Teaser – Crushed by Time and Academy

A/N: Hey, guys! Today, July 18th, is Jake’s birthday! So for the first time ever, I’m going to let you see part of one of the chapters I wrote when book one of their series was in-progress. It’s currently on hold while I figure out some stuff, but they’ll get it eventually! Anyway, here you go 🙂

NOT EDITED

Alice lifted her head as the door to the little dorm room opened. Jacob leaned into the room, that dorky grin on his face. He looked more boyish with his glasses on, which he’d been wearing against since they got pepper sprayed. She wasn’t sure how long that’d last. “What can I do you for, Jake?”

“My dad’s outside if you still wanna meet him.”

“Sure.”

“That was a hell of a lot easier than I thought it’d be,” Jacob said.

Alice smiled, pushing herself to her feet. “I’m a very social person,” she said. Besides, she needed kind people to be around for at least a few seconds that night. “Do I look okay?” she asked.

Jacob seemed to know exactly what she was asking. “I like your hair when it’s curly, Allie Berry. You look great.”

“Thank you,” she said softly. She crossed the room, snagging her hoodie from the bunk bed. She raised an eyebrow, pulling the hoodie on over her head. “Allie Berry?”

“Yeah. Like Halle Berry, you know?”

She rolled her eyes, but the smile came back to her face. “And just why are you referring to me like Halle Berry?”

“Uh, because she’s black, and she’s fucking gorgeous. And smart. She’s totally smart, too,” Jacob said.

Alice snorted. “Thanks, Jake.”

“Oh, you betcha. Come on.” Alice followed him out of the room, closing the door behind her. They walked down the hall, and Jacob headed for the elevator, hesitating before turning toward the stairs instead.

“Not feeling the elevator, huh?”

“You always look tense when we take the elevator. I don’t mind walking down two flights,” Jacob said.

A soft smile tugged at one corner of Alice’s mouth as she tucked her hands into the pockets of her hoodie. “You pay attention to a lot more things than I thought you did.”

“I mean, when you ride in an elevator with someone every day, you kinda start to notice that their shoulders are real tense and they close their eyes most of the time,” Jacob said. He looked over at her for a moment. “Is there a reason you don’t like them?”

“I’ve never really liked them. I don’t like that… that weightless feeling when it first starts moving or right it stops. I like feeling solid, I guess,” Alice said honestly.

“Hmm. The more you know,” Jacob said.

“What about you? You like elevators?”

“Allie, I used to hate them. But my mom, see, she said if I didn’t get on the elevator, we could take the stairs, sure, but she wouldn’t hold my hand the rest of the day. And I was the biggest momma’s boy on the whole damn planet, so I totally couldn’t have that, right? So she just let me squeeze her hand super tight in the elevator. I eventually got over it, but even now, I remember that time my brother told me people die in elevators roughly every seven seconds. Scared the hell out of me.”

“Your brother’s an ass, but your mother sounds like she was a wonderful human being.”

“He is! And, God, she was. Loved her to the damn moon and back,” Jacob said. “She would’ve loved to meet you. She and Dad both love talking to intelligent people. I mean, they gotta get away from my dumb ass somehow.”

Alice laughed, bumping his shoulder with hers. “You aren’t dumb. Pretend you are all you want, but I won’t let you get away with it.”

“Dad says the same kinda shit. You two’ll be like two peas in a pod.”

Outside, a man pushed himself away from the truck he leaned against. He looked a lot like Jacob, with darker hair and less blue eyes, wire glasses balanced on his nose. He had the same smile as Jacob, but his posture was more refined and dignified. He held out a hand. “You must be Alice.”

“Yes, sir.” She reached out and grabbed his hand. “And you, Mister Mason?”

“Oh, dear God, I’m not that old.” She smiled. “Arthur’s fine.”

“Arthur,” she echoed. She dropped his hand, nodding toward Jacob. “Your son’s a great kid.”

“Yeah, he’s the good egg. Consider yourself lucky Ryan wanted nothing to do with the police force.”

“I’ve been told he’s a bit of… a trouble maker,” Alice said. Behind her, Jacob scoffed.

Arthur only laughed. “That’s certainly one word for it.”

“Ryan’s a total dickweed. Love him, though. He’s just, well, a dickweed,” Jacob said.

Alice looked back at him over her shoulder. “Is he now?”

“You betcha.”

She rolled her eyes, turning back to Arthur. “Thanks for raising pain in the ass over here.”

She didn’t even have to look at Jacob’s face to know the sound he made was one to express his great offense, but he followed it up with a loud, “Hey!”

“I wouldn’t survive this place without him,” Alice said.

Arthur smiled. “Oh, you betcha. Kid’s the best legacy I got,” he said. He lifted his right arm, looking down at his watch. “Unless you kids have a lot of studying to do, we could go out and grab something. Couple drinks, late pancakes, ice cream?”

Alice looked back at Jacob. “Let’s go with pancakes.”

He grinned, whispering a, “Yes,” before stepping forward to fold an elbow over Alice’s shoulder. “You’re reading me like a book, Allie Berry.”

She snorted. “You aren’t as mysterious as you’d like to be,” she said. She gestured to the truck. “Go on, Mister Mason. Lead the way.”

“Oh, will do, Mrs. Dawson.” Jacob flashed a smile, pushing away from her. “Come on. It’s a big step up and there aren’t any running boards. I’ll help you up.”


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S. Carved – Chapter Three

NOT EDITED

Chapter Three

Near the body, Dallas squatted down beside Bo. Squatting in the sand was a constant balancing act, and Dallas appeared to be struggling far more than Bo. If nothing else, he managed to stay on his feet rather than fall face first onto the corpse.

Though that’d be pretty hilarious, huh, Tex?

Dallas rolled his eyes, focusing his attention on Bo rather than Ed. That was bound to piss the bastard off.

While the analyst snapped pictures of the body from different angles, Dallas simply… observed. He kept his hands to himself, knowing better than to contaminate the body or the crime scene around it. Dallas had been to many homicide crime scenes before. This was simply the first one he had attended after it had been called into the police.

“So what do you think we’re looking at here?” Dallas asked.

“A white male, presumably in his late twenties or early thirties. He’s most likely a smoker, based on the nicotine stains on his fingertips,” Bo said.

Dallas nodded. It made sense that Bo would answer the question with the most literal translation he could rather than taking any liberties or assumptions with what Dallas had meant.

“What about these cuts?”

Bo glanced over at him, not even long enough to make eye contact. “Apologies… What about them?”

“You think any of the cuts are what killed him?”

“No. None of them are deep enough for that. None of them would’ve ever needed stitches to heal. He couldn’t have bled out from them, and they aren’t deep enough to have damaged anything internally.”

“Any idea how old they are?”

“Well… some of the ones up here, near his shoulders. Do you see the bruising?”

“Yeah.”

“Those could’ve happened a few hours before his death. I would say those are the most recent. Some of these other ones are in various stages of healing: some a few days old, some a few weeks old. Some are approaching their status as scars, closer to a month or two old. Some of them even appear to be years old, based on the coloring of the scars and how little they swell up from the rest of his skin.”

“You can tell all of that just by looking at them?”

“Well, I can estimate by looking at them. Cuts have a standard process in which they heal, unless that process is interrupted by something. An infection, picking of the scab, etcetera.” Bo cleared his throat. “May I ask an honest question and receive an honest answer?”

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Did Lieutenant Fox ask you to be police to me? To… pretend you care about any of the forensic work I do?” Bo asked. “You don’t act as though he has, since you thankfully aren’t trying to overcompensate for our lack of common ground, but I’ve been burned before.”

“I don’t know how much you trust my honesty, but I assure you Mister Fox didn’t tell me I had to be nice or polite to you. He didn’t tell me to pretend to care about anything, either. He told me not having this other analyst around is difficult for you, that not having that other cop you like is difficult for you, and that you like… patterns. That’s it.”

“And the thing about your brother also liking patterns. Was that true?”

“Yes.”

After a moment, Bo nodded. “Okay.”

“Is your ‘okay’ a good thing or a bad thing?” Dallas asked.

“That depends entirely on the situation it’s used in. In this case, I suppose you would most likely consider it a good thing. It means I’ll have to take your word for it.”

Dallas smiled. “I’ll take that as a good thing, then.”

Bo stood up and moved to the other side of the body for a new angle before snapping another picture. “Since you asked so many questions about me, may I ask another about you?”

“Go for it.”

“Only one corner of your mouth moves when you smile. Is that a choice of appearance?”

“Nerve damage.”

“My apologies.” Bo cleared his throat. “For what it’s worth, I think the half-smile works for you.”

Dallas smiled. “Me too. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“How many questions haveI asked you?”

“That depends. Questions about me, or questions asked to me?”

“Questions asked to you, but not counting the ones about the crime scene.”

