Lost Brothers – Chapter Three

**As always, thank you for your patience. In addition to everything else, I lost my Grandpa to Alzheimer’s shortly after finally receiving a diagnosis, and the decline was very rapid and very much completely out of nowhere. I took some more actual time away from writing instead of trying to force it to give me an escape like I usually do, and I think not forcing it, even only a little, has helped to some degree.

I got stuck on the end of this chapter for an eternity and rewrote it about a dozen times, so I hope you enjoy ❤

NOT EDITED

The ER was like an entirely different world from the one Riley had been in only hours before. There weren’t nearly enough chairs for all of the patients crammed into the waiting room. He could hear someone — a doctor, maybe a nurse, but definitely not Sian — barking orders somewhere. Something about isolation. Another voice calling for a crash cart. Another for Type O blood.

“Stay with Molly. I need to…” Riley cleared his throat. “I want to find Doctor Hopkins.”

“Okay,” Tara whispered, eyes scanning the waiting room.

Riley leaned back enough to peek out at the ambulance. Jamal still sat outside the ambulance’s closed door, his gun held in one hand between his knees. For now, their angry once-dead police officer was still contained and closely guarded. Riley squeezed Tara’s shoulder and hurried back to Sian’s office. Empty, but sorting through the mess of quick notes and memos on his desk indicated he was probably in the OR.

Riley ducked past the nurse’s station with ease — it was like its own disorganized ghost town — and stopped in front of the large whiteboard in the hall. Sian Hopkins. Operating Room Three. He made his way back toward the operating rooms, squeezing past abandoned laundry carts and half-closed med cabinets. A nurse ran past him, a bloody towel held over her forearm. Riley’s heart pounded in his chest as he shoved open the door to OR Three.

Sian was pinned in the corner, one hand wrapped tightly around the forearm he held to his chest. With his foot, he kicked back a woman in a hospital gown. She screamed, ran at him again. Sian called for help, kicking her back once more.

Riley ran through the door between the scrub room and OR. “Hey!” He smacked a hand against the window several times. The woman’s head whipped around in her direction. Her eyes were blood red, only a small black pupil in the middle. Her face was pale, blood around her eyes and mouth, running down her chin and neck.

She ran at Riley. He jumped to the side. Hands on her back once she was close, he shoved her to the ground. Across the room, he grabbed Sian’s arm and pulled him toward the OR door. As the woman ran back at him, he yanked the door open and into her face, knocking her down again. He pushed Sian through the doorway and pulled it shut.

Sian stumbled back into the wall, sliding down to the floor with a sob. Once Riley was certain the door would hold, he sat down beside the doctor, who collapsed against Riley’s chest, one hand still wrapped tightly around his forearm.

Riley wrapped his shaking arms around Sian, eyes on the woman in the OR. She stood at the window now, staring. She cocked her head to the side, pressed a bloody hand to the glass. He watched the soft rise and fall of her chest. She was breathing, just like the dead-not-dead cop from the intersection

“What do you got on your arm, there?” Riley asked, eyes still focused on their very pale friend.

“O-one of the nurses tried to stab her while I was pulling her back and g-got my arm instead.”

“Let me see?”

Sian pulled away with a sniffle. He lifted his hand enough for Riley to see the jagged cut on his arm, blood pooling in his palm. “Just that, I promise,” he whispered.

“I believe you. I just needed to see how bad it was.” Riley pushed Sian’s hand back over the wound. “We need to get you stitched up, okay?”

“I don’t know what the hell’s going on, Riley.”

“Hey.” Riley wrapped a hand around Sian’s chin, forcing the doctor to meet his eyes. “Right now, that doesn’t matter. Getting that stitched up so you don’t die on me is what matters. Okay?”

“I can’t, Riley,” Sian whispered. “I-I can’t. Sh-she killed two of my nurses, bit another. I—”

“Don’t think about that. Think about you. Think about your arm. You need it taken care of.”

“Whatever this is, I’m not made for it, Ri. I’m not.”

“You said you wanted me, right? You want me?”

Sian’s brow furrowed, but he nodded.

