

Dallas smiled his signature half-smile. The blonde’s expression didn’t change. “I’m Dallas Silver, homicide officer.”

“Yes.”

Dallas couldn’t believe it. His charm had met its match with a short, beanpole-framed lab geek?

Alec cleared his throat. “Bo? How about you go on up and show Dallas his desk? Then you can both go get coffee at that diner you like. Sound good?”

“Okay.” Bo finally rounded the table, hands tucked behind his back. Dallas figured the purple flannel and dark jeans were supposed to soften his monotone answers and his general lack of expression, but they didn’t seem to be working well that morning. “I’ll wait at the top of the stairs for you,” Bo said quietly. Bowing his head, he walked out of the room.

Dallas cleared his throat, turning toward c. “Was it an accident that I was ‘partnered’ with someone who seems a bit… ditasteful of me?”

“Oh, he has no problem with you. I should’ve, umm, warned you better.” Alec shoved his hands into his pockets. “Bo’s not great with change. Both of the analysts he works with are temporarily on vacation, and the only cop he likes recently transferred to the West Bureau.”

“Only cop he likes?”

“Well… correction, only cop that’s always been kind to him. Bo’s a good kid, but he’s got too much brain in that head of his for most people to like him.”

“They hate him because he’s smart?”

“Adulthood hasn’t changed the bullies from school. It only changed the building the bullying takes place in.”

“He looked like he was just a kkid.”

“He is. Doesn’t make him off limits to dickish behavior.”

Dallas let out a breath. “All right. Thanks for the heads up. I’m… going to see fi I can help out a pattern-driven lab geek.”

“Thank you. Let me know if there are any issues. Otherwise, welcome to homicide, and good luck.”

Dallas offered a two-finger salute and walked out of the lab. As promised, the lab geek stood at the top of the stairs, waiting. “Thanks for waiting for me.”

“You’re welcome.” Bo took a step away from the wall and made his way to the officer desks. “This is your desk, Officer Silver.”

“Dallas is fine.”

Bo kept his gaze on the desk. “I struggle with addressing new people by their first name.”

“That’s fine. You okay with just calling me Silver?”

After a moment, Bo nodded. “Yes, I can manage that. Thank you.”


A/N: I normally don’t post on weekends, but today is Dallas’s birthday! A couple days ago, we lost power for three hours during a storm, and since all of my devices were in need of a charge, I couldn’t work on any of my books. Instead, I opened up a notebook, lit a candle, and set to work on Dallas.

I don’t want you guys to get your hopes up just yet, but I’m hoping that this becomes a full book and a series, but we’ll see. I don’t plan to post it until I know it’ll reach completion status on the first book, but in the meantime, you can have the only part I’ve written so far.

I hope you enjoyed!


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Books & Badges – Chapter Twenty-Three

NOT EDITED

After work, Gina dropped Theodore off at his parents’ place. She had offered to wait for him so he could do nothing more than go in, get Vera, and come back out, but he had politely declined. It was about time he saw his parents for more than a few minutes, anyway.

He knocked on the front door and waited patiently for his father to answer it. A smile took over the older man’s face. “Theo, it’s good to see you.” His dad drummed his fingers against the door. “Coming in? Or do you just wanna grab Vera and head out?”

“I’d love to come in and stay a while, if that’s okay with you.”

“God, are you kidding? More than okay, kiddo. Get your ass in here.”

Theodore smiled faintly and walked into the house. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Of course.” His dad, Jenner Eckart, closed the door. “How’re you doin’, Theo?”

“Not too bad. I’m… managing. I’m healing. I’ve been back at work for a bit, so that’s helping my sanity, if nothing else.”

“That’s good,” Jenner said, his voice soft. “Your mom, uh, told me about that detective. You still seeing him? Or was it a one-time date sort of thing?”

“I’m still seeing him.”

Jenner nodded. “Is he… is he good to you?”

Theodore smiled. “Yeah, Dad, he’s good to me.”

“Good,” Jenner whispered. “Do you think you’d be willing to let me meet him?”

After a moment, Theodore nodded. “Of course, Dad. I… could actually ask him to swing by after work. Since I didn’t drive here, I’m sure he’d be more than willing to take Vera and me home. It’d be a good way for you to meet him, too.”

“I’d like that.”

“Great. I’ll, uh, text him in a bit. For now… hang out until supper?” Theodore asked.

A little smile tugged at one corner of Jenner’s mouth. “I’d love that.” He nodded off to his right. “Come on. Your mom and Vera are in the living room.”

***

Around eight that evening, Russell pulled into Theodore’s parents’ driveway. Cane in hand, Theodore made his way to the detective’s car and knocked on the driver’s side window. Russell met his gaze just long enough for Theodore to see he looked even more tired than he had when he’d shown up at the house after his crime scene.

Russell rolled down the window. “Hey. You and Vera take your time. I’ll be here,” he said.

Theodore cleared his throat, crossing one arm over the empty space left by the rolled down window. “I was thinking you could come in and meet my dad. If… you aren’t too tired.” Tentatively, he reached into the car and laid a hand on Russell’s cheek. The detective closed his eyes, leaning into Theodore’s touch. “Are you okay, Russell?”

