Lost Brothers – Chapter Three

**As always, thank you for your patience. In addition to everything else, I lost my Grandpa to Alzheimer’s shortly after finally receiving a diagnosis, and the decline was very rapid and very much completely out of nowhere. I took some more actual time away from writing instead of trying to force it to give me an escape like I usually do, and I think not forcing it, even only a little, has helped to some degree.

I got stuck on the end of this chapter for an eternity and rewrote it about a dozen times, so I hope you enjoy ❤

NOT EDITED

The ER was like an entirely different world from the one Riley had been in only hours before. There weren’t nearly enough chairs for all of the patients crammed into the waiting room. He could hear someone — a doctor, maybe a nurse, but definitely not Sian — barking orders somewhere. Something about isolation. Another voice calling for a crash cart. Another for Type O blood.

“Stay with Molly. I need to…” Riley cleared his throat. “I want to find Doctor Hopkins.”

“Okay,” Tara whispered, eyes scanning the waiting room.

Riley leaned back enough to peek out at the ambulance. Jamal still sat outside the ambulance’s closed door, his gun held in one hand between his knees. For now, their angry once-dead police officer was still contained and closely guarded. Riley squeezed Tara’s shoulder and hurried back to Sian’s office. Empty, but sorting through the mess of quick notes and memos on his desk indicated he was probably in the OR.

Riley ducked past the nurse’s station with ease — it was like its own disorganized ghost town — and stopped in front of the large whiteboard in the hall. Sian Hopkins. Operating Room Three. He made his way back toward the operating rooms, squeezing past abandoned laundry carts and half-closed med cabinets. A nurse ran past him, a bloody towel held over her forearm. Riley’s heart pounded in his chest as he shoved open the door to OR Three.

Sian was pinned in the corner, one hand wrapped tightly around the forearm he held to his chest. With his foot, he kicked back a woman in a hospital gown. She screamed, ran at him again. Sian called for help, kicking her back once more.

Riley ran through the door between the scrub room and OR. “Hey!” He smacked a hand against the window several times. The woman’s head whipped around in her direction. Her eyes were blood red, only a small black pupil in the middle. Her face was pale, blood around her eyes and mouth, running down her chin and neck.

She ran at Riley. He jumped to the side. Hands on her back once she was close, he shoved her to the ground. Across the room, he grabbed Sian’s arm and pulled him toward the OR door. As the woman ran back at him, he yanked the door open and into her face, knocking her down again. He pushed Sian through the doorway and pulled it shut.

Sian stumbled back into the wall, sliding down to the floor with a sob. Once Riley was certain the door would hold, he sat down beside the doctor, who collapsed against Riley’s chest, one hand still wrapped tightly around his forearm.

Riley wrapped his shaking arms around Sian, eyes on the woman in the OR. She stood at the window now, staring. She cocked her head to the side, pressed a bloody hand to the glass. He watched the soft rise and fall of her chest. She was breathing, just like the dead-not-dead cop from the intersection

“What do you got on your arm, there?” Riley asked, eyes still focused on their very pale friend.

“O-one of the nurses tried to stab her while I was pulling her back and g-got my arm instead.”

“Let me see?”

Sian pulled away with a sniffle. He lifted his hand enough for Riley to see the jagged cut on his arm, blood pooling in his palm. “Just that, I promise,” he whispered.

“I believe you. I just needed to see how bad it was.” Riley pushed Sian’s hand back over the wound. “We need to get you stitched up, okay?”

“I don’t know what the hell’s going on, Riley.”

“Hey.” Riley wrapped a hand around Sian’s chin, forcing the doctor to meet his eyes. “Right now, that doesn’t matter. Getting that stitched up so you don’t die on me is what matters. Okay?”

“I can’t, Riley,” Sian whispered. “I-I can’t. Sh-she killed two of my nurses, bit another. I—”

“Don’t think about that. Think about you. Think about your arm. You need it taken care of.”

“Whatever this is, I’m not made for it, Ri. I’m not.”

“You said you wanted me, right? You want me?”

Sian’s brow furrowed, but he nodded.

“You gotta survive today if you want me, Si. You gotta. For me, okay? We’re gonna get you back to your office. I’m gonna stitch up your arm, and you’re gonna call the CDC. Okay? For me.”

Sian sniffled again. With a protestant little whimper, he nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Riley whispered. “Okay.” He kissed Sian, long and hard, the way he should have earlier that day instead of letting the pager interrupt them. He leaned his forehead against the doctor’s, eyes closed. “Can you stand?” Sian only nodded. Riley pulled back and pressed a kiss to the top of his head before pushing himself to his feet. He helped Sian up and slowly opened the door to the hall.

Quiet. Or, as quiet as it could be. As Riley stepped out of the room, Sian grabbed his wrist with his non-bloody hand. Together, they made their way back down the hall, past the nurse’s station, and into Sian’s office. Sian dropped into his chair like a sack of potatoes, injured arm still held closely to his chest.

Riley closed the door and twisted the lock into place. He grabbed the small radio pinned to his shirt near his shoulder. “Pitman, you got your ears on?”

“Always do,” Jamal said a moment later. “What’s it like in there?”

“Don’t think it’ll be long before this place goes… feral. Like the intersection.”

“I assumed as much.”

“What’s the lobby look like?”

“About the same as when you went in. Tara and the injured gal headed back with a couple nurses not long ago.”

Riley tilted his head back for a moment, thinking. “Just… keep an eye on things, let me know if something changes out there. I have a doctor to stitch up.”

“Well, if he dies during that stitch-up job of yours, run,” Jamal said.

Riley turned away from Sian, as if that would impact his ability to hear Jamal’s less-than-helpful advice. “He can hear you, you know.”

“Well,” Jamal said again, “in that case, if Riley dies during that stitch-up job, run.”

Riley rolled his eyes and dropped his hand back to his side before turning to Sian. He had slouched down in the chair, a faraway look in his eyes. Riley knew that look all too well. He walked across the room and squatted down before him, hands moving to his face. Sian blinked, eyes focusing on Riley’s. “Waiting room still looks okay. I mean, in terms of it not being… like the operating room. So we’re gonna stitch you up and call the CDC, and then we’ll figure out what to do from there.”

“I already did,” Sian mumbled. “The CDC, I mean. I did that… I don’t know. It’s here somewhere,” he said, glancing over at his desk. “When the first instance of… this happened, I called. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“So they’ll be out soon?”

Sian lifted his shoulders.

“Okay,” Riley whispered. “That’s all right. Stitches. Do you just want some lidocaine?”

“Sure.”

“I’m gonna need your code for the med cart.”

“Umm… birthday,” Sian said after a moment. “Year, month, day.”

“Okay.” Riley pressed a kiss to Sian’s forehead as he rose to his feet. “I’ll be right back.” He left the room, closing the door behind him. He made his way back to the abandoned cart he’d seen on his way to the OR. “Jamal?”

“Listening.”

“I pulled Doctor Hopkins out of the OR. He was being attacked by a patient. Dead-not-dead, you know?”

“Is he all right?”

“Yeah. Stitches are for a scalpel wound on his forearm. Patient successfully killed two nurses and bit one of the others. I think the one she bit was who I saw running down the hall. Bite on her forearm. She had a towel she was holding her arm with. You see anything like that out there?”

“No,” Jamal said after a moment. “It’s crowded in the waiting room, yes, but it’s calm. People are antsy and annoyed, but it’s calm. Calmer than the intersection.”

“Yeah,” Riley whispered to himself rather than into the radio. He squatted down in front of the med cart and entered Sian’s code. “Still no sign of Tara?”

“No.”

“What about our dead-not-dead friend in the ambulance?”

“Still angry, but he’s not beating down the doors, so the restraints must still be holding him down.”

“Good.” Riley grabbed the vial of lidocaine and a syringe. He stood up and grabbed a suture kit from the jostled shelf near the wall. “Pitman?”

“Yeah?”

“What the fuck are we gonna do?”

“We’ll figure it out.”

“I don’t know how to figure it out. I-I don’t know if there is anything to figure out.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” Jamal said, his voice soft. Calm. “One task at a time, Monroe. Stitch up your doctor. I’ll hold down the waiting room and the ambulance.”

“Yeah, okay. Okay. Thank you,” Riley whispered.

“Mm. You’re welcome.”

Riley closed the medicine cabinet doors, lifting his head to the intercom as it crackled to life. “Code Black. Initiate lockdown protocol.”

Security threat. Riley’s eyes slowly shifting to the doors just before the nurse’s station. The doors that would be automated to close in a lockdown. “Shit.” Riley scrambled to his feet and sprinted down the hall, hugging the meds and suture kid to his chest with one arm, the other fighting to keep his balance on slippery tile floors.

He skidded through the doors just before they slammed shut, a single belt loop stuck between them. Riley reached back and tore the loop the rest of the way, freeing himself from the doors’ death grip. He leaned back against the wall, giving his shaky legs a bit of support for the rest of his body. He pressed the button on his radio. “Pitman?”

“Bit more chaotic in there. I was about to radio you,” Jamal said.

“They initiated a lockdown.”

“Get your doctor stitched up. I’ll see what I can figure out on my end in the meantime.”

“Thank you.”

“Mmhmm.”

Riley forced himself away from the wall and headed back to Sian’s office. The doctor was still slouched down in his desk chair, his faraway gaze staring through the wall. Riley closed and locked the door. With minimal verbal input from Sian, Riley cleaned away some of the blood and administered the lidocaine around the wound. Donning a pair of gloves, he prepared to stitch up the wound.

“Lockdown?” Sian asked, eyes still on the wall.

“Yeah. Code black.”

“Mm.”

Riley cleared his throat. “So… the woman in the OR.”

“Mm?”

“How did she…? What happened there?”

“She flatlined on the table before we even got her fully sedated. We started compressions, pushed epi, and we got a pulse. Slow, but steady and definitely there. Then she was up and…” Riley started a suture, allowing Sian to hold the silence as long as he needed. “She threw herself at one of my nurses, the one she bit. The one who ran out of the OR. She tackled another, and I was able to pull her off the nurse. I remember seeing the scalpel coming at us, and I yelled for her not to do it, and I moved my… my arm up over the patient’s chest to protect her heart from the blade. She wasn’t thinking. The nurse, I mean. She yanked the scalpel out, and the pain made me loosen my grip, and the patient jerked forward, and she just…”

“Dead-not-dead,” Riley said after a moment. “That’s what happened with the man we brought in. A cop. Dead when I arrived on the scene, suddenly no longer dead before I was able to get the living victim on her feet and into the ambulance.” He cleared his throat. “You said you called the CDC after the first instance of this. When was that?”

“This morning, shortly after you left. The page I got? That was for… for the first one.”

“The first one had already, uh, come back?”

Sian shook his head. “Had already arrived at the hospital, pre-death. He’d been bit by one of his sheep. Then he flatlined while we were debriding the wound, and then…” He stared at the wall for a moment before blinking himself back to now. “I thought it must have been some sort of zoonotic disease. I had no other explanation. I still don’t, not really. Something that temporarily overloads the heart, and the… the reboot of the system triggers the extreme aggression. Some variation of rabies or something. That was my first thought, rabies. But I don’t… I don’t know. It’s not like all of these people have been in contact with the sheep on the first farmer’s land. You know?”