“You gotta survive today if you want me, Si. You gotta. For me, okay? We’re gonna get you back to your office. I’m gonna stitch up your arm, and you’re gonna call the CDC. Okay? For me.”

Sian sniffled again. With a protestant little whimper, he nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Riley whispered. “Okay.” He kissed Sian, long and hard, the way he should have earlier that day instead of letting the pager interrupt them. He leaned his forehead against the doctor’s, eyes closed. “Can you stand?” Sian only nodded. Riley pulled back and pressed a kiss to the top of his head before pushing himself to his feet. He helped Sian up and slowly opened the door to the hall.

Quiet. Or, as quiet as it could be. As Riley stepped out of the room, Sian grabbed his wrist with his non-bloody hand. Together, they made their way back down the hall, past the nurse’s station, and into Sian’s office. Sian dropped into his chair like a sack of potatoes, injured arm still held closely to his chest.

Riley closed the door and twisted the lock into place. He grabbed the small radio pinned to his shirt near his shoulder. “Pitman, you got your ears on?”

“Always do,” Jamal said a moment later. “What’s it like in there?”

“Don’t think it’ll be long before this place goes… feral. Like the intersection.”

“I assumed as much.”

“What’s the lobby look like?”

“About the same as when you went in. Tara and the injured gal headed back with a couple nurses not long ago.”

Riley tilted his head back for a moment, thinking. “Just… keep an eye on things, let me know if something changes out there. I have a doctor to stitch up.”

“Well, if he dies during that stitch-up job of yours, run,” Jamal said.

Riley turned away from Sian, as if that would impact his ability to hear Jamal’s less-than-helpful advice. “He can hear you, you know.”

“Well,” Jamal said again, “in that case, if Riley dies during that stitch-up job, run.”

Riley rolled his eyes and dropped his hand back to his side before turning to Sian. He had slouched down in the chair, a faraway look in his eyes. Riley knew that look all too well. He walked across the room and squatted down before him, hands moving to his face. Sian blinked, eyes focusing on Riley’s. “Waiting room still looks okay. I mean, in terms of it not being… like the operating room. So we’re gonna stitch you up and call the CDC, and then we’ll figure out what to do from there.”

“I already did,” Sian mumbled. “The CDC, I mean. I did that… I don’t know. It’s here somewhere,” he said, glancing over at his desk. “When the first instance of… this happened, I called. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“So they’ll be out soon?”

Sian lifted his shoulders.

“Okay,” Riley whispered. “That’s all right. Stitches. Do you just want some lidocaine?”

“Sure.”

“I’m gonna need your code for the med cart.”

“Umm… birthday,” Sian said after a moment. “Year, month, day.”

“Okay.” Riley pressed a kiss to Sian’s forehead as he rose to his feet. “I’ll be right back.” He left the room, closing the door behind him. He made his way back to the abandoned cart he’d seen on his way to the OR. “Jamal?”

“Listening.”

“I pulled Doctor Hopkins out of the OR. He was being attacked by a patient. Dead-not-dead, you know?”

“Is he all right?”

“Yeah. Stitches are for a scalpel wound on his forearm. Patient successfully killed two nurses and bit one of the others. I think the one she bit was who I saw running down the hall. Bite on her forearm. She had a towel she was holding her arm with. You see anything like that out there?”

“No,” Jamal said after a moment. “It’s crowded in the waiting room, yes, but it’s calm. People are antsy and annoyed, but it’s calm. Calmer than the intersection.”

“Yeah,” Riley whispered to himself rather than into the radio. He squatted down in front of the med cart and entered Sian’s code. “Still no sign of Tara?”

“No.”

“What about our dead-not-dead friend in the ambulance?”

“Still angry, but he’s not beating down the doors, so the restraints must still be holding him down.”

“Good.” Riley grabbed the vial of lidocaine and a syringe. He stood up and grabbed a suture kit from the jostled shelf near the wall. “Pitman?”

“Yeah?”

“What the fuck are we gonna do?”

“We’ll figure it out.”

“I don’t know how to figure it out. I-I don’t know if there is anything to figure out.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” Jamal said, his voice soft. Calm. “One task at a time, Monroe. Stitch up your doctor. I’ll hold down the waiting room and the ambulance.”

