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Announcement: Thank You and Progress Update

Hey, guys. I just wanted to take a moment today to thank you all and to give a quick update on writing and my books in general.

First and foremost, I know updates have been lacking greatly, and I thank you all for my patience. When I was posting on Wattpad, I would get messages every single day asking when the next update was. This was despite updating at least once every day. So when I say I appreciate you for your patience, I mean it. It’s about the only thing in my life right now that doesn’t stress me the hell out, and that goes a long way.

Secondly, I’ve had a strange relationship with writing for quite a while. That’s partly because of Wattpad. It’s partly because of my Letters from a Madman rewrite, which greatly changed my relationship with the crime genre. And it’s partly to do with my work being associated with my last name.

Though I can’t change my past with Wattpad, much as I wish I could, I can work on the other issues. I’ve been in the process of changing my name on my published works for about a month now? Give or take. It’s a long process, lol. And I’m currently working on trying to reignite my love of the crime genre.

I’m writing a new story called “Promise Not”, and I’m about 5,000 words into it right now. You can read a bit more about it here on my Instagram. I don’t start posting it just yeat because there’s still a chance I won’t be able to finish it.

Now, let’s talk a bit about the stories I’ve been posting on my website here.

If you read “The Happy Face Killer”, you probably saw the note about me wanting to–needing to–restart the story again. I currently have absolutely no passion for the story, and I can’t even remember the last time I worked on it. It’s a rewrite as is, and that should make it the easiest book on my list, but it’s actually the most difficult. Once I read through the Bo Austen series, I’m going to decide some things about the series. In the meantime, I’ll keep you as updated as I can on all of it.

I’m also struggling with my romances. I’m 100% stuck on “Hashtags and Homicide”, ad I have been for a very long time. I’m not sure how to fix that one right now, but I imagine it has something to do with my issues around the crime genre at the moment.

I’m also struggling with “Truths and Chains”. Though I have some days where I make good progress, most of it is being forced. The story was supposed to focus on Elias researching for his story, and that hasn’t been there. Things are moving way too fast for Vito, and that’s entirely out of character for him. Time needs to be expanded there, and that’s something I’m going to work on fixing ASAP so we can get back to the story. I know you guys love Elias and Vito, and I love the hell out of them too. I just need to do some rewriting and tweaking before I can move forward with the story.

In the meantime, I have a short story I can post for you all. I was going to wait until we hit 2K reads in a month, but until I start posting more, that’s going to be impossible. So, instead, shortly after this post goes live, the short story “Fighter 13” will be posted. This is a story about Luca from the Jamal Pitman series, and it focuses on how he joined the mob. It’s something I’m pretty proud of, despite how long it took to write, and I’m hoping you guys will enjoy getting some back story on Luca.

For now, this is about all I have for an update, but I’ll do my best to keep you guys as in the loop as possibly can. I suffer pretty heavily from brain fog and memory issues, so you might have to remind me to give you a progress update on my books every now and then. Until the next one, I hope you guys enjoy “Fighter 13”, and I’ll see you soon. Thank you for your patience and understanding. 💜

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When Toxicity and Mental Health Affect a Story

Hey, guys!

Sorry for getting this post out to you much later in the day than planned. The power company cut our power so they could cut down tree branches almost immediately after I posted today’s chapter of The Spectator, and we were without it for almost two hours, and then it was tragically time for bed. But anyway, let’s get into it, shall we?

As all of you know, I’m sure, posting on Wattpad was initially something I enjoyed. I enjoyed sharing my stories there, even when I had no readers, even when I only had one (Gabby). I’ve always loved interacting with respectful readers, and I still do enjoy that part of it. But as you know, Wattpad eventually grew to be incredibly toxic for me.

In between the constant changing environment on Wattpad (Oh, we’ll do ads to pay our writers! No, we’ll do nothing. Oh, what if we make readers pay for coins that they can use to pay for chapters and we give the writers with that feature a small cut? Yeah, most of them are in their teen years and don’t have jobs, but it’ll be great!), the toxicity of many commenters, and the sexual harassment story I don’t often talk about, it was no longer enjoyable.

For my own sake, I won’t say much more than the sexual harassment was directed at me from a man who is now an ambassador at Wattpad. Funny how that works, huh?

Anyway.

“Finally, an update!” It’s been six hours since I last updated. Finally isn’t an appropriate word, but you can bet it was always the first or second comment on most chapters I posted. When people comment things like ‘finally’, you come into the mindset that the only thing that matters is finishing a story so readers don’t have to ever wait for updates. And eventually, that’s the mindset I hit. Hitting word count milestones was worthless to me. Finishing a chapter was worthless. Finishing a book was the only real joy I ever felt in the last two or so years on Wattpad, and even that joy only lasted for the five minutes before I started the next one.

Not being able to feel any happiness from finishing a book starring a character you’ve loved sucks, and it takes its toll, both on you and on the story.

That’s where we come to today.

I’ve written ten books in the Bo Austen-Taylor series, and although I love the characters, there are many aspects of some of the books I flat-out don’t enjoy. I rushed through many of them so I could hit those five minutes of joy, and it shows. Some of the resolutions are rushed. Some of the killers have half-baked backstories that, while included in the story, make little to no sense, there are far more plot holes than usual, and far worse of a crime: I took away all of Bo’s character development from the Bo Austen series because I couldn’t write a character healing while I was worsening.

And that hurts.

Bo worked so hard to hit this place where he didn’t need to be normal all the time because Jensen wouldn’t love him if he was normal, because Jensen loved him because he was Bo, because he was Eli. And I took it away because… how the hell are you supposed to write a character on his way to better mental health when you can’t even take care of your own? When you don’t even put your own mental health at the forefront of your concerns?

For Bo, I feel that I need to rewrite the Bo Austen-Taylor series. For myself, I feel that I need to rewrite the B-A-T series. I haven’t written a single word in book 11–or a single word in book 5 of Young Bo–in almost two months. They’re both hard to look at, and they both remind me that I failed Bo every single time I open them. I need to fix it.

This is where my question to you guys comes in. I have ten books written. I can either A. continue posting the current B-A-T drafts while I rewrite the series or B. remove all of the B-A-T books and begin posting them the same way I would have on Wattpad, as they are written.

This brings me to issue two: Killer in Training.

I love Freddie, Paris, and Preston, but adhering to the backstory laid out in the B-A-T series has caused an issue in that book two of the series has no actual plot until about 5K words before the end. Even if it’s enjoyable to read, the first 25,000 words have no plot, and that’s not fair to those characters or the reader (even if you’re enjoying it, which is okay!).

If I rewrote book one, the main thing that would change is the ending. Hell, it’s probably the only part I would rewrite before diving into a new book two. I won’t spoil it here in case you haven’t read the current ending, but for those of you that have read it, I’m sure you can imagine what a change in the ending means, what a slight change in his backstory means. Hint: it involves Paris.

So this one isn’t so much a question as it is a statement. I’ll be rewriting the ending, at the very least, on Fedkenheuer, and then I’ll begin book two again, this time with a brand new premise, and I hope you guys will be excited for that.

In regards to both of these rewrites, July 1st will be day number one. Which means that if I post B-A-T as it’s written, the prologue of Happy Face will, more than likely, go up on the first or the second.

But anyway, that’s all my thoughts, and I’d love to hear yours, as well. Thanks for sticking with me, guys.

Heads Will Roll – Chapter Twenty-Five

NOT EDITED

By the time Jeff and Bridget heard the voicemail on Rick’s work phone, he’d already received a call on his cell. Now, he stood in the entryway of an empty farmhouse on the outskirts of Ellepath, hands held up by his head, eyes trained on the gun pointed at his face. It had been quite some time since he’d come face-to-face with the business end of someone else’s weapon. That kind of thing didn’t really happen in Ellepath. It had been the whole damn point of moving there, of getting the hell out of California.

He forced his gaze past the gun and to the Black man’s face. “Caleb.”

Caleb’s expression changed entirely, shifting from that almost nervous false stoicism to surprise. “You… How do you know who I am?”

“I’ve never forgotten a victim’s face. That includes the faces of their family.”

Caleb’s breath hitched. He shook his head. “No. He must’ve told you when he called.”

“She was right in front of me, Caleb. She was… she was right there. There has not been a single night that has gone by since that one where I haven’t seen her face when I close my eyes. Not a night goes by where I don’t see a replay of those damn reporters shoving their microphones and cameras in your face to ask how it ‘feels’ to find out your daughter was murdered. I’ll never be able to just walk away from all of that. To forget it. To forget her. To forget you.”

“Their names,” Caleb demanded with a shake of his gun. “What were their names?”

“Gabby. Your little girl’s name was Gabby. She loved horses and her favorite color was teal. She wanted to play the clarinet when she was finally old enough to be in band instead of choir. Your little boy, his name was Dwayne. I… I heard about what happened with him and your wife, and I am… so incredibly sorry for your losses. I know—”

“Don’t,” Caleb whispered. “Please don’t.”

“I won’t. I’m sorry.”

Caleb closed his eyes, the gun still aimed at Rick. Rick chose to hold his ground. Going for the gun and missing meant losing any progress he’d made with Caleb, any progress his appeal to the man’s humanity had made. Caleb wasn’t the ring leader. He was just one part of the ring leader’s twisted, manipulative scheme. There was still a chance for Caleb, and Rick had no intention of fucking that up.

“If you had saved Gabby, Laura wouldn’t have… have done that. But she thought it was the only way to keep Dwayne safe from the same fate Gabby met. Sh-she was just sick. Sick with loss and grief, y-you know?” Caleb asked, opening his eyes again to meet Rick’s gaze.

Rick nodded. “She didn’t see another way through it. She thought taking him with her was better than whatever might happen to him in the hands of someone else. She was just… an ill woman trying to do what she thought was right for her little boy.”

“And she left me behind to pick up whatever busted pieces were left. For… a long time, I wondered why. I wondered why she believed Dwayne deserved the peace that came with death but I didn’t. But I finally figured it out, Deputy. Zak helped make sure of that. It was for this. It was to make sure our little girl finally got the justice she deserved.”

“Zak,” Rick echoed. “Zak Harding?”

“Who else?”

Rick’s brow furrowed. Zak Harding was the father of the second girl who had been murdered that day, Ella. The ring leader, the one who had called him, had sounded nothing like Zak. Rick was certain he would never be able to forget the man’s voice. How the hell could he? The news interviews of both men were permanently etched into every inch of his brain. The gut-wrenching voicemails he’d woken up to post-surgery from both men after their daughters’ deaths played in his head every damn day. How could he possibly forget what he sounded like?

“Did you ever meet Zak? Back in the day, I mean, when the original investigation was ongoing?”

“I know what you’re trying to do, Rick. Zak already told me you’d try to turn us against each other. I’m not stupid enough to fall for that.”

“I don’t think you’re stupid. But I do think someone is weaponizing your grief against you, using it to manipulate you,” Rick said.

“Yeah. You. Do you think I’m blind? That I don’t see what all this is about for you? Do you really think I don’t know that every damn word out of your mouth is just a ploy to get me to put the gun down?”

“I don’t think you’re stupid,” Rick repeated. He lowered his hands slightly, holding them out in front of his chest rather than above his head. “If you truly believe he’s definitely Zak Harding, if you truly believe he suffered the same loss you did, shoot me. Right now. You’ve already got the gun. You’ve already got the aim locked down. Pull the trigger. But if you think there’s even a chance that he’s just some sick son of a bitch taking advantage of another person’s grief and hardships, lower the gun instead. Help me get real justice for your daughter, not justice in whatever sick way he’s twisted it to.”

For a moment, Caleb simply stared at him. Finally, he shook his head. “It doesn’t matter what I believe, Deputy. My job isn’t to kill you. It’s to hold you here until Zak is ready.”

“Ready for what?”

“The finale. What else?”

“The finale,” Rick whispered. “Is that my death, or my boy’s?”

Caleb’s jaw hardened a little, but the gun still didn’t waver off of Rick. “Both.”

***

When neither Rick nor Heidi answered their phones, the four split up to cover the most ground possible. Jeff had gone out to Gerry Schutt’s, Bo and Dallas had gone to the lake, and the sheriff had given Bridget the keys to a cruiser so she could head out to Rick and Heidi’s house.

At the Downs residence, Bridget had to knock on the front door six separate times before Heidi finally answered it. “I need to speak to your husband,” Bridget said.

Heidi stared at her, one hand wrapped around the door, the other clutching her robe at her chest. “He’s at the station.”

“You and I both know that’s not true, Mrs. Downs,” Bridget said, doing her best to keep her voice soft. “I need to know where he went.”

“I don’t know,” Heidi whispered.

“Did he receive a call?” Bridget asked. Heidi nodded. “Did you hear any of it?”

“He told Rick to take him off speaker.”

“Okay. After the call ended, did Rick tell you anything that was said?”

“No. I mean, he… No. He told me no cops. That the guy said… no cops. A-and Rick said that when he comes back, it’ll be with Logan and Bonnie. That’s all I know, I swear.”

“I believe you,” Bridget said quietly. “Did he take his phone?”

“He left it in the kitchen.”

Bridget nodded. “I noticed his cruiser is out front. What’d he take? Does it have a LoJack on it?”

“My car. It doesn’t.”

“What kind of car is it?”

“He said no cops,” Heidi said through her teeth, though she sounded like she was holding back tears rather than anger.
“This is going to be incredibly hard to hear, but that man wants to kill Rick. There is absolutely no talking him down from that revenge. He wants to kill Logan, see Rick’s face when he does it, and then he wants to kill Rick. That is not going to change just because Rick didn’t tell anyone where he was going. I need you to tell me what kind of car to look for. Now.”

***

Bo and Dallas arrived to an empty lake. No body, no Gerry, no sidekick, no Rick. Just ice. Bo couldn’t quite decide if that felt like a good thing or not, if it meant Rick and the kids were still alive or if it simply meant Gerry hadn’t displayed them yet.

“I don’t think they’re dead yet,” Dallas said, eyes scanning the lake. “With the show this guy has put on, I just don’t see him going out with… a whimper instead of a bang. The displays have been public. You don’t decapitate someone and display their head at a separate crime scene than the body if you don’t want attention.”

“You think he’ll want to kill Rick with more eyes on him,” Bo said.

“It seems like that’d sorta be right up his alley.”

“Is that a gut feeling or… a voiced instinct?”

“Both,” Dallas said after a moment.

“What does the voice have to say about it?”

“You don’t want to know”

“Dallas.”

Dallas let out a harsh breath, brow furrowed as he crossed his arms over his chest. “A public execution for a guy like Rick — well-liked, family man, cop — is the kind of the kind of thing most killers can only dream about. This guy intends to live it, and he’s tired of waiting for his time in the spotlight.”

***

Jeff pulled into Gerry Schutt’s driveway just as the man began to open his garage door. Gerry turned enough to meet his eyes through the windshield before slamming the door back toward the ground, pushing on the handle to make sure it locked back into place. Jeff shut off the engine and pocketed his keys before climbing out of the cruiser. “Hey, Ger. Enjoying your weekend?”

“Oh, sure. Not too bad.”

Jeff nodded, shoving his hands into his coat pockets. “Headin’ somewhere?”

“Just got some errands to run. Groceries, car wash… Nothing that can’t wait.” Gerry crossed his arms over his chest. “You here to do some more accusing? What’s next? You think I took Rick’s boy?”

“Word travels fast, huh?”

“It’s to be expected, don’t you think? Small town, under four hundred people with nothing to do but gossip or drive around on the gravel roads.”

“Yeah, I suppose that’s true.” Jeff cleared his throat, pulling his hands from his pockets long enough to adjust his tactical belt. “Say, Ger, I’d really appreciate it if you could show me what you’ve got hiding behind door number one, there.”

“You got a warrant?”

“I don’t, but if I find anything along the lines of what I’m expecting to, I don’t much care.”

Gerry snorted. “You find what you’re ‘expecting’ to, and you’ll have nothing to present in a court of law. That whole warrant thing and chain of custody stuff isn’t something they play around with, Jeff.”