“Long day.” Russell drew in a deep breath, opening his eyes. “Do you want me to meet your dad?”

“Only if you’re in the mood to.”

“Are you testing me again? Seeing… what he thinks of me, too?” Russell asked. “I-I don’t mind if you are. But if you are, I wanna wait until a day I’m… a bit more well-rested.”

Theodore shook his head. “I’m trying to repair a broken relationship by letting him meet you as soon as he asked me to let him meet you. I-I didn’t… Dad didn’t meet Shane until I was already engaged to him, which I did out of spite because Dad would comment on what type of person Shane seemed to be based on what Mom told him. I don’t want that again.”

Russell squeezed his hand. “Okay,” he said softly. “Mind taking a step back?”

Theodore stepped away from the car, fingers tightening around his cane as Russell opened the door and climbed out of the car. He was still in his suit, detective badge pinned proudly at his belt. “For someone so tired… you still look very nice in that suit.”

Russell’s smile was soft and easy. “Thanks, Theo.” He pressed a kiss to the top of the shorter man’s head before closing the door. “You want an arm for extra support? You’re leaning a little heavy on the cane.”

“An arm would be great,” Theodore admitted. Russell held out a crooked arm. After switching his cane to his other hand, Theodore grabbed his arm. Holding onto Russell for support took some of the pressure and pain away from his shoulder. That alone was a nice benefit of getting to hold onto Russell in any manner.

Russell walked him up to the front door, matching his pace to Theodore’s much slower stride without complaint. Theodore opened the door and pulled away from Russell. Instead, he grabbed the man’s hand and gently tugged him inside. “Is your mom gonna ask me if I’m an asshole?”

Theodore shook his head. “She’s in the shower.” He met Russell’s eyes. “I-I’m sorry. I thought you said that didn’t bother you.”

Russell’s smile appeared much more tired in the light of the foyer than it had outside. “It didn’t. It doesn’t. I’m just a little off tonight, Theo. I’m not sure I could handle being called an asshole again today.”

“Again?”

“A, uh, cop-hater eats at the same diner I do. It’s like getting heckled the whole time you’re eating.”

“I’m sorry, Russell.”

Russell shook his head. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault.” He squeezed Theodore’s hand. “You wanna bring your dad in here? Or do you want me to come meet him?”

“Stay here. We can get you to a bed and to sleep sooner that way.”

One corner of Russell’s mouth lifted. “Sure thing, Theo.”

Theodore kicked off his shoes and headed into the living room. “Dad? He’s in the foyer if you wanna come meet him.”

Jenner squeezed Vera’s shoulder as he pushed himself off the couch. “What’s he like?” he asked once he was close to Theodore.

“Tonight? Tired, worn out. He’s working a case. I don’t know what it is, but I know it’s already taking a toll on him,” Theodore said quietly. “So… cut him some slack tonight? He just sounds a lot… more bored than usual, but that’s because he’s tired, not because that’s who he is.”

Jenner smiled. “I won’t judge him on how his tone sounds, promise. Lead the way.”

Theodore nodded and led his dad back into the foyer. “Dad, this is Russell Steele. Russell, this is my dad, Jenner Eckart.”

Russell smiled, sticking out a hand. “Nice to meet you, sir.”

Jenner grabbed his hand and gave it a firm shake. “Jenner’s fine.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I’ve heard some pretty great things about you today, both from T and from Vera.”

“Glad to hear it. I’ve got many great things to say about your son and granddaughter, too. They’re both very, very good people.”

Jenner smiled. “They sure are.” He cleared his throat. “Well, Russell, I don’t wanna keep you too long, but it was really nice to meet you.”

“You, too, Jenner.” Russell met Theodore’s eyes. “Mind if I wait in the car while you get Vera around? Or do you need help? I’m okay either way.”

“I’d like independence on this one. Still gunning for that father of the year award.”

One corner of Russell’s mouth lifted. “You’ve already got it, Theo.” He reached out and squeezed Theodore’s shoulder. “I’ll be in the car.”

“I like him,” Jenner said as soon as Russell closed the door.

Theodore chuckled softly. “Yeah… me, too.” Hesitantly, he stepped forward and wrapped his father in a hug. “Thanks for hanging out here today, Dad. It was nice to actually… sit down together for the first time in a while.”

“My pleasure, T. It was good catching up with you. You’re… you’re welcome to come over here anytime, T. You and Vera.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Theodore stepped away from him. “Mind helping me gather up her things?”

“Not at all. Come on.”

***

“Daddy?”

“Mm?”

“Did you ask Russell about Halloween?” Vera asked.

Theodore nodded. “I did. He wants to come with us. Daddy just… needed more time to decide if I was ready to have him there with us.”

“Because of Father?”

“Yeah, because of him.”

“I won’t be mad if he doesn’t come with. It’s up to you, Daddy.”