“Yeah, okay. Okay. Thank you,” Riley whispered.

“Mm. You’re welcome.”

Riley closed the medicine cabinet doors, lifting his head to the intercom as it crackled to life. “Code Black. Initiate lockdown protocol.”

Security threat. Riley’s eyes slowly shifting to the doors just before the nurse’s station. The doors that would be automated to close in a lockdown. “Shit.” Riley scrambled to his feet and sprinted down the hall, hugging the meds and suture kid to his chest with one arm, the other fighting to keep his balance on slippery tile floors.

He skidded through the doors just before they slammed shut, a single belt loop stuck between them. Riley reached back and tore the loop the rest of the way, freeing himself from the doors’ death grip. He leaned back against the wall, giving his shaky legs a bit of support for the rest of his body. He pressed the button on his radio. “Pitman?”

“Bit more chaotic in there. I was about to radio you,” Jamal said.

“They initiated a lockdown.”

“Get your doctor stitched up. I’ll see what I can figure out on my end in the meantime.”

“Thank you.”

“Mmhmm.”

Riley forced himself away from the wall and headed back to Sian’s office. The doctor was still slouched down in his desk chair, his faraway gaze staring through the wall. Riley closed and locked the door. With minimal verbal input from Sian, Riley cleaned away some of the blood and administered the lidocaine around the wound. Donning a pair of gloves, he prepared to stitch up the wound.

“Lockdown?” Sian asked, eyes still on the wall.

“Yeah. Code black.”

“Mm.”

Riley cleared his throat. “So… the woman in the OR.”

“Mm?”

“How did she…? What happened there?”

“She flatlined on the table before we even got her fully sedated. We started compressions, pushed epi, and we got a pulse. Slow, but steady and definitely there. Then she was up and…” Riley started a suture, allowing Sian to hold the silence as long as he needed. “She threw herself at one of my nurses, the one she bit. The one who ran out of the OR. She tackled another, and I was able to pull her off the nurse. I remember seeing the scalpel coming at us, and I yelled for her not to do it, and I moved my… my arm up over the patient’s chest to protect her heart from the blade. She wasn’t thinking. The nurse, I mean. She yanked the scalpel out, and the pain made me loosen my grip, and the patient jerked forward, and she just…”

“Dead-not-dead,” Riley said after a moment. “That’s what happened with the man we brought in. A cop. Dead when I arrived on the scene, suddenly no longer dead before I was able to get the living victim on her feet and into the ambulance.” He cleared his throat. “You said you called the CDC after the first instance of this. When was that?”

“This morning, shortly after you left. The page I got? That was for… for the first one.”

“The first one had already, uh, come back?”

Sian shook his head. “Had already arrived at the hospital, pre-death. He’d been bit by one of his sheep. Then he flatlined while we were debriding the wound, and then…” He stared at the wall for a moment before blinking himself back to now. “I thought it must have been some sort of zoonotic disease. I had no other explanation. I still don’t, not really. Something that temporarily overloads the heart, and the… the reboot of the system triggers the extreme aggression. Some variation of rabies or something. That was my first thought, rabies. But I don’t… I don’t know. It’s not like all of these people have been in contact with the sheep on the first farmer’s land. You know?”

The rumble of something outside interrupted Riley before he could get any further than opening his mouth.”

“Helicopters,” Jamal said over the radio. “Military.”

“Could you…?”

Sian nodded, reaching out to press the button on Riley’s radio for him.

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Riley asked as he finished the final suture on Sian’s arm.

“Depends on who you ask, I suppose,” Jamal said.

“I’m asking you.”

“You don’t want to do that.”

“So… bad then.”

“Well, you said it. Not me.”

Riley blew out a harsh breath. “How many?”

“I count three.”

“Heading toward the hospital?”

“Flying over it,” Jamal said.

“Tell me if anything changes.”

“I will.”

Riley looked down as his phone buzzed in his pocket. He finished up with Sian’s arm and stood up to toss the lidocaine needle in the sharps container on the wall. When he turned back, Sian was already wrapping his arm with the bandage roll in his good hand. Riley tossed his gloves in the bin and pulled his phone from his pocket.