The rumble of something outside interrupted Riley before he could get any further than opening his mouth.”

“Helicopters,” Jamal said over the radio. “Military.”

“Could you…?”

Sian nodded, reaching out to press the button on Riley’s radio for him.

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Riley asked as he finished the final suture on Sian’s arm.

“Depends on who you ask, I suppose,” Jamal said.

“I’m asking you.”

“You don’t want to do that.”

“So… bad then.”

“Well, you said it. Not me.”

Riley blew out a harsh breath. “How many?”

“I count three.”

“Heading toward the hospital?”

“Flying over it,” Jamal said.

“Tell me if anything changes.”

“I will.”

Riley looked down as his phone buzzed in his pocket. He finished up with Sian’s arm and stood up to toss the lidocaine needle in the sharps container on the wall. When he turned back, Sian was already wrapping his arm with the bandage roll in his good hand. Riley tossed his gloves in the bin and pulled his phone from his pocket.

Eli: Get out. It is not a lockdown, it’s a death strike. Leave. Now.


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Chapter Four

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Lost Brothers – Chapter Two

NOT EDITED

Riley and Tara were in the middle of a call when Eli finally texted back. After dropping the patient off at the county hospital and taking a quick piss break, Riley found Eli’s texts gave him even more questions than the first one.

Eli: I’m fine

Eli: If you see something weird, trust your gut

Riley: You are NOT okay. What the hell is going on? Call me.

It had been almost three hours since then, and Eli still hadn’t read his text. Riley had even tried calling him in between dispatches, and he’d yet to get anywhere other than his damn voicemail.

Now, just a little after four that afternoon, Riley and Tara were sent out on another call: a squabble between roommates had turned violent, and they had both ended up falling out a window and onto the sidewalk below. One of them had gotten up, was aggressive, and was…

“Biting?” Tara asked. “What the hell does that even mean? You think it’s a typo or something?”

“Zombies,” Riley mumbled, his jaw tense. He adjusted his grip on the steering wheel, trying to force himself to keep his hands loose enough that his knuckles stayed skin-colored.

Tara snorted. “Yeah, zombies. Zombies or somebody drugged up on who the hell knows what.”

With Eli’s ominous message that morning, and the two that eventually followed, for the first time in his career, Riley hoped for a violent drug addict.

***

By the time Riley and Tara arrived at the scene, the police had already barricaded all entrances to the intersection with their cruisers. Neither paramedic had much more to say than a whispered, “Jesus Christ,” as Riley parked the ambulance. The makeshift barricades were one thing. The presence of LAPD police chief Jamal Pitman was something else entirely.

Before Riley could even open his mouth, Jamal held a finger up to his lips, silencing any words before they could surface. A moment later, he stretched out his hand, gently patting the air toward the ground, signaling for them to get down. Riley and Tara crouched down low and hustled over to Jamal, who was down on one knee behind the door of a police cruiser, his free hand wrapped around his pistol.

“What the hell’s going on?” Riley asked, his voice hushed.

“It’s been a hell of a day,” Jamal said simply.

“With this?” Tara asked.

Jamal leaned up slightly and looked over the hood of the cruiser before turning his attention back to the EMTs again. “We’ve had a lot of disturbance calls today. Fights at work, fights at the park, fights at home. Disturbances. Someone’s ended up bitten by the attacker in almost all of them, save for the two where the alleged attacker was shot dead. In all but one of the disturbances with a living attacker, they had long since fled the scene by the time my officers showed up. This one, though…” Jamal lifted a shoulder. “Two victims, both alive and screaming when officers arrived. Pinned down the attacker, got one cuff on, he throws off the officer, takes a bite out of his throat.” A pause. “The officer was dead pretty quickly, I’m told. I arrived shortly before you did. The original two… One’s dead. He died soon after the original officers arrived on scene. The second one’s quiet now, but she’s alive. I can still see her breathing.”

“We need to go in and help her,” Riley said, already rising to his feet.

Jamal grabbed his forearm and yanked him back down. “Consider this an active shooter situation. EMS does not go in until the area is secured.”

“Fuck that. She’s dying out there.”

“The rules are in place for a reason. You, of all people, should know that.”

There were a lot of things Riley could easily detach himself from. Brush them aside. Ignore them. Not feel the impact of them.

That was not one of them.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Tara asked, the words fuzzy through the numbing static.

“I didn’t mean it like that, and you damn well know it,” Jamal said through his teeth. “I have lost three men today. Three. And I have seven in the damn hospital. With those deaths and injuries, new rules will be implemented, just as Colby’s death resulted in this rule being implemented. That is how I meant it.”

The fuzzy static dissipated a little as Jamal grabbed Riley’s shoulder and gave it a sharp squeeze. “I’m sorry, Riley. Are you with us?”

Riley nodded, teeth digging into the inside of his cheeks. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Yeah, I’m here. I’m with you.”

“Good. I want you take a peek over this car. Just a little one. Look at our suspect.”

Riley searched Jamal’s face for any sort of hint or indicator of what he was hoping to accomplish, but there was nothing there. The elderly black man had nailed down quite a few tactics in his years, but the absolute blankness he wore like a mask was certainly one of his greatest achievements. At least, as far as Riley was concerned.

Tentatively, Riley leaned up just enough to get a good look at the scene on the other side of the vehicular barricade. A man in a torn dress shirt staggered around in the middle of the intersection, his hands and face slick with blood that Riley imagined wasn’t his own. The dead cop lay a few feet away from him in the middle of the road, blood pooled around him. The two civilian victims were on the sidewalk, the man entirely motionless, the woman chest rising and falling. Every now and then, her hand moved or she dragged her leg up toward herself a little before it fell down again.

Riley crouched back down, gaze on the street beneath his feet. Was this what Eli’s texts were about? Had… this already happened in New York? And what the hell even was this? “Narcotics?” Riley asked, forcing his eyes back to the police chief’s face.

Jamal shook his head before offering a shrug. “I don’t know. If it is, it’s nothing I’ve ever seen before.”

Riley knew what the implication of that particular statement was. If the rumors about Jamal were true, and he was pretty sure a fair share of them were, then the man spent his free time working with the mob. If anyone would know about the drugs being pumped into Los Angeles and surrounding areas by thugs and gangsters, it’d be Jamal Pitman.

His lack of certainty wasn’t exactly any more reassuring than any of the other ‘comforting’ moments of Riley’s day thus far.

“I’m going.” Riley nodded off toward the street. “Whether you come or not, I’m going to her, and I’m going to stop the bleeding.”

Tara grabbed his arm. “I’m sorry, did you see the same shit I saw? You’ll get yourself killed.”

Riley pulled his arm from her grip. “Then they’ll make a new rule because of me, and I’ll finally get to see Colby again.” He grabbed Tara’s kit and slid across the hood of the cruiser before she could stop him.

“God fucking dammit,” Jamal said through his teeth.

Riley hustled over to the female victim, doing his best to stay quiet and low. It wasn’t until he knelt beside her that he realized Jamal had followed him. Riley raised a questioning brow in his direction.

“If another man is dying on my watch, I’m going down with him.”

Riley nodded and held out a fist, which Jamal stared at for a moment before tapping his own against it. Riley laid a hand on the woman’s shoulder. “Ma’am, can you hear me?”

“Yeah,” she whispered, her eyes closed.

“Good. What’s your name?”

“Molly.”

“Okay, Molly. My name’s Riley. I’m gonna get you taken care of, okay?”

Molly only nodded.

Riley pulled on a pair of gloves as he glanced up at their unsub, still wandering the intersection, bloody fingers twitching at his side. “Molly, where does it hurt?”

She licked her dry lips. “Everywhere. B-but my leg and my shoulder a-are the worst.”

“You wanna tell me what happened?” Riley asked as he dug through the kit for his trauma shears.

“When he fell from the window, I was walking past. H-he fell on me. I think I broke my leg. And then, he…” Her brow furrowed for a moment, eyes still closed. “He got up, and for a moment, I-I almost thought he was just gonna walk off the fall and help me, but he bit me. He threw himself at me, grabbed my shoulders, and bit me. A man yelled at him, kicked him off of me, and then he…”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to try and relive any more of it.”

“Thank you.”

Riley squeezed her arm. Shears in hand, he cut her pant leg. Her skin greeted him with visible bones. Compound fractures of the tibia and fibula. He glanced up at Jamal before leaning to the side for a look at her neck. Two fingers hooked through the collar of her shirt, he gently pulled it back. The wound was near the area where the shoulder and neck connected, a little closer to her shoulder than her neck. The man had ripped out a genuine chunk of skin and meat, his teeth marks distinct and curved on both sides of the wound. It wasn’t very deep, and placement-wise, she was about as lucky as a woman who’d served as a cushioned landing for a man could possibly be. The bleeding had already mostly stopped on its own, the blood clotting and congealing enough to be tacky, which had made peeling her shirt back a slow and thoughtful process.

But the skin around the wound was discolored, faintly gray. He had certainly seen his share of necrotizing wounds, but never one so quickly after the wound occurred.

“We need to get her stabilized and in the ambulance now. You have my back?” Riley asked.

Jamal nodded. “I’ve held worse positions.”

Riley couldn’t help but snort. “If even a third of the shit they say about you is true? Yeah, I’m sure you have.”

At that, the old man almost cracked a smile. Almost.

While Riley stabilized the bones in Molly’s leg and dressed the shoulder bite, Jamal kept a close eye on the wandering man, eyes occasionally flickering toward the dead officer in the street.

“Don’t think about him right now, Pitman,” Riley said. “I need you here.”

“It’s not… that,” Jamal said slowly. “He’s… started breathing. I can see his chest moving.”

“You’re imaging it.”

“I assure you, Monroe, I am not.”

Riley taped down the gauze on Molly’s shoulder before lifting his head, ready to tell the police chief he was simply reacting to trauma, whether he liked it or not. But there it was, clear as day — the dead boy in blue was fucking breathing. “Molly, we need to get you up. Chief Pitman and I are going to pull you to your feet, you’re going to keep all weight on your good leg, and we’re going to move. Are you with me?”

Molly nodded.

“Jamal?”

“I’m with you.”

Eyes flickering back and forth between Molly and the breathing officer, Riley and Jamal hoisted her to her feet. Halfway back to the police cruiser barricade, the officer pulled himself to his hands and knees. His eyes locked with Jamal’s, and as he let out the most horrific scream Riley had ever heard, he bolted upright, like a track star out of the starting blocks, and sprinted toward them. Jamal clocked him with the butt of his pistol, right in the nose, before driving a foot into his gut and kicking him down. “Run.”


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Lost Brothers – Chapter One

**This is the new zombie thing I’m working on. I don’t have an actual title for it yet, so ‘Lost Brothers’ is just a placeholder. I hope you enjoy ❤

Riley Monroe woke up with a faint metallic taste in his mouth. It wasn’t real — just a phantom memory that clung to his tongue some mornings — but that knowledge didn’t make the taste any weaker. He sat up slowly, rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to shake off the lingering fragments of his dream. Blood. Sirens. Screams that warped and faded into static. He drew in a sharp inhale, blew out a slow exhale, and reached for the bottle of water on the nightstand.

His uniform was already laid out on the chair by the window: navy blue, patched with the city’s emergency medical service crest. Riley dressed in silence, except for the click of his belt and the creak of old floorboards beneath the shifting weight of his feet. Most days, he moved through the morning like a background character in his own life. Detached but efficient.