Theodore smiled. “Thanks, sweetheart.” He held out her pajama shirt. “Arms up.” Like she usually was, Vera was incredibly helpful as he pulled her shirt on over her head and helped her change into her pajama pants.

“Is Russell staying the night again?” Vera asked as Theodore tucked her in.

“Planning on it. Why?”

“If I have a bad dream, where do you want me to go?”

“You can always come into my room, sweetheart. Always. I’ll come in here with you or we’ll go into the living room.”

“But… your hip.”

Theodore shook his head. “I’ll worry about my hip, sweetheart.”

“Okay,” Vera whispered. “Love you.”

“I love you, too. Night, Vera.”

“Night, Daddy.”

Theodore leaned down and pressed a kiss to the girl’s forehead before leaving the room. He closed the door most of the way, leaving the hall light on. Eventually, he’d have to go out and buy her a nightlight, as well as one for the hall, but for now, the hallway light would suffice. The hallway light was familiar, comfortable. He’d worry about changing that later.

In his room, he found Russell already on the bed, his back to the door, just as Theodore had asked of him the last time.

Theodore changed into his pajamas in the bathroom and brushed his teeth. He flipped off the bathroom light and sat down on the bed. “Are you awake?” he asked, his voice quiet.

“Yeah.”

“Do… do you wanna talk about the case you’re working?”

Russell remained silent for several seconds. “I don’t want to lay all my shit out on you, Theo. You’ve got enough goin’ on without me piling homicide onto you.”

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I don’t want you not to just because you think it’s what’s best for me,” Theodore said. “You… have already talked me through so much, Russell. I’d be an asshole if I didn’t at least try to do the same for you.”

Russell cleared his throat. “Brother in blue.”

Theodore turned to look at Russell’s motionless form on the bed. “You… You’re working a cop’s death?”

“Yeah. Someone gunned him down on the sidewalk. He retired a few years ago. He tried to get away after the first shot. But the monster chased him down and kept shooting. Six to the back.” A pause. “H-his name’s Vince. He was the closest thing I ever had to a dad.”

Theodore lay down on the bed, turning onto his bad hip so he could wrap an arm around Russell. “I’m sorry, Russ,” he whispered.

Russell wrapped a hand around his forearm rather than responding. After several minutes of silence, he added, “I just had coffee with him a week ago. Told him about you and Vera, about our date at the restaurant. He was so excited for me.” A pause. “God, I miss him so fucking much.”

“R-roll over.”

Russell did as told, meeting Theodore’s gaze with teary eyes. Theodore fought down every fearful nerve in his body and pulled Russell’s head to his chest. The detective broke, twisting the material of Theodore’s shirt in his fingers as his shoulders shook.

Theodore closed his eyes, combing his fingers through Russell’s hair. Russell would do the same if Theodore was the one in desperate need of a good talk or cry. The least Theodore could do was try to return that favor of kindness. Even if it made every muscle in his body tense. Even if it made his body so stiff that the pain jolting through his hip increased ten fold. Russell deserved the hug. Russell deserved to be held. Russell deserved to be… comforted. Theodore would do the best he could.


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Books & Badges – Chapter Twenty-Two

NOT EDITED

Freshly showered and changed back into the suit he kept in the car, Russell walked into the kitchen. Theodore stood at the stove, making something Russell couldn’t see. He was pretty sure he could smell peppers, though.

“It’s me,” Russell said before laying a hand on Theodore’s upper back, between his shoulders. “Where’s Vera?”

“Changing.” Theodore rolled his shoulders back.

Russell dropped his hand. “Sorry.”

“No, no, it’s okay. That wasn’t about you.”

“No?”

Theodore shook his head. “My shoulders hurt. I’ve been leaning a little too heavy on my cane recently.”

“Mm.” Russell moved his hand back to Theodore’s back, bowing his head to kiss his shoulder. Theodore closed his eyes, resting his head against Russell’s for a moment. Russell couldn’t help the little smile that came to his face. “What’re you making?”

“Scrambled peppers and eggs. Hashbrowns, too. Vera likes them, so…”

“I’ve liked everything you’ve made. I’m, like, a hundred percent sure I’ll like this, too,” Russell said.

“Thanks,” Theodore whispered.

“No problem.” Russell moved his thumb in a little side-to-side swipe between Theodore’s shoulders. Thankfully, Theodore didn’t seem to mind that, either.

“Umm…. I’m supposed to tell you about Gina.”

“Supposed to?” Russell asked. “And… what about her?”

“Supposed to, yeah. She told me to. And… I dunno. That I’m best friends with her. That I talk to her a lot about what’s going on in my personal life. That she’s kind of my sounding board for a lot of things. Like, she’s the reason I decided to keep our first supper not-date,” Theodore said. “I guess I’m just, like, supposed to let you know that.”

Russell took a moment to think of the kind of response he was supposed to have to that. His initial thought was that he saw nothing wrong with Theodore’s friendship, but if Theodore wasn’t telling him in case there was something wrong with it, it was pretty likely that Theodore would think he was lying.

Biting the bullet, Russell pressed a kiss to Theodore’s temple. “I’m glad you have a friend like that.”