Bo glanced up for a moment, at the sky rather than at Dallas. “Approximately twenty-three questions, but I may have taken liberties on want counts as a question, and on if it was technically about the crime scene or not. For instance, I counted the fact that you asked if you were to follow me to the body, but I didn’t count you asking if I could really tell all of that simply by looking at the marks on his back.”

Dallas snorted. “I’m sure your taken liberties are still better than I’d be able to estimate.”

“Presumably.”

Dallas was pretty sure Bo didn’t realize how funny the subtle savagery was. Hell, he probably had no idea it was funny in the first place. Dallas gestured to the body with one hand. “Any ideas on how he died?”

“I have ideas on how he did not die.”

“Like?”

“We know the cuts didn’t kill him, though I’m assuming the cuts are the reason it was called in as a dead body rather than, say, a naked drunk man. When it comes to how he died, the options are, though limited, vast. It’s not worth guessing until we roll him over and see what the front of him looks like.”

Dallas nodded. “Any initial observations of him?”

“Some. What are your initial observations, Officer?” Bo asked.

“His head appears to be in good condition. No blood matted at the back of his skull, no appearance of a cave-in noggin.”

“Correct.”

“Aside from his back, there doesn’t appear to be much damage done to him. The backs of his legs aren’t bruised, so it’s not like someone knocked them out from under him from behind. Backs of his arms aren’t scratched up or bruised, either. If he was dragged out here, it wasn’t done on his back.”

“Also correct.” Bo squatted down across from Dallas, glancing over at him. “You’re very observant for a rookie.”

“Dear ol’ Dad liked his kids to be observant.”

“Sounds like you weren’t fond of that preference,” Bo said.

“I’m just glad the old man’s dead. I’ll leave it at that.”

Bo nodded.

Remember what it was like when we took that bat to the back of Daddy’s head? Ed asked. So much glee, Tex. So much joy. So much revenge.

Yes, Dallas did remember taking the bat to the back of the piece of shit’s head. He remembered finally listening to Ed, finally letting the fucker take control just long enough to make sure his father would never lay a hand on him or his little brother ever again.

He remembered sitting on the stairs afterward, staring at his father’s bloody corpse, at the obliterated state of his face and skull. He had been unrecognizable, and Dallas had waited almost two hours to call the cops, claiming he had found him that way when he and his brother had gotten home from the mall.

He remembered one of the cops definitely knowing the truth but still telling him that everything would be okay.

“My biological parents weren’t… great, either,” Bo said quietly.

Dallas lifted his head. “Why, Austen, are you trying to find us some common ground?”

“My apologies.”

“No, I’m sorry. That was, uh, playful. I’m not making fun of you, and I’m not angry about it. I’m surprised you want to try and connect to me, that’s all,” Dallas said.

Bo offered a smile. “I’m sorry. I’ve had a hard time distinguishing between genuine comments and sarcasm and… I have a hard time taking in someone’s expression when they speak.”

“Because you don’t make eye contact with people.”

“Yes. In the animal kingdom, eye contact often asserts dominance or challenges another’s dominance. I find that many people treat it the same way. I like to avoid it when I can.”

“I don’t blame you. People who feel the need to assert their dominance probably have none in the first place, but they sure want you to believe the lie.”

One corner of Bo’s mouth lifted. “Yes.”

If you befriend him, you won’t kill him. We both know you’re a bit too much of a princess for that.

Dallas bit back the urge to remind the asshole he had no plans to kill Bo. He had no plans to kill anyone in the station. Dallas killed criminals, and as far as he could tell, Bo’s only crime was being unreasonably awkward.

A woman squatted down beside Bo, a badge hanging from her neck. She laid a hand on the back of Bo’s neck, fingers wrapping loosely around to either side of it. His shoulders lifted slightly, but it was the only sign of uncomfortableness that managed to slip through his neutral facade.”

“Who are you?” she asked.

“Officer Dallas Silver, fresh meat to the department.”

“Mm.” Her eyes raked over him before settling on his face again. “What’ve we got, Bo?”

“Dead man, most likely in his early thirties.”

“Who would’ve done this to his back?”

“Many of them are old. They’re scarred over. It’s–”

Dallas watched her fingers tighten around Bo’s neck for a moment. “You know the rules. Knock off the beating around the bush bullshit and answer the question you were asked.”

“Most likely someone he knew and trusted. Most likely someone he asked to do it for him.”

“Why?”

“They appear to be satanic in nature upon first glance. Religious. Anti-religious. Ritualistic. Take your pick.”

“Great.” She lifted her eyes to Dallas’s face again. “How would you feel about getting to help us out with this case?”

“Would love to.”

“Great. Talk to us at the station when you have something. Lab dweeb will you where out desks are.”

“Geek,” Bo whispered as the woman pushed herself to her feet.

Dallas watched her walk away with a man. “Who in the hell was that bitch?”

“Burke.”

“Why the hell don’t you tell Loo she’s touching you and talking down to you like that?”

“I-I’m just the forensics guy, Silver. The detectives work upstairs, they get paid more than I do, and they get to leave the station for work and things other than crime scenes. Outside of that, the lieutenant knows, but he can’t fire her. She was hired over his head, and if he fires her, she’ll be re-hired over his head.”

“Pitman?”

“No. As far as I know, Chief Pitman isn’t aware of Burke’s… personality.”

“He’s the chief of police. Unless the mayor installed her in this department, Pitman could do something about it,” Dallas said.

Bo shifted his weight between his feet and stood up. “I try not to get involved.”

She is involving you.”

“With all due respect, these people are more likely to bother me than you. You’re tall, you’re muscular, you appear to be outgoing, you’re charming, and you interact well with others. And, top of the mark, you have the ability to be promoted to detective. If I bring up an issue within the department, it does not take long for them to find out, and my life quickly becomes even more of a hell than it already is. This is tolerable. The way she speaks to me is tolerable. The way she touches my neck, though uncomfortable, is better than her grabbing me from behind. It is tolerable. I would like to continue to fly as under the radar as I possibly can. It makes my life in that station much easier. It makes life anywhere easier. Can we leave it at that?”

Dallas searched the man’s eyes before nodding. “Yeah, Austen. We can leave it at that. I won’t bother you about it anymore.”


A/N: I am absolutely LOVING writing Dallas’s POV for the first time, and I hope you guys are enjoying reading it. This is just book one of the series, so you’ll have plenty of Dallas coming your way if you like it. Thanks for reading chapter three, guys! See you in the next one!

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Books & Badges – Chapter Twenty-Nine

NOT EDITED

Theodore wasn’t sure when he and Russell had successfully fallen asleep, but he awoke on his good hip, his back pressed to Russell’s front. The detective’s arm was draped over his side, the face of his watch peeking out from under the sleeve of his sweatshirt. Theodore threaded his fingers through Russell’s and closed his eyes.

One of the best things about sleeping in the same bed as Russell was how damn warm the detective was. But despite how much he loved it, he unfortunately needed to get up and get ready for work.

Forcing his eyes open again, he slid out from under Russell’s arm and sat up. Behind him, Russell cleared his throat as he pulled his hand back to himself. Theodore pushed himself to his feet, carefully made his side of the bed, and combed his fingers through Russell’s hair. “Russell?”

“Mm?”

“I hate to do this to you, but you need to get up if you wanna take a shower and have time for breakfast before you leave.”

“Mmhmm.” Eyes still closed, Russell patted Theodore’s arm. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Theodore cleared his throat. “I, uh, I need to pee, and then the bathroom’s all yours.”

“Okay,” Russell said, his voice rough. Thankfully, Theodore was certain the roughness was from sleep rather than sadness. He reached back and squeezed Russell’s arm before pushing himself to his feet.

After he was done in the bathroom–including a quick wash of his face–he came back out to find Russell still on his stomach on the bed. “Russ?”

“Mm?”

“Bathroom’s all yours.”

“Mmhmm.”

Tentatively, Theo sat down on the bed. He twisted around just enough to lay a hand on Russell’s shoulder. “What happens if you go in late?”

“I’m on-call till I get there. Detective. Don’t even have to go into the station if I don’t wanna.” Russell cleared his throat. “But I’ve got shit to do.”

“I know you do. Do… do you want help getting up?”

“I can manage.” Russell drew in a long breath. “I… don’t know if I can manage. Guess that’d be more honest, I guess.”

“Will you let me help you up?” Theodore asked.

“Maybe. How’s your hip?”

“I carry my daughter to bed when she falls asleep on the couch. I’ll only be helping you sit up, maybe stand. My hip’s totally fine for that.”

“I think I’d like the help, then,” Russell said, his voice quiet.

Theodore pushed himself to his feet. “Scoot your butt over to this side.” Russell drew in a breath before rolling onto his side and scooting closer to Theodore. He grabbed Russell’s hands and, with little resistance from the detective, pulled him up so he was sitting. Theodore released one of his hands, reaching up to push Russell’s hair from his forehead instead. “You look like hell, Russ.”