Most days, that was the only way to survive.
Riley passed a hand through his dark hair before grabbing his cell from the nightstand. The screen lit briefly, an unread text flashing at the top. Riley rubbed a tired hand near the corner of his eye, tapping the phone’s lock button with the thumb of his free hand.

Eli.

Jesus. He hadn’t talked to his little brother in months. Or Eli hadn’t talked to him. Their little tiff seemed so damn far away — he couldn’t quite remember who actually started it anymore, or who had given who the cold shoulder first. But there was a message from Eli regardless, cold shoulder be damned.

Eli: Please be careful today

Riley stood still for a moment, thumb hovering over the sensor to unlock the phone. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Be careful. Be careful of what? And why? And since when did Eli care if he was careful or not?

Riley unlocked his phone and opened the text message.

Riley: Are you okay?

He waited a moment for any indication Eli had seen it, but the little read checkmark circle remained unfilled, and the three dots for typing never appeared. Riley locked the screen and tossed his phone onto the counter.

Coffee. Cheap, bitter, reliable. Consistent. And unlike Eli’s ominous text, part of the detached and efficient routine.

***

The station was already buzzing with activity when Riley arrived. Two fire engines were rolling out — one north, one south — and an ambulance followed north before he even made it to the main roll-up door.

“Just in time, Monroe,” his partner, Tara, said as she tossed him a protein bar.

“We headin’ out too?” he asked as he snagged it out of the air.

She nodded, giving him a good once-over. “You look like hell.”

“Mm. Never gets old,” Riley said, pointing the bar at her. “What’ve we got? Fire?”

“Yeah, but not ours. We have a drunk guy who wrecked himself on a mailbox and then threw himself through the window of his neighbor’s living room.”

Riley nodded, peeling back the wrapper. “Excellent.” He took a small bite of the corner. It was the same bar every day. Same brand, same flavor. But today, something metallic snuck in there. He closed his eyes. He could detach himself from a lot of things, but the taste and smell of iron never ceased entirely. Somehow, they always managed to squeeze through the cracks in the walls he’d built up.

He cleared his throat. “You drive?”

“Sure.” When Riley finally opened his eyes, he couldn’t help but notice the glaring concern written all over Tara’s face.

But she did him a favor and didn’t mention it. Riley appreciated that. Cold, detached, efficient. Couldn’t move forward if you were looking back. Addressing the concern was looking back. Addressing the copper was looking back.

And he could only stand to move forward.

***

Midmorning, after dropping off a patient who’d been in a hell of a bar fight the night before, Tara gently backhanded Riley’s chest, pulling his gaze up from the spattered blood on the floor. “I gotta pee. Go get yourself a coffee or something from the vending machine. Better yet, go pay that cute doctor of yours a visit. Anything to get rid of…” she waved a hand over him “…this.”

“Rude. And he’s not mine. He’s just… a guy.”

“Mmhmm. Sure he is.” Tara smiled. “Well, a ‘guy’ is coming this way, so pretend to be alive for a few minutes.”

“Could you just go take your damn piss already and leave me alone?”

Tara snorted, patting his shoulder as she walked past him. Riley straightened himself out just a hair as she walked away, dusting his hands down the front of his shirt. Tara admittedly wasn’t right about most of things, but she was right about just this one — Doctor Sian Hopkins wasn’t just a guy.

A warm hand brushed against the back of Riley’s. “Missed you at trivia last night.” A pause. “Hey.” The gentle tug on Riley’s hand pulled his attention away from the floor once more and to the man standing beside him. “Where’d you go?”

“Last night?”

Sian offered a soft smile. “No. Now.”

“Oh.” Riley cleared his throat, forced a careless shrug of his shoulders. “Just tired.”

“Mm.” Sian nodded, pulling his lips into his mouth as he turned toward the TV in the corner of the waiting room. “What about last night?”

Riley’s eyes slowly drifted back to the floor. “Shift got switched. Needed to sleep early. Thought I texted you.”

“You didn’t.”

“Oh. I’m… sorry about that.”

Sian rocked back on his heels, shoving his hands into the pockets of his lab coat. “Do I need to take a hint, Riley?”

“A hint for what?”

“Like… how you’re just not that into me?”

Riley turned toward Sian again. “What?”

That soft smile came back to his face. “I’m not stupid, Riley. But I’d just prefer… some communication. Something direct. Closure. Just tell me you aren’t interested. I won’t be offended, I promise. I won’t make anything weird if you won’t. We can just be friends, right? Friends… who have seen each other naked a time or two. People do it all the time.”

“Four,” Riley said after a moment. “Four times. I’d like a fifth.”

Sian raised a brow. “You would?”

“Desperately.”

Sian snorted. “Your desperation is much different than mine.”

Riley rolled his eyes. He walked past Sian, grabbing his coat sleeve on the way. He pulled him around the corner and down the hall, into Sian’s little office next to the lab. He closed the door and pushed him back against it, one hand on the wall, the other wrapped around Sian’s chin. He closed the distance between them, lips only a breath apart. “It’s me. It’s not… I come with baggage, Si,” Riley whispered.

“We all do,” Sian whispered back.

“Five or six times is when… when my dates start wanting to spend the night. Want me to start spending the night.”

“Yeah?”

Riley leaned his forehead against Sian’s, closing his eyes so he didn’t have to see that compassionate, understanding look on his face any longer. He’d seen enough of that to last him a lifetime. “I’ve got night terrors, Si. Kicking, screaming, thrashing. The whole shebang. My room’s a fucking mess, my house is a fucking mess. I am a fucking mess.”

Riley’s cheeks flooded with warmth as Sian took his face in his hands and pulled him back a few inches. Riley forced himself to open his eyes again. “Let me help you clean it up. The room. The house. You.” Sian offered a smile. “I want you, Riley,” he whispered, “even if you come with night terrors and PTSD, or late nights and early mornings, or skipped trivia nights and no-shows. I want you, and that includes everything you’re carrying.”

A smile tugged at one corner of Riley’s mouth. “You’re gonna regret that.”

“That sounds like future me’s problem.”

“I… think I can live with that.”

“Perfect,” Sian whispered. “Now, can you fuckin’ kiss me already? You drag a man down a hall and pin him against a door, and you can’t even kiss him?”

Riley rolled his eyes and muttered a quiet, “Always so damn dramatic,” before leaning in to kiss him. Sian let out a little hum of appreciation, one hand sliding back into Riley’s hair.

The beep of Sian’s pager pulled them apart with a groan. Sian stuck his hand in his coat pocket and pulled the offending device out for a look. He raised a brow, but the lack of immediate concern or hurry was, at the very least, comforting. Comforting compared to his brother’s ominous message earlier in the day, and comforting compared to the fact that Eli still hadn’t even read Riley’s response.

“I’d like to see you tonight. For real this time,” Sian said, tucking his pager back into his pocket.

“What’s tonight? Karaoke or something?”

“I was thinking… my place.” Sian reached up to comb his fingers through Riley’s hair, un-disheveling it a bit. “You, me, takeout, a movie, maybe we lose the clothes at some point. Just a night in.” He smiled. “You don’t have to put on a mask for anyone. It’ll just be us. Okay?”

Riley offered a smile, though he could feel his looked far less warm and far more tired than Sian’s did. “Okay.”

“Perfect.” Sian pressed a kiss to his lips. “I’ll text you a time. And if you stay the night or not? That’s up to you. I won’t be mad if you don’t, and I won’t judge you if you do.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course,” Sian said, his voice soft. His pager beeped again. “I need to go deal with this, and I’m sure Tara’s wondering where you headed off to. I’ll see you later, okay?”

Riley nodded. “Okay.”

“Be safe out there.”

Even though the words brought Eli’s text back to the forefront of his mind once more, Riley managed a smile. “I will. You be safe in here.”

“I will.”

***

By noon, Los Angeles was baking beneath one hell of a heatwave. After successfully loading their empty gurney back into the rig, Riley wiped the sweat from his brow. “You’re staring at me again,” he said as he closed the doors, doing his best to avoid meeting Tara’s gaze.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Yep.”

“You sure?”

Riley scratched his jaw. Tara knew more about him than just about any other living person. Telling her wasn’t going to hurt anything. If he believed his therapist, talking to Tara — or anyone, for that matter — was good for him. For his ‘trauma’. “My brother texted me this morning.”

“The scientist brother you haven’t spoken to in, like, forever?”

“The one and only. And I think he’s technically a researcher.”

Tara slashed a dismissive hand through the air. “What’d he want?”

“I… don’t know. He told me to be safe. It just felt… ominous, I guess. Out of the blue.”

“It is. Out of the blue, I mean. But I don’t think it’s ominous. He probably just saw the news, and it made him think of you.”

Riley laid a hand on the door, raising a brow in Tara’s direction. “What news?”

“The TikTok stunt thing?”

“You lost me at ‘TikTok’.”

“Some kid uploaded a video of a guy thrashing around in the middle of traffic, blood all over his mouth and around his eyes. When people started calling it fake, the user deleted the video, but because it’s the internet, someone else re-uploaded it, and now there’s like, two ‘sides’ of TikTok, where one side thinks it’s fake and one side thinks it’s the beginning of an apocalypse or something.”

“Like zombies?” Riley asked.

Tara shrugged. “Or something.”Riley was going to go back to not believing his therapist.


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Zombie book voting poll

I have succeeded in writing a small portion of the zombie book I talked about previously, as a way to escape some of the hellscape of my real life and give my brain and hands something to do for at least a few minutes a day. That said, I have two options here for you in regards to characters

  1. All brand new characters
  2. Alternate universe, featuring characters we know and some that we don’t

The main character of this specific book is a brand new character regardless, but the option that wins the poll will determine the people they meet along the way

An Update

Hi. It’s been a while, the last update was depressing, and I have gone dark on most of my socials, so I wanted to confirm for everyone that I am alive. I am, to be frank, not okay, and I will not be ever again. The long version of what happened can be read here: https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1Bf9GcRSdb/

The short version is that, after an extreme abuse of implied authority, an animal shelter here in Iowa threatened me for hours in April until I “voluntarily surrendered” most of my disabled animals, and when I made it clear that I wanted them back, they retaliated by claiming I was an animal abuser and I was required to “voluntarily” surrender any of my remaining animals that they wanted or face animal cruelty charges. Basically, what the on-staff vet with this shelter said outweighed any proof I have, as well as the deputy who was there the first time and determined it was not a cruelty case, and because I am not a millionaire, I just had to let it happen.

My animals were and are my babies. They stole my babies from my home, which is now an empty, traumatizing shell I’m forced to live in, that I cannot escape because I’m disabled and homebound. They murdered at least one of my babies, permanently blinded two of them, and are continuing to intentionally prevent them from going back to the rescues, shelters, and owners they legally go back to if I cannot care for them. This has been nothing but a show of power and control, and they will continue to do it until, likely, the day *I* die.

With all of that said, I am still trying to write. I haven’t succeeded any yet, but I am trying. I have essentially nothing but free time now, which pains me to my very core, and I’m trying to do something useful with it instead of rotting away on the couch and dissociating my day away like I’ve been doing for over a month. I still don’t think writing Bo right now is a good idea, and I haven’t opened his book at all because of that. I’m trying to start something new. I’ve toyed around a bit with a zombie book, as zombies are oddly one of my comfort medias to watch and play, and I’m hoping I’ll be able to get actual words put down for it soon and start uploading chapters that will hopefully be enjoyable for some. I know zombie books aren’t everybody’s thing.