“Really?”

“Of course. If you bounce ideas off of her and whatnot, it’s because you trust her. Everyone deserves to have someone they trust like that. I’m just glad you already do,” Russell said.

Theodore’s shoulders relaxed, but not enough that he’d entirely let his guard down. Russell didn’t expect his guard to ever be all the way down. It had been decades since another human being had abused Russell, and he still always had his guard up. He was simply a little better at hiding the tension behind a genuine-appearing smile than Theodore was.

“She works with me at the bookstore,” Theodore said.

“Hey, that’s great. Close friends are the best friends,” Russell said. “I work with the friends that made supper for us.”

“The supper you were supposed to make?”

Russell smiled. “Yeah, that one.”

“Are they detectives?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Homicide?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you like them?”

Russell’s brow furrowed. The question had… implications he hadn’t been prepared for. “They’re married. To each other.”

“Marriage totally didn’t stop Shane,” Theodore whispered.

Russell laid a hand on Theodore’s cheek and turned his head toward him. “Theo, my dates usually don’t go well because I don’t wanna waste my time sleeping around. I’ve wanted to settle down with someone for as long as I can remember. I dreamed of being married when I was five. Planned it when I was seven. I have absolutely no interest or intention of screwing around with anyone. Not my co-workers, not anyone.”

Theodore searched his face for a moment before closing his eyes and bowing his head. “I wish I could believe you,” he whispered.

“I know, Theo. I know.” Russell slid his hand around to the back of Theodore’s head and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “One of my co-workers is a mostly sex-repulsed asexual. The only person she’s ever slept with or had interest in sleeping with is her husband, and her husband is one hundred percent straight. Hell, I’m the only guy who also likes dudes that works at that station. I’m not taking my sexual interests–or my emotional ones, for that matter–anywhere else.”

Theodore sniffled, turning away to stir the eggs on the stove. Russell stiffened when the man turned and wrapped him in a hug. Russell let out a breath, wrapping his arms around Theodore. “If I ever find out you’re lying, I’ll let Vera kick you in the nads.”

Russell laughed, burying his nose in Theodore’s hair. “Deal.”

After a moment, Theodore pulled away and turned back to the stove. “You look much better now than you did this morning when you got here.”

“I was tired. A couple hours of sleep and a warm shower helped a lot.”

“It was only because you were tired?”

Russell cleared his throat. He wasn’t sure he was comfortable lying to Theodore. It felt like taking the wrong path in their relationship, even if that lie was only about work, about the case he had been given. “No. The homicide messed me up a little bit, too.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Theodore asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe not right now, but… maybe eventually?”

Theodore nodded. “I… will be here when you decide.”

“Thanks, Theo.” Russell cleared his throat again, moving his hand back up to Theodore’s back. He desperately wanted to wrap him in a hug from behind, rest his chin on Theodore’s shoulder, but that felt too intimate for what Theodore needed from a relationship right now. Russell wasn’t there to push boundaries or force him out of his limited comfort zone. So for now, he’d settle for the hand between Theodore’s shoulders. That was more than good enough for him.

Theodore turned off the fire beneath the eggs. “I’m… going to go tell Vera food’s ready,” he said, turning to face Russell. “Do you mind setting out plates and… and all that? I-it’s okay if you don’t want to.”

“I’m more than happy to,” Russell said.

Theodore smiled, soft and timid like it usually was. “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

Theodore cleared his throat, fingers tightening around his cane. “Don’t move your head?”

“Remaining stationary.”

Theodore chuckled and leaned up, pressing a kiss to Russell’s cheek. “Back in a few.”

Russell smiled. “Okay. I’ll get the dishes out in the meantime.” Theodore only smiled at him before walking out of the room. Russell was thankful for that little smile. Anything that made him smile was something Russell could chalk up as a success, an achievement. The more smiles that crossed Theodore’s face, the better. The man deserved all the damn smiles in the world, far as Russell was concerned.

***

“You’re late,” Emilia said as Russell dropped into his chair. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

“Are you sure?”

“Just… not a case I expected to be working, that’s all,” Russell said.

Emilia nodded. “I heard about that… Saw it on the news. But I didn’t know it was your case.”

“Officers didn’t know who he was when they called me in. So…” He lifted his shoulders. “Who knows. Maybe Loo will pull me off of it, anyway. He doesn’t want me working cases alone in the first place. This would give him a good reason to get me away from it. Conflict of interest or something.”

“Would you prefer that?” Emilia asked.

One corner of Russell’s mouth scrunched up. “I don’t know. I thought about that a lot this morning, and I can’t decide if me working the case guarantees that it’s done right, or if me working the case has a bigger risk of emotional conflict that’ll lead to me screwing up and guaranteeing we never find out who killed him. I don’t know which one’s more likely.”

“Well… for what it’s worth, I’ve met you, Russ. You have a great work ethic, and even the cases where you’ve… invested yourself a little too much, you always end up on the good side of things. I’ve never seen your emotions compromise a case.”

Russell let out a breath that felt at least somewhat relieved. “Thanks, Emey.”