“I think that if you open that door, you’ll be dead long before I have to worry about what I need to present to a judge.”

Gerry laughed, genuinely laughed. “Well, a threat like that is a hell of a way to make sure you bastards can’t keep harassing me like this. When I call my lawyer—”

“Call whoever the fuck you want, Gerry. Open the door, or I’ll open it myself.”

Gerry stared at him for a moment before simply stepping to the side and gesturing to the door. “Go ahead and see for yourself, Deputy.”

“Turn around. I’m going to pat you down.” Gerry, suspiciously obedient, turned around, his hands locked behind his head. Jeff kicked his feet apart and patted him down. Nothing but his car keys. “You’re good.”

Gerry dropped his hands, turning back toward Jeff as he stepped up to the garage door. “What is it that you think you’re gonna find in there, Dep? Huh? I mean, really? In a fucking garage?”

“I don’t know. Maybe some body-sized chest freezers.”

Gerry snorted. “Yeah, maybe.”

Jeff twisted the handle and lifted the garage door. He caught a glimpse of Logan staring at him through the back window of Bonnie’s car for all of half a second before Gerry sideswiped him, knocking him to the ground. The door slammed down on Jeff’s ankle. Jeff cried out, doing his best to knee Gerry with his free leg.

Gerry knocked Jeff’s gun from his hand as soon as he unholstered it. Jeff’s leg still trapped beneath the door, Gerry beat him to it with ease. He stood above Jeff, pistol pointed at Jeff’s face.

Jeff held up his hands, chest heaving. “Please,” he whispered. “Gerry—”

Please.” Gerry laughed. “Begging for your life after threatening mine. A turn you weren’t expecting, hmm, Jeffrey?”

Jeff winced, wrapping a hand around his leg, the other still extended toward Gerry. “The kids. Please, Gerry. I-I know Rick hurt you. I know losing your son that way was hard. But don’t take it out on those kids. They did nothing to you. H-how does killing them make you any better than Rick? Huh? How?”

“Rick set off a chain of events, Jeffrey, whether he knew it or not. The lives I take are simply resetting the balance that Rick disrupted when he ripped my son from this world. When he decided that his life mattered more than the life of my son. When he chose himself over all others. I’m… resetting.”

Jeff grunted, digging his fingers into his thigh. “Gerry, we can reset the balance some other way. W-we can take Rick back to California. H-he can pay for what he did. I’ll help you myself, I promise. We can do it without taking anyone else out of this world.”

“You all had plenty of time to make Rick pay for his crimes. You all chose complacency. You were all… complicit. That has no place in the reset.”

“No, no, no, wait—”

Bang.

Bang.

Bang.

Jeff let out a strangled breath, hand moving to the warmth pooling on his stomach.

Gerry clicked his tongue at him, shaking his head. “You had many chances to choose a side, Jeffrey. You chose wrong.” He lifted the garage door, freeing Jeff’s mangled ankle. In between the high-pitched ringing in his ears, Jeff heard Bonnie scream from the garage. From inside the car.

“It’s a shame that Rick will probably be dead by the time they find out about you, that I won’t get to see his face when the reporters thrust a camera in it to ask how he feels about his responsibility in all this. I suppose I’ll have to tell him myself. A close second in how it will feel, but… good enough for me.” He patted Jeff’s leg twice, hard, drawing a pained groan out of the deputy. “I’ve got places to be, Dep. I’ll see ya in Hell. You can settle your score then.”

Jeff dropped his bloody hand from his stomach, wrapping it around Gerry’s ankle as the man started to step over him.

Gerry laughed. “Tenacious, I’ll give you that. But if tenacity saved lives, my son would be alive, and none of this would have ever had to happen.” He kicked Jeff’s hand away and walked over him and into the garage.

Jeff’s eyes drifted up toward the sky as Gerry climbed into Bonnie’s car and turned over the engine. Jeff watched him back out of the drive, watched the tires track through the blood running down the concrete.

He closed his eyes, hoping desperately that the delay in Gerry’s little drive was enough to save Rick and the kids.


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Truths and Chains – Chapter Four

A/N: I’m also working on the next chapter of Heads Will Roll, so if you’re reading that as well, you’ll hopefully have a new chapter soon!

NOT EDITED

Tito had left him in that hellhole for six months. Six fucking months. The day Vito finally tasted any semblance of freedom, the bastard had the audacity to not come pick him up. Instead, Vito found his parents standing at the end of the driveway. “Momma,” Vito whispered, dropping his bag to run to his adoptive mother. He wrapped her in a hug, sinking to his knees so he didn’t have to tower over her, just this once.

“Oh, baby, it’s so good to see you,” she whispered, leaning down to kiss the top of his head. “I can’t even tell you how hard it was to get your brother to tell us where you had been. Where you were.”

Vito turned his head so his cheek rested on her stomach. “He didn’t just… tell you after he put me in here?”

“No. Getting that information out of him was like pulling teeth,” Vito’s dad said. He laid a comforting hand on the back of his son’s head.

“H-he knew I didn’t want you guys to know I was a worthless druggie.”

“No, baby. You’re not worthless. You made some calls that… maybe weren’t the best for you or your health or the people around you, but that doesn’t make you worthless,” his mom said.

Vito turned to bury his face in her stomach again, arms banded tightly around her. ‘Back in the day’, as Vito’s dad usually put it, Alexander had been an American tourist in Italy during his skip year between high school in college. He didn’t speak a lick of the language, and ‘an absolutely stunning college freshman’ had saved him from a pickpocketer and, despite the language barrier, had shown him around Italy. The freshman, of course, had been Marissa, and by the end of the semester, he’d fallen head over heels for her. He’d packed his bags back home and moved to Italy to be with her, and they were married by the time Marissa graduated college.

After several pregnancies that had resulted in little more than grief, pain, and heartbreak, the couple had given up on children. The very next night, someone had pounded on their door, and when Marissa had opened it, she had found no one there, only a box in the rain on the concrete steps outside the building. There, she found what she and Alexander would deem to be miracles: Tito and Vito Minetti, a last name that presumably belonged to one of their biological parents. Given that their biological mother was a murdered Jane Doe, he’d never known which parent, but he’d always assumed it must have belonged to their piece of shit bio-dad.

They were perfect. His parents, not Vito. Definitely not Vito. They had always been perfect, no matter the hurdles life put in their path. His parents were part of some make believe fairytale life Vito liked to live in sometimes, one where he wasn’t a fucking monster that enjoyed torturing and killing people for the mob, one where he wasn’t burying himself in women, drugs, and booze.

One where he wasn’t such a massive piece of shit to everyone who dared pretend to care about him for even half a second.

Alexander and Marissa believed both boys to be perfect little angels. The tattoo artist and his canvas. The Army guy and the boxer. The college grad and his dyslexic ‘little’ brother. The impressively skilled driver and the mechanic. But what they really were was something neither of their parents would ever be able to handle if they knew. It would kill them. Tito had told Vito that so many times that it was one of the few things genuinely burned into the forefront of his mind at all times.

“Where… where is Tito?” Vito asked, his voice muffled by Marissa’s shirt.

“In the parking lot with the car. He said he was worried you wouldn’t want to see him,” Alexander said. “Is that true? That you don’t want to see him?”

“I… I wanna see him.”

“Then let’s get you up, baby,” Marissa said.

Vito pulled away from her and grabbed her hands, rising to his feet as Alexander walked past him to grab his bag from the driveway. Marissa’s much smaller, much more delicate hand held tightly in his, Vito walked with his parents to the parking lot. Tito was leaned back against their car. “Can I talk to him alone for a second, before you guys catch up?” Vito asked.

“Of course. We’ll be right here, baby.” Marissa gave his hand a squeeze before releasing it.

Vito made his way over to his brother. “You look like shit.” And for once, it wasn’t even just one of Vito’s little asshole comments. He truly looked like hell. He’d clearly lost weight, which he seemed to be trying to hide with a jacket that was too big for him. His shooting arm was in a cast and a sling.

“They cut your hair,” Tito whispered, reaching for Vito with his good hand. Vito tilted his head to the side, dodging his touch. Tito dropped his hand to his chest, like he’d been mortally wounded by the action. Or the haircut. “No one told me they’d cut your hair.”

“Yeah, well, if you’d come to visit me in the hellhole a couple times, you woulda known that sooner.”

“I wanted to, Vi. I tried so many fucking times. You didn’t want me there.”

“Like that’s ever stopped you before?”

“They have guards, Vi. Security. It’s not like back home where I can just unlock your door, y’know?” Tito said through a laugh that definitely didn’t find the situation funny. “They’ve got rules, Vi. You put me on the no-visitors list. They take that shit pretty seriously. It actually means something.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” Tito whispered.

Vito cleared his throat, reaching out to poke his brother’s cast. “What’d you do?”

“Fell down a flight of stairs.”

“No worse for wear, then.”

Tito chuckled. “Fourteen stitches in the back of my head. Arm’s in the sling for another two weeks.”

“How long you been outta commission so far?”

“Four weeks.”

“Jesus. And… the cast?”

“Broke my wrist. They think it’ll be okay to come off about the same time the sling does.”

Vito crossed his arms over his chest. “And you lost weight.”

Tito lifted his good shoulder. “Is what it is. You look good, though, aside from the hair. I can’t believe they cut it off.”

“Yeah, well, is what it is,” Vito echoed.

Tito nodded. “A-are you still gonna kill me now that you’re out? Or can I give you a hug?”

The way he asked it, like it was a genuine concern, like he was ready to simply lay down and take his death like a man if it was what Vito wanted, broke him. Vito wrapped his arms around his brother, unable to stop the tears once they broke through the dam.

Tito tucked Vito’s head beneath his chin, hand moving over the back of his short hair. “I’m so sorry,” Tito whispered. “I didn’t know what else to do. I-I had to keep you safe. I’m so sorry.”

***

Vito had spent the day with his brother and their parents, even happily agreeing to spend the night at their house before flying back to Kansas. “I think I wanna see Luca and Malik tomorrow before we go back home. Apologize and stuff,” Vito said as he sat down on the edge of his bed.

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” Tito said, his voice quiet.

“Why not? Are they still mad? Like… really mad?”

“It’s not about that.”

“Then what’s it about? They don’t wanna see me?”

“No, I’m… I’m sure they do, Vi. I just…” Tito cleared his throat, looking down as he moved his left hand close enough to his other hand to undo the clasp of his watch. He dropped it into his palm and reached over to set it on the nightstand. “What’d you take today?”

Vito couldn’t help but laugh. “The fuck are you talking about? I’ve been locked away in Hell for six months, and you’ve all been totally up my ass today, but you somehow think I’ve managed to get my hands on something?”

“I’m not mad,” Tito said, his head bowed, his gaze locked on the floor. “I just want to know what it was.”

“Get your head outta your fuckin’ ass, Ti. Jesus. Not even home twelve hours, and you’re already fuckin’ everything up for me.”

“I’m not mad,” Tito repeated. “But I’m not going to let you go see Malik and Luca if you’re high, and I know that you are. I’m not even gonna tell anybody else, Vi. I just want to know what it is and where you got it.”

Vito stared at his brother for an eternity before clearing his throat. “Right now? Valium. The rehab place.”

“Was it prescribed to you?” Tito asked. Vito shook his head. “Did you steal it?”

“I’m not a thief.”

“Okay,” Tito whispered. “So how’d you get it?”

Vito licked his lips, leg bouncing as he stared at his brother, who still wouldn’t look up at him. “Favors. Sexual favors.”

“With one of the other patients?”

“Just once. She had Vicodin.”

“The… the doctors?”

“And a couple orderlies. And one of the guards.”

Tito stayed silent for a long time. “Okay,” he finally managed to force out.

“Okay,” Vito echoed. “That’s it? You find out I’ve still been doing drugs the last six months, and all you have to say is okay?”

“What do you want me to say, Vi? I researched that place for months before I finally stopped chickening out. Months, and I still dropped you into a place where they tried to strip you of your identity, a-and when that didn’t work, they just caved and took advantage of you and gave you whatever drugs you wanted instead.”

“They didn’t take advantage of me. I was a willin’ participant.”

“Yeah,” Tito whispered, “I’m sure most drug addicts feel that way.”

Vito rubbed his hands together before clasping them between his thighs. “It’s not like it’s your fault, Ti. I just… like the way they make me feel. What’s so bad about that?”

“It’s gonna kill you someday, and I’m gonna have to stand next to Mom and Dad and bury their son, my baby brother, because I couldn’t find him something that made him feel good about being alive that wasn’t dark and dangerous.”

“God, you’re such a girl sometimes. All your fuckin’ feelings and shit.”

“I guess I am,” Tito said, eyes still glued to the floor. “You aren’t the only one whose had a rough go of life, Vito.”

Vito rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I get it. You and Jamal and Luca all had such a hard time, and even though Luca turned to drugs and sex, he got sober and stayed sober because he’s so strong. And you and Jamal are so strong and so brave for not trying drugs when you had the chance and all the excuses to do it. Get off my fuckin’ back.”

“I didn’t say… any of that.”

“Whatever. Just because you don’t say it out loud doesn’t mean it ain’t there. I know you’re thinkin’ it.”

“I’m not.”

“Bullshit.”

“I’m not.”

“Yeah? Then what are you thinking that’s keeping you from even bein’ able to look me in the fuckin’ eye?”

Tito finally lifted his head, teary eyes focusing on Vito’s face. Jesus Christ, Vito wished he hadn’t goded him into looking at him. “If I had just grown a pair and stopped the Fosters the first time they touched me, you woulda been safe,” he whispered. “And you… you woulda been okay. But I didn’t, not till it was too late. I helped make you like this. I helped… I did this to you, Vito. Me.”

Even high Vito was having a hard time finding a way to lash out at him for that one. Tito had always been there to protect Vito, to keep him as safe as he possibly could. But who the hell had been there for his big brother to do the same?

By the time Vito made it over to Tito’s bed, the slightly taller twin was sobbing, something Vito genuinely couldn’t remember ever seeing, even the night he killed the Fosters. Tentatively, Vito wrapped his brother in a hug. Tito threw his good arm around him, fingers clutching at the back of his shirt.

“We were just kids, Ti. You were just a kid,” Vito said quietly. “A-a kid with the weight of the world on his shoulders, and you… you never shoulda had to deal with that. I-I’m sorry that you had to for me. You did everything you could for me. You still do. Everything. A-and you shouldn’t have had to.” He laid a hand on the back of his brother’s head, his brow furrowed as his big, strong, knight in shining armor brother cried into his shoulder. “I’m so sorry I was too busy getting drunk and high to see you were struggling too. I’m so sorry.”

***

Vito had been staring at his brother for a good twenty minutes before Tito finally woke up, shifting to rub his face with his good hand. He sniffled as he sat up, gaze settling on Vito’s face. “Hey. What’re you doing up?” Tito asked, his voice rough. Vito told himself that was from still being tired instead of from the crying. It was easier that way.

Vito pulled a bag from his pajama pants’ pocket and tossed it across the room. Tito caught it, holding it up to the light filtering through the window. “That’s the rest of my stash from the rehab place,” Vito said after a moment. “But I’ll have you know I worked really hard for that, so… you owe me pancakes as soon as we get back to Kansas.”

The sound that fell from Tito’s lips was caught somewhere between a laugh and a sob. “Deal.”

“Can we… can we see Malik and Luca before we go? Maybe JP if he’s here? I promise I didn’t take any more last night. I promise.”

“Yeah,” Tito whispered. “Yeah, we can see anyone you wanna see.”

“Do… do you need me to drive?”

Tito lifted his head long enough to offer a small smile. “I’ve got it.”

“Okay.”

Tito cleared his throat as he adjusted the strap of his sling. “I’d like to talk to Bo about the rehab place, see what he can do about getting the people who need to be fired out of there. Do you remember how many of them that would be?” he asked, his voice quiet.

“Why, so when you send me back, you know I can’t sleep my way to a couple pills again?” Vito asked.