Russell offered a smile. “Feel like it, too.”

“Maybe… maybe you should sleep in for a bit, see if that helps.”

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay. The sooner I figure out who killed Vince… the sooner things can go back to normal. Close to it as possible, anyway.” Russell sighed. “I just need to solve the case. If I stay here to sleep in, I’m losing hours I could be–and should be–spending on the case.”

“Okay,” Theodore said softly. He wasn’t in any place to argue with him on that. Not only was the idea of arguing absolutely terrifying, but they weren’t exactly close enough that Theodore knew better than Russell how Russell handled things best. Grabbing both of Russell’s hands again, he tugged the detective to his feet. “Are you coming over tonight? Or is that… also hours you should be spending on the case?”

“I gotta have at least some sort of routine if I don’t wanna completely lose myself. I’ll be over tonight, I just don’t know what time. If… I’m not here by seven, call me?” Russell asked.

“If there’s been no sign of you by seven o’clock sharp, I’ll call you.”

Russell smiled. “Thank you.” He leaned up and pressed a kiss to Theodore’s forehead. “I’m gonna take a shower. I’ll leave the door unlocked, just in case you need anything else from in there. All right?”

“Okay. S-same goes for you. If you need anything… Let me know.”

“I will. Thank you.” Russell gave his hands a tight squeeze before releasing them and heading for the bathroom. He closed the door most of the way, leaving it unlatched.

Theodore let out a breath and grabbed his cane. He walked over to his computer desk, which still lacked a computer, and fed his goldfish. He missed having a computer set up there, but he missed having a large fish tank filled with little aquatic friends even more. Shane had taken both from him, killing hundreds of dollars worth of fish with a single swing of a baseball bat.

He heard the shower turn on, pulling him to thoughts of Russell rather than Shane. Theodore let out a heavy sigh, stepping away from the desk. He needed to worry about breakfast before he continued worrying about Russell.

He made his way to the kitchen and turned on the coffee pot before heading back to Vera’s room. “Baby girl? Are you awake?”

“Yeah.”

“How’re you feeling this morning?”

“Better.”

“Dizzy? Warm?” Theodore asked.

Vera shook her head. “I feel better.” She sat up, dropping her hands to her lap. “Does Russell feel better?”

“Russell’s fine, sweetheart.”

“Really? He was in the kitchen today. On the phone, I think? He sounded sad.”

Theodore crossed the room and sat down on the edge of her bed. “Russell’s a detective. You remember that?”

“Yeah. He fights bad guys with his shield.”

Theodore smiled. “Right. He fights bad guys for work. The bad guy that he’s fighting right now… hurt someone that he loves. It’s a little hard for him right now because when he goes to work… he’s only reminded about the person he loves being hurt, and he has to try and push through that feeling so he can fight the bad guy. So he’s a little sad, but he’s… he’s strong. He’ll be okay.”

“Is he just sad?” Vera asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Is he… is he mad?”

“No, not at you or me.” Theodore reached back and laid a hand on Vera’s knee. “If I ever believe that Russell is a danger to either of us, I will not let him back into this house. You will never have to live through anything like Shane ever again.”

“Promise?” Vera asked.

“I promise. You and I will not ever accept life under the thumb of another person like that again.”

Vera smiled. “Okay, Daddy.” She dropped a hand to cover his. “Can I help you make breakfast?”

One corner of Theodore’s mouth lifted. “Absolutely. Get changed outta your PJs, okay? I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

“Okay.”

Theodore patted her knee before pushing himself to his feet. Out in the kitchen, he shifted his weight over to his cane to balance himself as he leaned up and grabbed the pancake mix from the cupboard. He’d have to ask Gina to take him to the grocery store after work so he could restock on pancake mix and syrup. Maybe he’d even pick up a container of fresh strawberries, just to add a bit of variety to their usual morning diet.

There had never been much variety allowed in any sense when Shane had been around. He had liked to keep things consistent. He wanted things done exactly the way he liked them, and that generally revolved around order and pattern.

Yeah, variety was definitely worth adding.


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S. Carved – Chapter Two

NOT EDITED

Chapter Two

After a mostly silent ride, Dallas parked his car in the lot outside the diner. “You want me to come in with you?”

“I’ll leave that up to you,” Bo said.

“Does your analyst normally go in with you?”

“Not usually, no.”

“All right. I’ll stay here. Mind grabbing me a black coffee?”

“No sugar or cream?” Bo asked, finally meeting his eyes for more than half a second. “Just… straight black coffee?”

One corner of Dallas’s mouth lifted. “Yeah, just straight black.”

“Okay. Do you have a preferred size?”

“Whatever size you normally get is cool with me. More likely to need a refill around the same time that way.” Dallas could’ve sworn that had drawn a smile from the blonde, but it was gone so quickly he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen it at all.

“Okay. I’ll be back in a moment.” Bo climbed out of the car, closed the door, and headed up to the diner.

We could poison his coffee when he gets back. I know it’s a little bit of a stray from our usual methods, but we could make it work, couldn’t we?

Dallas rolled his eyes, reaching across with his left arm to turn up the radio.

You know, it gets pretty boring when you refuse to respond. How many times do we have to go through this, Tex? I’m not going anywhere, no matter how long you give me the cold shoulder.

Dallas had half a mind to remind Ed that ‘boring’ was a pretty big part of why he was being ignored, but even that technically counted as no longer ignoring the bastard. It counted as engaging with him, and Ed would use the response to jump right back into the driver’s seat of Dallas’s control.

He let out a breath, turning to look into the diner. Bo stood at the counter, chatting up the blonde gal at the register. Dallas snorted, one corner of his mouth lifting. He hadn’t taken Bo for the ‘chatting up’ type. The woman must’ve been his usual barista, as well. She must’ve fit into his daily pattern.

Bo came back out of the diner, the coffee held in one hand. He pulled open the passenger side door of the cruiser and held one of the cups out to Dallas. “Your black coffee, no sugar or creamer.”

Dallas took it from him. “Thank you.” Bo nodded and slid into the car. “Who’s the blonde behind the counter?”

“Why?”

“You were chatting with her. More than you’d talk to a random person to order your coffee, anyway. I just figure you must know her.”

After a moment, Bo nodded. “Yes, her name’s Bridget. I’ve known her for a few years.”

“That’s cool. Is she your age?”

“Yes.”

“How… old is your age, exactly?”

“Eighteen. I’ll be nineteen in April.”

“That’s pretty impressive. You’ve accomplished a lot in a real damn short period of time,” Dallas said.

Bo cleared his throat as he clicked his seat belt into place. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” Dallas took a sip of his coffee and fitted the cup into the holder in the center console. “So, Austen, where’s your usual analyst?”

“Mister A? He’s dealing with personal family issues.”

“When’s he coming back?”

“Given the condition of his brother, I have a feeling he’ll be gone longer than expected,” Bo said.

Dallas glanced over at him as he pulled out of the parking lot. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

“It depends on your definition of either word, I suppose.” Bo shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “It’s a good thing. It means his brother will recover rather than die, but he’ll need help he didn’t need before. Mister A will most likely be the one providing that help.”

Dallas nodded. “People must give you a lot of shit for that, huh?”

“For what?”

“The definition thing. You looked uncomfortable, and then you gave the positive outlook other people probably expect from you, even though ‘Mister A’ being gone is clearly hell on you, which makes it not a good thing.” Bo, as expected, didn’t respond. He was very much a strong and silent type. Or, at the very least, the silent type. “You know, my little brother’s a lot like you. Very pattern-driven, likes rituals, schedules, predictability. People give him shit for it, but it’s just how he functions best. Some people need those patterns to survive. Those patterns are usually one of the only sense of control they have over their lives, but people who don’t need those patterns to survive don’t understand what it’s like for these other folks to live without it.”

After what felt like an eternity, Bo nodded.

“How do you manage in times like right now, where you’re missing large parts of your patterns?”

“I amplify certain parts to fill the void, and I do my best to lessen the parts that are only tolerable if there is no void.”

“Like?”

“I do my best to lessen interaction with station personnel. Mister A makes the… unprofessionalism less of a nuisance, and since he isn’t here right now, decreasing the likelihood of nuisance is required.”

“Not a bad idea.”

Bo nodded. “Yes. It’s why I stay in the basement.”

We could take him to OUR basement, Tex.

Dallas cleared his throat. “That’s all right, man. As someone who has spent the last couple of years upstairs for Narcotics and shit, you aren’t missing much. The basement’s probably nicer.”

“Much quieter and more organized.”

“Yeah, I bet.”

Bo took a sip of his coffee. “May I ask what you did to your shoulder?”

“Totally. I got shot.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Is there permanent damage?”

“Nah, just a rotator cuff that needs a bit of relaxing and a bit of therapy before I can go back to punching bad guys,” Dallas said. He looked over at Bo as the shorter man’s cell phone went off. “What’s that for?”