Eli: Get out. It is not a lockdown, it’s a death strike. Leave. Now.


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Chapter Four

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Lost Brothers – Chapter Two

NOT EDITED

Riley and Tara were in the middle of a call when Eli finally texted back. After dropping the patient off at the county hospital and taking a quick piss break, Riley found Eli’s texts gave him even more questions than the first one.

Eli: I’m fine

Eli: If you see something weird, trust your gut

Riley: You are NOT okay. What the hell is going on? Call me.

It had been almost three hours since then, and Eli still hadn’t read his text. Riley had even tried calling him in between dispatches, and he’d yet to get anywhere other than his damn voicemail.

Now, just a little after four that afternoon, Riley and Tara were sent out on another call: a squabble between roommates had turned violent, and they had both ended up falling out a window and onto the sidewalk below. One of them had gotten up, was aggressive, and was…

“Biting?” Tara asked. “What the hell does that even mean? You think it’s a typo or something?”

“Zombies,” Riley mumbled, his jaw tense. He adjusted his grip on the steering wheel, trying to force himself to keep his hands loose enough that his knuckles stayed skin-colored.

Tara snorted. “Yeah, zombies. Zombies or somebody drugged up on who the hell knows what.”

With Eli’s ominous message that morning, and the two that eventually followed, for the first time in his career, Riley hoped for a violent drug addict.

***

By the time Riley and Tara arrived at the scene, the police had already barricaded all entrances to the intersection with their cruisers. Neither paramedic had much more to say than a whispered, “Jesus Christ,” as Riley parked the ambulance. The makeshift barricades were one thing. The presence of LAPD police chief Jamal Pitman was something else entirely.

Before Riley could even open his mouth, Jamal held a finger up to his lips, silencing any words before they could surface. A moment later, he stretched out his hand, gently patting the air toward the ground, signaling for them to get down. Riley and Tara crouched down low and hustled over to Jamal, who was down on one knee behind the door of a police cruiser, his free hand wrapped around his pistol.

“What the hell’s going on?” Riley asked, his voice hushed.

“It’s been a hell of a day,” Jamal said simply.

“With this?” Tara asked.

Jamal leaned up slightly and looked over the hood of the cruiser before turning his attention back to the EMTs again. “We’ve had a lot of disturbance calls today. Fights at work, fights at the park, fights at home. Disturbances. Someone’s ended up bitten by the attacker in almost all of them, save for the two where the alleged attacker was shot dead. In all but one of the disturbances with a living attacker, they had long since fled the scene by the time my officers showed up. This one, though…” Jamal lifted a shoulder. “Two victims, both alive and screaming when officers arrived. Pinned down the attacker, got one cuff on, he throws off the officer, takes a bite out of his throat.” A pause. “The officer was dead pretty quickly, I’m told. I arrived shortly before you did. The original two… One’s dead. He died soon after the original officers arrived on scene. The second one’s quiet now, but she’s alive. I can still see her breathing.”

“We need to go in and help her,” Riley said, already rising to his feet.

Jamal grabbed his forearm and yanked him back down. “Consider this an active shooter situation. EMS does not go in until the area is secured.”

“Fuck that. She’s dying out there.”

“The rules are in place for a reason. You, of all people, should know that.”

There were a lot of things Riley could easily detach himself from. Brush them aside. Ignore them. Not feel the impact of them.

That was not one of them.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Tara asked, the words fuzzy through the numbing static.

“I didn’t mean it like that, and you damn well know it,” Jamal said through his teeth. “I have lost three men today. Three. And I have seven in the damn hospital. With those deaths and injuries, new rules will be implemented, just as Colby’s death resulted in this rule being implemented. That is how I meant it.”

The fuzzy static dissipated a little as Jamal grabbed Riley’s shoulder and gave it a sharp squeeze. “I’m sorry, Riley. Are you with us?”

Riley nodded, teeth digging into the inside of his cheeks. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Yeah, I’m here. I’m with you.”

“Good. I want you take a peek over this car. Just a little one. Look at our suspect.”

Riley searched Jamal’s face for any sort of hint or indicator of what he was hoping to accomplish, but there was nothing there. The elderly black man had nailed down quite a few tactics in his years, but the absolute blankness he wore like a mask was certainly one of his greatest achievements. At least, as far as Riley was concerned.