“I’m not sending you anywhere. There are other vulnerable people there, people who went there for help, people being taken advantage of instead of getting the help they deserve.”

“So… you won’t send me back?”

“No, I won’t send you back.”

After a moment, Vito nodded. “There were four orderlies, two of the quacks, and one of the guards.”

“Jesus.”

“Hey, what can I say? I’m nothing if not accomplished in the sex department.”

Unfortunately, Tito didn’t even crack a smile, just a sad, tired glance in his direction. “Do you know their names?”

“You’re asking if I remembered their names? Who the fuck you think you’re talkin’ to?”

“That’s fair.” Tito lifted his good hand to scratch the side of his head. “If Bo could get ahold of some staff pictures, would you be able to recognize them?”

“Yeah.”

Tito nodded. “Okay, I’ll… I’ll start there.” He cleared his throat as he pushed himself to his feet. “C’mon. We’ll have breakfast with Mom and Dad and I’ll call Bo on the way to Malik and Luca’s place. Sound good?”

Vito shrugged. “You’re gonna do it no matter what I think of it.”

“Also fair,” Tito agreed.

Vito stood up and followed his brother out of the room. “You said you… fell down the stairs?”

“Yeah.”

“That actually true?”

Tito chuckled. “It is.”

“How?”

“People trip and fall all the time, Vito.”

“Yeah, clumsy people. You ain’t clumsy. You’re, like… whatever the opposite of clumsy is.”

“I was dizzy.”

“Does that… happen a lot?”

Tito lifted his good shoulder in a shrug. “Off and on the last two months or so.”

“You seen Doc about it?”

“He told me to buy some Dramamine and stop being such a pussy.”

“I’m gonna kill him. No one but me gets to call you a pussy.”

Tito snorted. “Appreciate the defense of my honor, Vi.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” Before Tito could turn out of the hallway, Vito grabbed his good arm. “You’re, like, okay though, right?”

“I’m fine. The motion sickness stuff has helped.”

“Good. ‘Cause, like, I know I don’t say it a lot, but—”

“I know, Vi.”

“But I love you, and I want you to be okay,” Vito finished.

Tito offered a reassuring smile. “I’m okay, Vi, I promise. Doc says there’s, like… a million things that could cause the dizziness thing, and it’s not like it’s all the time or anything. Aside from the little stair stumble, it hardly affects my daily life.”

“Yeah, but you always say Doc’s a drunk and what he says doesn’t matter.”

Tito chuckled. “And to think I always assumed you didn’t listen to a single damn thing I say.”

“I listen. I just, y’know… am an asshole and like to make sure you know it at every possible chance I’m given.”

“Oh, I’m very aware of it, don’t worry. You’ve done a real thorough job, Vi.”

Vito smiled before it fell again. “But this one time, when it’s your health instead of mine, you’re gonna listen to Doc? I get a papercut, and you want me to go to the ER to make sure Doc didn’t do something to infect it. You get so dizzy you fall down the stairs and break your arm, fuck up your shoulder, and crack your head open, and you just… take some Dramamine?”

“If you’re that worried, I’ll go to a real doctor. I’m just… not that worried. I feel fine outside of the occasional dizziness and nausea, and the Dramamine has totally taken care of that. Until it stops taking care of it, I don’t see the point in doing anything else.”

“Right,” Vito said, dragging the word out over several beats. “You feel that way about it all the time, or only because you’re punishing yourself for locking me up at the nut house?”

“It was a rehab center.”

“Filled with nuts. Myself included,” Vito said. “So the question stands.”

“You know, this version of you is actually kind of more annoying than your usual annoying little brother persona.”

“Good, I’m planning on keeping this one for a while,” Vito said. “So?”

Tito let out a breath, his shoulders sinking just enough for Vito to notice. “I don’t know. I guess… it’s possible the guilt from sending you to rehab could have something to do with the decision to just go see Doc instead of a doctor that… still has their license.”

“But your little topple down the stairs happened before you knew that I was sleeping with the staff for drugs or that they cut my hair. Why were you guilty before that?”

Tito stared at his brother for a moment, his brow furrowed. “I don’t know.”

“Well, even I’m not stupid enough to believe that.”

“You aren’t stupid.”

“Way to swerve the topic again. You know, that’s supposed to be my special skill, and it’s pretty fucked up for you to be out here trying to steal it from me.”

Finally, Tito cracked an actual smile, and he even chuckled a little. “When Luca needed help, Jamal was that help. Jamal and Malik. They saved him, every single time. Jamal sat with him through every detox and fought every single urge with him. Every single time. It was just them. No rehab. No doctors. No psychologist. No guards or orderlies or white rooms or basically shaving his fucking head. Just… them. Family.”

“Yeah, ‘cause it was, like, the sixties. It wasn’t like Lucchese was gonna give Luca a paid holiday to go to rehab every time he got hooked on the shit again,” Vito said. “Besides, Luca wanted help. I didn’t. You would not have gotten me sober without locking me up somewhere.”

“I arguably didn’t get you sober even when I did lock you up somewhere.”

“Fair,” Vito said after a moment. “But that’s not your fault either. You said you researched the place for months. It’s not like you knew I was gonna start selling myself for a fucking pill here and there. It’s fucking embarrassing, dude, the shit I’d do for a hit. That’s not on you. I put my own big boy pants on and made my own big boy decisions. From our little chat last night, it kinda seems like you already shoulder the blame for just about every single problem in my life. How about you go ahead and let me shoulder the blame for this one, huh? Let me take the blame for my choices, and you go see a real fuckin’ doctor so I know you’re okay. Okay?” “Okay,” Tito whispered. He pulled his arm from Vito’s grip so that he could give his brother’s shoulder a tight squeeze. “Okay. I will, I promise. But let’s start with breakfast, yeah?”
Vito nodded. “That, I can get behind. Lead the way.”


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Truths and Chains – Chapter Three

NOT EDITED

Vito awoke tucked into a bed in the guest room of Luca and Malik’s modest little home in Los Angeles. Like Jamal Pitman’s little brother and a former Lucchese soldier couldn’t afford a fucking mansion instead of a one-story, three-bedroom home. He tossed the covers to the end of the bed and sat up, dropping his feet to the floor. Tito was asleep in a chair in the corner of the room, a blanket pulled up around his shoulders, his fist digging into his temple. In classic Tito fashion, he must have kept guard all night, just to make sure Vito felt safe.

Shocking? Not really. Made him feel like an even bigger piece of shit than usual? Definitely.

The smell of actual food lured Vito to the kitchen, where he was thankful to find Malik instead of Luca at the stove, flipping pancakes. “Morning, Uncle Mal.”

“Hey, kiddo.” Malik reached out and squeezed Vito’s arm. “When Luca told me your brother called last night to see if you guys could stay the night, I wasn’t sure I believed him.”

“Because I’m, like, an asshole?”

“No, honey, of course not. Because we just don’t see you two as much as we’d like to, that’s all. We love having you around.”

“I’ll have to take your word for it.” Vito grabbed a pancake from the plate on the counter and artfully folded it into his mouth.

Luca, a tattooed and scarred Mexican who was a giant even by Vito’s standards, walked into the kitchen, leaned down to kiss Malik’s temple, and promptly smacked the back of Vito’s head.

Oww.”

Luca,” Malik scolded.

The giant ignored him. “Remember all those fun talks we had about doing drugs and how they ruined my fucking life?”

Vito sighed. Jesus. Now he remembered why he didn’t hang around his uncles often. “Yes.”

“And you still couldn’t bring yourself to listen? Couldn’t even listen for once in your Goddamn life?”

“Luc, come on. He’s just a kid,” Malik said.

No, he’s a stupid fucking adult making stupid fucking adult decisions. Decisions that affect everyone around him.” Luca jabbed a finger into Vito’s chest. “You think I didn’t see the bruises under your brother’s eyes? Like I don’t know you punched him in the damn face before he spent the evening calling around to find somewhere you felt comfortable staying? Think your dad didn’t call me up yesterday when you were on your little spree with the car because he was worried you were out trying to get yourself killed?”

Vito wanted to point out that Tito had only had to call one person, but his mouth ran a hell of a lot faster than his brain. “He’s not my fucking dad.”

“He’s one of the closest things you’ll ever get to one. ‘Real’ Mommy and Daddy don’t know anything about what their little boy’s up to, do they?”

Vito shoved Luca back into the island. “Least I don’t walk out on my boyfriend and knock up some rando every time I’m high. How many bastard children you got running around these days, Uncle L? Any ballpark guesses on just how many times you’ve been someone’s worthless daddy?”

Luca let out a huff of a laugh, his lips parted in that way that usually meant someone was going to try and kick Vito’s ass. Heavy on the ‘try’.

“That’s not fair,” Malik decided, stepping between the pair, eyes on Vito’s face. “Something like that has not happened for a long time, and you know it.”

“Yeah, that you know of. Who knows what he does behind your back these days. Or who.” Vito laughed. “You’ve turned so many fucking blind eyes to what he does, that I’m not even sure you’d see it if he fucked someone right here in front of us.”

“I want you out of my goddamn house. Right now,” Luca said from behind the shorter man.

“Luca.”

“Your brother can take you, or you can find your own way out. Don’t care where you go, but if you’re not gone by the time I’m back in this fucking kitchen, I’m dragging you out myself.”

Luca.” Malik turned off the burner and set the spatula on the counter before following the giant out of the kitchen. “Can we talk about this?”

Vito snatched another pancake from the counter and headed back to the guest room. Half a pancake shoved in his mouth, he kicked Tito’s shin with his toes. Tito let out a quiet grumble, pulling his leg away from him. “Luca’s kickin’ me out. You takin’ me, or am I findin’ a ride back to my truck?”

“Luca…? What?” Tito rubbed at his eyes before forcing them open to look at his watch. “It’s not even noon. How’d you…? Why are you even up? What’d you do?”

“Why’s it gotta be my fault?”

“Because it usually is. What’d you do?”

“Don’t matter. I’ll see myself out. See you back home.”

“Vi.” Tito grabbed his arm, but Vito shook him off. “Just… chill, okay? Give me a second,” he said through a yawn. “Can I talk to Luca first?”

“For?” Vito asked, folding the rest of his pancake into his mouth.

“To see if I can change his mind?”

“If the dude he sticks his dick in can’t change his mind, I doubt you can.”

Tito winced, pushing himself to his feet. “I wish you wouldn’t say shit like that. They’re family. They’re our uncles, dude.”

“We’re not related to them.”

“We’re not related to anyone, if you wanna be an ass about it. Adopted, found, and chosen family is all we got, Vi. You and me are the only blood there is.”

“That’s how it should be. Just be you and me,” Vito said. “No one else. Just us against the rest of ‘em.”

Tito laughed, grabbing his shirt from the floor. “What are you suggesting? We run away to start our own crime family and start killing anyone who stands in the way?” he asked as he tugged his shirt on over his head.

“No more bowing down to Carmine and Venetia or Jamal or Bo.”

Tito’s brow furrowed, eyes locking on Vito’s face. “I was kidding.”

“I wasn’t.”

“Jesus, Vi.” Tito laid his hands on his brother’s cheeks. “How high are you?”

Vito tried to smack his hands away, but he wouldn’t budge. “You want a second fucking lesson, Tito? Get your hands offa me.”

Tito dropped his hands back to his sides. “This isn’t from last night. You… What’d you do? Sneak out and buy something after I fell asleep?”

Vito snorted. “Like I had to sneak out. Not like you frisked me when you got to the charity thing.”

Tito stared at him for a moment before grabbing Vito’s suit jacket from the bed. When he didn’t find anything in the pockets, he turned to his brother. “You still have some on you?”

Vito shrugged. “Don’t know.”

“Oh, a junkie always knows.”

“Fuck you.”

Tito shoved his brother into the wall, an arm pressed against his chest to keep him there, free hand trying to pat down the pockets of his pants. Vito drove a knee into Tito’s groin, shoving him away as soon as the pressure of his arm faltered. Tito stared at him, shoulders rising and falling at an alarming rate. “Give me the bag, Vito.”

“I’ll find my own way home.”

“Give me… the bag.”

“What I do with my own fuckin’ money is my damn business.”

“The hell it is. Not when it’s destroying everyone around you.”

“Then get the fuck out of my life, Tito.”

“I can’t! I promised to protect you. I promised to keep you safe. Always! A Pitman—”

“You ain’t a fuckin’ Pitman! You’re a fuckin’ Minetti! And you know what Minettis are, Tito? They’re pieces of shit. They’re pieces of shit who knock up their girlfriends and leave ‘em scared and alone. So fuckin’ scared that they give birth by themselves, who the fuck knows where, and take their newborn babies to some random fuckin’ apartment and drop ‘em on the stairs, hope someone finds ‘em and takes ‘em inside and out of the rain. Such pieces of shit that she still ends up dead in the middle of a field afterward, unidentified because a Minetti doesn’t even care enough to make sure the mother of their children gets to be buried in a grave with her fucking name on the headstone! So be the Minetti you are and not the Pitman you think you’re worthy of being, and get the fuck out of my life!”

When Tito didn’t do anything more than stare at him, chest heaving, Vito deduced that he’d won yet another battle for the day and walked out of the room. He didn’t make it far before Tito tackled him face first to the ground. Tito yanked his hands behind his back, his knee pressed between his shoulders to keep him grounded. “You can be a Minetti all you want, Vi, but I’m a fucking Pitman,” Tito said, his voice shaky and a little broken. “And Pitmans don’t let their brothers kill themselves like this. Pitmans… Pitmans stop being cowards and get their brothers the help they need.”

Vito struggled against him, desperately trying to free himself, but Tito’s grip was tight and unwavering. “You check me into some fuckin’ white room, Tito, I swear to God, I’ll kill you the second I’m out.”

“Then at least you’ll do it sober.”


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Truths and Chains – Chapter Two

NOT EDITED

“I don’t want to go to your thing tonight.”

Jamal glanced up in the mirror to meet Vito’s gaze before going back to shaving the hair along his jawline. “Just because I invited you doesn’t make it my thing. It’s for Mickey, and you should be there. They only do one in his name around the anniversary. They hardly acknowledge him otherwise. You should be there for that acknowledgement.”

“Well, he’s my dead friend, and I say I don’t wanna be there.”

“If you can come up with a good excuse, sure. If not, you’re going to be there.”

“I had a rough night.”

“Every night is a rough night for you. That’s what happens when you feed your liver with alcohol and your veins with whatever the hell you can shoot into them.”

“Fuck you, old man.”

Jamal only chuckled. Not quite joyous, but not that terrifyingly dark one he reserved for a category of people Vito usually didn’t fit into. “This is the first time they’ve held one of these at the same time you’d be available to attend. They aren’t going to hold another in his honor until at least next year, and based on how much shorter they get every year, I wouldn’t be surprised if they phase him out entirely. You should be there. He would want you to be there.”

“You don’t know what the fuck he’d want.”

Jamal let out a breath, turning on the water long enough to rinse off his razor. “I realize you’re you, but I’d like to remind you that Mickey was my friend long before he was yours. You only knew the man because I stuck you with him to try and manage some of your you qualities.”

Vito stayed silent as Jamal washed his face. “Mickey’s the only other person I ever told about what the Fosters did to me and Ti. What… what Ti did to them after.” Jamal’s hand froze midway to the towel. “That was all I could think about last night. Couldn’t bury it beneath… any amount of beer, no matter how many I downed. The vodka didn’t help. Neither did the Scotch. And I know it’s a little TMI for your generation, but neither did the sex.” Vito cleared his throat. “Mickey was, like… the first person outside of Tito to make me feel like I didn’t deserve it. Like I hadn’t done something to ask for it. He was the only one I could talk to about it. And he’s dead, and he’s been dead, and I haven’t been able to fill that hole no matter what I shoot into it.”

“You can talk to me,” Jamal said after what felt like an eternity. “And your brother. He lived it. He was… he was there. You know you can talk to us.”

Vito only crossed his arms over his chest. “So is that a good enough reason not to go?”

“I’m telling your brother you’re struggling,” Jamal said, finally grabbing the towel to dry his face.