I will get back to Bo someday. He was the first character I wrote that I was actually proud of, and I have no intention of permanently leaving him behind. I just need a bit more time away from a character who is in the same place I am, even if that place was reached for different reasons.

I appreciate your patience during this time. I have not once been harassed or sent angry messages for the lack of chapters, which used to happen to me all the time on Wattpad, even when I was posting daily updates for multiple books at a time. “Appreciate” honestly doesn’t do it justice. You have all been very kind during every break I’ve taken, intentionally or otherwise, and it means a lot to me. Thank you.

I hope to see you soon with some zombies, and after that, hopefully with some Bo.

A Break

I will be taking an intentional break from Highway Butcher. I do not know when I will be in the headspace to write Bo in the same headspace I am in. I didn’t think life could get any worse but yesterday was the absolute worst day of my life, and how I force myself to live every day from here on out is… I don’t even know.

I know that’s heavy. And I’m sorry for that. I cannot in good faith write a character that is also depressed right now. I’ve been depressed for a long time, but it was somehow able to be worse, and it is now. And I just can’t.

I love and appreciate everyone who has read and loved the Bo Austen series. I desperately hope someday I will get back to it. My only request here is that I beg you not to tell me it will get better. I’ve been hearing that since I was four. It has only gotten worse. I cannot bear to hear it any further right now.

Highway Butcher – Chapter Eighteen

**If Bo were a real person, today would be his 36th birthday! So here’s an extra long chapter for you ❤

NOT EDITED

Chapter Eighteen

Friday: June 19, 2020

8:00 PM; LOS ANGELES, BO AUSTEN’S HOUSE, DINING ROOM

After Jensen’s supper delivery arrived — tacos — Bo dove into the case file. It was an incredibly thin file, and what was there wasn’t much, but something would just about always be better than nothing. Something was still a stone to turn. Jensen sat across from him at the table, quietly picking at the tortilla shell of his taco rather than eating it.

“Did you eat something before I arrived?” Bo asked without lifting his head.

“No.”

“Just… not hungry?”

Jensen lifted his shoulders. “Finding anything helpful?”

“In which sense?”

“I… I dunno. Does it say anything about me being found?”

“It does.”

“What does it say?”

Bo cleared his throat. “I assume you held onto this without opening it because you knew it would be difficult to sit down and read what happened, see what the scene looked like. So I feel like I have to ask. Do you want to know? Or are you just making conversation?”

“I need to know who actually loves me and who’s using me as a pawn in some fucked up game of petty spite. O-or if any of them love me. If I’m a pawn to all of them.”

After a moment, Bo nodded. “According to the reports given by Aaron Wellendorf — the other detective on the case — and the three officers present at the crime scene, Wellendorf used a long piece of floss to undo the chain lock on the door, Kathy found you hiding beneath the table in the kitchen area. She had Wellendorf carry you downstairs, and he handed you off to Jamal, who took you to the hospital to be checked out and then to the police station to wait for social services.”

“So she didn’t… didn’t save me,” Jensen whispered.

“Well, I… I suppose that depends on how you define ‘save’.”

“How about doing the bare minimum of carrying me out of the crime scene after finding me staring at my mom’s headless, rotting corpse?”

“Th-then I suppose it was Detective Wellendorf.”

“Oh, my God. He’s a murderer. A murderer had more compassion for me than Kathy did?”

“Well I… I-I don’t think they knew about the… the homicides, umm… at the time.”

“No fucking shit.”

“I-I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to say. I didn’t mean to—”

“No, I’m sorry. You’re not doing anything wrong. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just…”

“It’s a lot to take in,” Bo said after a moment. “I know.”

Jensen picked a few more pieces of his tortilla away from the main taco, dropping each little flake onto his plate. “Does it say anything else in there about me?”

“No. I mean, it details when they questioned you about your mother and father, but that’s it.”

“What did I say about my dad? I don’t…” Jensen closed his eyes for a moment. “It’s been so damn long ago. I don’t even remember, you know, having one. Not really.”

“Uh… it doesn’t look like you specifically mentioned a father, just a man who would come over and watch you sometimes when your mom left the house, and he’d bring you groceries and give your mom money.”

“Like… like child support?”

“I don’t know. That’s a possibility. A kind neighbor or your maternal grandfather, maybe. A boyfriend. There are many potential realities.”

“D-does it mention anything bad?”

“I mean…” Bo lifted his gaze to the younger man’s face. “That depends on your definition of ‘bad’.”

“A-about my mom?”

“Like what?”

Jensen chewed on one side of his bottom lip for a moment. “L-like, I dunno. Umm… sex work? Drugs? Anything like that?”

“No. Do you… remember her doing drugs? Or sex work?”

Jensen shook his head.

“May I ask why you’re concerned about it then?”

“Wh-when Kathy was drunk — like really drunk — she’d talk about how my mom was a druggie whore a-and was putting my life at risk all the time so she could get high and stuff. And I just… I don’t know. I-It was so long ago. I don’t have many memories of her. S-so I don’t know if it’s… I don’t know. It could all be true, you know? Mom choosing sex and drugs over me. Maybe one of those men killed her. I dunno. Kathy—”

“First of all, I hate to tell you this, but Kathy is a manipulative liar. She would tell you anything if it allowed her to dig her claws into you deeper. Telling you that your mom chose drugs or prostitution over you was a way to tell you that you weren’t worth anything to your mom. A way to tell you that Kathy was the only one who thought you mattered. It was to isolate you and keep you that way.” Bo touched his fingers to the open folder in front of him. “If there was any indication that your mom did drugs or sex work, those angles would have been investigated. If they couldn’t be investigated, they would have, at a minimum, written it down. I can’t tell you how happy those detectives would have been to write your mom off as just another ‘hooker’ who bit the dust. There is absolutely no notation of that in this file.”

“Oh, my God,” Jensen whispered. He buried his hands in his hair, eyes focused on the wall behind Bo. “H-how would we find out more about me? About who took me and why and… and stuff like that?”

“That would be an entirely different file with an entirely different department. We’d need to find your caseworker and—”

“Gabby. Jamal’s married to her.”

“He’s… he’s what?”

Jensen’s green eyes snapped up to Bo’s face. “What?”

“He’s married?”

“Umm…” Jensen swallowed. “Uh, yeah? I-I figured you’d know that.”

“No,” Bo whispered. He shook his head. “No, I wasn’t worthy of… information like that.” He cleared his throat. “How recent is that?”

“They were… Well, Kathy always said they were screwing around when my mom died.”

“Well, Jamal sleeping with your social worker definitely makes a few things make sense. Jupiter.”

“Like what?”

“Like how he managed to get Kathy approved to adopt you, for starters. He was still just a police sergeant back then. But sleeping with someone who had direct control and say over your case…” Bo lifted his shoulders. “It just makes a few things make more sense to me, is all.”

Jensen finally pulled his hands out of his hair, scrubbing them down his face instead. He dropped his elbows to the table, forearms thudding against the surface not long after. “I haven’t been to the Pitman Estate in a long time, but he used to have file cabinets in his office, full of shit about his kids and the kids and families on his list. I—”

“His list?”

“His… Yeah. His, umm… He has a list of people he, like, promised to keep safe. Kathy’s one of them.”

“Which is why when she wanted you, he made it happen.”

“I guess.”

Bo looked down at his watch. “Well, by the time we make the drive to the Estate, Jamal would have already flown in for the night. And I can only assume his secret wife is off work and there, as well. But tomorrow…”

“We what? Break in?”

Bo lifted one of the papers in the file. “It wouldn’t be your first burglary, would it?”

Jamal stared at him for a moment before shaking his head. “No.”

“I’ll tell David I’m taking the day off from his case tomorrow and—”

“I’ll go by myself. One person is less noticeable than two. I can do it.”

Bo raised a brow. “Are you sure?”

Jensen nodded. “I’m good at what I do.” Bo snorted, regretting the sound immediately. He closed his eyes, a hand moving to his stomach. His pain meds weren’t doing quite as great of a job at managing things as whatever pain-sedate cocktail they had concocted for him while he was still in the hospital. It was still manageable, but manageable rarely meant good. “Are you okay?” Jensen asked.

“Yes, just… did a bit more standing and walking around today than I should have.”

“Do you want something for it? I have…” Jensen leaned forward. “I have weed,” he added in an odd little stage whisper.

Bo laughed, another sound he instantly regretted. But it still felt… nice, despite the pulling pain in his abdomen. “You’re running quite the criminal enterprise, Jensen.”

“I’m diversifying. And pot is way more legal than the whole breaking, entering, and thieving thing.”

“I can only assume your pot wasn’t bought at a local dispensary. Where do you meet your guy? A bridge or the park?”

“Umm.”

“Mmhmm. Thought so.” Bo offered a smile. “I really do appreciate the offer, though. I’m just… not certain which pain medication the hospital has me on, as David is responsible for dosing it out, but I do assume it’s not approved for consumption with the addition of weed.”

“Oh. Yeah. Duh. That makes sense. Sorry.”

Bo shook his head. “Don’t be. It was sweet, in a… weird, illicit little way.”

A smile tugged at one corner of Jensen’s mouth before it disappeared again. “I know that file is thin. It was my first thought when I… found it. There’s basically nothing there. But is any of it, I don’t know, conductive in the sense of an investigation? Like, at all? I mean, i-if you were working the case, and that was all the evidence at the scene, what would you do next?”

“Well, quite frankly, my next step would be to ensure the measurements are entirely accurate so I could do my best to calculate the height approximation of the killer.”

“Based on my mom’s…” He cleared his throat. “The victim’s blood spatter?”

Bo nodded, hoping like hell his face didn’t bear the same expression of pity he had always hated seeing on others, directed at him. If it was present, Jensen didn’t seem to hate it. Or if it was present and Jensen was opposed, he hid it well. Given Jensen’s history with lying, hiding his hatred didn’t seem likely. Bo figured that was a good thing, at the very least.

“Did the lab guy back then make any height guesses?” Jensen asked.

“He listed an approximation as inconclusive, which I’m… honestly not sure I’ve ever seen before.”

“So what does that mean? I mean, I-I know what inconclusive means. I’m not stupid. I just—”

“I don’t think you’re stupid, even if you didn’t know what it meant,” Bo interrupted, his voice soft. “It could just mean he wasn’t very skilled in that particular area of forensics. Everyone tends to have a thing they’re really good at and a thing they’re the least good at. People in the forensic field are no different.”

“What’s the thing you’re very skilled at?” Jensen asked.

“That depends on who you ask.”

“I’m asking you.”

Bo shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He tried to convince himself it was pain rather than the question at hand. He pulled his hands off the table, dropping them to his lap so he could tug on the rubber band around his wrist without an audience. “I’m not sure I can provide a direct answer to that.”

“Why not?”

“I am… very much not my biggest fan. Asking me to identify something I’m good at is only a step beneath asking me to confirm I’m the happiest man alive.”

“Well, I think you’re good at… analyzing cold cases. And tackling men taller than you to the ground. And stealing their guns.”