“Crime scene.” Bo glanced up at him. “Would you like to head out to your first homicide?”

“Hell yeah.”

Bo let out the lightest chuckle Dallas had ever heard. Phone in hand, he pointed out the windshield. “You’ll want to take a right at the next intersection. We need to get my camera bag from the lab. Then I’ll direct you to the scene.”

“Works for me, Austen.”

***

Dallas pulled into the beach’s parking lot just as two other uniformed officers worked to set up barriers and crime scene tape. “Wait. Our first crime scene is on the actual beach? Not, like… in the parking lot?”

“Welcome to Los Angeles.”

Dallas snorted. “Am I supposed to help these guys? Or… what do we do?”

“As I understood it, Lieutenant Fox and Chief Pitman want you to ‘fill in’ as my Mister A. So, while you won’t be performing any forensic activities, you are allowed to follow me into the scene.” Bo cleared his throat, reaching down to unzip the camera bag on the floor of the car. “More than likely, whatever this homicide results in will be your case, anyway. I mean, if Burke is the detective they assign to it.”

“Why’s that?”

“She doesn’t enjoy doing any of her own work, so she passes the work off to a pair of officers and then takes the credit when the case is said and done.” Bo snapped the flash onto his camera, glancing over at Dallas. “I’m not one for gossip, but it isn’t gossip if it’s factual information and not a secret. Burke slept her way to her detective promotion. She’ll do the least amount of work she has to in order to remain there. Letting an officer do that work for her counts as ‘least amount’.”

Dallas took a moment to process before offering a smile. “So… good news, we’ll be working a case together. Or is that bad news for your pattern?”

“Before he was transferred to the West Bureau, I worked rather frequently with an officer here. This fits my pattern just fine.” Bo opened the door and slid out of the car, closing the door behind him. Dallas let out a breath. At least he seemed to be making progress with the analyst. That had to count for something. He climbed out of the car and followed Bo to the crime scene, ducking under the yellow tape Bo held up for him.

A naked man lay on his stomach in the sand, his back filled with cuts and scars, some much more recent than others. They appeared to be arranged in a circle of some sort, each mass of marks cut to look like symbols, cut to hold meaning. “What… the hell?”

The faintest smile crossed Bo’s face. “Welcome to Homicide, Silver.”


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Books & Badges – Chapter Twenty-Eight

NOT EDITED

Not for the first time that morning, Russell found himself awake. They had gone to bed a couple hours after Vera had finished watching her ghost show and been tucked in. In the last five hours, Russell had managed a whopping half hour of sleep. He rolled onto his back, scrubbing both hands over his face.

He dropped his hands to his chest, eyes focusing on the dark ceiling. The day before, he had gone through the details of Lauren’s homicide file. Though there had been a large part of him that had hoped there wouldn’t be nearly as many similarities between her death and Vince’s, he had needed to know.

And tragically, he had discovered even more similarities than he had prepared himself for. Both of them had been shot six times in the back while off-duty. Yes, Vince was technically ‘off-duty’ because he was retired, but Vince had always been a cop at heart, retired or not. Lauren and Vince had both been shot while walking home at night. Russell had yet to figure out if Vince had gone anywhere other than his usual nighttime walking route–that was on his to-do list–but Lauren had been walking home after buying groceries.

Three bags of groceries had been found in the alley with her body, along with her purse. She hadn’t been robbed, just like Vince. Both of them had still had their wallets on them, and as far as anyone had ever been able to tell, nothing had been taken from either wallet. Credit cards, debit cards, driver’s licenses, cash, photos. Nothing had been missing from their wallets, and nothing had been missing from Lauren’s purse.

Both of their badges had been missing. Vince always had his on him, tucked away in his wallet. Russell was certain of that. Lauren had been off-duty for a total of two hours before she had been shot. Her badge would have been pinned to her belt or tucked away in her blazer’s pocket, but it hadn’t been there. It hadn’t even been in her purse or in her car at home. Someone had stolen it.

Russell’s brow furrowed. If the cops had checked her car, they had reason to believe she had been in it, even though she had walked to the store. He rolled onto his side and grabbed his cell phone from the nightstand. After unlocking the device, he added another point to his to-do list.

Talk to Lauren’s partner about the night of the shooting, especially why she hadn’t taken the car, especially why the cops had checked it for her badge in the first place.

“Russell?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re doing a lot of moving about,” Theodore mumbled.

“Sorry about that.” Russell set his phone down and rolled to his back again. “Did I wake you?” he asked, turning his head toward Theodore.

The man, his back to Russell, lifted a shoulder. “I’ve been in and out for the last hour or so, I think.”

“Trouble sleeping?”

“Yeah. Not because of you, though.”

Russell nodded. “Wanna talk about it?”

Theodore chuckled softly. “If I talk about it, you will think it’s because of you. I’ve just been thinking a lot about all of this.”

“As in you and me?”

“Not us dating. Us sleeping in the same bed.”

“Does it make you uncomfortable?”

“Not uncomfortable.” Theodore rolled over onto his bad hip, shoving an arm under his pillow as he met Russell’s eyes. “I hate that I still feel… weird about it. I slept in the same bed as Shane the… second time we saw each other. Christ, I slept with Shane the second time we saw each other. But this… I can’t even bring myself to kiss you.”

“Your mind doesn’t want to recreate the circumstances that led to you eventually marrying Shane. Because of the things he said and did to you, your mind is still convinced it’s your fault. Which means that things like you sleeping with him, you kissing him, you sleeping in the same bed with him… Well, it means your brain reads those as mistakes you made, as though there wouldn’t have been any abuse if those things hadn’t happened when they did. So your brain wants you to avoid doing them again. That’s… why you feel weird.” Russell cleared his throat. “I think. I mean, I’m assuming.”

“Maybe.” With a grunt, Theodore rolled onto his stomach, crossing his arms over Russell’s chest. Russell couldn’t help but smile as he moved a hand to the shorter man’s back. “Your turn?”

“My turn for what?”

“I don’t think you’ve slept at all tonight. I’m sure it’s because of the case. So… do you wanna talk about it?” Theodore asked.

Russell shoved an arm beneath his head, clearing his throat. “I’m technically not supposed to discuss case details with civilians.”

“You don’t have to. You can… talk about how it makes you feel, if you want.” Theodore rested his chin on his forearm. “You were very open with me at the station yesterday.”

“It seemed to make you uncomfortable.”

“I didn’t know how to handle it. It’s not something I’m used to, to say the least.” Theodore smiled softly. “I like that you were comfortable enough to share that with me. I’ve just never had a man openly tell me exactly what was on his mind. I didn’t know how to respond. Amongst my normal fear register, I was scared I’d say something wrong.”

“You did great. Offered to sit with me and everything.” Russell offered a smile, his thumb caressing the curve of Theodore’s lower back. “I really appreciated that. Hell, I can’t even begin to tell you how much it meant to me that you showed up there tonight. That meant the world to me, Theo.”

“I’m glad it meant something to you. I mean, really. I-it didn’t matter what the hell I did for Shane. Nothing was good enough.”

“You showing up there was more than good enough. I really needed to see a face that wasn’t a cop today.”

A tiny smile tugged at one corner of Theodore’s mouth. “Glad I could help.”

Russell lifted his hand just long enough to push his fingers through Theodore’s hair. “If I tell you something about the case, you can’t go telling it to any reporters or anything like that.”

“I’ll do my best not to.”

Russell chuckled. “Works for me.” He did his best to keep at least some of the humor on his face, but it faded quickly. “You know how I told you the reason I don’t get a lot of cases is because I don’t have a partner right now?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t have a partner because… the gal I was working with, Lauren, was shot and killed last year while she was off-duty. She was walking home, and someone shot her in an alley about four blocks from home.”

“Oh, my God,” Theodore whispered. “I’m so sorry, Russell.”

“Yeah. Thank you.” Russell cleared his throat. “She and Vince were both shot six times in the back. Overkill. They were both missing their badges, too. I mean… Vince’s was a retired detective badge, but he carried it with him everywhere. I think… the same person shot them both.”

“Wh-what would that mean?” Theodore asked.

“That this person is targeting cops, and Vince was the end of his cooldown period.”

“So… he’ll kill more cops?”

“After his cooldown period? Probably.”

“Jesus,” Theodore whispered. He uncrossed his arms, laying a hand on Russell’s cheek. “You have to be careful, Russell. I just got you in my life. I…”

Russell laid a hand over his, thumb caressing Theodore’s knuckles. “I’ll be watching my back until I catch this guy, I promise. I’ll be careful.”

“Good,” Theodore whispered. “Don’t move?”

“Not moving.”

Theodore leaned up and kissed Russell’s jaw. “How are you going to prove they’re related?”