“Oh, my God, if I wanted Tito to know, I’d have fucking told him, Jamal. I’ll go to your stupid fucking fundraiser.”

“Vito—”

“I said I’ll fucking go. Jesus.” Vito pushed himself away from the doorframe and stormed his way through the Pitman Estate until he made it to the garage, where he promptly grabbed a set of keys to steal whichever expensive car lit up and beeped at him. One of the Bugattis. Yep, that would work.

***

Vito strolled into the banquet hall, hands tucked into the pockets of his dress pants, and searched the crowd of rich losers for Jamal. Instead, he was practically accosted by the man’s personal bodyguard before he even made it three feet inside.

“Are you high?”

“Evening, Frank,” Vito said, looking down at the older white man.

Frank shook his head. “Mister Pitman—”

“Pfft. Don’t ‘Mister Pitman’ me. Like I fucking give a shit about that hoity toity bullshit.”

Frank grabbed his bicep and yanked him a step closer. “Mister Pitman was incredibly concerned during your little adventure. You’re lucky your brother talked him out of putting out an APB on that damn car.”

Pfft.”

“I’ve got him.”

Vito closed his eyes at the sound of his brother’s voice. Just what he needed.

“If he can’t behave himself, I want him out of here before Mister Pitman or anyone else important sees him,” Frank said, pushing Vito back toward Tito. “Understood?”

“Yes, sir,” Tito assured. Once Frank had turned away, Tito stepped in front of his brother, brow furrowed with that oh so familiar concern that Vito hated.

“Oh, goodie, my knight in shining armor, come to save the day,” Vito said.

Tito didn’t even roll his eyes. “Jesus, Vi. What’d you take?”

“What car, or what drug?”

Jesus,” Tito whispered. “Drug. I’m aware of the car.”

“Don’t matter. Got me here, didn’t it? Does the name really make a difference after that?” Vito asked.

“You could’ve killed yourself. Or someone else.”

Vito lifted his shoulders.

Tito smoothed his hands over either side of Vito’s jacket and untied the atrocious knot in his tie before redoing it. “You’re gonna be good, aren’t you? For Mickey?”

“Totes.”

“Vito, I’m serious.”

“So am I. Get your fucking hands off me.” Vito tried to shove him away, but Tito wrapped his hands around his jacket. “Tito, I’m not fuckin’ around.”

“Neither am I.”

Before he could even consider stopping himself, Vito drove his fist straight into his brother’s nose. Tito stumbled back, a hand flying up to his face. “Oh, my God, Ti. I’m so sorry.” Vito reached for him, but Tito stepped away, holding out his free hand to keep Vito at bay. “I’m sorry.”

Tito pulled his hand back long enough to look at the blood in his palm. “I… I need to find the bathroom. Wait outside. I’ll drive you back to a hotel so you can sleep off whatever the hell you took.”

“Ti.”

“It’s fine. I’m fine. I’ll just—I need a second. I’ll be with you in a second. Okay?”

“ ‘Kay,” Vito whispered. He headed outside and sat down on the steps, head falling to his hands. It wasn’t long before he heard the door behind him and a hand touched his shoulder. He lifted his head, finding himself staring at… God what the hell was his name?

“I thought that was you,” the Black man said, his voice just as soft as it had been the night before. He sat down beside Vito, hands wrapped around the edge of the step. “Was a bit odd, you know, watching you punch a guy in the face who arguably has the same face as you.”

“My brother.” Vito cleared his throat. “Twinsies,” he added in a whisper.

“What’d he do to deserve it?”

“I don’t know. Existed, I guess. He doesn’t have to do much to set me off.” Vito clasped his hands between his knees, blurry gaze focused on his feet. “I don’t mean to be such a piece of shit to him, not really.”

“I’m guessing being high as a kite doesn’t help,” the man said.

“It don’t,” Vito agreed in a whisper, his brow furrowed. “This the… the fundraiser you’re supposed to schmooze for money at?”

“Generally speaking. But I’m not out here to beg for a donation, if that’s what you’re asking. At these types of events, I just naturally gravitate to pretty Italians that punch other pretty Italians.”

Vito almost smiled at that, but his brain had already started down a much different path. “How do you know the… the people in charge?”

“It’s my dad’s organization. Or, it was when he was alive. My step parents are in charge now.”

Vito turned just enough to look at the man again. “You’re…? Mickey’s your dad?”

“Mickey?” he echoed. “Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone other than his biker buddies call him that,” he said with a little laugh. “Yeah, he’s my dad.”

“Oh, my God,” Vito whispered, gaze shifting back to his feet.

“Are… you one of his biker buddies? Or, were you, I guess, would be… more accurate.”

“Sorta. He taught me everything I know about bikes. He was sorta assigned to me to try and make me less of an asshole.”

He chuckled. “Well, I guess he didn’t do his job then, did he?”

Vito couldn’t help but laugh as he wiped his nose with his fist. He shook his head. “Not good enough, no. He tried though. He was, like, my best friend in… in the whole fucking world.”

“Mine too. Though I wasn’t being an asshole. Most of the time, anyway.”

“That’s checks out. The not being an asshole part.” Vito sniffled, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. “I’m… I’m sorry about your dad. I know losing him like that had to have… I know it sucked.”

“And I’m sorry you lost your best friend.”

Vito ran through last night’s conversation in his head, what he could remember of it, his brow furrowed. “You said you were in a car accident.”

“Yeah.”

“Was it…?”

“The one that killed him?” he asked. “Yeah.”

“Jesus,” Vito whispered. He laughed, even though it wasn’t funny. “That’s when I, like, really started drinking. I don’t know how you’re okay.”

He laid a tentative hand on his shoulder, but Vito shrugged it off. “Would you like to talk about him? I… I know I like to. I think it helps.”

“No.”

“That’s okay.” He tucked his hands back between his knees. “You were gone when I woke up.”

“Yeah.”

“Did… you get any sleep?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.” He cleared his throat. “Could I offer to… take you out for a coffee? Give you something in your system other than beer and whatever you took before coming here? We don’t have to talk. We can just sit.”

“No.”

“Okay,” He whispered. “Do you have someone to take you home? Or are you stuck on the stairs for the rest of the evening?”

“I can take care of myself, dude. I don’t need your fucking help. And Jesus, do you ever stop with the fucking questions?”

“Okay.” He pushed himself to his feet and squeezed Vito’s shoulder. “Thanks for coming, even if you didn’t make it far before, y’know, punching yourself in the face. I appreciate you showing up for my dad regardless of how long you were here. Or the state of your arrival.”

“Yeah,” Vito whispered. He reached up and grabbed the man’s hand the second it left his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I really don’t mean to be a cunt. I just… am. All the time. I’m sorry.”

“I wasn’t the greatest person in the depths of my grief, either. I hope you find peace, Vitelli. True, genuine peace. My dad would’ve wanted that for you. He wouldn’t want you suffering so greatly on his behalf.”

Vito let out a broken sound and squeezed his hand tightly before letting go, and the man whose name he still couldn’t fucking remember headed back inside. It wasn’t long before Tito came outside, his undereyes already beginning to bruise from the fist to the face. God, Vito was such a piece of shit. “I’m so sorry, Ti.”

“Let’s just go,” Tito said, holding out a hand.

“I’m sorry.”

“I heard you the first time. Let’s go.”

“Are you mad?”

Tito let out a breath, closing his eyes briefly. “No. I’m worried, but I’m not mad.”

“Okay,” Vito whispered, grabbing his brother’s hand. Tito tugged him to his feet. “Can you take me to Mom and Dad’s?”

“You’re high, Vi.”

“Yeah?”

“They don’t know that about you, Vi. Remember?”

“Oh,” Vito whispered. “Yeah. Okay.”

“We… I could see if Uncle Malik and Luca would let us stay at the house here in LA?”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Tito whispered back. “Let’s, uh, let’s get you to the car, and then I’ll give Uncle Luca a call. Okay?”

Vito only managed to offer a nod, worldlessly following Tito down the stairs and through the parking lot. Once he was in the car, he stuck out his hand to keep Tito from closing the door. “Please don’t let Jamal drag me to the next one of these. I can’t, Ti. I just can’t.”

Tito reached into the car to push his brother’s hair from his face. “I won’t.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” Tito said softly. “Let’s find you somewhere safe to sleep, okay?”

“Okay, Ti.”


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Truths and Chains – Chapter One

This is a mafia romance. This book features heavy themes, including: drug use, abuse and addiction; murder; references to childhood SA (NO scenes depicting it, only references to it)

I am actively still writing this book. If I become aware of more themes that should be disclosed, I’ll add them here as I go

NOT EDITED

Vito had had… urges for a while. Not for the first time, he sat in the parking lot of a gay nightclub in California, just far enough away from Los Angeles that his brother wouldn’t be able to track him down and find out about said urges. Before he could talk himself out of it yet again, Vito climbed out of the truck, locked it, and headed inside. As he downed his first beer of the night — first one at the bar, anyway — his dark eyes scanned the nightclub. The dance floor was packed, some of the men barely a step away from full-blown sex right there in the open for anyone to see.

His gaze settled on a black man in a light blue denim button-up and dark skinny jeans. He was alone. Maybe that had been what had caught Vito’s eye first. Or the incredibly seductive body rolls he was managing without spilling a single damn drop of his drink.

Through the thumping bass and the strobe lights, the stranger’s eyes met Vito’s. He beckoned him with two fingers. A smile tugged at one corner of Vito’s lips, but he shook his head. He was pretty sure the stranger mouthed something like, “Boo”, before going back to his own little world of sex appeal, one hand burying itself in his hair.

Vito let out a breath and downed the rest of his beer before ordering another. Halfway through the second one, he waded his way through the sweaty crowd, eyes focused on the stranger. If he was finally going to commit to his curiosities, the curiosity might as well be hot.

Vito settled himself behind the guy, closing his eyes for a moment as the man threw an arm around the back of his neck, ass rubbing against him in all the wrong — or… right — ways as he moved his hips. “That offer to come here and dance still on the table, then?” Vito asked, lips pressed to the shell of his ear.

“For you? Absolutely.”

Vito hummed his approval before taking another sip of his beer. He wasn’t sure he had pregamed hard enough to fully go through with this, but he was going to try. One and done. Get it out of his system. Not have to think about it anymore. Go back to only having to think about women.

“Can’t believe you’ve managed not to draw a whole crowd ‘round you, movin’ like that,” Vito said.

The guy chuckled. “Maybe no one else is brave enough to dance with me,” he said, head tilted back against Vito’s shoulder, lips close enough to his ear that he could make out most of the words over the music. “You got what it takes to be brave, handsome?”

Vito had danced with dozens of women. Hundreds was probably more accurate. It wasn’t like he kept count. If he just didn’t think about it, he’d be fine. “I do.”

“Mm. We’ll see about that.” He patted Vito’s cheek before sliding down against him, sinking to the lowest squat Vito’d ever seen before coming back up, his back pressed tightly to Vito’s chest, ass pressed to a spot just beneath his groin. Vito swallowed roughly, laying a hand on his stomach as he did everything he could not to really focus on it and simply move with him. With his hips, with his shoulders.

It was impossible not to think about it.

“I-I’ve never really done this before,” Vito said. He hadn’t really meant to say it outloud, but there it was.

The guy stilled for the briefest of moments. Vito wasn’t even sure it had actually happened. “Danced with a man?”

“Yes.”

He turned in Vito’s arms, fingers splayed out across his chest instead, dark eyes locked on Vito’s. “That’s okay. If you can learn, I can teach.”

“I… I can learn.”

He smiled. “Perfect.” His fingers brushed across Vito’s cheek as he tucked his dark hair back behind his ear. “I’ve got you. Just follow my lead.”

***

By the end of the night, Vito was comfortable with every above-the-belt part of the man’s body, so much so that when he’d asked if Vito wanted to get out of the club, he had nodded without hesitation and allowed the man to lead him through the tightly packed dance floor, out to the parking lot, and down the block to a hotel. The man passed his keycard through the lock and opened the door. Once he’d stepped inside and flipped on the light, he turned to face Vito, holding out a hand. “Coming?”

Vito stared at his outstretched hand for a moment. The nightclub stamp on the back of it. His long, almost elegant fingers. Vito swallowed before grabbing his hand and stepping into the room. The man reached past him to close the door before gently pushing Vito back against it, hands sliding up to his chest.

“I’d like to wager a guess that dancing with a man isn’t the only thing you’re doing for the first time tonight. Right?” he asked.

Vito shook his head. “No.”

“I thought so.” He cleared his throat, the fingers of one hand toying with the zipper of Vito’s leather jacket. “What are you hoping to get from the night?”

“Sex. What the hell other option is there?”

The man smiled rather than laugh at him. “Kissing. Cuddling. Watching a movie. More dancing. Touching. Don’t push yourself too far outside your comfort zone in one night, you know?”

Vito shook his head. “One and done. Get it out of my system.”

“Oh, honey,” he whispered.

Vito pushed his hands off his chest and walked past him. “I don’t need that. I’m not in the closet. I’m not gay. I’m just… curious.”

“You know straight and gay aren’t the only two options, right?” he asked, turning to face Vito. “Sexuality is a spectrum. You can be gay or straight or anything in between. It isn’t cut and dry. You don’t have to only like women or only like men. It’s okay to want both.”

Vito shook his head as he sat down on the edge of the bed. “It’s not.”

The man crossed the room, hands tucked neatly into his pockets. “If you truly believed that, deep down, would you have made it this far tonight?”

Vito offered a shrug. “I dunno.”

“I don’t think you would have. Not without insulting me or the men around us for being gay.”

“I’m not homophobic. My uncles are gay. My boss is gay. But I’m not. That’s got nothing to do with you or the other guys around us. I ain’t gonna take it out on them. Or you.”

“Mm.” He pulled a hand from his pocket, fingers brushing Vito’s temple as he tucked his dark hair back behind his ear. “My name’s Elias.”

“Vitelli.” It felt weird, giving a man the fake name. It was always a woman he gave one to. Guess there’s a first time for everything.

“Vitelli,” Elias repeated. “Sounds like a strong name.”

“That’s ‘cause it’s attached to me.”

Elias chuckled. “I’m sure that’s why,” he said, his voice soft. “What do you want me to do, Vitelli?”

“One and done,” Vito reminded. “So… show me one hell of a good time?”

“I can do that.” He laid both hands on either side of Vito’s face, tilting his head back ever so slightly. “You can stop any action at any time. Okay?”

“ ‘Kay.”

“Can I kiss you?”

Vito swallowed roughly before nodding.

“Can you say it?”

“Kiss me. Please.”

Elias leaned down and pressed his lips to Vito’s. Vito closed his eyes, one hand finding its way up Elias’s back, the other gripping Elias’s forearm so tight, he was vaguely concerned he’d break the damn thing. But Elias didn’t seem to mind. Vito pressed his tongue to Elias’s lips, begging for access that Elias so graciously granted him. Vito’s hand had just made it under Elias’s shirt when the man climbed onto his lap, arms wrapping themselves loosely around his neck instead. Vito groaned, grinding up against Elias just enough to draw a gentle little laugh from Elias’s lips.

“Patience, handsome. Gotta get you warmed up first.”

“I’m plenty warm,” Vito said.

Elias smiled. “Yeah, I can feel that. But we don’t want to go too fast and scare you away before you’ve had a good time, do we?”

Vito searched his face for a moment before shaking his head. “No.”

“Didn’t think so.” Elias wrapped a hand around Vito’s chin and pressed a kiss to his lips. Soft and quick. Not necessarily in a hurry, but certainly not agonizingly slow or lingering. Elias’s lips moved to Vito’s neck and shoulder, a hand slowly trailing down his abdomen. Vito swallowed, doing his best to keep himself under control, to keep his many walls from cracking, but he couldn’t. He grabbed Elias’s wrist as soon as his fingers brushed against his groin. Elias pulled back ever so slightly. “Too fast?”

“No. I just… I don’t let…” Vito cleared his throat. “I don’t let anyone do that.”