“And inviting my stalker to my house, apparently.”

Jensen smiled, gaze drifting off to look around the kitchen. “Speaking of.”

“Yes?”

“Why are you selling the place? It’s beautiful.”

“It’s complicated.”

“Complicated, or depressing?”

At the very least, Jensen was finally picking up on Bo’s general vibe these days. “Depressing.”

“Because you weren’t planning on being around much longer?” Bo closed his eyes for a moment. “I’m sorry. I-I start picking at things when I’m scared or nervous. I don’t mean to be an asshole.”

“You’re not an asshole. Not as far as I’m concerned, anyway. Why I’m selling the house doesn’t necessarily make me feel any type of way. Thinking about what David’s face did when I told him why is a… a different story.”

“And that’s why you’re alive. Right? Because of the faces your friends make when you…?”

“Yes.” Bo cleared his throat. “I… I will not be the person who does that to their faces ever again. I can’t, even if I won’t be alive to see it happen to them again.”

“Someday, I hope you’re alive because you just truly love your life. But for right now? I’m glad you have people that love you enough that they’re helping keep you here.”

“Thank you.” Bo cleared his throat. “I know this is tough. Your mom’s case, I mean, and everything that comes with it for you. Are you… ready to move forward, or do you need some more distraction time first?”

Jensen offered a nearly sheepish smile. “So I’m not very subtle, huh?”

Bo smiled. “Oh, not in the slightest.”

Jensen snorted. “Damn. Was really hoping for subtlety.”

“I do it too. Switching to avoid the conversation. No longer responding to avoid the conversation. So if you need to spend a bit more time talking about me instead of you and your mother, I… I understand.”

Jensen seemed to weigh his options for a moment. “They weren’t able to find my dad?”

“Not that the file states. Which…”

“Which what?”

“It feels… inappropriate to answer that.”

“Why?”

“Because it has to do with Kathy.”

“Part of the point of all this is to find out if she’s been manipulating me and lying to my face this whole time, remember? I-if she is, I wanna know. I need to know.”

Bo cleared his throat. “Kathy was… known to occasionally omit information from her reports, thus leaving it out of the official file.”

“Why? And why would Jamal allow it? Isn’t the station, like, his baby or something?”

“It is, but I’m not sure that he knew she did it. Or at least, I don’t think he knew she did it intentionally. He knew she was an alcoholic, and I imagine he believed the omission was related to that. Once he found out about the missing information, he usually backlogged it into the report. But if Kathy believed leaving the information out of the file would benefit her in some way, she made sure not to include it. Oftentimes, that was so if the case was passed to another detective, they wouldn’t have a crucial piece of evidence or testimony to solve the case without her. It was to make sure Jamal kept her on a case even if she was noticeably drunk.”

“That just… That doesn’t sound like the Kathy I grew up around,” Jensen said. “And I know you’re gonna say that the brain makes us forget some stuff and remember other stuff and that I’ve just convinced myself she was great, but it just doesn’t sound like her.”

Bo shook his head. “Frankly, it wouldn’t shock me if it doesn’t sound like the Kathy you knew. She presented herself differently to different people. She treated Jamal differently than her biological parents. She treated the Taylors differently than Jamal. She treated Dallas differently than the other detectives. She treated the analysts differently than the dispatchers. She treated me differently than the other analysts. She’s always been that way. She treats you whatever best serves her. At the time, if treating you well served her, she likely did. I don’t think you’re crazy for remembering the good parts of what was an incredibly traumatic childhood, even if some of the good parts were because of Kathy. Manufactured or not, those good things you remember likely happened. They just may have been followed or preceded by typical Kathy behavior. It’s impossible to know. Well, without the invention of time travel, that is.”

“You should work on that. The time travel thing,” Jensen said. He shifted in his seat, looking down as he picked off another piece of his tortilla. “And thank you. For saying that about me not being crazy and stuff. It all makes me feel so fucking crazy. I-I went and spoke to her recently at the prison, and she’s just… a completely different person than the Kathy I see in my mind. Her eyes were so cold and uncaring and… I don’t know. It feels like I’ve been dropped into an alternate reality where she’s just this horrible monster instead of a woman who took me in and made sure I was safe and cared for.”

“That’s how I felt when she started sleeping with Dallas. Once she realized he and I were friends and that he didn’t find it funny to pick at me, she’d treat me pleasantly as long as he was around, but the second we were alone, that sickeningly sweet smile would disappear and she’d go right back to the Kathy I knew. How quickly that switch occurs is…”

“Alarming,” Jensen filled in. “Terrifying.”

Bo nodded. He touched his fingers to the file again, drawing Jensen’s attention to it rather than his face. “How would you like to come with me to the apartment? I haven’t been that way in a long time. I don’t even know if it’s still standing or if it’s been demolished and replaced with something else. But we can find out.”

Jensen picked another piece of tortilla away, finally sticking one in his mouth instead of into his discard pile. “Let’s go.”

Across town, after dropping Bo off for phase one of Jamal’s ‘have Jensen infiltrate Bo’s life’ plan, David had headed to Denzel’s house. Out of the two, Denzel intimidated him less than Renee. Renee was sweet, caring, and loved Bo more than life itself, but there had always been a certain edge to her, hidden somewhere just beneath the surface, that kept most of David’s curiosities at bay. Denzel, however, was a walking stereotype for Midwestern Father of the Year. He had spent most of his life working in a factory, and when he hadn’t been doing that, he’d been one of Bo’s biggest cheerleaders. If he was hiding some scary edge, he hid it even better than Renee.

David knocked on the door and shoved his hands into his pockets. It took a few minutes, but Denzel eventually came to the door. “Oh, my God,” he whispered.

“Shit, no, I’m so sorry. He’s okay. He’s fine. I-I just came straight from work, didn’t have time to change out of the suit. He’s okay.”

“Jesus Christ, David.”

“I’m sorry.”

Denzel let out a breath. “If he’s not with you, where is he?”

“Jamal’s hired BFF plan has officially been put into effect.”

“Ah,” Denzel whispered. “Right. So he’s with, uh… Taylor?”

“Yeah. Jensen Taylor.”

Denzel nodded. “You know anything about him?”

“Not much. If I run anything on him at the station, it’ll be tied to my name and land on Jamal’s desk. I already push my luck with that man enough as is.”

Denzel chuckled. “I know you do.” He nodded his head back toward the house. “You wanna come in?”

“Yeah, thanks.” David stepped inside, closing the door behind him. “I wanted to ask you something, if that’s all right.”

“Shoot.”

“Bo told me Jamal used to be at your house all the time. In the morning before he was supposed to be awake. At night when he was supposed to be sleeping. Says he’s pretty sure you guys didn’t know he knew. He got the impression he wasn’t supposed to know.” A pause. “What the fuck, Denzel? D-does he have some sort of dirt on you guys? Is he still holding something over your head? Controlling you? Making you do little favors for him?”

“Ah.” Denzel chuckled softly, shaking his head. “Now I know why you didn’t go to Renee.”

“She scares me a little. You don’t.”

“Mm.” Denzel headed into the kitchen. David kicked off his shoes and followed. “How much of what I tell you is between you and me?”

“I’m not involving Bo in anything. He’s got more than enough shit going on.”

“How much of it makes it back to Jamal the next time you’re angry with him?”

“None of it. I promise.”

Denzel nodded. “Bo’s mother was a drug addict.”

“I know.”

“The day she… got rid of Bo, it wasn’t because she dropped him off at an adoption agency. She left him with her dealer and told him to get whatever he could for Bo and to… put that amount toward her next purchase.”

David reached out for a chair, barely making it into the seat. “Sh-she sold him?”

After a moment, Denzel nodded. “The dealer was, umm, one of Jamal’s. I mean, not his dealer. One of Lucchese’s people and someone Jamal worked with. He called Jamal, Jamal… paid off the tab, picked up Bo, and took him home while he figured out what to do. W-we…” Denzel lowered himself into the chair across from David. “Before Bo, Renee and I had adopted a little girl whose mother was an addict, and she was born addicted to heroin. She died due to complications of that addiction.” 

“I’m so sorry, Denzel,” David whispered.

Denzel drew in a long breath, whispering a, “Yeah,” with the exhale. “We never knew who her birth mother was. She was left at a fire station when she was only a few hours old. But, uh, when Jamal took Bo and took him to his doctor to make sure everything was okay, umm…”

“They were related?”

Denzel closed his eyes before nodding. “Bo is our little girl’s half-brother. Same mother, different father. Wh-when Jamal asked if we wanted him to do what he could to make sure we got Bo, we couldn’t say no. I just… He… Jesus.” Denzel scratched the back of his head before dropping both hands to the table. “Jamal made sure that woman would never find Bo or who had him. He made sure Bo’s biological father would stay away too. We wanted to make sure he had the least amount of trauma going forward as we possibly could, so when he got a little older and didn’t really remember how he was abandoned, w-we lied. Jamal told us… to lie, and we did. He said it was better for Bo, better to think that his parents left him safely on the stairs of an adoption agency than selling him for drugs. What could have happened to Bo had that dealer not been one of Jamal’s friends is…” He swallowed. “We wanted the best for Bo, and it meant Jamal was at the house frequently to check in and make sure everything was going well and that Bo was doing okay. In the beginning, he paid for Bo’s therapy sessions and just about every damn thing he needed. Renee and I had both lost our jobs after our daughter passed, and… and Iamal made sure Renee got back into nursing and that I got back into factory work when I refused the bodyguard shit he runs. He took care of us, and he took care of Bo. And then he, well, you know all about that. The drinking after Baker ran away. Renee and I didn’t know how bad it had gotten between him and Bo. We would’ve stepped in if we’d known. It wasn’t until you took him to the hospital when he tried to…” Denzel shifted in his seat, one leg bouncing beneath the table. “We didn’t know. Not until then. We talked him into changing departments, and he went to Clinstone for what was supposed to be a fresh start.”

“I know you would’ve stopped it if you could have,” David said after a moment. “So Bo doesn’t…? He doesn’t know about any of that?”

“If he remembers any of it, he’s never told us. He remembered when it first happened, but that kind of faded as he got older. I don’t know what his childhood therapy sessions were like. They seemed to help him once we found the right therapist, but what he told the therapist or what she told him, I… I don’t know. Maybe he’s simply lied to all of us the way we’ve all lied to him.”

David’s brow furrowed. “He wouldn’t do that.”

“I’m not accusing him of being some criminal mastermind, David. That boy is the reason I live and breathe. But if Bo remembers how he actually was ‘surrendered’, and if for even a second, he thought telling everyone he didn’t remember would make it less painful for those around him, he would have. That’s who he is.”

Unfortunately, Denzel wasn’t wrong. Bo would do just about anything to spare others of being uncomfortable with his trauma. If it meant shoving it down and lying about it, he would. But it just didn’t seem… possible. “He was sincere.”

“Hmm?”

“When he told me about seeing Jamal in the house a lot when he was young, he was sincere. I asked him why he trusted Jamal, and he told me about seeing him at the house, how if you guys trusted him, he should too. He’s been on a big… honesty kick lately, where he doesn’t really hide what’s going through his head as long as it isn’t related to a crime scene and as long as I ask him a direct question. He didn’t know why he felt compelled to trust Jamal, aside from the fact that you guys did. If he knew, he would’ve told me.”