Tentatively, Riley leaned up just enough to get a good look at the scene on the other side of the vehicular barricade. A man in a torn dress shirt staggered around in the middle of the intersection, his hands and face slick with blood that Riley imagined wasn’t his own. The dead cop lay a few feet away from him in the middle of the road, blood pooled around him. The two civilian victims were on the sidewalk, the man entirely motionless, the woman chest rising and falling. Every now and then, her hand moved or she dragged her leg up toward herself a little before it fell down again.

Riley crouched back down, gaze on the street beneath his feet. Was this what Eli’s texts were about? Had… this already happened in New York? And what the hell even was this? “Narcotics?” Riley asked, forcing his eyes back to the police chief’s face.

Jamal shook his head before offering a shrug. “I don’t know. If it is, it’s nothing I’ve ever seen before.”

Riley knew what the implication of that particular statement was. If the rumors about Jamal were true, and he was pretty sure a fair share of them were, then the man spent his free time working with the mob. If anyone would know about the drugs being pumped into Los Angeles and surrounding areas by thugs and gangsters, it’d be Jamal Pitman.

His lack of certainty wasn’t exactly any more reassuring than any of the other ‘comforting’ moments of Riley’s day thus far.

“I’m going.” Riley nodded off toward the street. “Whether you come or not, I’m going to her, and I’m going to stop the bleeding.”

Tara grabbed his arm. “I’m sorry, did you see the same shit I saw? You’ll get yourself killed.”

Riley pulled his arm from her grip. “Then they’ll make a new rule because of me, and I’ll finally get to see Colby again.” He grabbed Tara’s kit and slid across the hood of the cruiser before she could stop him.

“God fucking dammit,” Jamal said through his teeth.

Riley hustled over to the female victim, doing his best to stay quiet and low. It wasn’t until he knelt beside her that he realized Jamal had followed him. Riley raised a questioning brow in his direction.

“If another man is dying on my watch, I’m going down with him.”

Riley nodded and held out a fist, which Jamal stared at for a moment before tapping his own against it. Riley laid a hand on the woman’s shoulder. “Ma’am, can you hear me?”

“Yeah,” she whispered, her eyes closed.

“Good. What’s your name?”

“Molly.”

“Okay, Molly. My name’s Riley. I’m gonna get you taken care of, okay?”

Molly only nodded.

Riley pulled on a pair of gloves as he glanced up at their unsub, still wandering the intersection, bloody fingers twitching at his side. “Molly, where does it hurt?”

She licked her dry lips. “Everywhere. B-but my leg and my shoulder a-are the worst.”

“You wanna tell me what happened?” Riley asked as he dug through the kit for his trauma shears.

“When he fell from the window, I was walking past. H-he fell on me. I think I broke my leg. And then, he…” Her brow furrowed for a moment, eyes still closed. “He got up, and for a moment, I-I almost thought he was just gonna walk off the fall and help me, but he bit me. He threw himself at me, grabbed my shoulders, and bit me. A man yelled at him, kicked him off of me, and then he…”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to try and relive any more of it.”

“Thank you.”

Riley squeezed her arm. Shears in hand, he cut her pant leg. Her skin greeted him with visible bones. Compound fractures of the tibia and fibula. He glanced up at Jamal before leaning to the side for a look at her neck. Two fingers hooked through the collar of her shirt, he gently pulled it back. The wound was near the area where the shoulder and neck connected, a little closer to her shoulder than her neck. The man had ripped out a genuine chunk of skin and meat, his teeth marks distinct and curved on both sides of the wound. It wasn’t very deep, and placement-wise, she was about as lucky as a woman who’d served as a cushioned landing for a man could possibly be. The bleeding had already mostly stopped on its own, the blood clotting and congealing enough to be tacky, which had made peeling her shirt back a slow and thoughtful process.

But the skin around the wound was discolored, faintly gray. He had certainly seen his share of necrotizing wounds, but never one so quickly after the wound occurred.

“We need to get her stabilized and in the ambulance now. You have my back?” Riley asked.