“Touch you?”

“Touching me is fine. Just not my dick.”

Elias pulled away entirely, leaning back on Vito’s lap as he threaded the fingers of his free hand through the hair at the base of Vito’s neck, his other hand still trapped by Vito’s grip around his wrist. “Would you prefer to touch mine?”

“I don’t… I don’t know.”

“That’s okay,” Elias said, his voice soft. Non-judgemental. “Are you worried me touching you that way makes you too gay?”

“I don’t let anyone do it,” Vito repeated. “Anyone.”

“A blowjob virgin.”

“I didn’t say that.”

Elias’s brow furrowed, like he was trying to untangle all of Vito’s feelings, the ones he’d said aloud and the ones he hadn’t. Something changed in his eyes, and his expression softened. “Oh.”

“Don’t. I didn’t fuckin’ say anything. Don’t.”

“It’s okay,” Elias said softly. He leaned forward and kissed the corner of Vito’s mouth, his cheek, his jawline. “Tell me what you want me to do. You’re in control of this, Vitelli. Of me. Not the other way around.”

God, did he like the sound of that. Vito released his grip on Elias’s wrist. “Try.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“We can skip the touching, if you want. I find it a little less fun to jump into fullblown sex, but that doesn’t mean we can’t.”

“I said I was sure.”

“I want you to know your options.”

Try.”

“You can stop me at any time.”

Vito nodded. “Okay.”

Elias kissed him again, pressing the heel of his palm to Vito’s denim-covered groin. Vito groaned into his mouth, a hand shooting out to grip the back of Elias’s neck, pulling him closer, deeper. Elias’s free hand slid down to unbutton Vito’s jeans before he slipped a hand beneath them, caressing him through his boxer briefs instead.

Elias broke the kiss, leaning his forehead against Vito’s. “I’m going to move to the floor, between your knees. Okay?”

“Yes,” Vito whispered. “Okay.”

Elias kissed him again before sliding to the floor between his legs, fingers dragging his zipper down. He tilted his head back to look up at Vito. God, he was beautiful. His curiosities, his urges, whatever the fuck he wanted to call them, had deemed men hot before. Attractive. But Elias was truly beautiful. Confident and radiant. Gorgeous. “Pants and boxers. Off in one go, or one at a time?”

“One and done.”

Elias wrapped his fingers around both waistbands, and Vito’s gaze shifted to the ceiling as he lifted his hips enough for Elias to pull them down his legs. “You’re in control.”

“I know that,” Vito said, dark eyes still locked on the ceiling.

“Put my hand where you’d usually put yours.”

Vito let himself look back down at the man, at the way he fit so perfectly between his knees, at those dark brown eyes spattered with little flecks of green behind his glasses, at his extended hand. Vito swallowed. “What?”

“When you touch yourself. Show me where you put your hand first,” Elias said, his voice soft.

Vito hated the slight shake of his hand as he grabbed Elias’s. Almost tentatively, he moved it to his cock, swallowing hard as Elias wrapped his long fingers around it. “Your hand’s so fucking warm.”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Elias asked, eyes still on Vito’s face.

“Good. Very, very good.”

“Good,” Elias whispered. “Do you want to move my hand, or—”

“You.”

Elias smiled faintly. Free hand delicately tracing a tattoo on Vito’s thigh, he moved his right hand in slow, long strokes. Vito grabbed his face and kissed him, tongue pushing past his lips. Elias moaned into his mouth, his hand speeding up just enough to start tearing out a brick in one of Vito’s many, many built-up walls.

Vito grabbed his wrist again, stilling his movements. “Slow.”

Elias let out a little hum. “I prefer slow too.” Vito’s fingers still wrapped around his wrist, Elias started to move his hand again. “Slower?”

Vito shook his head, releasing him. “Perfect,” he whispered.

“Mm.” Elias pressed a kiss to his hip, to the thigh tat he’d been tracing, to the base of his cock. Vito bucked into his hand, the only permission Elias needed to drag his tongue up the length of his shaft before taking him into his mouth.

Vito’s gasp caught in his throat, nearly strangling him as he buried a hand in Elias’s loose curls. He held his head still for a moment before loosening his grip enough to encourage the man to move again. Elias moaned around him, his free hand stroking Vito’s thigh, fingers occasionally curling to dig into his skin.

“Oh, my fucking God,” Vito breathed, falling to his back on the bed, an arm draped over his face. Something about that made it feel less… embarrassing? Exposing? Fuck if Vito knew what that feeling was, but it was something. It made it feel less something.

With an artful combination of his long fingers and his warm mouth, Elias worked Vito to orgasm. When Vito’s hands had stopped shaking and his vision had evened back out, he found Elias straddling him, a little smile on his face. Vito yanked him down for a kiss. Elias laughed, a hand falling to Vito’s chest to brace himself against a fall.

When Elias broke the kiss to lean their foreheads together, Vito licked his lips, chest still rising and falling a little heavier than usual. “Do you wanna touch me?” Elias asked.

“Yes,” Vito whispered. “Yes.”

Elias started to undo the button to his jeans, but Vito stopped him to do it himself. Something to do. Something to control. Something to be in charge of. To keep the crumbling wall together, he needed that.

With the button unbuttoned and the zipper unzipped, Elias climbed off of Vito long enough to toss his jeans and boxers to the floor. Vito wrapped a hand around him almost cautiously, eyes flickering up to his face for… something. Approval? Encouragement? Confirmation?

Whatever he was looking for, he found it in the man’s eyes and began stroking him. Slow, long strokes, just as Elias had done. Elias let out a soft sound, head falling back as his fingers curled around the fabric of Vito’s shirt. Vito couldn’t help but stare. The stuttered rise and fall of his chest. The way his glasses had slid down the bridge of his nose just a hair. His slightly parted lips.

Vito pulled a foot up onto the mattress, giving himself enough leverage to flip them both over, Elias on his back. Vito fitted himself between his legs and, doing his best not to really think about it, took Elias into his mouth.

Elias’s moan was soft and more of a gasp than anything, sending heat straight back down to Vito’s groin. Elias pushed his fingers into Vito’s hair. Not to push or pull him. Not to control him. Not to adjust his speed. Simply to touch him.

Vito gagged, pulling away for air and to cough into his shoulder.

“Do you want tips, or do you wanna figure it out on your own?” Elias asked, fingers combing their way through his hair.

“Tip.”

“Breathe. In and out through your nose. You breathe through your mouth, and you’re gonna gag. It’s inevitable.” Elias twirled a strand of Vito’s hair around his fingers for a moment. “I’m guessing you’ve watched porn.”

“Who hasn’t?”

“It’s not an attack,” Elias said softly. “Ignore the porn. Deep-throating isn’t what you’re aiming for. You’re not a porn star. You’re Vitelli.”

“Could totally be a porn star.”

Elias chuckled. “Looking like that? Of course you could. But I’m not paying you, and I’m not watching you on a screen. I’m here. You’re here. You’re Vitelli. Go slow, breathe. You don’t have to move your head much. Use your hands. Use your tongue. I don’t need to be in your throat to think you’re hot. I promise.”

Vito grunted his response before taking Elias back into his mouth. Despite the dismissal, he took Elias’s advice and adjusted his pacing. His breathing. His hand. Elias pulled a leg up against his side, lower back arching off the bed. Vito glanced up at him through his eyelashes, shoving an arm beneath his back to better support him.

“Do you still want — oh, my God, Vitelli — still wanna go all the way?”

Vito lifted his head. “Yes.”

“You wanna top me?”

“Like… be inside you?”

“Yes.”

“Desperately.”

Elias smiled faintly, rolling his eyes. “You can prep me with your fingers while your mouth and other hand are… preoccupied.” He reached for the nightstand closest to the door, though he couldn’t quite reach it. “There’s a bottle of lube in that one.”

“Mm. You came prepared.”

Elias laughed as Vito pressed a kiss to his lips. “I only come out to LA every couple months. Gotta take advantage of it.”

Vito raised an eyebrow. “What, you live in some sort of straights-only neighborhood back home?”

Elias snorted. “You could say I’m in the closet.”

“Lookin’ like this? Dancing in clubs like that? Damn, babe. Coulda fooled me.” Vito couldn’t believe how naturally the petname had fallen from his lips. For women was one thing. For Elias was something entirely different. For a man was something entirely different. Vito leaned over him to open the nightstand drawer. “Whatcha in LA for?”

“Fundraiser thing.”

“Same. Dad always makes me go to his lame rich people schmoozing events.”

Elias laughed. “God, they always do, huh? Are you being schmoozed to raise money or to spend it?”

“Spend it.”

“That’s probably slightly less annoying than my position. Have to really play up the whole disabled thing so the lame rich people will donate something to ‘the cause’. No offense to present company, of course.”

“None taken.” Vito came back with the bottle of lube. “What kinda disability is that? Hot and ashamed?”

“Look who’s talking,” Elias said, playfully shoving at Vito’s chest. “Right now, it’s mostly the side effects of a bad car accident. Sometimes they have me really play up the NICU stuff after I was born prematurely, and sometimes I have to play up the scoliosis and the surgery for it. With the car accident, I get a couple good days in a row every so often. If they line up with my time in LA, you bet your ass I’m taking advantage of them.”

“Honored for my ass to be a part of your good days in a row, then.”

“Mm.” Elias pushed himself up on his elbows to kiss him. “Whenever you’re ready, Vitelli. You set the pace. You’re in control.”

Vito kissed him again before trailing kisses down his still-clothed torso. He wrapped a hand around Elias’s cock and took the head of it back into his mouth. As Elias’s hand found its way back into Vito’s hair, Vito eased a finger into him. A soft sound fell from Elias’s lips as he arched into Vito’s mouth. His brow furrowed, Vito pressed a hand to his stomach, pushing him back against the bed.

“Sorry,” Elias whispered. “Hips down. I promise.” Vito hummed around him, offering his approval at the notion as he continued to prepare the man for him.

Once he was certain he’d done a thorough enough job, confirmed by Elias’s gentle and reassuring words, he wrapped a hand around Elias’s chin and kissed him. When he pulled away, Elias waved a hand toward the nightstand again. Vito shifted enough to yank it open and grab a condom. When his shaky hands failed to open the foil, Elias laid both of his own over Vito’s.

“You’re certain this is what you want tonight?” Elias asked.

“I’m sure as fuck not quitting now.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

Vito’s gaze shifted to Elias’s face. “I’m sure. My hands are just…”

“You’re nervous,” Elias filled in, the words still soft. Never judging. Never condescending. Always soft. Always understanding. “It’s okay to be. I just want to make sure you’re nervous because it’s your first time with a guy and not for some other reason.”

“No. I, y’know, I gave a handjob to a guy at summer camp a couple times. More than a couple.”

“God, hopefully someone your age.”

“Mm. My bunkmate.”

“And you liked it?”

“I think so. Long time ago. Buried it deep. Couldn’t even tell you what he looked like now. Or his name. Just… that I know it happened.”

Elias nodded, lifting a hand from Vito’s to lay it on his cheek instead. “You can stop at any time.You can take a break. You can stop entirely. Just because you open the condom doesn’t mean you have to finish it. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Which way do you want me?”

“What’s… most comfortable for you?”

“Usually on my back. But like I said, I’m having a pretty okay couple days, pain-wise. You can choose anything you want, long as you’re not expecting acrobatics.”

With all the patience Elias had given him, it felt wrong to stick with his usual position choices: whatever guaranteed his partner couldn’t look him in the eye. Vito nodded toward his face. “How well can you see without the glasses?”

Elias snorted. “Not well at all. You wanna try ‘em on and see for yourself?”

“God, no. I want sex, not nausea.”

One corner of Elias’s mouth lifted. “Fair.” A pause. “You want them off?”

“Won’t care if you’re lookin’ at me if you can’t see me.”

Elias shifted toward the head of the bed and pulled off his glasses. Folding them, he set them neatly on the nightstand. Vito tore open the condom and rolled it onto himself, tossing the foil to the floor. He tossed off his jacket and yanked his shirt over his head. He unbuttoned Elias’s shirt and pushed it down his arms. Elias pulled his hands free from the sleeves and threw it over the edge of the bed. Vito grabbed Elias’s thighs and pulled him down a few inches. He sat on his knees between Elias’s legs, eyes finally registering the scars that littered Elias’s legs and his now exposed stomach. Some definitely surgical, some definitely not.

Vito traced two fingers down one of the ones on his stomach. “Car accident?”

Elias nodded. “Kidney transplant.”

Vito raised a brow. “Should you really be drinking with that?”

“In moderation. I don’t do it much.”

“Just in the LA clubs, huh?”

Elias smiled. “Mostly.”

“Mm.” Vito wrapped a hand around himself, his other hand on Elias’s stomach, fingers splayed out beneath the scars. He eased himself into him, earning himself a beautiful little gasp as Elias tilted his head back against the pillows. Vito lowered himself across Elias, hands bracing himself on either side of Elias’s shoulders, and kissed him.

Elias moaned into his mouth, hands moving to his cheeks as Vito’s hips moved against his. He slid a hand through Vito’s hair, holding it away from his face. Vito’s lips moved to Elias’s neck as he slid an arm beneath his shoulders to hold him close. Elias whispered his name — or, the bullshit fake name he’d been given — and wrapped his legs around Vito, ankles crossed at the small of his back. “Oh, God, Vitelli. Yes. You’ve got it. Just like that.”

Vito laid a hand over Elias’s mouth, silencing him. Elias laughed against his palm, quickly followed by a muffled moan. Vito shifted, pulling his knees up beneath him just enough to allow for a deeper angle into Elias’s ass. He wanted desperately to change positions, to roll Elias onto his side or onto his hands and knees. Anything to get his legs somewhere else, his feet somewhere else, to untrap him.

“Legs,” Vito finally said through his teeth. “Uncross your ankles.”

“Sorry,” Elias mumbled against his palm. With his ankles uncrossed, Vito reached back for one leg. With it hooked over his arm to guarantee no reoffences, he lifted his hand from Elias’s mouth, claiming it with his own instead. Elias slid an arm around his shoulders. Vito did his best to fight through that one too before sitting up on his knees, hands falling to Elias’s hips as he drove himself into the man. This time, when Elias locked his ankles behind his ass, he didn’t feel trapped. He could handle it.

He slid a hand around to Elias’s cock and wrapped his fingers around it, stroking it in time with his thrusts. Elias moaned, head falling back against the pillows. If he could just get Elias through to an orgasm, if he could just get himself to one, it’d be over. The walls in his head would stop crumbling. He wouldn’t feel trapped. The darkness would stop creeping into the edges of his vision. He wouldn’t keep hearing his voice, so far off in the distance that it was barely noticeable, but it was still there.

But no matter how fucking hard he tried, he couldn’t do it. Couldn’t finish it.

He pulled out of Elias and dropped to his back on the bed, managing to stay there glaring at the ceiling for all of five seconds before bolting up to dart to the bathroom. He barely made it to the toilet before throwing up whatever booze was still in his system. Vito wiped his mouth with his arm and backed himself into the corner by the bathtub, knees pulled to his chest.

Elias came into the bathroom a moment later, glasses perched on his nose and his body wrapped in a fluffy robe. He closed the lid of the toilet and flushed it before sitting down on the edge of the bathtub. “I told you it was okay to stop whenever you needed to. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“It’s not… It ain’t you,” Vito said, his voice a hell of a lot thicker than he wanted it to be. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been close to tears. Or cried. When they feared his brother was going to be beaten to death on some fucked up dark web livestream? Probably.

“I know it’s not, honey,” Elias said gently. He laid a hand on the back of Vito’s head, keeping it there for a couple seconds before combing his fingers through his hair.

“I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“I totally blue-balled you.” Vito wiped the back of his hand across his mouth. “You went out to the club to get laid. I shoulda let you go home with someone who could at least finish the fucking job.”

Elias shook his head. “I went out to the club to have a good time with a guy. I had a good time with you,” he said.

“You’re just sayin’ that cause I’m about ready to cry in your fucking bathroom.”