“I still need some forensic information on Vince so I can compare the details there to the details from Lauren’s scene. Bullets, gun, height… Stuff like that. From there… I’ll question her partner, see what they remember from the day she was shot. The cops, umm… They checked her car for her detective badge, but she walked that day. I need to know why she walked, and I need to know why they checked her car. It was at home, so…” Russell shook his head. “I just gotta find out all the details I can. That’s the main goal.”

“Will that… be easy for you?”

“Nothing will be easy for me. I mean, it’s Vince. And now it might be Lauren, too.” Russell cleared his throat. “But talking to our forensic analyst won’t take a lot of time. That’ll be… easiest. Talking to Lauren’s partner will be rough, I imagine. As far as I know, they’ve become a bit of a shut-in since Lauren’s death. More so than before, anyway. But I just… I gotta know everything that I can about both scenes, about both of their deaths. The more I have, the better a detective I am.”

“You’ll do great,” Theodore whispered. “You’re a hard worker already, and I know this is gonna make you work even harder. You’ll do great.”

“Thank you,” Russell whispered back. He brushed a thumb over Theodore’s cheek, eyes flickering to his lips for only a moment. If Theodore was anyone else he had tried to date, Russell would kiss him for the pep talk, for listening, for sharing. But Theodore wasn’t anyone else. Theodore was… Theodore, and kissing him without express permission was far from what Russell wanted to do.

Instead, caressing his cheek would serve as thanks, and Theodore’s weight on his chest would serve as comfort and understanding.

That was more than Russell ever could’ve asked for.


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S. Carved – Chapter One

NOT EDITED

Chapter One

Friday: February 8, 2008

Freshly promoted from the LAPD’s Central Bureau’s Narcotics Unit, Dallas Silver found himself more than ready to join the homicide department. After spending the last week on leave to nurse an injured shoulder, he wanted to get back to the job. He needed to get back to the job.

A bit ironic, isn’t it? A bit… on the nose? First you became a cop, did the whole vice and narcotics thing, and that was fun. But now you’re going to willingly choose your stupidity and move to homicide the first chance you’re given? I ask again, Tex: isn’t it a bit on the nose?

Dallas, not for the first time, chose to ignore the voice in his head. Ed–though Dallas tried his best not to call it that to its face, er… voice–fed on attention. The less he responded to Ed’s nagging, the longer he could live his peaceful, well-constructed web of lies.

Clearing his throat, Dallas walked into the station. Smoothing a hand over the buttons of his shirt, he drew in a calming breath. He held it for a moment, let it out, and made his way to the lieutenant’s office. He felt confident in his ability to win over the lieutenant with the same ease he had for winning over most people.

Dallas was a well-practiced charmer, what with his half-smiles and slight Texan drawl. With the lieutenant, he even had an extra benefit built right into his biology. Much like himself, Lieutenant Alec Fox was a black man.

He stopped at the open door to the office and gave a little knock. Alec lifted his head, a smile coming to his face as soon as his eyes landed on Dallas. Just like that, Dallas thought.

“Officer Silver. Hope you made the drive okay?”

“Oh, it wasn’t too bad. You get used to driving with this damn sling on eventually.”

Alec chuckled. “Suppose I’ll just have to take your word for it.” He pushed himself to his feet and rounded the desk. With Dallas’s right arm held to his chest by the sling, Alec didn’t even bother with an awkward attempt to shake his hand. Even Dallas could appreciate that. Instead, Alec laid a hand on his shoulder, just long enough to let it serve as a greeting.

Imagine how easy it would be for us to kill him here, Dallas. Take that knife off your tactical belt, flip it open, and ram it straight into his neck. He wouldn’t even see it coming.

“You wanna see your desk first, or your partner?” Alec asked, entirely unaware of Ed’s threat on his life.

Dallas’s heart clenched. “Partner?”

“Well… not exactly. He’s a forensic tech, a lab geek. The chief and I agreed that you can work without another officer for now, but we’d still like someone else there to keep an eye on you.” Alec gestured to the door. “Walk with me?”

Or we could kill him, Ed reminded.

Dallas cleared his throat. “Of course, sir. Lead the way.”

“Thank you. The forensic tech in question, he’s a bit of a rule breaker, but he’s… let’s say, mellowed out in the last few years. When it comes right down to it, he’s one of our best employees, enough so that Jamal keeps trying to snipe him for the West Bureau instead. We normally have him partnered up with another forensic tech, but he’s unfortunately out of state for a little while. It’ll be the perfect time to transition you in as his partner. Shift buddy. Workplace friend. You can call it whatever makes you feel the most comfortable.”

Dallas nodded. Thank you for not partnering me with another officer, sir. It’s deeply appreciated.”

“You’re welcome. Like I said, we made a collective decision to wait until you felt ready for one.” Alec stopped just short of the lab and turned to face Dallas. “Losing a partner is far from easy, Dallas. You’ve passed your mental evaluation, but that doesn’t mean you don’t need any help. It doesn’t mean you’re from seeking help. Okay?”

One corner of Dallas’s mouth lifted. “Of course, sir. If I need help… processing, I won’t hesitate to find that help.”

“Good.” Alec walked into the lab, and a moment later, Dallas followed. “Bo? I’d like you to meet that officer we talked about.”

A short blonde white man lifted his head. His blue eyes settled on Alec’s face first, scanned over Dallas second. After closing the book before him on the table, he rose to his feet. “I see your right hand’s unavailable, so I’ll skip the handshake. I’m Bo Austen, forensics. As I’ve been told, you’re stuck with me for the next week or two.”

“Well, I didn’t use the word ‘stuck’,” Alec said. “You’ll be partnered for the next week or so.”

Dallas smiled his signature half-smile. The blonde’s expression didn’t change. “I’m Dallas Silver, rookie homicide officer.”

“Yes.”

Dallas couldn’t believe it. His charm had met its match with a short, beanpole-framed lab geek?

Alec cleared his throat. “Bo? How about you go on up and show Dallas his desk, huh? Then you can both go get coffee at that diner you like. Sound good?”

“Okay.” Bo finally rounded the table, hands tucked behind his back. Dallas figured the purple flannel and dark jeans were supposed to soften his monotone answers and his general lack of expression, but they didn’t seem to be working well that morning. “I’ll wait at the top of the stairs for you,” he said quietly. Bowing his head, he walked past Dallas and out of the room.

Dallas turned toward Alec. “Was it an accident that I was ‘partnered’ with someone who seems to be a bit… distasteful of me?”

“Oh, no, he has no problem with you. I should’ve, umm, warned you better.” Alec shoved his hands into his pockets. “Bo’s not great with change. Both of the analysts he works with are temporarily on vacation, and the only cop he likes recently transferred to West.”

“Should I be worried that he only likes one cop?”

“No. Correction, the only cop that’s always been kind to him. Bo’s a good kid, but he’s got too much brain in that head of his for most people to like him.”

“They hate him because he’s smart?”

“Adulthood hasn’t changed the bullies from school. It only changed the building the bullying takes place in.”

“But he looks like he’s just a damn kid.”

“He is. Doesn’t make him off limits to any of their dickish behaviors.”

Dallas let out a breath. “All right. Thanks for the heads-up. I’m… going to see if I can help out a pattern-driven lab geek.”

“Thank you. Let me know if there are any issues. Otherwise, welcome to homicide, and good luck.”

Dallas offered a two-finger salute and walked out of the lab. As promised, the lab geek stood at the top of the stairs, waiting.

We could push him down the stairs. How could anyone blame that on us, Tex? Especially when everyone else in the station already wants to do it? Ed asked.

“Thanks for waiting for me.”

“You’re welcome.” Bo took a step away from the wall and led Dallas to the officer desks. “This is your desk, Officer Silver.”

“Dallas is fine.”

Bo kept his gaze on the desk. “I struggle with addressing new people by their first name.”

“That’s fine. You okay with just calling me Silver?”

After a moment, Bo nodded. “Yes, I believe I can manage that. Thank you.”

“No problem, man. You have a preference for what I call you?” Dallas asked.

“No. Austen, Bo, lab geek… You can take your pick.”

“All right, Austen.” Dallas cleared his throat. “Should we go to that diner you like? Get some coffee?”

“If you’d like to.”

“Do you normally go in the morning?”

“Most of the time.”

Dallas watched him for a moment. “Not by yourself, though, huh?”

“No, I generally ride in with another analyst.” Bo glanced up at him. “Would you like to lead the way through the station?”

“Nah, go for it. I don’t know my way around yet.”

Bo nodded once, turned around, and headed toward the lobby doors. Dallas followed without complaint.


A/N: I hope you guys are as excited for this book as I am!! If you’d like to see the cover, click on the book details link below 🙂

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Books & Badges – Chapter Twenty-Seven

NOT EDITED

Theodore, in the ballsiest decision he had ever made, had Gina drop him off at the police station after work. With a little help from a very kind detective, he found his way upstairs and to Russell’s desk. Tentatively, he cleared his throat.