“No problem.” She cleared her throat. “You… think you’re gonna need help?”

“I don’t know. I’ll keep you updated, if that works for you?”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s totally fine. Whatever’s good with you is fine for me and Andrew,” Emilia assured.

“Thanks,” Russell whispered. He sighed, scrubbing his hands over his face. “I need to go down to the lab, see if anything has… come to light.”

“Okay. Good luck, Russ.”

He nodded, pushing himself to his feet. He made his way down to the lab. His steps were heavy, his legs tired. The smallest part of him really did hope his lieutenant would hand the case over to anyone else in the department, but the much larger part of him couldn’t get past the worry and fear that anyone else would screw up in one way or another.

Vince Gunn had been his mentor, the detective that had taught him damn near everything there was to know about being a detective. The man had been like a father to Russell, or at the very least, he’d been what Russell assumed a father was supposed to be like. It was a little hard to imagine what a good dad was supposed to be like, but he had always assumed Vince was pretty damn close.

He couldn’t just pass Vince’s murder off to someone else. He owed this to Vince. Solving his murder fell on Russell’s shoulders. It had to.

Russell knocked on the open lab door. Ellie Daniels, one of their forensic techs, lifted her eyes to his face. “Hey, Ellie.”

“Hey, Russ.” Her expression softened. “I’m so sorry about Vince.”

“Thank you.” He cleared his throat. “Speaking of… do you happen to have anything on him? On the crime scene?”

“You’re still working this?”

“Until Loo decides I can’t do it… yes. I owe this to Vince,” Russell said.

After a moment, Ellie nodded. Russell appreciated that. He didn’t think he had it in him to put up much of a fight, anyway. “Okay. Well, I don’t have much right now. He was shot six times in the chest. More appropriately, he was shot in the back six times.”

Russell walked a little further into the lab, forcing himself to nod. “Do you think he was trying to get away from someone? Or did they just… come up behind him?”

“I wish I knew. All I know is that he was shot the first time several feet away from where he fell, based on where I found his blood. He did try to get away after the first shot, but that’s all I can say for certain.”

“So… no chance it was a robbery gone wrong?”

Ellie shook her head. “I wouldn’t say so. If it was, they forgot to do the robbing part.” She pulled a bag out of the evidence box on the table and held it out to Russell. Finally, he crossed the room all the way. He grabbed the bag, his chest tightening.

It was Vince’s wallet. It had been flipped open before being bagged, allowing Russell to see Vince’s license, credit card, and debit card inside, and when he tilted the bag toward himself, he could see there was still cash inside, too.

“Where’s his badge? Did you bag that separately?” Russell asked.

“His… badge?”

“Yeah, his retired detective badge?”

Ellie shook his head. “He didn’t have that on him.”

Russell’s brow furrowed as he looked back down at the wallet. Since Vince retired, he had always had that badge on him. Russell had seen it every time they’d had a couple drinks at the bar, anytime they’d gone out for coffee. While Russell’s badge was always displayed rather prominently on his belt, Vince’s retirement badge was always neatly tucked between the two halves of his wallet.

“Thanks, Ellie,” he said quietly, handing the bag back to the analyst. “Let me know if anything turns up?”

Ellie nodded. “I will.”

“And, uh… if you haven’t already, could you dust that wallet for fingerprints?”

“I will.”

“Thanks.” Russell cleared his throat, taking a step back. “I’ll see you later. When, uh… If something turns up.”

“Of course, Russell. You keep me posted, and I’ll keep you posted.”

Russell nodded. “Yeah, sounds like a plan.”


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Books & Badges – Chapter Twenty-One

NOT EDITED

Theodore grabbed his cane, using it to help himself off the couch. He headed over to the front door, unlocked the chain lock and the one in the knob itself, and pulled open the door. Russell, though he hadn’t knocked, stood outside, his head bowed.

“Are you okay?” Theodore asked.

“I’m good,” Russell said, his voice quiet. He lifted his head, clearing his throat. “Do you want me to sleep on the couch?”

Theodore reached out and grabbed the detective’s hand, gently tugging him into the house. “Like I said, I want to try letting you sleep in my bed with me. I… I trust you, as much as that scares me. I don’t think you’ll try anything shifty, to say the least.”

After a moment, Russell nodded. “If you change your mind at any point, you let me know, and I’ll move to the couch.”

“Okay.” Theodore closed the door and twisted the lock back into place. Before he could get to it, Russell reached out and slid the chain lock across. “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

Theodore looked up at Russell, one corner of his mouth scrunched up. Whatever that crime scene had been, Russell definitely wasn’t ‘good’. It didn’t matter how many times he said it or insisted it was true–Theodore knew damn well it was a lie. “What…?”

Russell lifted his eyes to Theodore’s face, frozen halfway through kicking off his shoes. “What… what?”

“Nevermind. I-it’s nothing.”

“Mm.” Russell looked back down at his feet and kicked his shoes off the rest of the way. Lifting his hand to Theodore’s cheek, he pressed a kiss to the man’s forehead. “You don’t have to fear asking me questions, even the ones you think might irritate me. I’ve lived through what you feel, initiated by a different relation… obviously. But, uh, I won’t lash out at you.”