“No, I’m saying that because I had a good time with you.” Elias leaned forward enough to look Vito in the eye. “Your worth to me isn’t designated by whether you give me an orgasm or not. Your worth to me is designated by the fact that you’re a decent human being with… a lot of wars going on in his head.”

“You don’t know anything about me.”

“Well, it seems like right now, I know more about you than any other man does. But I also don’t think my limited knowledge of your entire life up to this moment should decide if I had a good time or not.” Silently, Vito leaned to the side, head falling against Elias’s thigh. “Do you wanna talk about what’s going on?”

“No.”

“I figured as much.” Elias cleared his throat. “How about a shower?”

“No.”

“That’s okay. Do you want to go back to the bed? No sex, just so you’re not naked and cold.”

“I like being naked.”

Elias chuckled. “That’s okay. If you’d like, you can be naked, and I’ll keep you warm.” After a moment, Vito nodded. Elias pushed himself to his feet and held out both hands. “Come on, hon. Let’s go warm you up.” Vito sniffled before grabbing them, allowing the man to pull him to his feet.


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This chapter was almost 5,000 words lol, so depending on what kind of reader you are, you’re either super welcome, or I’m super sorry 😅


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Heads Will Roll – Chapter Twenty-Four

NOT EDITED

“The blood from the basement was definitely fresh from the father of the original killer in California, but the one from Carol Jameson’s scene came back positive for EDTA, and so did the reporter’s blood from Logan’s bedroom.”

“And… what’s that, exactly?” Jeff asked, leaned back against one of the evidence shelves, arms crossed over his chest.

“Ethylenediaminetetraacetic acid. It’s an anticoagulant. The inside of the tubes used for blood draws are coated with it, and once you shake the tube well enough, it mixes with the blood to keep it from clotting in the tube,” Bo said.

After a moment, Jeff nodded. “Okay.” He cleared his throat. “Did we come back with a DNA hit too, or just the anticoagulant thing?”

“Yes. Cross-checking with the Missing Persons, we were able to identify it as belonging to Doctor Henry Sullivan, the psychologist the department assigned Rick to after the shooting,” Bo said.

“Why wasn’t that caught earlier?” Jeff asked. “These two blood spots being preserved or whatever and both belonging to someone in the database. I know Logan’s was just today, but with Carol’s scene. How was that missed?”

“Unless you know a scene is directly related to a missing persons case, running all DNA evidence against their database is generally going to be considered pointless and a waste of time and resources. It’s just not protocol right now, even if it might be beneficial in cases like this.”

Jeff pulled his ballcap off his head, looking down as he toyed with it between his hands. “So in this case, does that information get us anywhere? Because from where I’m standing, I guess it… it doesn’t really seem like it does.”

“It… tells us that the guy who killed Miss Jameson has likely killed Doctor Sullivan too. The blood in Logan’s room tells us that the guy who took him probably also killed a reporter. The blood left at the basement of the school still doesn’t tell us… anything. From a legal standpoint, we can’t necessarily connect her kidnapping to anything, and we can’t directly connect any of the currently… presented victims to each other. The DNA evidence even takes away the certainty that there are two killers instead of one. Frankly, if it weren’t for Kathy leaking information to the press and pissing off our main man, we wouldn’t be able to confirm at all now. But if that call to Rick was true, he confirmed there are two of them, and that the main guy is lying to the other one about who he is.”

Jeff seemed to take it all in for a moment before his brow furrowed. “If it was true? Are you saying Rick’s lying about it?”

Bo shook his head, but his heart had already started racing at the accusation, and his body had already tensed up in preparation for an attack.

“He’s saying the guy who called Rick could still be lying,” Dallas piped in from the doorway. When Bo’s gaze shifted in his direction, Dallas simply offered that reassuring half-smile Bo had grown so incredibly fond of over the years. “Not just to his partner in crime, but to Rick as well. It could be just another one of his little games, since he seems to be getting so much joy from them.”

“How likely do you think it is that he’s lying?” Jeff asked.

“Given his sudden escalation of taking the kid before he’s displayed all the bodies we think he’s got stored up?” Dallas asked. “Pretty likely it’s not a bluff. But the man’s clearly about a million kinds of unstable and unpredictable, so I don’t really think we should put our eggs in any one basket.” He cleared his throat. “But right now, if we assume it’s not a bluff and that everything we’ve been given by the man himself is true, then it seems like the only real thing we can do now is wait for the call he said he’d make, right? That’s what the blood on the wall said?”

“Right,” Jeff said with a little nod. He checked his watch. “I spoke to Rick and Heidi less than an hour ago. They hadn’t heard anything, and Rick promised he’d call if that changed.”

“Call,” Dallas echoed, closing his eyes briefly as he moved a hand to his temple. “So he’s not at the station?”

“They’re at Heidi’s mom’s place with the rest of the kids.”

“We should check his desk phone, just to be safe,” Dallas said.

“I can access his voicemail,” Jeff said.

“Great. You two go on ahead. We’ll catch up.”

Bridget caught Bo’s eye only long enough to confirm he was fine with that plan before turning to follow Jeff out of the room.

“I’m going to sit this one out,” Dallas said once they were alone.

“Sit out… checking Rick’s phone for a voicemail?” Bo asked.

“No. Sorry. Uh, after Jeff is done checking it, I have a feeling that you guys are gonna need to go somewhere. And when you do, I’m… going to stay here. Or, not here here, but in my car. By myself.”

“Wow,” Bo whispered. “What does it say to you?”

“What?”

“I’ve known you more than long enouhg to know this is that thing,” Bo said. “If what it says to you is bad enough to make you sit out the next portion of a case, especially a case you flew over a thousand miles to be part of?”

“I didn’t fly here for the case, I flew here for you because Bridget asked me to. That has nothing to do with what it says or doesn’t say. I came here to help my best friend with something, and I did that, and if this voicemail doesn’t pan out, I’ll do it some more. But I need some time away from everyone else until then. Okay?”

“Whatever it tells you, Dallas, I-I’m here to listen. I can help you. Y-you just have to let me help you.”

“I do not need help. I don’t need your help, Bo. You talking one crazy woman down from the ledge doesn’t mean you have some… some profound responsibility to help every Joe Blow that hears fucking voices, okay?” Bo took an involuntary step back, one hand moving to fiddle with the latch of his watch. Dallas stepped forward, both hands held up. “I didn’t mean that. I didn’t mean to… to raise my voice. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Bo whispered, shaking his head. “I-it’s not your fault my body takes any sort o-of loud voice as a personal attack.”

“Except for this one was a personal attack, and I’m sorry for that. Truly.”

“I know better than to keep bothering you about it. That’s… that’s completely on me, Dallas. I just need a-a moment to breathe, is all.”

“I’ll wait here with you, okay?”

Bo offered a nod rather than any further verbal response. Motions were always easier than words when his heart was thundering in his chest and echoing in his ears. Panic attack, meltdown, shutdown — it didn’t really matter what it was. What did matter was Dallas supporting him through it for the millionth time, even after Bo had poked and prodded him into explosion.

Upstairs, Jeff entered the four-digit code to access Rick’s voicemail. It wasn’t often that anyone in the small town left voicemails on the office phones rather than with the receptionist or on their cell phones. The robotic, “You have one new message,” made Jeff’s stomach drop as he lowered himself into Rick’s chair.

“Rick. I guess I missed you. And here I thought you’d be waiting by the phone, sitting on the edge of your seat, hoping I really would call about your sweet little boy. Well, I’ll do my best to give you the benefit of the doubt. I’ll call your cell again. But if you don’t answer that one, I’m afraid you’ll never see your little boy again. At least, not with his head attached.”

“Oh, my God,” Bridget whispered.

“What?”

“His voice. That’s the fucking bus driver.”


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Heads Will Roll – Chapter Twenty-Three

NOT EDITED

Bonnie lifted her head as a door opened and closed upstairs. The footsteps overhead were heavier than usual. She heard him grumble something to himself before the door to the basement opened. He was carrying something. Someone. He was about halfway down the stairs when the light from the windows lit the child’s face well enough for Bonnie to identify him.

“No. No. Whatever the hell you think Rick has done, it can’t be enough to justify this. It can’t.”

Still wearing the mask that kept her from identifying much more than his eyes, he rolled them. “Your future father-in-law murdered my son. I think it’s about time someone did the same to him.”

“He’s a little boy! He’s four years old!”

“You’re right. Rick’s eldest boy is much closer in age to mine,” he said as he set Logan’s unconscious body on the basement floor. “But I know this one is… a bit more of the favorite, wouldn’t you say?”

Bonnie couldn’t bring herself to respond as the man tugged Logan’s arms behind his back and attempted to handcuff them around the support pillar across from Bonnie. His arms were far too short for the handcuffs to work. He sighed, dragging Logan by his wrists over to the wall instead, where he cuffed the boy to a PVC pipe.

If he were older, they could use that to their advantage once he was conscious. “You chose Logan because you think he’s the favorite, or because you’re scared you wouldn’t be able to mange Pete’s strength?”

He snorted. “I could handle him just fine, Bonnie, I assure you.” He tugged at Logan’s handcuffs and the pipe, just to make sure they were strong enough. Unfortunately for Bonnie and Logan, they held up just fine to the strength of the man. Even if Logan happened to be the strongest four-year-old in the world, they were shit out of luck.

“Why did Rick kill your son?” Bonnie asked.

“I don’t think that matters.”

“Rick’s a cop, so I think it matters a lot.”

“Luckily for us, it doesn’t matter what you think.”

“I-I could help.”

He stilled on his way up the stairs. He took two steps back down, squatting to look at Bonnie through the bannister. “Help with what?”

“Putting Rick in prison for what he did.”

He chuckled. “I don’t want Rick in prison, Bonnie. I want Rick to suffer.” He nodded toward Logan. “His suffering is right there.”

“If that’s really what it was all about, why kill Miss Jameson?” Bonnie asked.

“She had nothing to do with Rick. I already told you she was punished for your crimes, Bonnie. I told you to be quiet when I left, and you weren’t. I needed you to know I meant it. Carol was simply unlucky enough to be a neighbor who was home at the same time you were running your mouth, is all. If she hadn’t been home, she’d be alive. If you had followed the rules, she would be alive. She doesn’t teach Rick anything, but she sure taught you something, no?”

When Bonnie didn’t respond, he continued up the stairs, closing the door behind him.

***

“What’re you thinking?”

Bo lifted his head just long enough to meet Bridget’s eyes. “That you’re right and I should call Dallas.”

“I can do it, if you’d prefer.”

Bo shook his head. “I think you’re right about… all of it. That Baker didn’t talk to him. I just need to get that through my head.”

Bridget nodded, shoving her hands into her pockets as her eyes scanned Logan’s bedroom. “Have you tested the blood on the wall?”

“It came back male, but it doesn’t match the blood from Carol’s house or the blood from the school basement.”

“Do you think it’s his?”

“I’m not quite sure what I think, if you want me to be wholly honest. But a quick DNA swab from Rick or Heidi will tell us for sure.” Bo photographed a hair from the windowsill before picking it up with a pair of tweezers and placing it in an evidence bag. “What’d you find out from the kids?”

“Not much. Heidi texted Jennifer to let her know Rick was asleep and that they wouldn’t be home unless the kids needed something. And that time, Logan and Nickie were both already asleep. Jennifer says she went to bed around eleven, and Pete says he laid down around midnight but probably didn’t fall asleep until around one or two. Nickie and Logan currently share a room, but she came into Jen’s room around three. Logan was still in bed at that point.”

“Why’d she go into Jen’s room?” Bo asked.

“She couldn’t remember for sure, but she thought she maybe had a nightmare.”

“Or she heard something outside that startled her awake, made her mind think she had a nightmare.”

Bridget let out a breath. “Do you… think that’s likely? That he was outside and she heard him?”

“I don’t know, but I think it’s probably a good thing she got up and went to her sister’s room.”

“Yeah,” she whispered. “We, umm, we talked to Rick and Heidi. Rick said he woke up to a phone call this morning. Did he tell you about that?”

“I knew he had received a message. In what form that came in, I didn’t know. He just told me we needed to go now, and I did. But it was a phone call?” Bo asked.

She nodded. “Yeah. Apparently, there’s a newspaper article about this case.”

Bo’s hands stilled for a moment. “Baker?”

“Yep.”

“What’d she say?”

“That there are two of them. That one of them is the father of the kid Rick killed. That this is some sort of revenge case against him.”

“Is that why he called Rick?” Bo asked.

“Seems like it. He told Rick that the article causes problems for him because if his partner sees it, the partner will know who he actually is,” Bridget said.

“Which means that his partner doesn’t know he’s the original killer’s father.”

“Bingo.”

“Huh.”

“Well, that’s open-ended. What kinda gears did that start turning for you?” Bridget asked.

“I’ve been trying to figure out what kind of person would work with the father of a serial killer. The only thing I could really come up with is that he must have another child. But if the partner doesn’t know who he actually is, it could be anybody. Like, say… the father or brother of one of the murdered kids.”

“Jesus.”

“I know.”

“Do you really think they’d do something like this? At least the guy who fathered a crazy piece of shit also being a crazy piece of shit makes sense.”

“Trauma does things to a person. What it’s going to do to each individual is hard to say. But if we assume that this is what trauma turned one of them into, I can’t think of a better person to want the same type of revenge that our main man wants.”

“Do you know if Jamal sent you the original case file?” Bridget asked.

“I’m sure he did, but I haven’t had time to check my email. Phone’s in my camera case, outside pocket.”

Bridget walked across the room and grabbed Bo’s phone. “I’ll write down a list of all the family members of the victims, and I’ll get to work on finding out where the hell our ‘main man’ is living these days. I’ll have Jeff take me back to the station and then he’ll come back here to wait for you, okay?”

“Okay. Keep us posted.”

“Will do, B.”

***

When Bo finally came out of Logan’s bedroom, rather than Jeff, he found Dallas Silver in the Downs’s kitchen. Bo hated the little stutter of his heart, the tightness in his chest. The idea that Dallas secretly hated him had always been there — it was always there for any person in his life — and Kathy had played right into that insecurity with such precision that he still couldn’t quite convince himself she had been lying, no matter how much he tried to.

“Hey, Shorty.” Dallas pushed himself to his feet. “Was initially a little concerned when you called me and it was Decker on the other end. Had me all worried you went and got yourself stabbed or something.”

Bo offered a smile. “I’m sorry about that. She was supposed to be going through case files.”

Dallas chuckled. “Don’t worry, I’m told she did both.” His usual effortlessly charming expression shifted to something softer, which Bo had seen more times than he could count. “She didn’t want to go into too many details other than… confirming I didn’t talk to Baker?” he questioned. “Like, Kathy Baker?”

“Yes.”

“The same detective that totally fucked you by leaking important case details to the press?”

One corner of Bo’s mouth lifted. Yeah, Bridget was right. It was insane to assume there was any world in which Dallas would have turned on Bo to anyone, but especially to Kathy. “The one and only.”

“I think the only interaction I’ve ever had with the woman was her shoving me out of the way after a defense attorney basically decimated her on the stand.”

Bo chuckled softly. “That sounds about right.”

“Did she say something to you? Make you think I talked to her?”

Bo shook his head. “No. I mean, yes, but… but I know you didn’t. I just let her get into my head.”

“I don’t think you ‘let’ her do anything. Don’t shift the blame for whatever happened onto yourself. You’ve got enough shit on your shoulders without all that,” Dallas said. He gave Bo’s shoulder a tight squeeze. “Bridget, uh, said this is one of the deputy’s house?”

“Yeah. Rick Downs. Did she tell you this case is related to an older case in LA?”

“A little.”

Bo nodded. “Well, Rick worked the one in LA and ended up shooting and killing the kid responsible for the kidnappings and homicides. That kid’s father has decided that just about everyone involved, directly or otherwise, deserves to die. This is all just one big game now to screw with Rick before he kills him. With Baker’s very helpful interview, he’s decided to speed up the process, and he took one of Rick’s kids this morning.”

“Jesus. You… think he’s alive?” Dallas asked.