Russell lifted his head, tired expression quickly shifting to worry. “A-are you–?”

“I’m okay,” Theodore said, his voice soft. “I came to make sure you were, too.”

Russell pushed himself to his feet and tugged Theodore into a hug. He tensed at the lack of warning, but he wrapped his arms around the detective without complaint. “If I’m not at your house in an hour, text me and tell me to get my ass over there. Can you do that?”

“I-I think so.”

“Thank you,” Russell whispered. He pulled away, eyes on the floor rather than Theodore’s face. “I’m not an alcoholic, but if I don’t go to your house immediately after I’m done here, I’m going to go to the bar. That’s fine on a good day.” His gaze shifted to the shorter man’s face. “Today is not a good day.”

Theodore pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, giving himself a moment to think. “When you have a bad day… you drink?”

“No. When I have a bad day, I want to drink. A lot. I do my best not to. Moderation is… much more difficult when you already feel like you’re drowning.”

Theodore searched the detective’s face, unsure how he was supposed to respond. There were so many things he wasn’t used to. A man openly telling him exactly what was on his mind was one of the many. “Umm…” He cleared his throat. “How about I stay here with you for that hour? And then we go?”

“You have a daughter. You have supper.”

“She’s with my mom. I mean, they’re at my house, but she’s with my mom. I can let her know I’ll be home a bit later than usual.”

“Are you sure?”

Slowly, Theodore nodded. “If you’re having a bad day, you shouldn’t be lonely. That eats away at you just as much as bad thoughts and feelings do.” Pulling his phone from his pocket, he sat down in one of the chairs in front of Russell’s desk. “So I’ll just sit here.”

The smallest smile came to Russell’s face. “Thank you.”

“No… no problem, Russell.”

***

After Russell got off work, Theodore rode with the detective back to his house. After climbing out of his car, Russell turned to Theodore. “I just need to grab a change of clothes. Wanna come in?”

After a moment, Theodore nodded. He figured there was no harm in seeing more than the already gorgeous exterior of Russell’s house. He pushed open the door and grabbed his cane. With Russell’s help, he climbed out of the passenger seat and closed the door.  “I’m excited to, uh… to learn a bit more about your… personal aesthetic.”

Russell chuckled. “I’m not sure I have one. Simple and okay to live in is about all I got.”

“Okay to live in is an acceptable answer.”

“Mm.” At the door, Russell pressed a kiss to the top of Theodore’s head before unlocking the door. He pushed it open and gestured for Theodore to go in first. Though he hesitated, Theodore stepped inside without stammering or complaining. Russell stepped in behind him, quietly closing the door. “Welcome to my blank walls. Original paint, original flooring.” He kicked off his shoes, gesturing to the kitchen. “Original appliances.”

Theodore smiled up at him. “You don’t cook, anyway, so that doesn’t matter much.”

One corner of Russell’s mouth lifted. “Not a bad point.” He cleared his throat. “You can keep your shoes on. Since we aren’t gonna be here forever, that just feels like a lot of unnecessary movement for you.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem. This way.”

Theodore followed Russell through the house and back to his bedroom. The bed was made, the sheets entirely crease-free. “You really do sleep on the couch when you’re here, don’t you?”

“Most of the time. I was sleeping in bed when you heard that racoon, though,” Russell said. “But I’m usually exhausted when I get home, so I grab a snack, a change of clothes, and then sleep on the couch since I didn’t shower.”

Theodore shook his head. “I’m glad you eat actual meals when you’re at my house.”

“Me, too. Actual food is… very nice.” Russell tugged open one of his dresser drawers and pulled out a sweatshirt. While he gathered the rest of his outfit, Theodore let his eyes roam over the room. Russell hadn’t been lying. The walls were entirely bare. No pictures or paintings. No college degree up on the wall. No awards or articles of his achievements.

“Why don’t you hang anything up in here?”

“Before I got this place, it’d been a long time before I lived in an actual home. I got used to moving around and shit. Guess that’s still stuck in my head,” Russell said.

“Why’d you move around so much?”

“Initially, it was for when my father got a new job.” Russell closed the dresser drawer and tucked his clothes into a duffle bag. “After he was out of the picture, we… couldn’t afford the house, so we moved to an apartment. Landlord jacked up the rent not too long after, so we stayed in a motel for a bit. Things continued back and forth from there.”

“I’m sorry you had to live with that kind of back and forth.”

Russell offered a smile. “Thanks.” He zipped up his bag and lifted it over his shoulder. “Who knows. Maybe I’ll figure out how to truly accept this place as home someday. Guess we’ll see how things go.”

Theodore nodded. “How long have you lived here?”

“Oh… two, three years?”

“Jesus, Russell.”

“What can I say? Old habits die hard.” Gently, he squeezed Theodore’s shoulder. “Come on. Let’s get home so you can relieve your momma of her babysitting duties.”

***

Back home, while Russell retreated to the back of the house so he could shower and change out of his suit, Theodore headed into the kitchen, where his mom was finishing up supper.

“Hey, baby.”

“Hi, Mom.” Theodore cleared his throat as he leaned back against the counter, fiddling with his cane. “Thanks for staying the extra hour. Russell… I don’t know. I think he needed me today.”

“No trouble at all, sweetheart. I love taking care of Vera, even when she’s a little under the weather. Speaking of, chicken noodle soup is almost done. It just needs to be warmed up a little longer.”

“Awesome. Thank you.”

She nodded. “So… Russell. Bad day?”

“This case isn’t treating him so well.”

“Okay.” She cleared her throat, crossing her arms over her chest. “This is not me criticizing Russell. As far as I’ve been able to tell so far, he seems like a very nice man. But cops have a very difficult job, and they all handle bad days differently. If, at any point, you feel uncomfortable or scared with him around, you call or text me, and your dad and I will be here before you even know it. Okay?”

Theodore nodded. “Okay. Thanks, Mom.”

“Of course, baby.” Hands on his cheeks, she pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I love you. Stay safe.”

“I will. Love you, too.”

She smiled. “I’m just gonna go say goodbye to Vera, and then I’ll be on my way. but again, if you were to need anything, you give me a call.”

“Okay, mom. I will,” Theodore promised. She smoothed a hand over his hair before walking out of the kitchen.

By the time the soup was ready, his mom had left and Vera was in the living room, curled up on the couch. Theodore brought in two bowls of soup, handing one over to his daughter as he sat down beside her.

“Thanks, Daddy.”

“You’re very welcome, sweetheart.”

Vera pulled her legs closer to herself, holding the bowl in her lap. “Is Russell still here?”

“Yeah. He’s showering, and then he’ll join us here for supper.”

“Awesome.” Vera picked up her spoon, looking over at her father. “So… can we eat on the couch more often?”

“Absolutely not,” Theodore said with a laugh. “Only when one of us doesn’t feel good. Otherwise we’ll continue to eat at the table.”

“Why?”

“If we eat on the couch all the time, our brains will think it’s time for food every time we sit down.”

Really?”

He nodded. “The brain likes routines. That’s one of them.”

“Cool,” Vera whispered.

He and Vera were almost through an entire episode of her favorite YouTube ghost hunting show when Russell walked into the living room. Dressed in a university hoodie and a pair of sweats, his hair still wet from the shower, he looked a little less sad than he had at the station, but he was still missing a bit of that Russell charm.

“I left a bowl out on the counter for you. Chicken noodle soup,” Theodore said.

“Thank you.” On his way to the kitchen, Russell leaned over the back of the couch and pressed a kiss to the top of Theodore’s head. He came back with a bowl of soup and a can of pop. He sat down next to Theodore and, tentatively, Theodore leaned into his side. Russell cleared his throat, wrapping an arm around Theodore’s shoulders.

“Feel better after the shower?”

“A little bit,” Russell murmured. He nodded toward the television. “What’re we watching?”

“Ezra and Jude. They ghost hunt on YouTube. Curse words are bleeped out, so it’s more or less child-friendly.” He pointed his spoon at Vera. “It’s pretty much her favorite show in the world, and truth be told, I’d much rather be watching this than Dora.”

Russell chuckled. “I don’t blame you. My niece went through a phase where she absolutely loved Sid the Science Kid. I told her the TV was broken when she came to visit for, like, a whole month.”

A surprised laugh escaped Theodore. “You’re terrible,” he whispered.

“Hey, I said she was the light of my life, not that I’d always been honest with her.”

Theodore shook his head. He leaned forward, setting his empty bowl on the coffee table. Settling into Russell’s side again, he rested his hand on the man’s chest. Russell laid his head on Theodore’s, only lifting it for the occasional spoonful of soup or sip of pop.

Even Russell’s bad days were a million times kinder than Shane’s good days. Theodore still had no intention of letting his guard down, but it was nice to know a little bit more of Russell’s range of days and emotions. Somehow, that made him feel… safe.