“Good,” Denzel said after a moment. “I always hoped he didn’t remember it. Begged God to make sure he didn’t remember it on more than one occasion. We hoped thinking that his parents made a measured decision to leave him at a safe location because they knew they couldn’t provide for him would be good for him. It has to be better than knowing the truth. I mean… which do you wish you knew?”

“Yeah,” David whispered. He cleared his throat. “So, umm… you must’ve known Jamal before Bo, then. Right?”

“Yes. Jamal was in and out of different states all the damn time. When… when Belle died, I tried to cope so many ways, but the only one that allowed me to bury it for any time at all was alcohol. It was the same for Jamal back then.” A pause. “And now, I suppose. But, uh, one of those nighs, Jamal was drinking at the same bar I was. I couldn’t tell you if I got into a fight with a guy and Jamal stepped in, or if Jamal got into a fight and I stepped in, but it was one of the two. I told him about Belle, and he told me about his late wife, Janice, and we just… I don’t know. It was probably the first human interaction I had after Belle’s death. Renee spent most of her time locked up in the bathroom or the bedroom. Neither of us was doing much eating, sleeping, or talking. Jamal kept tabs on us, helped put us in therapy, and a few years later, when Bo ended up in his care, he said he couldn’t imagine a better place for him to go.” After a moment, Denzel shook his head. “If I hadn’t been drinking my life away that night, I never would’ve met Jamal, and I never would’ve met Bo. Never would have had the honor of having him as a son. I don’t know what that would be. Divine intervention?”

“Bo would say it was the butterfly effect.”

Denzel chuckled softly, nodding. “Yeah, he sure would. Maybe he’s right. Maybe our lives truly are dictated entirely by the paths our choices unfold before us.”

“Maybe. If they are, I’m glad Bo’s path crossed with yours and Renee’s.”

Denzel smiled. “I’m glad ours crossed with yours. It’s good to know Bo still has someone out there taking care of him when he won’t let us do it. Thank you for keeping an eye out for my boy, David. And for Renee and me. I appreciate it.”

“My pleasure, Denzel.”


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Highway Butcher – Chapter Seventeen

NOT EDITED

Chapter Seventeen

Friday: July 14, 2000

4:03 AM; LOS ANGELES, APARTMENT COMPLEX, PARKING LOT

“God, would you just leave me the fuck alone?”

“I’m not trying to start anything, Katherine. I’m just saying that I think it’s best you sit this one out,” Jamal said.

“I can handle a homicide, Jamal. I’m not a child,” Kathy said, leaning forward enough in the passenger seat to tie her hair up in a ponytail.

“Katherine, for the love of God. You just got married, had a miscarriage, and canceled your honeymoon in a span of, what, two or three days? You aren’t ready for this.”

“You have no idea what happened to me. Don’t act like you do.”

Jamal stared at the young woman, his brow furrowed. “Katherine, I’m just going off of what you told me. You said—”

“I’m fine.”

He grabbed her arm before she could get out of the car. “Is there something I need to know about? Something about Max that I need to… handle?” he questioned.

“My husband and I are fine. Unless an order comes down from the chief, I’m working this. You can intimidate everyone else with the sergeant bullshit, but I couldn’t care less.” She yanked her arm from his grip and opened the door.

“Katherine.” She stepped out of the car before turning and ducking down to look at Jamal. “Be safe. I’ll be out here, okay?” he asked.

She tilted her head back with a sigh. “Okay.” She straightened herself back out and shut the door. She pulled a pair of gloves from the pocket of her blazer as she headed for the apartment complex. Her partner, a tall black man named Aaron Wellendorf, greeted her at the door. “What do you know?”

“What happened to the honeymoon, Katherine?” he questioned.

She had long since given up on getting Aaron to drop the ‘Katherine’ moniker in favor of ‘Kathy’. The rest of his bullshit, she still fought. “Absolutely none of your business. What do you know?” she repeated.

Aaron shrugged. “They haven’t been able to get the door open yet,” he said. He walked with Kathy through the doors and into the lobby. “The door has one of those chain locks attached inside, so they can’t get in.”

“Then they aren’t trying hard enough,” Kathy muttered, pressing the call button for the elevator.

“Judgmental as always.”

“I’m not in the mood, Aaron.”

“It’s called banter, Katherine.”

“And it’s fucking stupid, so leave it at the fucking door,” she said. She stepped into the elevator as soon as the doors opened.

Aaron snorted and followed her inside, pressing the button for the sixth floor. He tucked his hands behind his back, staring at the closed doors as the elevator jolted to a start. “What’d Max do to you?”

“My husband and I are fine. Mind your own business.”

“I read people, Katherine. You’re not fine.”

“I didn’t say I was fine. I said my husband and I were fine. There’s a difference. Learn to comprehend,” Kathy said.

“You’re more insufferable than usual today. Didn’t really think that was possible.”

“Insufferability is what got me here,” she said.

He snorted. “Right. Totally had nothing to do with Daddy Pitman.”

“Fuck you.”

When the doors opened, Aaron flashed a smile before gently bumping her out of the way to step out first.

Kathy rolled her eyes and followed him down the hallway. “Why haven’t we just broken the lock?”

One of the officers by the apartment door looked over at her, sighing quietly. None of them ever wanted to deal with Kathy Baker, let alone at four in the morning, but there they were, dealing. She almost cracked a smile at that. “There could be a child inside,” he said.

“I’m sorry, could be?” she asked.

“Could be,” he repeated with a nod.

“How do we not know if there’s a child inside? How is it possibly a ‘could be’ situation? Are you stupid?”

Again, he sighed. “According to the neighbor, the woman inside has a kid, but it’s a possibility that he’s with his father rather than here.”

Kathy inhaled deeply, and before she could launch into her planned ‘you’re an idiot’ speech, Aaron came forward with a travel container of floss. “Bet I can get it with this.”

The officer smiled and stepped away from the door. “All yours, man.”

It took Aaron exactly two tries to pass the floss through the crack in the door and beneath the chain to get it pulled back and successfully unlocked. Payback for the elevator, Kathy shoved him out of the way and walked inside the very second the door was unlatched. Although her gaze was immediately drawn to the decapitated woman lying in a pool of her own dried blood, she forced herself to look around the apartment for the child the officers had been so worried about. The sooner the kid was gone, the sooner she could have a good look around. Near the archway of the kitchen, she squatted down and looked under the table.

She came face-to-face with a tan-skinned, freckle-faced boy. “I-is he gone?” the boy whispered.

Kathy figured he couldn’t be any older than three or four. “I need you to come out from under there.”

“B-but the… the bad guy. He’s gone?”

“If he wasn’t, you’d know, believe me. I’m the police. I’m Detective Baker. Now, come on out.” Tentatively, the boy crawled out from under the table. Kathy rose to her feet and grabbed his hand, walking him past his mother’s body and back to the door. “Can you take care of this?” she asked.

Aaron nodded. “I’ve got it, Kathy,” he promised.

She waited a moment, and when Aaron made no move, she raised a brow. “I’m talking about the kid. I’ve got the damn crime scene, Aaron.”

“Damn. Brutal as always, Katherine.”

Kathy grabbed the boy’s wrist instead and held his hand out to Aaron. “Jamal’s outside.”

Aaron watched her a moment longer before shaking his head. He grabbed the kid and lifted him, swinging him around to rest on his hip. “I gotcha, kid,” he said, his voice soft as he headed back toward the elevator. He pressed the call button, clearing his throat. “I’m Aaron. Do… you have a name?”

“Jensen.”

“Jensen. That’s cool. I like that.” Jensen nodded, bottom lip pulled between his teeth as his watery green eyes looked around the hallway. “How old are you, Jensen?”

“Umm… three.” He held up two fingers, thought about it, and then held up three. “Four soon.”

“How soon?”

He looked down for a moment. “August.”

“Next month,” Aaron whispered. Jesus. Not even four years old and his mom was dead. Brutally so. Aaron was a lot of things, but a person who wished that kind of start to life on a three-year-old kid wasn’t one of them.

Outside, Jamal was out of the car before Aaron even made it to the end of the sidewalk. “My God. There was a kid in there?”

“Under the table, only a couple feet away from his mom.”

“Jesus Christ.” Jamal took the boy from Aaron, placing a protective hand on the back of his head. “I’m going to call Social Services and take him to the hospital, just to make sure he’s okay. If I’m not back when you’re done, Katherine—”

“She can catch a ride with me,” Aaron said.

“If she… won’t, though? Call me. I’ll have someone bring her car.”

Aaron shook her head. “Don’t know how you put up with all her shit, Sarge.”

“Watch your mouth. That’s my girl you’re talking about, Detective.”

Aaron held up his hands in mock innocence. He nodded back toward the apartment building. “Headin’ back up. See you at the station.”


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Highway Butcher – Chapter Sixteen

NOT EDITED

Chapter Sixteen

6:33 PM; WEST LOS ANGELES POLICE DEPARTMENT, PARKING LOT

For the sake of marking it off officially, Bo and David had gone out to Abby Richard’s house as well. Bo had been right. Her place had been cleaned out too. David, of course, hadn’t doubted Bo on that for a single second, but it was still odd to see firsthand. Two victims who had seemingly packed up their things to leave and then been murdered shortly thereafter. Unlike Judy’s place, there had still been a few dishes in the sink, but the closet had been empty, save for the hangers her clothes had once been on.

As he finished up his notes, David glanced over at Bo. Leaned back ever so slightly in the passenger seat, the blonde had finally fallen asleep. Thank God. He wasn’t exactly oblivious to the fact that Bo hadn’t slept since leaving the hospital, despite Bo’s best efforts to convince him otherwise. David hadn’t quite been able to determine if the lack of sleep was insomnia-related or trauma-related. Either way, even if Bo only caught a couple minutes of sleep in the car, it was better than nothing.

Who the hell knew when the last time he had an actual good night’s sleep was. David knew he had slept like absolute shit during the Hangman manhunt. He imagined it hadn’t gotten much better since. Or any better. Truthfully, he was starting to fully understand Bo’s belief that it never would get better, and his ever-growing ability to understand it terrified him.

David let out a slow breath before pushing open the driver’s side door. He slid out of the car and closed the door as quietly as he could. He waited a moment, simply to confirm Bo remained asleep, and then headed up to the station.

Though Jamal’s shift ‘officially’ ended sometime around five most evenings, the man was just about always at the damn station. Especially since the Kathy-Dallas bullshit had gone down. So it didn’t surprise David in the slightest that the man was in his office, Franklin seated in his usual chair against the wall, a book open in his hand. David rapped two knuckles on the open door.

Jamal’s eyes lifted to his face as he closed the folder on his desk. “Quinn. To what I do owe the pleasure?”

David snorted. He wasn’t sure he’d ever held a job for so long in a place where the boss’s utter disdain for him was so obvious. Or where his disdain for the boss was so obvious. David held up the folder in his hand. “The friend gave us a positive ID on the second victim as Judy Crane. Bo and I went to her apartment. Place was clean, fridge was empty, and all of her things were emptied out of the closet and the dresser drawers. She packed up to leave before she died, and our walkthrough of the first victim’s place indicates she did the same.”

Jamal’s brow furrowed for a moment before he held out a hand. “Let me see?” David crossed the room and handed the folder over before lowering himself into one of the chairs in front of Jamal’s desk. “Abby Richards is the first victim, yes?”