“Right now? Yes. I’m pretty sure he’d already be on the lake if he were dead. But how long we have before we aren’t looking for a living boy? I don’t know. The killer called Rick before we all rushed here. I don’t know all the details of that call yet, but I have a feeling it’ll give us a bit of a better timeline for… for how long we have,” Bo said.

Dallas nodded. “Bridget said you guys were hoping I could put my ‘weird killer spidey senses’ to use?”

Bo snorted. “Well, I didn’t call it that, but I do believe you have an uncanny ability to get into their minds.”

The movement of Dallas’s head was almost imperceptable, nothing but a slight tilt to the right and then the left, like he considered saying something but changed his mind before the thought had even fully formed. Instead, he cleared his throat. “Can I see the room?”

Bo nodded, setting his camera bag on the floor before heading back toward Logan’s bedroom. He stopped at the doorway and gestured inside. Dallas stepped into the room, hand reaching for the light switch but stopping a breath from it. “You can touch whatever you want. I have everything I need,” Bo said.

“Always reading my mind, Shorty.” Dallas flipped on the light. He walked toward the bloody message on the wall. “Has there been any word on this yet?”

“Not that I’m aware of, but Bridge still has my phone.”

“Shit, sorry. She made me swing by the station to grab it for you.” He pulled it from his suit pocket and held it back to Bo, eyes still on the wall. Bo crossed the room long enough to grab it, promptly tucking it into his pocket. Dallas dragged his fingers beneath the message. “I don’t think it’s the kid’s blood.”

“I had my doubts about it being his too.”

“What’d you get when you ran it?”

“It came up human and male. I won’t know if it’s his until I swab Rick or Heidi to compare it against.”

“Jamal gave me a basic rundown on things, in addition to what Bridget told me.”

“Mmhmm?”

“How many missing people do you still have? The ones that were involved in the LA case.”

“That I know of? Six. We’ve found Sherman’s body,” Bo said.

“He’s left blood at every scene. Do you think it could be one of theirs?”

“I didn’t run it against the missing persons database.”

“I know it sounds crazy, but I think you should.”

Bo shook his head, already pulling his cell phone from his pocket. “If I suggested it, you wouldn’t call me crazy.”

“Your conclusion would have evidence that led you to it. You know where mine came from.”

“I do, and I also know it’s usually right.”

Still facing the wall, Dallas tilted his head to the side for a moment before offering a shrug. “Maybe. I’m not sure it justifies trusting it.”

“It does for me.”

Dallas remained silent, head tilting again, his shoulders so tense Bo could see it through his suit jacket. It was something about the man that Bo had noticed frequently over the years — the pauses and delayed responses, the tense tilt of his head. When he was facing Bo, his eyes would usually close too, his brow furrowing. Bo had always wondered if it had something to do with that voice in his head, but he had never dared to ask. Now with Kathy in his head, he couldn’t help but wonder if it actually had something to do with Dallas being so incredibly uncomfortable in a room alone with him.

“It’s the one damn thing it’s good for.”

“Hmm?”

“The… the thing?” Dallas asked. “This kind of stuff is the only benefit of it. It’s a… a real fucking bastard outside of this.”

Bo brought up the DNA database on his phone. “What else does it talk about with you?”

Dallas chuckled, shaking his head. “You don’t wanna know, Shorty.”

“I could help you, you know. Whatever it is, I could probably help.”

Dallas looked back at him over his shoulder, one eyebrow raised. “You don’t think you’ve got enough going on?”

“I always have a case. The location of it doesn’t change how busy I am.”

“When you’re the absolute only lab geek and working out of the corner of an evidence room? It does, just a little.”

“Rude.”

Dallas snorted, turning back to the wall. “Your thingie tell you anything about the blood?”

“It’s loading. My connection’s in and out. Jeff says that’s pretty common out here when it’s windy or approaching a snowstorm.”

“You grew up around here, didn’t you?”

“Sort of. Illinois.”

“This the closest you been to going back home since you left for college?” Dallas asked.

Bo glanced up at him as he walked over to the window, fingers dragging along the wall. “More or less.”

“Ever miss being in the Midwest instead of LA?”

“I never really felt a connection to it. The Midwest, I mean. Nowhere really felt like home.”

“That’s not still the case, is it?”

Though Dallas wasn’t looking at him, Bo shook his head. “LA is home. You and Xavier and Bridget. You’re home.”

“Good,” Dallas said, his voice soft. He stood in front of the window, fingers pressed to the glass. “I think both of them were here. One came in through the window and grabbed the boy, passed him to the one still standing outside. The one in here wrote the message with blood, but I… I don’t know. Not the boy’s.”

Bo looked down at his phone as it dinged with a match. “Jupiter.”

Dallas turned to phase him. “Mm? Not the boy’s then.”

“One of the reporters,” Bo said. “Jesus Christ. Let’s get back to the station. I need to check all the blood left behind.”

“For?” Dallas asked as he followed Bo out of the bedroom.

“Well, for starters, I need to run the one from Carol Jameson’s house against missing persons. After that, I’m going to check all three blood samples for proteins. Like the ones we use to preserve blood for evidence storage. If he’s been collecting their blood before he kills them, he could be leaving their blood as little ‘clues’ for Rick. He thinks he’s so damn clever that… that it wouldn’t surprise me if all of it’s bullshit.”

“But he confirmed to Rick that he’s the father of the asshole in LA.”

“He confirmed that’s what he wants us to think, yes,” Bo said. “Until I confirm that blood is fresh? I’m taking that phone call with a grain of salt.” He grabbed his camera bag and lifted the strap over his head. “Did you drive here, then?”

“Yeah, Jamal said neither of you guys had a rental and were depending on the deputies. Figured I’d give us at least one vehicle between us.”

“You’re a genius, Silver.”

Dallas snorted. “Don’t know if I’d call it that.” He squeezed Bo’s shoulder. “Let’s go see which ‘facts’ are real and which are fucking bullshit.”


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Heads Will Roll – Chapter Twenty-Two

NOT EDITED

Rick woke to Heidi standing up from the couch first, his cell ringing in his pocket second. Eyes still closed, he fished his phone out of his pocket, swiped his finger across the bottom of the screen, and pressed the device to his ear. “Downs.”

“Hello, Rick.”

“Who is this?”

“Who do you think?”

Rick opened his eyes as he sat up on the couch. “Keep everybody else out of this. This is between you and me. I killed him. Not Sherman. Not the other cops. Not the psychologist. Not the reporters. Not Bonnie. Not Carol. Me.”

Heidi turned to look at him, her brow furrowed.

“Ah, so the morning paper was right. You do know.”

Now Rick’s brow furrowed. “What?”

“Oh, you didn’t know about the little story that Baker bitch spun for the media when she got back to LA? You should read it. It’s a real sizzler of a tale.”

Rick turned his phone to the side, pressing the microphone against his cheek to muffle his end of the call. “Could you go out and get me a newspaper?”

“Which one?” Heidi asked.

“I-I have a feeling you’ll know. Look for Baker’s name on the front page.”

She let out a harsh breath, but she nodded. “I’ll be right back.”

“Your friend’s article is going to cause some real problems for me, Rick.”

“Kidnapping teenagers and murdering people is what’s going to cause you problems, and you know it.”

The man chuckled. “No, prison isn’t a ‘problem’. I’ve always known that’s the end of the journey, and I’m okay with that, long as I get to finish the job out here first, and I still intend to do that. But with that move your friend pulled? It’s going to… ruffle some feathers when my so-called partner sees it and finds out who I am.”

“Who does he think you are?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Look—”

“No, Rick, you look. Your friend’s little article means I’m going to need to speed up the timeline of things, you know? And, well, that ruins a couple things for me. This phone call here is the closest I’m going to get to what I want. I’ll just have to listen to it instead of see it.”

“Listen to…? What are you talking about?”

“You got to see my face when I found out you had murdered my son. I want to see the same. I wanted to draw it out. I wanted to see your face for every step of it, Rick. Every single step. But right now, listening will have to suffice. Hearing the stutter of your breath when I ask it. Hearing the silent panic as you stand up and hurry out of the hospital.” A pause. “While you and Heidi were asleep there at the clinic, did anyone think to check on your children?”

***

Jeff and Bridget made it to the Downs’s house first. “Please tell me they’re okay,” Rick said before he’d even climbed out of the car. Jeff stopped him from going inside with a hand on his chest. “Jeff, please,” Rick whispered.

“Bridget’s inside talking… to your eldest three,” Jeff said, his voice quiet. “Logan’s not inside.” Jeff caught him as he fell to his knees. “I know. I know, Rick. We’re gonna find your boy. We’re gonna find him. But right now, I need you and Heidi to stay out here while I take Bo back to Logan’s room so he can take a look around. Okay?”

Rick nodded, hands wrapped tightly around Jeff’s forearms. “This is all my fault, Jeff. If anything happens—”

“Rick, you listen to me. You are not in control of what a crazed monster does. We’re not gonna let anything happen to Logan. But I need to take Bo inside. Heidi’s crying in the car. Go sit with her. Okay?”

“Okay,” Rick whispered.

Jeff helped Rick to his feet and nodded at Bo, gesturing for the blonde to follow him. Bo adjusted the strap of his camera bag as he followed Jeff up to the house. “The front door was locked when Bridget and I got here. I’ve got a key, so… so we went in, and I started calling out their names. Pete came out first, in his PJs, tired. Clearly woke him up. Jenny came out with Nickie basically still asleep on her hip. When Logan didn’t come out, Pete said he’d go get him, but I-I made him stay here in the foyer. Thank God I did.”

“Peter and Jennifer are the only kids that were in LA. How old are Nickie and Logan?” Bo asked.

“Nick’s, uh… seven, I think. God, that’s terrible that I don’t know that.”

“It’s not. I’m sure you do know it, but you’re in shock, Jeff. Just because they’re Rick’s kids doesn’t mean they aren’t important to you too.”

Jeff forced himself to nod. “Logan’s only four.”

“What’s his room look like?”

“Not great,” Jeff whispered.

“Okay.” Bo laid a hand on Jeff’s arm and gave it a squeeze that he hoped was comforting. “You don’t have to go in it again. I’ve got it. How about you go help Bridget question the kids, since they know you? Help them get back to their parents faster.”

Jeff nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.” He let out a breath, running a hand under his eye. “I don’t know what’s gonna happen if… Rick loves all his kids, his family, but that boy is so incredibly special to him.”

“Right now, I’ll focus on the evidence, and you focus on the kids in the living room. We’ll figure out the rest later, I promise,” Bo said.

“Thank you, Bo.”

“Of course, Deputy.”

Jeff took one last look at the closed door to Logan’s room, squeezed Bo’s shoulder, and made his way back to the living room. Bo waited until the man was well out of sight before pulling on a pair of gloves and opening the door.

The window was open. Not broken — simply open. I’LL CALL was written on the wall in what Bo could only assume was blood. For now, assuming it wasn’t Logan’s was far more productive than assuming that it was. If it were Logan’s blood, it was a survivable loss, but write out a message in the boy’s blood in such clean, unhurried letters meant he would have had to be unconscious. Bo didn’t really want to imagine the way these men would have knocked out a four-year-old autistic boy.

Bloody wall message aside, the room was in good condition. Nothing was knocked over. The bed wasn’t made, but the covers had simply been tossed back toward the foot of the bed rather than ripped off and thrown to the floor and balled up in a tangled mess from a struggle. There was blood in the bed, but not on the floor or the window.

Though Logan obviously wasn’t ‘in on’ his kidnapping, it still felt almost staged. He knew Heidi and Rick weren’t involved in a staged kidnapping, but what their killers gained from staging the room was far beyond Bo’s understanding of their minds.

Maybe Bridget was right. Maybe he needed to call Dallas.


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Heads Will Roll – Chapter Twenty-One

NOT EDITED

Saturday: February 1, 2014

Bo had managed to sleep straight through the night, something he usually didn’t even accomplish back home. Sure, five in the morning was certainly considered early for most people, but it was still a lot later than he normally managed in one go.

In the clinic’s little break room, he was both surprised and pleased to see that Rick and Heidi had clearly slept through the night too. He knew Rick had needed the sleep, and if Heidi knew absolutely anything about this case, he was certain she had as well. There was nothing easy about your knowing the school your children attended wasn’t safe. There was nothing easy about knowing your husband was being hunted down by some crazed psychopath on a rampage of vengeance.

Unwilling to risk disturbing the pair by turning on the coffee maker, Bo made his way downstairs to the morgue. There wasn’t much more he could do until Jordan Sherman’s body was defrosted, but it still didn’t hurt to confirm the temperature had remained consistent throughout the night. Before walking into the room, he squatted down to unplug his phone charger from the outlet near the door. He had several texts from Bridget, but not enough of them piled up to be concerning. Simply enough to show she had likely wondered where he was and why he hadn’t shown up at the hotel. For that, he couldn’t blame her. Had he planned on coming into some actual sleep, he would have let her know beforehand.

After a quick check of the temperature gauge on the refrigeration unit Jordan’s body was in, Bo headed back into the hallway to send a text to Bridget. He wasn’t sure how much longer it would be before she woke up, but at least she’d wake up to his message and know he was safe and sound.

Bo: Good morning, Bridge. Sorry for not sending a text last night to let you know I was okay. I ended up sleeping at the hospital last night, and it appears Rick did the same. I hope you and Deputy Biggs were able to get some sleep too. I don’t have much else I can do here at the morgue, so I’ll be at the station with you today, unless our ‘friend’ leaves us another present on the lake

Bridget’s reply came before he could even get his phone back into his pocket.

Bridget: God I hope not

Bridget: I’m glad you got some sleep. You needed it

Bridget: I made him go home last night after he dropped me at the hotel. Can’t have him thinking I like him or anything

Bo snorted.

Bo: Of course, I should’ve known

Bridget: Can I call you?

Bo: Yes

Bo accepted the call a moment later and pressed his phone to his ear. “Bridge.”

“Hey.” A pause. “So you slept okay?”

“Yeah, better than I usually do, if you can believe it.”

“Well, it’s not a high bar to cross or anything.”

“That’s fair. Rude, but fair.”

Bridget laughed softly. “I know.” Another pause. “Are you okay, Bo?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well, I can think of at least a couple reasons. Like… knowing this guy wants to kill you and Rick.”

“Well… technically, it’s my assumption that he wants to kill Rick. He came to Ellepath because Rick is next on his list, not me.”

“That’s not as comforting as you seem to think it is.”

“It’s enough for me, for right now.”

Bridget let out a quiet sigh. “I guess I can handle that. I don’t like it, but I can handle it.”

Bo pressed his back to the wall, crossing his free arm over his chest. “You said you had a ‘couple’ reasons. What’s the second?”

“What Kathy said to you at the lake?”

“About Dallas?”

“Sure. That’s one. And her calling you queer in front of two guys you barely know.”

“Oh.” Bo cleared his throat. “Yeah, I, uh… I didn’t know she knew that.”

“I don’t think she does. I think she’s just a bitch trying to get under your skin.”

“You… you don’t think Dallas told her?”

“No, and there’s no way she’d talk to him anyway. He’s beneath her, you know? Not even worthy of being gum on her shoe, as far as she’s concerned. She pulled some shit out of her ass to try and get into your head, and everybody in every department knows that you and Dallas are basically partners.”

“I suppose so. I just don’t know that she could poke and prod at me quite so accurately if she didn’t speak to him.”

“Well, when we get back to Los Angeles, if we find out that he did say any of that to the bitch? I’m kicking his ass into next week.”

Bo closed his eyes, a soft smile tugging at one corner of his mouth. He could always count on Bridget to stand tall at his side, despite both of their short statures. “Thank you, Bridget. I knew I could count on you.”

“Always. You’re stuck with me, Austen.”

“I’m pretty sure we long ago deduced you were stuck with me.”

“Nah, I don’t remember that.” Bo rolled his eyes rather than responding. “Were you able to find out anything about Sherman?”