A/N: I don’t think I’ve stated it in an actual note, but this will be a series! So once I get closer to finishing book one (ahem, 70,000 words and still going), you guys will get to vote for the crime part of book two, maybe the romance part too. We’ll see how it goes!

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When Toxicity and Mental Health Affect a Story

Hey, guys!

Sorry for getting this post out to you much later in the day than planned. The power company cut our power so they could cut down tree branches almost immediately after I posted today’s chapter of The Spectator, and we were without it for almost two hours, and then it was tragically time for bed. But anyway, let’s get into it, shall we?

As all of you know, I’m sure, posting on Wattpad was initially something I enjoyed. I enjoyed sharing my stories there, even when I had no readers, even when I only had one (Gabby). I’ve always loved interacting with respectful readers, and I still do enjoy that part of it. But as you know, Wattpad eventually grew to be incredibly toxic for me.

In between the constant changing environment on Wattpad (Oh, we’ll do ads to pay our writers! No, we’ll do nothing. Oh, what if we make readers pay for coins that they can use to pay for chapters and we give the writers with that feature a small cut? Yeah, most of them are in their teen years and don’t have jobs, but it’ll be great!), the toxicity of many commenters, and the sexual harassment story I don’t often talk about, it was no longer enjoyable.

For my own sake, I won’t say much more than the sexual harassment was directed at me from a man who is now an ambassador at Wattpad. Funny how that works, huh?

Anyway.

“Finally, an update!” It’s been six hours since I last updated. Finally isn’t an appropriate word, but you can bet it was always the first or second comment on most chapters I posted. When people comment things like ‘finally’, you come into the mindset that the only thing that matters is finishing a story so readers don’t have to ever wait for updates. And eventually, that’s the mindset I hit. Hitting word count milestones was worthless to me. Finishing a chapter was worthless. Finishing a book was the only real joy I ever felt in the last two or so years on Wattpad, and even that joy only lasted for the five minutes before I started the next one.

Not being able to feel any happiness from finishing a book starring a character you’ve loved sucks, and it takes its toll, both on you and on the story.

That’s where we come to today.

I’ve written ten books in the Bo Austen-Taylor series, and although I love the characters, there are many aspects of some of the books I flat-out don’t enjoy. I rushed through many of them so I could hit those five minutes of joy, and it shows. Some of the resolutions are rushed. Some of the killers have half-baked backstories that, while included in the story, make little to no sense, there are far more plot holes than usual, and far worse of a crime: I took away all of Bo’s character development from the Bo Austen series because I couldn’t write a character healing while I was worsening.

And that hurts.

Bo worked so hard to hit this place where he didn’t need to be normal all the time because Jensen wouldn’t love him if he was normal, because Jensen loved him because he was Bo, because he was Eli. And I took it away because… how the hell are you supposed to write a character on his way to better mental health when you can’t even take care of your own? When you don’t even put your own mental health at the forefront of your concerns?

For Bo, I feel that I need to rewrite the Bo Austen-Taylor series. For myself, I feel that I need to rewrite the B-A-T series. I haven’t written a single word in book 11–or a single word in book 5 of Young Bo–in almost two months. They’re both hard to look at, and they both remind me that I failed Bo every single time I open them. I need to fix it.

This is where my question to you guys comes in. I have ten books written. I can either A. continue posting the current B-A-T drafts while I rewrite the series or B. remove all of the B-A-T books and begin posting them the same way I would have on Wattpad, as they are written.

This brings me to issue two: Killer in Training.

I love Freddie, Paris, and Preston, but adhering to the backstory laid out in the B-A-T series has caused an issue in that book two of the series has no actual plot until about 5K words before the end. Even if it’s enjoyable to read, the first 25,000 words have no plot, and that’s not fair to those characters or the reader (even if you’re enjoying it, which is okay!).

If I rewrote book one, the main thing that would change is the ending. Hell, it’s probably the only part I would rewrite before diving into a new book two. I won’t spoil it here in case you haven’t read the current ending, but for those of you that have read it, I’m sure you can imagine what a change in the ending means, what a slight change in his backstory means. Hint: it involves Paris.

So this one isn’t so much a question as it is a statement. I’ll be rewriting the ending, at the very least, on Fedkenheuer, and then I’ll begin book two again, this time with a brand new premise, and I hope you guys will be excited for that.

In regards to both of these rewrites, July 1st will be day number one. Which means that if I post B-A-T as it’s written, the prologue of Happy Face will, more than likely, go up on the first or the second.

But anyway, that’s all my thoughts, and I’d love to hear yours, as well. Thanks for sticking with me, guys.

Books & Badges – Chapter Twenty-Six

NOT EDITED

“I’d like access to his home. I’m hoping you have a key so I don’t have to break the door down or get myself a locksmith,” Russell said.

Dani, Vince’s daughter, sniffled. “I don’t. But he always left one out, tucked under his car. In the, umm, the tire well? Tucked up in there. He said those fake key rocks were begging for someone to break in, but I lose things, so…” She cleared her throat. “They should still be there.”

“Thank you, Dani,” Russell whispered.

She nodded. Before he could stand up, she grabbed his arm. “You’re gonna find the bastard who did this, aren’t you, Russ?”

He searched her eyes, that familiar sting burning in his own. “Yes. I’m not gonna let him go without justice.”

“Good.” A pause. “A-are you really going to be able to do this? Dad loved you like his own, Russ. I can’t… even begin to imagine what this will do to you.”

“I can’t hand this over to someone else. I can’t hand Vince over to someone else.” Russell laid a hand over hers and gave it a quick squeeze. “I’ll manage, Dani. I just gotta find the person who did this, and then I’ll be okay. Then we can heal. Okay?”

Thankfully, she nodded and let go of his arm. “Good luck, Russell.”

“Thank you.” Though he kept it to himself, he knew damn well he really needed that luck more than ever before.

***

Just as Dani had predicted, the keys were still tucked into the tire well of Vince’s car. Russell closed his eyes as he held the keys to his chest. “Thank you,” he whispered, head tilted back toward the sky. Though most of the time, he’d be thanking God, this one was for Vince’s ears only. If the man hadn’t loved his daughter so damn much, he never would’ve left them out for someone to find. That had nothing to do with God and everything to do with Vince’s heart of gold.

Russell walked up to the house and, for what would be one of the last times in his life, unlocked the door and stepped inside. He let out a shaky breath as he closed the door. He flipped on the light and, out of habit, kicked off his shoes.

Vince’s badge hadn’t been in his wallet. The only other place he ever kept it was in his bedroom. If it wasn’t there… Russell shook his head. He needed it to be there. He didn’t want to think about what it could mean if it wasn’t there.

On his way down the hall, Russell couldn’t help but be distracted by the photos on the wall. One of them, the one that had caught his eye, was the day Vince pinned Russell’s detective badge onto his chest. Russell smiled, sniffling as he stepped away from the photo. Christ, he couldn’t believe Vince was gone. The man had taught him so much about police work, so much about life. And now he was just… gone.

Russell cleared his throat, doing his best to keep his eyes off the other photos as he made his way back to Vince’s bedroom. He edged the door open with his foot and peered inside. The room was tidy, the bed made. That didn’t surprise Russell in the slightest. Vince had always been an organized man. His house, as far as Russell had ever seen, had only ever reflected that.

He flipped on the overhead light and stepped into the room. He checked every place the badge could’ve been: on the dresser, on either of the nightstand, in either of the nightstand drawers, on the top shelf in the closet, in the detective memorabilia box under the bed.

But it was nowhere to be found.

Russell’s gut twisted as he took a step back toward the door. He hoped to God he was remembering the details of their last off-duty cop shooting incorrectly. Hell, he prayed he was remembering them incorrectly.

If he wasn’t, Vince wasn’t the first cop this bastard had shot in cold blood.

***

Russell stopped in front of Emelia’s desk, clearing his throat.

She lifted her head, expression softening as soon as her eyes met his. “You look like hell, Russ.”

“Been a long day already,” he said quietly. “I need you to check out a file for me.”

“Why… can’t you?”

“Because I know they won’t let me.”

“Russell.”

“My dead partner.”

“Oh, Russell,” Emelia whispered.

“They never caught the bastard that shot her, Emey. You know this could be the same guy. I just need to see the details, the ones that I never heard about through casual conversation.”

“What makes you think it’s the same guy? I mean… aside from the fact that they’re both cops. We know wearing a badge makes us a target to a lot of people, Russ, not just one guy.”

“If I’m remembering things correctly, they were both shot off-duty–”

“Vince was retired, Russ.”

“Emey.”

She held up her hands. “Okay, I’m sorry. Continue?”