“Yeah. Her house wasn’t as empty as Judy’s. Her closet was empty, but there were still dishes in the sink and food in the fridge. Most of her dresser drawers were still full.”

“What does Bo think?”

“You know just as well as I do that he won’t tell me.”

“Is that… because of me?”

For a moment, Jamal almost seemed human. The emotionless mask he usually wore fell, and when his eyes met David’s, they looked human. “No,” David finally said. “Even I can’t blame that one on you. He kind of always kept some things to himself, but I noticed it a lot more after the Kathy-Dallas manhunt started. I, uh… I think it’s because he didn’t know Dallas was Hangman, and if he didn’t know that, he doesn’t know anything. He thinks he should’ve known long before anyone else did.”

“Still?” Jamal asked.

“I don’t think he’ll ever not think that.”

“Mm.” The mask came down over Jamal’s face again, and he looked back at the folder. “You should speak to Miss Crane’s landlord next. If Miss Richards was renting, you should speak to hers as well. See if either of them broke their lease or if their lease recently ended.”

David nodded. “We’re also planning to talk to the people in Judy’s chronic pain support group. It’s possible she would confide things in the people there that she wouldn’t tell her friends outside of the group. They might know why she packed up just about everything. Pretty much all that was left was her furniture and the sheets that were on the bed.”

“Why do you think they packed up?” Jamal asked.

“Right now, honest to God? I think it’s a hell of a coincidence. Nothing Bo has found on Abby’s socials indicate she was a chronic pain patient too, so they weren’t in the same social circle or support group. Judy’s friend didn’t recognized Abby’s name when I asked her about it. I already checked to make sure none of the departments had any open cases filed under either woman, and I didn’t find anything. No documented reports of an abusive ex or family member. No documented requests for a restraining order. No reports of any threatening emails, letters, or phone calls. No reports of a break-in or robbery. If they were both being stalked or threatened to the point that they felt their only option was to pack up and flee, there aren’t any indications of the build-up period to that conclusion. So right now, I think… against all odds, we’re just looking at a giant coincidence.”

“You’re a damn fine detective, Quinn. I don’t tell you that nearly enough these days, but you’re one of my finest.”

David’s brow furrowed for a moment. “Thank you,” he said slowly. “I, umm… Forgive me for asking, umm, but are you drinking again?”

“Run along, David. Go on home. You’re off the clock.”

“Bo’s not the only one worth getting help for, you know. You could benefit from help too. You know there’s no shame in Bo getting help. You have to know there’s no shame in you getting help either.”

“You worry about Bo.” Jamal waved a hand in Frank’s direction. “And he’ll worry about me.”

“With all due respect to Frank, I’m not sure his worrying is nearly enough. Christ, Pitman, look at your life the last few years. You really wanna reflect on the way you treat people you claim to care about and tell me you don’t need help beyond Frank spiking your coffee for you?”

“I no longer participate in any potential drink spiking,” Franklin reminded without looking up from his book.

“You wanna contribute something useful, Frank?” David asked.

Franklin turned the page. “Mister Pitman is aware of my opinions on the matter, and there is nothing further I can offer that he hasn’t already heard from me.”

“David, if there is one thing Bo and I have in common, it’s that if you knew the full extent of what was swimming around in our thoughts—in our minds, in our souls—you would be in utter disbelief that we’re capable of even standing on our own two feet.” Jamal leaned back in his chair, pointing at David before crossing his arms over his chest. “The difference, however, is that I am far beyond saving, helping. Bo is not. There is still something within him that can be helped. We just have to reach it.”

7:15 PM; WEST LOS ANGELES POLICE DEPARTMENT, PARKING LOT

David had been beyond shocked to find Bo still sleeping in the passenger seat of his car when he came out of the station. After staring at him through the window long enough to confirm he was breathing, David had lifted himself onto the hood of the car and leaned back against the windshield, scared that opening the door again would wake Bo from a much-needed rest. His back and forth with Jamal had gone on for quite some time before David finally decided that trying to talk Jamal fucking Pitman into therapy was a slip and slide straight into an endless pit of excuses. Or maybe they truly were reasons. Maybe Jamal was beyond saving. If even half the rumors about Jamal’s mob connectiosn were true, then Jamal was probably right.

Not that the knowledge, or even the acceptance of it, made it any less irritating. Bo cared deeply for Jamal, and seeing him get help would likely help Bo to an extent. But Jamal was an alcoholic crooked cop who had gone out of his way to mistreat and disrespect Bo after Kathy and Dallas ran off, like it was Bo’s fault one of Jamal’s fucked up little family members ditched him, so he couldn’t really expect Jamal to try something that would actually help Bo.

But the stalker bodyguard pretending not to be a stalker or a bodyguard to ‘befriend’ Bo — that, Jamal could do. Choosing the only ‘bodyguard’ of the bunch that considered Kathy a mother — Jamal could do that.

Actually help? Well, it seemed beyond stupid that David had even considered it a possibility.

He turned his head to the side as the passenger side door opened. “Hey. Sorry, was hoping you’d stay asleep if I didn’t come back in.”

Bo offered a smile before lifting himself onto the hood of the car. “That’s all right. Sleep doesn’t really… happen much, anymore.” He cleared his throat. “Have you been inside?”

“Yeah.”

“What did he say?”

“Just wanted to know what you thought it meant, the apartment being cleaned out.”

“What’d you tell him?”

“The truth. That I didn’t know.”

Bo fiddled with the rubber band on his wrist, twisting it one way and untwisting it the other. It was better than snapping it, if nothing else. David would take whatever little wins Bo would give him. “Was he disappointed?”

“In you? No. He was…” David sighed. “I don’t know.”

“You can tell me. Anything you tell me can’t make me any worse than I am. I don’t think there’s a point any lower for me.”

David tried not to focus on that too much. He much preferred Bo’s honesty about his state of mind compared to his lies, but it didn’t make the pangs of guilt and sadness hurt any less. “He asked if it was because of him, that you didn’t share your thoughts and opinions with me. He seemed… almost human for a moment when he asked if it was his fault.”

“What’d you tell him?”

“That even I couldn’t blame it on him.”

After a moment, Bo nodded. “Thank you. I know you… you don’t like Jamal much.”

“It’s hard to. I don’t know why you do.”

“I… don’t know. Growing up, I would see him around the house sometimes. Early in the morning, late at night. He was usually outside with Dad or inside at the table with Mom, always talking quietly. I don’t think I was supposed to know. It was always before they woke me up or after I went to bed. But… but they seemed to trust him. And if they can trust him… I don’t know, maybe I’m supposed to, as well. And he gave me a job here at West when I was let go following the whole, uh, Mammoth debacle. When I couldn’t handle working at West because of the people, he made sure I got back to my ‘home’ lab. He gave me a million more chances than anyone else ever would have given a child. If it weren’t for Jamal, I… I wouldn’t have a career. Or, I wouldn’t have had one. I wouldn’t have gotten to tag along for interrogations and arrests and do things that your typical sad basement geek doesn’t do. It feels fundamentally wrong to hate him, even after the alcohol-fueled abuse. It’s hard to hate someone who did so much for me, and I don’t know what he did for my parents, but it must have been something big too. And I can’t hate him after that.”

“Have you ever asked them? About Jamal, I mean.”

Bo shook his head. “I’m not sure I want to know. What if I find out they’re in Jamal’s very own witness protection program? Or that they used to work for him? Or still do? What if I find out that the only reason I got into the LAPD and kept getting to come back was because my parents have some kind of dirt on Jamal?” He offered another shake of his head. “No, I’ve never asked. I don’t know that I ever will.”

David would, though. He had no damn problem asking. If Jamal’s precense in Renee and Denzel’s life was because he meddling in it, holding something against them, treating them the way he had treated Bo in recent years, he had every intention of finding out and putting an end to it.

“Are you off the clock for the night?” Bo asked when the silence had drawn out a little too long.

“Yep, totally free. Whatcha need?”

“Would, uh… you be willing to drive me somewhere?”

“Sure. Where to?”

“My house?”

David raised a brow. “Do you need more clothes?”

Bo shook his head. “No, I sold and donated just about everything I didn’t take with me. I just, umm…” He cleared his throat. “When we were at the diner, I saw Jensen outside. My… my kindred spirit? His mom was murdered when he was a child, and he wants me to look at the case. I-I said no, b-but he practically begged for me to be the only other person who cares about his mom, a-and I couldn’t… couldn’t say no again after that. I agreed to meet him at the house to look at the file. I don’t expect to be able to offer any valuable insight, but I might be able to help him feel like his mom matters to someone, and that… is still worth it to me.”

God. How would Bo feel if he found out his kindred spirit was a fucking plant in his life? A plan drawn together by just about every damn person he trusted? The very thought of it made him sick to his stomach.

“Yeah,” David whispered. He cleared his throat and tried again, a little louder, “Yeah. Absolutely. I can take you. Do you want to grab supper on the way? Take something for you to eat? Maybe for him?”

“That’s okay. I’ll have him order something for delivery if he’s hungry.”

David nodded. “Okay. Let’s roll. Yeah?”

Bo offered a smile. “Thank you.”

“No problem, Bo.”


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Highway Butcher – Chapter Fifteen

NOT EDITED

Chapter Fifteen

1:57 PM; LOS ANGELES, JUDY CRANE’S APARTMENT, ENTRYWAY

David had insisted on carrying Bo’s satchel and camera case to the sixth floor of the apartment building, and Bo felt incredibly vulnerable and naked without either accessory draped over his shoulder. It was kind of strange, really, how much those things seemed to define him. The man with the camera. The man with the satchel. The man with the notebooks.

The man with the serial killer best friend and the death wish.

“What’re you thinking?” David’s voice pulled Bo back from dangerous territory.

He blinked, clearing his throat as his blue eyes scanned the part of the apartment visible from the entryway. “From here, the place looks clean. The door was locked. There aren’t any signs of a break-in via the door. There isn’t a sign of a struggle here. That’s not to say we won’t find one in the bedroom or the bathroom.”

“But… you don’t think we will?” David asked.

“I’m not sure that I ‘think’ anything.”

David snorted. “You do. You always do. You just don’t trust yourself enough to allow yourself to be led in any direction.”

Well. That was certainly accurate. David had unfortunately always been good at that, pinning down the exact thing Bo was feeling before even Bo could positively identify it.

“I trust you, for what it’s worth. I trust you, your mind, and every ounce of forensic knowledge you have tucked away in there. Depression didn’t erase your intelligence or your skill. It just made you doubt it. But I promise you, Bo, it’s still there, just as clear as it was when I first met you at the West Department.”

Bo shook his head and stepped further into the apartment, knowing if he didn’t engage any further in the conversation, neither would David. He didn’t understand where it kept coming from. The faith. The trust. Aramis, an older forensic tech with the LAPD when Bo had first been hired as a teenager, had trusted him and his eye almost immediately. So had Russ, the police officer—and later detective—he had worked with around the same time, before he had transferred departments to get away from Bo. But that was a whole other can of worms that Bo did his best to keep the lid on nowadays.

Dallas had trusted him. Or, so he said. He must’ve, to let him live in his home. But not enough to let him know who Dallas truly was.