“I have to wait for his body to thaw out before I can do an internal autopsy. I did a basic look for trace evidence. I didn’t find any DNA under his fingernails. The few fingerprints on his clothes appear to match his in the LAPD’s system. There’s a palm print on his neck, but it doesn’t match anything in any of the databases I’ve run it against. I found no external wounds to indicate that he was shot, stabbed, or injected with anything. The placement of the palm print indicates he may have been strangled, and there’s some slight bruising on the body that points to that as well, but I won’t be able to confirm until I can look inside his neck to see what the internal damage looks like.”

“Let’s assume you’re right,” Bridget said. “Why strangle Sherman but stab Carol?”

“I don’t know. If she was trying to grab a knife, the killer may have simply taken it from her and used it against her. If she managed to stab him first and drew blood that way, it may have simply been a fit of rage. Or a different preference on how he kills women versus how he kills men. Or the one who killed Sherman is the one who kidnapped Bonnie instead of the one who killed Carol.”

“Hmm.”

“What?”

“I dunno. It’s just… if they’re both cold-blooded killers, why hold back on Bonnie? Why kidnap her instead of killing her and displaying her?”

“My assumption is that it’s to pay homage to the original case, to leave little hints to Rick of who he is and why he’s here, but that’s all it is—an assumption.”

“Yeah.” A pause. “I still don’t get where Carol fits into it all. I get that Rick’s the target here in Ellepath. I get that Sherman worked the case in a way. I get that the list of missing cops and whatnot were, in one way or another, technically involved in it. But I can’t wrap my head around Carol.”

“Me neither, quite frankly. If she still worked at the school, my theory would be that she saw Bonnie being taken, but she doesn’t, and we have no reason to assume she was at the school that day, saw it, and then… chose not to tell anyone but was still murdered anyway. The other prominent theory would be that one of the neighbors is the kidnapper and she saw Bonnie there, on that street, and he chased her back inside but…”

“But he didn’t break down the door because the lock and frame were all intact.”

“Exactly, which muddies things a bit for me. If she knew he was chasing her, why not close and lock the door to give herself a chance? Why go for a knife instead of her phone?”

“Why not get in your car and run him down?” Bridget suggested.

“Exactly. None of it really clicks for me,” Bo said. He let out a harsh breath, gaze shifting to his feet. “There’s usually a point in the case where all the pieces click together for me, like one complete puzzle. All the pieces are there, they were all cut perfectly in the factory, the border edges are all even and aligned… But this case feels like all the pieces were cut wrong, some of the pieces in the box belong to a different puzzle, some of the cutouts didn’t get completely cut off, and when you try to tear them off, it rips the rest of the piece instead. Every piece I’m given feels like it’s getting me further and further away from the final and complete image, not closer, and I don’t… really know what to do with that.”

“I bet Dallas would know,” Bridget said after a while.

“I don’t know.”

“You know he’s eerily good at getting inside the heads of these fuckers.”

“He is. I just… don’t know that I want to involve him.”

“Because of Baker?”

“I-I think you’re right. I know you’re right. The likelihood she actually spoke to him, that he actually said those things, is so incredibly low, but there’s still a chance she did. That he did. And I just… I don’t know that I can face that right now.”

“I know it’s hard for you to trust people, B. I get it. I know why. But Dallas is one of the ones you can trust. Don’t let Kathy get into your head and change your mind on that. That’s her only goal, Bo. To get in your head and screw everything for you. Don’t give her that power.”

“I… I’ll talk to Rick when he wakes up and see how he would feel about another LA cop. I’ll go from there.”

“That’s all I can ask,” Bridget said. “I’m proud of you, B.”

“For?”

“Everything, always.”

Bo closed his eyes for a moment, unable to help the small smile that tugged at either corner of his lips. “Thank you, Bridget.”

“Always.”


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Heads Will Roll – Chapter Twenty

NOT EDITED

In the basement of Ellepath’s little clinic, Bo had just begun photographing Jordan Sherman’s clothed body when the door opened. He glanced up before his focus returned to his camera. “Mister Pitman.”

“Bo,” Jamal greeted from the doorway. “I want to sincerely apologize for Katherine’s… presence here. That never should have happened.

“It isn’t your fault, and you shouldn’t have to apologize for her actions and choices.”

“In this specific instance, and in… many others, I do need to. I’ve known Katherine longer than anyone else has, and I should have known she’d tack you and Miss Decker down, one way or another. I should have been keeping a closer eye on her. Leaving her unattended long enough for her to show up here and stir the pot is unacceptable.”

“Well, in that case, I accept the apology, regardless of what you believe you should have done.” Bo lowered his camera, lifting his head enough to truly look at the man. “She’ll be heading back to LA then? And… staying there?”

“Guaranteed, yes. She won’t bother you or anyone else in this town again.”

“Wonderful,” Bo said, his voice soft.

“I spoke with Miss Decker,” Jamal said as Bo went back to photographing Jordan’s fingers.

“Mmhmm?”

“Found out a few very interesting things.”

“Such as?”

“She informed me that you believe this case to be related to the Decapitator case in LA. And that you’ve currently got one of my former officers on your table.”

“I do, sir. On both counts.”

Jamal nodded, even though Bo’s focus had shifted to photos of Jordan’s neck and shoulders. “She also says that this case here in Ellepath is some kind of revenge case. Say… maybe against you and Rick? That sound about right?”

Bo cleared his throat, choosing to keep his eyes trained on his camera rather than the older man’s face. “That is my belief, sir, yes.”

“And were you planning on simply sitting on that information until he after he killed you?”

“Well, arguably, I’d be sitting on it afterward as well. Given that I’d… be dead.” Bo glanced up at Jamal only long enough to determine his disapproval. “Sorry.”

“So, yes, is the answer.”

“I wanted concrete evidence before I bothered you with a theory as outlandish as some sort of revenge conspiracy that followed Rick from California to this town,” Bo said.

“You don’t need a concrete theory to ‘bother’ me, do you understand? I hired you out of college for a reason, Bo, and that reason has not changed since then. The way your mind works is a very particular brand of incredible, Bo. If you have some insane or outlandish theory, I assure you that I will always believe there is a damn good reason for you to have arrived at that theory, no matter how it looks or sounds. You don’t need concrete evidence to pitch a concern for your safety or Rick’s safety. You’re my people, Bo. I didn’t send you here to get murdered by this freak.”

Bo shifted his weight between his feet, clearing his throat as he set his camera down. As his fingers moved to the buttons of Jordan’s shirt. “Do we need to call in the FBI, now that we can confirm this crosses state lines?”

“No. He’s my former officer, and I want you working his murder.”

“Of course, sir.” He could still feel Jamal’s eyes on him as he worked to undo the buttons from the cold, stiff fabric. “Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?”

“How many more people has this guy killed before coming here for Rick?” Jamal asked.

“There are two more officers that worked the case, officers who moved on from the LAPD, a psychologist, and three reporters. They’re all missing.”

“Do you need any information on those people?”

“Before we were called out to the lake, I had given Rick a list with their names. He had wanted to contact you to see how many of those missing person’s files you could get your hands on for us.” Bo’s eyes lifted back to the chief’s face. “If you would be able to do that?”

“I sure can.” Jamal let out a breath. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“As long as the temperature dial on one of these other refrigeration units works… I don’t believe so.”

“Sounds concerning. Should we see?”

Bo offered a smile. “I have a thermometer gauging the temperature consistency in the units and feeding the data to my laptop as we speak. I just need to make sure they stay consistently at thirty-eight degrees so  we can safely defrost Mister Jordan for the autopsy without rapidly decomping his skin while his organs are still frozen and non-autopsy-able.”

Jamal lifted a hand to point at Bo. “Disgusting, but intriguing. Thank you for that imagery.”

“Ah, it’s what I’m here for, Chief.”

“Oh, I know.” Jamal nodded toward the hall. “I’m leaving Franklin here with you until we figure out what to do about the rest of our situation here. He’ll bring you back to the police station when you’re ready. In the meantime, I’ll head there myself, speak with Rick, and see what we can do about getting those missing person’s files for you. All right?”

“All right, sir. Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome, kiddo. Call if you need me. Or holler for Franklin.”

“I will.”

Jamal walked out of the morgue, pulling the door shut behind him. Franklin, a white man about a decade Jamal’s junior, stood in the hall, leaned back against the wall. “Watch him like a hawk or he’ll squeeze past you to avoid being an inconvenience.”

One corner of Frank’s mouth lifted. “I’m familiar with the boy’s antics, Jamal.”

“I know, but I need you to be at the very top of your game for him.”

“I’ve got your back, Jamal. That includes his, end of story.”

Jamal gave Frank’s shoulder a tight squeeze and made his way to the stairs. He’d head to the station, get the names from Rick for the missing person’s files, and then get Katherine’s ass the hell out of Ellepath.

***

At the station, Jamal lowered himself into one of the chairs in front of Rick’s desk. “So, I’ve just come from the hospital’s morgue, had a little chat with Bo. I know these two men have some kind of vendetta against you.”

Rick sighed. “Oh.”

Jamal couldn’t help but chuckle as he shook his head. “God, you and Bo are one in the same sometimes. Which is why I know what you’re going to say next, but I’m going to say my piece anyway. I’d like to put a bodyguard on you until these men have both been arrested.”

“I want my family to be safe.”

“I’m capable of doing both, Rick.”

“I have a gun. They don’t.”

“If a gun guaranteed your safety, we wouldn’t have one dead cop and two others still ‘missing’. Right?” Jamal asked.

“Yeah. That’s… that’s probably fair.” Rick let out a breath as he lifted a hand to rub the back of his neck. “I don’t know, Jamal. It sounds so damn stupid, but I just… I don’t know. I’m fine with someone watching the house, making sure no one who doesn’t belong shows up there. But I don’t think I feel comfortable being followed around all day long. I think having to have someone on my ass like that would just dial the paranoia and the concern up to a hundred.”

“It certainly takes some getting used to,” Jamal agreed. “Though I would much prefer to the safety of a guard following you, it’s not something I’ll force upon you. If you just want one at, say… the house and the school instead, I can make that happen, gladly.”

“And to follow Holly to work.”

Jamal nodded. “Deal.”

“Thank you, Jamal.” Rick shook his head. “God, I feel so damn guilty for thinking calling you in the first place would be like making a deal with the Devil.”

Jamal chuckled. “Well, with the things they say about me in their little opinion pieces, it’s a little hard not to feel that way. But I assure you, Rick, the only thing I require in exchange is knowing that you’re still alive when this is all over. And Bo told you that if you, Holly, or the kids need a therapist after this is open, you just have to let me know, yes?”

“Yeah, he told me. Thank you.”

“Of course. In or out of Los Angeles, I still consider you to be a part of my family, Rick. That’ll always be the case.”

“That the case for Kathy too?” Rick asked after a moment.

“Yes, for better or for worse.”

“It seems like it’s mostly the ‘for worse’ part these days, doesn’t it?”

“A lot of times. But I made a promise, and I have every intention of keeping it for the rest of my life.”

“She doesn’t deserve that, you know. Not from anybody, but certainly not from you.”

“It isn’t my job to determine if she deserves what the promise entails. My job is simply to keep it, and I will. Just as I’ll keep my promise that your family will be safe for the duration of this case. If a man’s word no longer means anything to one person, there’s nothing stopping the man from his word meaning nothing to everyone. I don’t intend to allow that to happen.”

“Well… if it keeps you happy, I guess.”

Jamal chuckled. “Now, ‘happy’ feels like a stretch.” Rick couldn’t help but roll his eyes at that one. Jamal cleared his throat. “Bo says you have the names of the other missing people. Do you still want me to see what kind of information I can get for you on them?”

“God, that’d be great.” Rick grabbed the sticky note from inside the case file but stopped short of handing it over. “That’s not gonna be a problem for you, right?”

One corner of Jamal’s mouth lifted. “I do little more than push papers these days, Rick. You’re just giving an old man the opportunity to feel like a detective again.”

Though Rick still seemed a little hesitant, he handed over the sticky note. “Thank you, Jamal. For sending Bo and Bridget, for coming to get Kathy, for this. Thank you.”

“Ah, my pleasure, kiddo.” Jamal pushed himself to his feet. “Katherine and I have a flight to catch, but I will have these files waiting for Bo in his email in the morning.”

“Thank you. Some of us really do appreciate the hell out of what you do for us. You know?”

A soft smile tugged at one corner of the old man’s mouth. “I know, Rick. And for that? I appreciate the hell out of you too.”

***

When Rick still hadn’t heard anything from Bo by nine o’clock that night, he finally made his way to Ellepath’s clinic. After checking the morgue and finding no sign of the man, he made his way back upstairs and to the break room. He didn’t find Bo, but he did find Heidi. “Hey.”

Heidi, seated on the couch with a book open in one hand, lifted her head. She smiled. “Hey, baby.”

Rick leaned his shoulder against the doorframe, hands shoved into the pockets of his coat. “You seen Bo?”

“I let him sleep in the on-call room. He looked like he could use it.”

“Yeah, he definitely could.” Rick cocked his head to the side. “Why’re you still here? Nothing…? No one came in severely injured or something, right?”

“Nothing like that. It just didn’t feel right to leave Bo here alone once everybody closed up shop for the day.”

“I appreciate that.”

Heidi slid her bookmark into place before leaning forward to set her book on the small coffee table in front of the couch. “Hey, stranger? Why don’t you come on over here and sit with me for a few?”

Rick blew out a breath. “I hope it doesn’t feel that way. Strangers.”

Heidi lifted a shoulder. “Not yet, but you’re certainly drifting away.”

Rick pushed himself away from the door and crossed the room to sit beside his wife. “I kind of feel like a stranger to myself right now, honestly. I don’t know that I can do this damn case again.”

“You mean something similar to California?”

Rick clasped his hands between his knees. “I mean… that this is the case in California. The guy who kidnapped Bonnie? He’s the father of… of the kid I shot in LA.”

“Oh my God.”

“Yeah,” Rick whispered. His little laugh was far from joyous. “I’m the reason he took Bonnie. He took her because my son is dating her, and that association with me made her a target. I did this to her. I did this to Carol. I did this to Sherman. I did to this to Ellepath.”

“That’s… that’s so unfair to yourself, Rick. In no world could you have predicted what the father of a dead murderer would do. And even if, by some miracle, you had entirely accurate psychic visions about what this guy would do, it still wouldn’t be you who did this. You aren’t responsible for what a monster does. You aren’t responsible for what a crazy man does because his son was a killer.”

“He’s doing it because I murdered his son, not because his son killed others.”

Heidi laid a hand on his thigh. “You ‘murdered’ his son because his son damn near amputated your arm, murdered two little girls in front of you, and then came back to you to finish the job. You shot a murderer in self-defense. You aren’t the cold-hearted killer that man was.”

“Boy,” Rick said after a moment. “He was a boy. A kid.”

“A kid who was kidnapping and murdering children half his age. I don’t exactly feel any sympathy for him.” She squeezed his thigh. “I know it’s not that easy for you. I know you didn’t become a cop hoping to shoot anyone, let alone a kid. But you did what you had to that day. Your only other choice was to let him kill you too. The world would not be better off if he were still alive and you were dead, Rick.”

“I know. I mean… deep down, I know that. It’s just, I don’t know. Backup was on the way, only another minute or two out. If I hadn’t shot him, he’d be in prison instead of six-foot under, and if he were in prison, this guy… maybe he wouldn’t be carrying out some revenge plot he’s been cooking up for years. And Bonnie would be home with her mom, and Carol wouldn’t have been savegely murdered, and he wouldn’t have a line-up of dead cops and reporters and psychologists to display for us.”

Heidi laid her hands on his cheeks and lifted his head, forcing him to look at her. “You are not responsible for what a psychotic monster does. You aren’t responsible for the plans he makes or the acts he carries out. No matter his ‘reasons’, you aren’t responsible for them. You’re responsible for what you do, and you know what you are gonna do, Rick Downs?”

Rick swallowed, eyes searching his wife’s face. “I’m… I’m gonna catch him.”

“You’re gonna catch him,” Heidi echoed.


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