“They were both shot off-duty, they were both shot several times–overkill–from behind, and their badges were stolen off their person. Vince was shot on the sidewalk, and i-if I recall… correctly, Lauren was shot in an alley four blocks from her house. Vince was shot on his way back home. I’m certain of it. He always walked that road on his route when he wasn’t able to sleep.” He clapped his hands together, tipping his fingers in her direction. “Please, Emey. I just gotta know.”

“This isn’t good for you.”

“Not looking for good or bad. I’m looking for fucking justice.”

“Okay,” Emelia said softly. She pushed herself to her feet. “Sit down. You need to just… sit for a moment. You don’t look okay, seriously.”

Russell dropped into the chair in front of her desk. She patted his chest as she walked past him. Russell bowed his head, closing his eyes. It wasn’t even noon yet, and he already wanted to be done with the day. He wanted to pack up his shit and go home for the day. Or to the bar. The bar sounded good.

He scrubbed his hands over his face. That wasn’t exactly a great line of thinking. Undercover work in Narcotics had gotten him to a bad place in life, especially with alcohol. Drinking it in moderation nowadays was fine, but when he was already having a bad day, there was absolutely no chance at ‘moderation’.

Emelia sat down at her desk, a folder in her hand. Russell leaned forward to grab it, but she held it out of his reach. “Russell, I have seen you in a lot of bad places. Recovering from the terrible undercover job, after Lauren was killed, after your mom–”

“And I came back every single time,” Russell said. He held out a hand. “Give me the folder, Emey. Please.”

“I just need to know that you won’t go into a bad place this time. You’ve recovered from the others. I’m willing to admit that. But you shouldn’t have to go through another.”

“I won’t.” Russell wiggled his fingers, leaning forward even further. With a sigh, Emelia handed the folder over to him. “Thank you.”

“Sure, Russ. You… you keep your head on straight, okay?”

Russell nodded. “Yeah. Do my best.”


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Books & Badges – Chapter Twenty-Five

NOT EDITED

Theodore was at work for all of an hour before Russell walked in through the doors. His chest tightened, gaze following the detective as he headed back to the children’s section of the store. He hated that seeing Russell put him on edge, but he couldn’t help it. There had been a time when Shane would ‘drop by’ the bookstore to make sure Theodore wasn’t speaking to Gina too much or hanging out with too many male customers.

Eventually, Russell came up to the counter and set a puzzle and a picture book on it. Theodore took in the detective’s shaking hands, flushed cheeks, tense jaw, and watery eyes. “My God, Russell. Are you okay?”

Russell pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, nodding. “Yeah. I’m good. J-just doin’ my job.” He tapped his fingers to the puzzle box. “Need something at the station to distract Vince’s granddaughter so I can talk to her mom.”

Theodore rang up both items and tucked them into a bag. “Do you wanna come over tonight?”

“Vera doesn’t feel well. You shouldn’t have to worry about me, too.”

“I think I’m capable of worrying about two people at the same time,” Theodore said. “I’ll worry about you whether or not you’re at the house, Russell.”

Russell sniffled, looking down as he passed his debit card through the scanner. “I know. I-I just… don’t want you to feel crushed or pressured by me being there so much.”

“So long as this case is ongoing, I feel nothing but good about you being at the house. Not only does your presence there make me feel safe, but I also get the benefit of getting to comfort someone else. That’s… that’s pretty darn nice.”

Russell offered a shaky smile. “I’ll probably come over. I-I just don’t know what time it’ll be when I get there.”

“That’s okay. Just text or call, let me know.” Theodore handed over the bag, grabbing Russell’s hand as soon as the detective took it. “I have my phone on me. My boss thinks I’m talking to my parents or my daughter if I’m on my phone. Text me if you need to talk.”

“I’ll be okay. But thank you,” Russell whispered.

Theodore gave his hand a tight squeeze before releasing it. “This is hard for you, Russell. Take care of yourself.”

“Thank you. I-I’ll do my best.” Russell took a step back, offering a smile. “Keep up the good work, Theo. You’re very calming to at least one of your customers.”

“I’m glad to hear it. I appreciate the stellar review.”

Russell’s smile was a bit more genuine that time. At least, Theodore was pretty sure of it. “I-I’ll see you tonight, Theo. Take care.”

“You, too, Russell.”

***

Theodore took his lunch break in the small cafe area of the bookstore with Gina. He checked his phone for what felt like the millionth time that day before sticking a forkful of salad into his mouth.

“I saw your detective in here earlier,” Gina said.

“Well, he’s not my detective.”

“You’re dating him. It’s not, like… a property thing. You’re not being Shane to him. It’s kinda like me saying he’s your boyfriend. I’m just using his job title.” Gina took a sip of her pop. “Does it make you uncomfortable? I won’t do it if it does.”

“I think it’s kinda cute,” Theodore said after a moment.

She smiled. “Awesome. So, what’d he want?”

“He just needed to buy some stuff for work.”

“At the book store?”

Theodore lifted his head. “Yes? What’re you getting at?”

Gina held up both hands. “I don’t want to get in the way of your relationship. I stand by the fact that he seems like an incredible guy, and he’s done absolutely nothing to make me feel otherwise. But because of everything that happened with Shane, I just… I just wanna make sure it stays that way.”

“Russell’s great to me and to Vera. H-he called her sweetheart this morning and then apologized in case I was uncomfortable with that. He’s good to me.” Theodore cleared his throat. “But I do appreciate you looking out for me. Lord knows I’m cautious, too.”

“You have every right to be,” Gina said. She folded a fry into her mouth. “His car’s parked outside your house a lot.”

“How do you know that?” Theodore asked.

“How do you think?”

“Stop driving by my house in the middle of the night, you creep.”

Gina laughed. “Hey, if I need to go for a drive, I’m gonna make sure you’re okay in the process.”

“Oddly appreciated.” Theodore cleared his throat, looking down as he stirred his salad. “He’s spending the night a lot. I feel safe when he’s in the house.”

“Even though… he’s a man?”

“Yeah. I think it’s the badge. H-he’s the one who found Shane, too.”

“Makes sense. I’d probably take comfort in both of those things, too.”

“So it’s not stupid?”

“God, of course not. A man that makes you feel safe and comfortable? That’s not stupid. The reasons he makes you feel safe and comfortable are not stupid. From what you’ve told me so far, he seems incredibly kind and respectful, too.” Gina shook her head. “You aren’t an idiot, Theo. You’re doing great with him.”

“Thank you,” Theodore whispered. He took another bite of his salad before tapping his fork against the bowl. “How’re things going with the new dog?”

“Oh, gosh, I love her. She doesn’t like her crate yet, but that’s understandable. I still need to work on getting her used to it and comfortable with it. She’s not potty-trained yet, either, but she already knows what door to go to for outside time.” Gina smiled. “She’s perfect.”

“Good. How’s she like Boyd?”

“She loves that little shit, oh, my God. I was a little worried about him tugging on her ears or her getting too rowdy with him, but they fell asleep on the living room floor together last night. He used her like a pillow, and she seemed pretty okay with it.” Gina shook her head. “You and Vera should come over some time. I-it’s been a while, and Boyd would love the playdate.”

Boyd, Gina’s son, had been yet another relationship that had been a casualty of Theodore’s marriage to Shane. He hadn’t liked the idea of Vera hanging out with Boyd, even though Shane refused to claim Vera as his own. Theodore hadn’t liked it but he hadn’t seen much of a choice in the matter. Shane had waited to drop the bomb of that particular requirement until after they had gotten married, until after Theodore was already well within his clutches.

“It… would be nice to pick up playdates again,” Theodore said quietly.

“You think so?”

“Yeah. I think Vera would be happy for it, too.”

“Great. I-I don’t wanna force you into that too quickly, so if you feel uncomfortable with it or if it makes you nervous, just let me know. We’ll postpone it, okay?” Gina asked.

“Thanks, Gina. I appreciate that.” Theodore smiled. “Hopefully things will go well enough that there isn’t a reason for fear or nervousness on my end.”

“I’ve been hoping for the same damn thing since day one. It takes time, but you’ll… you’ll get close to being who you used to be.”

“That’s the hope.” Theodore cleared his throat. “I guess I don’t want to be who I used to be. Not exactly.”

“Yeah?”

Theodore nodded. “Old me never would’ve dared take the risk of dating Russell.”

“You took the risk of dating Shane.”

“Shane was a barista when I met him. Or… he told me he was. He was a businessman, but I guess he knew that wasn’t my type. But something as dangerous as a cop? A detective? I never would’ve dared associate myself or Vera with someone we could… we could lose. New me is braver, and I don’t want to lose that as I get ‘better’.”

Gina smiled. “I like brave you, too. He dates very attractive men.”

Theodore snorted. “You’re such a shit.”

“You love me.”

“Thank God, or we’d both be totally screwed.”

Gina chuckled. “Yeah.” The smile came back to her face. “I love you, too.”

“I know. Thank you.”

“No problem, Theo. No problem at all.”


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