“I wish it was that easy for me,” Theodore said quietly.

“I know, Theo.”

Theodore cleared his throat and stuck out a hand. “Come on. You look tired as hell.”

Russell smiled. “Well… that’s definitely true.” He grabbed Theodore’s hand and allowed the man to lead him through the house.

“When did you change into sweatpants?” Theodore asked.

“My car. I tend to keep a pair in there, same with an extra pair of jeans. Never know when you’re only going to have one chance to go to the gym or half an hour to sleep in your car. Always gotta be prepared,” Russell said.

“Work sounds… very hard on you.”

“I knew what I signed up for, but it’s what I needed to do.”

“Why?”

Russell smiled at him, though it was a little less brilliant than usual. “Another time?”

“Of course.” Theodore pushed open the door to his bedroom and flipped on the light. He stared at the bed, letting out a harsh breath. The only man he’d ever slept in the same bed with was Shane. It didn’t matter that it was a different bed frame, new mattress, different sheets. It was in the same room, the same house, the same position.

“I can sleep on the couch,” Russell said. “I take no issue with that if it’s what you need.”

“No, I still… want to try letting you sleep in here with me. It’s a step I wanna take, and it’s not like it’s sex. It’s just… sleep.”

“Sleep can be stressful and vulnerable. You aren’t weak if you can’t do this tonight,” Russell said.

“I’ll let you know if it turns out I can’t.”

“Good enough for me.”

Theodore nodded and walked into the room, fingers tightening around his cane. Russell followed him, his free hand tucked into one of his pockets. “Do you wanna turn on the nightstand light for me?”

“Sure can.” Russell brushed a thumb over his knuckles before releasing his hand. He turned on the lap, looking back at Theodore. “What would you like me to do now?”

“Sit down?”

“Of course. Which side?”

“Umm…”

One corner of Russell’s mouth lifted. “Sorry. Which side do you normally sleep on?”

“The right side. Uh, the one closest to you,” Theodore said. Russell nodded and walked around the foot of the bed. Without complaint, he sat down on the left side of the bed. Theodore let out a breath and turned off the overhead light. He crossed the room and sat down on the right side of the bed, eyes on the wall.

“I’m gonna pull my legs up onto the bed. Don’t be alarmed,” Russell said.

“Okay.” Behind him, Theodore heard the covers shift and Russell moved onto the bed. “I’m… I’m scared, Russell.”

“I can only imagine.”

“How did you get over the fear of getting close to people?” Theodore asked.

“Well, I acted out first. Stole a couple things from convenience stores. Paid people over twenty-one to buy me alcohol. Shot some plates in the backyard. Skipped school. The works. I had to go to therapy eventually. That helped work through the acting out stuff, and eventually, it helped me work through everything else. I don’t think I genuinely trusted anyone again until I was in college, and even then, I was still pretty apprehensive and closed off.”

“So I have a lot to look forward to, huh?”

“It’s a long process,” Russell said simply. “But it’s a process that’s very worth it.”

Theodore nodded. He leaned his cane against the nightstand and slowly pulled his legs onto the bed. Dropping his head to his pillow, he turned to look at Russell. “I want to get help. Eventually, I mean. For now, I’m making sure Vera gets help.”

“Hey, that’s great,” Russell whispered, rolling onto his side, meeting Theodore’s eyes. 

Theodore nodded. “I discussed it with my parents. They’re helping me with the house payments, and since I’m not driving right now, I’m not wasting money on gas. It’s nice to know that I can… get her the help she deserves.”

“Of course. It’s a good feeling, and you deserve to feel good about it,” Russell said. “Can I touch you?” After a moment, Theodore nodded. Russell laid a hand on his cheek, thumb caressing the arch of it. Theodore closed his eyes, reveling in the warmth of his touch. “How do you want to sleep?”

“I usually sleep on my side.”

“Okay. Which one?”

Theodore cleared his throat. “I usually just face the door.”

“Okay. Which way do you want me to sleep? My back to you, or facing you? Because I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“For tonight… your back to me?” Theodore asked.

“I can do that.”

“Thank you,” Theodore whispered.

“No problem, Theo.” Russell pulled his hand from Theodore’s cheek, rubbing it over his upper arm instead. “I’m gonna turn over now.”

“Okay.”

Russell smiled that heart-warming smile of his. “Goodnight, Theo.”

“Night, Russell.”

***

Theodore awoke to one of the most surprising things he’d ever experienced. Russell was still asleep on his side, his back to Theodore, his hands completely to himself. Russell wasn’t like the lead in romance novels and movies. When he made a promise regarding barriers, he didn’t break it.

Theodore gingerly rolled onto his other side, dramatically clearing his throat.

Russell responded with a simple, “Mm?”

“You kept your promise. Stayed facing that way all night,” Theodore said.

After a moment, Russell rolled over to face him, rubbing at one eye with the heel of his palm. “ ‘Course I did. I said I would.”