His parents had trusted him when he had decided to move to California for college and apply at the LAPD. Jamal had trusted him enough to put his ass on the line and hire a teenager to the forensic department. Bridget had trusted him from the moment they met as children, through their time together at the station. Even now, after months of abuse and isolation, she had still trusted Bo enough to call him when she needed an escape. And David. Jupiter, David trusted him beyond anything Bo could even find a comparison to.

Even Jensen, a complete stranger, claimed to have faith in Bo. Trust. And then there was Bo, who couldn’t even muster up enough of either to do the only goddamn thing he loved.

“What do you see?” David eventually asked. “Not what you think or feel. Just what you see.”

Bo scanned the kitchen. “There are no dishes in the sink or left out on the counter.”

“So she wasn’t surprised in the middle of eating or putting things away,” David said. “No pots or pans on the stove either, so no one knocked or broke in while she was making food.”

Bo nodded, turning toward the living room as he fidgeted with the blue rubber band around his wrist. “The furniture in the living area looks… normal. Nothing seems toppled over or out of place. No books knocked out of the bookcase. No magazines pushed off the coffee table.”

“So if there was a struggle, it didn’t take place in the living room,” David said.

Bo walked off toward the short hallway and leaned into the bathroom. With his gloves tucked inside his camera bag, draped over David’s shoulder, he had no intentions of touching anything. David was right. It was unlikely this apartment was the scene of any part of the crime, but it would always be better to be safe than sorry. The sunlight filtering through the small, single window in the bathroom was enough to get a clear view of the room.

“Her hairbrush is put away. There aren’t any towels on the floor or hung up to dry, save for the hand towel by the sink here. No curling iron or blow dryer plugged in.”

“So… not getting ready to go somewhere when someone interrupted her.”

Bo took a small step back and headed to the end of the hallway. The bedroom. The bed was made. Her phone wasn’t charging on the nightstand. Even her tower fan was unplugged. The lack of light on the extension cord switch indicated she had turned that off too. “Hmm.”

“What?”

“Nothing in particular.”

David laughed. “There’s no way in hell you’re gonna stand here and ‘hmm’ and tell me you aren’t thinking anything ‘in particular’.”

“It was… an unintentional slip.”

“Unless you can go suck it back outta the air, I want to hear the thought.” Bo snapped the rubber band against the inside of his wrist a few times, eyes darting to David’s face when the detective laid a hand over his. “The fidgeting is okay. I’m not going to let you welt your wrist while I’m standing here watching you do it.”

“I’m sorry,” Bo whispered.

David shook his head, his brow furrowed. “You don’t have to be. I’m not even sure you’re totally aware you’re doing it.”

“Sometimes. Only… sometimes,” Bo mumbled. He stepped into the room, closing his eyes briefly as David’s hand dropped back to his side. “The bedroom is very tidy. Appliances unplugged, extension cord powered off. That was my ‘hmm’.”

“Those were the things you saw that led to the ‘hmm’,” David corrected. “But I can still work with that.” He took a slow look around the room. “You wanna check the closet? See if she packed a bag to get outta here?”

Bo smiled, though his back was still to David. No one had ever been able to read Bo quite the way David could. It had always been impressive, if not a little unfortunate. Well. Incredibly unfortunate. If David had put even ten percent of the effort he’d put into Bo into understanding someone else instead, the man would have friends. So many damn friends. And Bo wouldn’t be his ride or die. His sink or swim.

He wouldn’t be aboard the ever-sinking vessel that was Bo’s mind, and Bo wouldn’t be able to drag David down with him any further.

But David had never done that. He had never strayed far from Bo, never taken the time to ‘get to know’ much of anyone else at the station. Bridget, of course, didn’t count. David only had taken the time for her because she had been Bo’s friend, because he had invited her out for drinks with them, or because she had invited them out with her. It struck him then and there, in Judy Crane’s apartment, that he had never really wondered why David had focused all of his befriending efforts on him. Even Jacob Mason hadn’t ostracized his other friends simply because Bo had arrived, despite how badly the detective had seemed to want another station buddy. Bridget had always had other friends. So had Russ. Everyone always had.

Except for Dallas.

Bo turned to face David, fingers moving back to the rubberband. “You’d tell me if you were… different, right?”

David tilted his head to the side. “Different how?”

“Different… in the head? If you were…?” Bo shifted his weight between his feet. “If you were like Dallas, let’s say. You would tell me?”

He raised a brow. “Are you asking me if I’m a murderer?”

“Umm… I don’t know that I want to phrase it that way.”

“I’m not a serial killer, Bo. If I had a secret like Dallas did, I would tell you. I saw what learning Dallas’s secret through other people did to you. I would not put you through that a second time.”

“You… you promise?”

“I promise,” David whispered. Bo nodded, gaze falling to the floor. “Are you just… in your head? Are you reliving something I can help you through?”

“No. I’m not… No.”

“Okay. That’s something. Can I ask why you thought of it then?”

“It’s stupid.”

“It’s trauma, Bo. Whatever you’re thinking and however you got there — it isn’t stupid. It’s your brain’s response to trauma. It literally changes your brain, Bo. Fundamentally, it’s changed forever. You aren’t stupid for being traumatized.”

Bo chewed on that thought for a moment before forcing himself to nod. David was right. At one time, Bo had been the one to tell him that, about the brain scans of people who survived trauma. Somehow, knowing it was true for other people and accepting it was also true for himself, that his brain wasn’t different just because he was an idiot who couldn’t stop thinking about everything revolving around Kathy and Dallas, were two entirely separate entities. Understanding it for other people and their trauma was easy. Accepting it for his own was… impossible.

“I was thinking about how you can read me better than anyone else. I wanted to check the closet. You knew I wanted to check the closet, and you knew the reason why. Even though I wouldn’t say it. And then… I thought about how if you put even the smallest amount of effort into reading someone else like that, you’d have friends. Normal, healthy, and mentally-sound friends. But you don’t have any other friends. You’re like Dallas. It’s just me. And…”

“And Dallas is the only friend who only had you,” David finished.

“There you go again. Reading me.”

David offered a smile. “You pay enough attention to a person, and reading their quirks or their thoughts isn’t super difficult. Most of the conclusions I ‘read’ from you are just the end of the path you walk me down. I don’t pull them out of thin air. You look at something when you’re thinking about it. You might not know you did, but you turned your head toward her closet. That’s all.”

“Why just me?” Bo asked after a moment.

“I’m quick to pick out things I don’t like about other people. Maybe they’re at the bar too many nights or they brag about the things they did to avoid their spouse and their kids for a couple hours. Maybe I’ve seen the way they talk to victims and witnesses, or the way they talk about them behind their back when the interviews are over. But you…” David blew out a breath, shoving his hands into his pockets. “My first partner, before I came to California and joined the LAPD, was autistic. I knew him from the day we started kindergarten to the day he died. Before he was officially diagnosed, before he was given tools to help him cope with the way the rest of the world treats autists, before he was given access to help in school specific to the things he struggled with because of his autism, I saw the way the world treated him and shoved him around and pushed him to the ground and kicked him once he was there. I couldn’t help him, not like I wish I could’ve. But I can help you. I can be there for you. Always.”

Bo watched him for a moment. “So I’m… grief relief?”

“I stuck to you in a very dark time in my life, when having a second chance with someone like him was the only thing keeping me from drowning. After that? No. You were just my best fucking friend, and I saw no reason to seek out another. I mean, what cop can balance two healthy friendships anyway?”

Bo couldn’t fight the little smile that tugged at one corner of his mouth. “I suppose that’s fair. The seond part. The first part, I… I’m sorry. I appreciate you sharing that information with me.” He cleared his throat, looking down as he shifted his feet. “Thank you for not being mad. That I… That I asked.”

“It’s good to talk about things like that, especially when they’re bothering you or weighing on you. Keeps them from festering,” David said. “You didn’t pull the idea out of thin air. You didn’t make it up just for the hell of it. You’re traumatized, Bo. You suffered trauma. You made a connection between me and the thing that the trauma stems from, and you needed to know you were safe here. That this wasn’t going to be more bad stuff. I’ll never penalize or demonize you for that.”

“Thank you,” Bo whispered, eyes lifting back to David’s face.

The detective smiled softly. “No problem.” He nodded toward the closest. “So, you wanna check out your ‘hmm’ and see if you can get a satisfactory answer?”

Bo nodded. Before he could even ask for a pair of gloves, David was already pulling a pair from his satchel. Bo offered a smile as he reached for them. “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

Bo pulled them on as he walked over to the closet. He fidgeted with the cuff of the glove on his left hand. His ongoing theory about this house specifically seemed so incredibly asinine. Once he opened the closet door, and the closet inevitably revealed that it was asinine, he’d be able to show David irrefutable proof that he wasn’t the Bo Austen everyone so desperately seemed to believe him to be. That would at least be one benefit of being wrong. Everyone would quickly tire of propping up the genius who wasn’t one anymore, and he could… leave. Leave with the peace that no one he loved would be hurt by his departure.

Bo reached out and pulled open the closet doors. “Holy shit,” he whispered.

“What?”

“I was… right.”

“Told ya,” David said simply, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He stepped up beside Bo, one eyebrow raised. “The closet’s empty. Like… empty empty.”

Bo only nodded.

“So… since you predicted it’d be empty, what does that mean in your current working theory?”

Bo was a little too stunned to offer up his usual excuses for not telling a detective about his theories. “Umm, that she packed up her things and just… left. Just like the first victim did.”

“How do you know that?”

Umm.”

“Oh, my God. You broke into her house after you ID’d her.”

“Technically… her door was unlocked.”

David snorted. Lightly, he backhanded Bo’s upper arm. “Y’know, when you have a detective for a best friend, and when that detective is the one working the homicide you’re interested in, you don’t have to go sneaking around into the victims’ homes to look for clues. I’ll go with you, every single time.”

“That kind of defeats the purpose of me doing it in secret.”

David rolled his eyes rather than offering any sort of verbal response. “They both packed up for something and then were murdered and tossed out like garbage” he said after a moment. “Or it’s the killer’s hallmark. Comes by and cleans out their places, make it look like they went somewhere willingly?”

“It’s a possibility. Hell of a lot of work though, especially since the only way we’d end up here is either because we identified the victim or because a family member or friend called for a wellness check. Why go through the trouble of cleaning up and making it look like they left when the only reason we’d even look is if we already knew they were dead?” Bo asked.

“That’s fair. Solid points.” David lightly elbowed his upper arm. “See? Your brain works just fine. I know it feels like you’re broken or you’re not the Bo Austen you once were. But you’re not broken. You’re just depressed.” A pause. “ ‘Just’ isn’t the word I want. You aren’t ‘just’ depressed. Depression is fucking horrible. But it doesn’t mean you’re broken or that you aren’t Bo anymore. It just means… your head’s a little darker these days, a little heavier. But it doesn’t make you stupid or worthless. You’re the same damn genius I met when I first came to L.A., no matter what everyone put you through.”

Bo didn’t quite have a response to David’s seemingly never-ending confidence in him. How the hell was he supposed to have a response? Nothing he could conjure up would ever match the overwhelming pride and joy David apparently felt for Bo.

He settled for reaching out to squeeze David’s arm. Anything to move past it without addressing it. “I need to sit for a few, and then I’ll grab some photos.”

David nodded. “Of course. Let’s go sit. Take all the time you need.”


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