“They never do in movies. Or books.”

Russell smiled. “I’m all real, Theo. And even in my sleep, I’m not planning on violating your trust like that.”

Theodore couldn’t help the smile that came to his own face. “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

Theodore tentatively reached out with one hand and pushed Russell’s sleep-tousled hair back from his forehead. “How about I make you some breakfast before you go to work?”

“Can I help?” Russell asked.

“I was thinking you might wanna take a shower. If not, you… you can help.”

“Shower’s not a bad idea,” Russell mumbled. “Do you need help getting up or anything?”

“No, I’m good. You go ahead and take a shower, and I’m gonna feed my fish and start breakfast.”

“Okay.” Russell pushed himself up on one elbow before leaning over to kiss Theodore’s forehead. “I’ll meet you in the kitchen, Theo.”

Theodore gave Russell’s bicep a quick squeeze. “See you there.”


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Books & Badges – Chapter Twenty

NOT EDITED

For the fifth time in the last week, Russell sat on the couch in Theodore’s house, a plate on his lap and Theodore at his side. That night, the dessert they’d made had been macadamia nut cookies. To say Russell loved them was still an understatement.

“Hey, umm… question,” Theodore said, his voice quiet.

“What’s up?”

“This is weird for me to even… offer, but, umm, Halloween is next Monday, and Vera wants you to be there. She really likes you, and she wants to know if you wanna go trick-or-treating with us.”

“Do you want me to?”

“You answer before I do.”

Russell nodded. “I’d be… honored to go trick-or-treating with you two,” he said. “Your turn.”

“Asking you to come with is… nerve-wracking for me. I mean, it shows that I have some sort of trust for you, and it scares me. What might happen after you realize that trust? What might happen when you decide to find ways to turn it against me?”

Russell shifted on the couch, keeping his hands to himself as he turned to face the man. He’d love to hold Theodore’s hand or touch his cheek, but he didn’t want Theodore to feel like he was trying to control the situation with comforting touches. “I understand why it’s nerve-wracking to you. I understand why it’s hard for you. If you don’t want me there–”

“I do want you there. It’s just scary… to ask you to be there, scary to think about what might happen once you are,” Theodore said.

Russell nodded. “Of course. My mistake.” He offered a smile, giving himself time to think through the little stutter of his heart and flip of his stomach. Theodore wanted him to go with. That was so much more than Russell had been expecting to come of the evening. “If you’re scared of what will happen if I go with, I won’t. You can tell Vera I have to work that day. Which, I mean, for all intents and purposes, is the truth. I do work, uh, seven to six that Monday. If you’re scared, I don’t want to push you. Hell, I don’t wanna push you even if you aren’t scared. But if you don’t want to have to worry about me being there, I’ll take the fall from Vera.”

Theodore stared at him for several silent seconds, searching his face. Finally, he nodded. “Give me… until tomorrow?”

“Works for me.”

“Great,” Theodore whispered. He leaned into Russell’s side, dropping his head to his shoulder. “Thank you for, umm… Well, thank you for being you.”

Russell smiled, resting his head against Theodore’s. “No problem, Theo. No problem at all.”

***

Halfway through their second episode of Nurse Jackie, Rusell’s phone rang. He cleared his throat, lifting himself enough to pull the device from his back pocket.

“Do you need to take that?” Theodore asked.

“Uh… I’ll leave that up to you. It’s work, so it’s a homicide. If I don’t answer, they’ll call one of the other detectives.”

“Take it.”

“Are you sure?”

Theodore nodded. “You said you haven’t gotten a ton of cases since you’ve been partnerless. Take it.”

“Thank you.” Russell accepted the call and pressed his phone to his ear. “Steele.”

“Hey, Russell. This is Officer Beckard. We got called out for a disturbance, but it definitely appears that that disturbance is a homicide. You want it?”

“Yeah. Text me the address and I’ll be there soon?”

“Sure thing. We’re already setting up barricades to keep people out. You want us to do anything else in the meantime?”

“If there are people out and about, do me a favor and question them about what they saw, what they heard. I’ll be there soon,” Russell said.

“Will do, Russell. See you in a bit.”

Russell ended the call and pushed himself to his feet, tucking his phone into his pocket. “I’m sorry to cut Nurse Jackie short, but the next time you want me over, I’ll be here.”

Theodore nodded. “It’s okay. And… sounds like a plan.”

Russell leaned down and pressed a kiss to Theodore’s forehead, closing his eyes as the shorter man laid a hand on his cheek. “Night, Theo.”

“Night. Good luck.”

“Thank you.”

“A-and… and stay safe.”

Russell nodded. “I will. I’ll even text you every… half hour to let you know I’m okay.”

Theodore smiled. “Half an hour. I’ll hold you to it.” He reached out and squeezed Russell’s hand. “Talk soon.”

***

Russell pulled up a few feet from the yellow crime scene tape and shifted his car into park. He grabbed his phone from the cupholder and sent a quick text to Theodore to let him know he had arrived safe and sound at the scene.

He cut the engine and pulled the key from the ignition. Though he’d prefer to be at Theodore’s, watching Nurse Jackie, he was still glad to have a case. A case meant he was useful at the station, even without a partner. That would always be a plus in the grand scheme of things, even if it cut his time with Theodore short.

Russell figured he could make up for it later on, maybe after Halloween.

For now, he had a crime scene to work.

Climbing out of the car, he stuffed his keys and phone back into his pocket. He was still in his jeans and a New York Law hoodie, but dressiness and clothing professionalism didn’t matter much at nearly midnight. Hell, Officer Beckford had straight up seen him work a crime scene in his pajamas before. Jeans instead of sweats with cinched ankles was certainly a step up.

Russell ducked under the yellow crime scene tape and made his way down the sidewalk, toward the four officers standing closer to where the body must’ve been. “Beckford. What do we got?”

Kurt Beckford lifted his head. Hands tucked into the pockets of his uniform pants, he stepped away from the group. “Dead man. White, maybe in his seventies. We haven’t moved him. He was found on his back, but the caller found him on his stomach and rolled him over to see if he was alive. He’s been shot six times in the chest.”

“Overkill,” Russell mumbled. If nothing else, it was a good indicator that this particular homicide hadn’t been just a random attack. It had, at the very least, been a crime of passion. Whether it was pre-planned or not, Russell couldn’t be sure, but six bullets to the chest was generally too excessive for a robbery gone wrong.

Russell stepped closer to the body, a hand moving up to his mouth. “Oh, my God,” he whispered.

“Do you know him?”

The detective nodded. “He, umm, he’s one of ours. He was the detective that taught me the ropes when I was promoted. He’s been retired for the last two years or so, but…” He cleared his throat. “Do you have an ETA on forensics?”

“They should be here in about ten minutes,” Kurt said.

“Good. He… he deserves a hell of a lot better than this.” Russell shook his head, taking a step back. “I-I need a few. If I’m not back here when forensics shows up, call me?”

“Are you sure? I can call a different detective, Russell. There’s no need to put yourself through some kind of hell just so–”

“I’m okay,” Russell assured with a nod. “I just need a moment.”

“All right, man. I’ll let you know when they’re here.”

Russell nodded and headed back for his car. He leaned back against the hood and pulled his phone from his pocket. After unlocking it, he selected Theodore’s number from his contact list. He didn’t want to unload on Theodore by any means, but he did want to talk to someone calming, and Theodore was incredibly calming to every damn fiber in his being.

“Russell?” Theodore asked after the third ring.

“Yeah, hey.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Umm, yeah, I’m good. Just waiting on forensics, so… thought I’d give my favorite man a call, let him know everything was going okay.”

Theodore chuckled softly. “Flattered.” He cleared his throat. “Are you sure everything’s okay? That… you’re okay? You just sound different than usual.”

“Oh, I-I’m okay. It’s just, you know, even after working homicide for a while, you still never really get used to seeing what people are capable of doing to their fellow human,” Russell said. If nothing else, that part was at least the truth. He always found himself surprised at what humans were capable of doing to one another. This time was just a little… different, was all, a little more personal, a little closer to home.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Theodore asked.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.” Russell cleared his throat. “All good.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, you don’t sound okay, or good.”

“Aww, thanks. Also, is that you caring about little old me?”

“It is. So don’t be an asshole and keep lying to me,” Theodore said.

“Some… cases are more difficult than others. This one’s more difficult.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

Russell looked down, grinding the toe of his tennis shoe into the gravel. “Not right now. Right now, I’ve gotta… stay on the case, you know? Not let my head wander too much. But… maybe later?”

“ ‘Maybe later’ works for me. Until then… good luck.”

“Thanks,” Russell whispered. “I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

“Okay. Umm… when you’re done at the crime scene, are you going into the station?”

“Probably not. I wasn’t scheduled to work this Monday, so once I’m done questioning anyone that might be awake around here, I’ll probably get a couple hours of sleep before I head in and see what forensics has turned up, go from there.” Russell closed his eyes, scrubbing a hand over one side of his face. “Why?”

“J-just… If you want to, you can come back here, grab some sleep. In a bed.”

Russell opened his eyes. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Positive,” Theodore said. “I mean, the worst possible outcome is that it turns out I can’t handle sleeping in bed with someone yet, and one of us sleeps on the couch. And then I’d apologize and… we could make breakfast together.”

“Well, that does sound pretty damn appealing,” Russell said. “I really only need to talk to the gal who called this in, and then there are a few open places of business on this street. I need to talk to people inside, see if they heard or saw anything. After that, I can come on over. Maybe two hours? Three?”

“Works for me. I’ll see you soon, Russell.”

“See you soon, Theo.” Russell ended the call and tucked his phone into his pocket. With a sigh, he pushed himself away from his car and started back toward the crime scene. It certainly wasn’t what he wanted that morning, but what he ‘wanted’ didn’t change the description of his job, and regardless of the body waiting for him at the crime scene, he had signed up for that, so he didn’t have too much room to mope or complain. “Time to get back to work,” Russell whispered.


A/N: 😟

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