Jamal nodded. “I’ve held worse positions.”

Riley couldn’t help but snort. “If even a third of the shit they say about you is true? Yeah, I’m sure you have.”

At that, the old man almost cracked a smile. Almost.

While Riley stabilized the bones in Molly’s leg and dressed the shoulder bite, Jamal kept a close eye on the wandering man, eyes occasionally flickering toward the dead officer in the street.

“Don’t think about him right now, Pitman,” Riley said. “I need you here.”

“It’s not… that,” Jamal said slowly. “He’s… started breathing. I can see his chest moving.”

“You’re imaging it.”

“I assure you, Monroe, I am not.”

Riley taped down the gauze on Molly’s shoulder before lifting his head, ready to tell the police chief he was simply reacting to trauma, whether he liked it or not. But there it was, clear as day — the dead boy in blue was fucking breathing. “Molly, we need to get you up. Chief Pitman and I are going to pull you to your feet, you’re going to keep all weight on your good leg, and we’re going to move. Are you with me?”

Molly nodded.

“Jamal?”

“I’m with you.”

Eyes flickering back and forth between Molly and the breathing officer, Riley and Jamal hoisted her to her feet. Halfway back to the police cruiser barricade, the officer pulled himself to his hands and knees. His eyes locked with Jamal’s, and as he let out the most horrific scream Riley had ever heard, he bolted upright, like a track star out of the starting blocks, and sprinted toward them. Jamal clocked him with the butt of his pistol, right in the nose, before driving a foot into his gut and kicking him down. “Run.”


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Lost Brothers – Chapter One

**This is the new zombie thing I’m working on. I don’t have an actual title for it yet, so ‘Lost Brothers’ is just a placeholder. I hope you enjoy ❤

Riley Monroe woke up with a faint metallic taste in his mouth. It wasn’t real — just a phantom memory that clung to his tongue some mornings — but that knowledge didn’t make the taste any weaker. He sat up slowly, rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to shake off the lingering fragments of his dream. Blood. Sirens. Screams that warped and faded into static. He drew in a sharp inhale, blew out a slow exhale, and reached for the bottle of water on the nightstand.

His uniform was already laid out on the chair by the window: navy blue, patched with the city’s emergency medical service crest. Riley dressed in silence, except for the click of his belt and the creak of old floorboards beneath the shifting weight of his feet. Most days, he moved through the morning like a background character in his own life. Detached but efficient.

Most days, that was the only way to survive.
Riley passed a hand through his dark hair before grabbing his cell from the nightstand. The screen lit briefly, an unread text flashing at the top. Riley rubbed a tired hand near the corner of his eye, tapping the phone’s lock button with the thumb of his free hand.

Eli.

Jesus. He hadn’t talked to his little brother in months. Or Eli hadn’t talked to him. Their little tiff seemed so damn far away — he couldn’t quite remember who actually started it anymore, or who had given who the cold shoulder first. But there was a message from Eli regardless, cold shoulder be damned.

Eli: Please be careful today

Riley stood still for a moment, thumb hovering over the sensor to unlock the phone. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Be careful. Be careful of what? And why? And since when did Eli care if he was careful or not?

Riley unlocked his phone and opened the text message.

Riley: Are you okay?

He waited a moment for any indication Eli had seen it, but the little read checkmark circle remained unfilled, and the three dots for typing never appeared. Riley locked the screen and tossed his phone onto the counter.

Coffee. Cheap, bitter, reliable. Consistent. And unlike Eli’s ominous text, part of the detached and efficient routine.

***

The station was already buzzing with activity when Riley arrived. Two fire engines were rolling out — one north, one south — and an ambulance followed north before he even made it to the main roll-up door.

“Just in time, Monroe,” his partner, Tara, said as she tossed him a protein bar.

“We headin’ out too?” he asked as he snagged it out of the air.

She nodded, giving him a good once-over. “You look like hell.”

“Mm. Never gets old,” Riley said, pointing the bar at her. “What’ve we got? Fire?”

“Yeah, but not ours. We have a drunk guy who wrecked himself on a mailbox and then threw himself through the window of his neighbor’s living room.”

Riley nodded, peeling back the wrapper. “Excellent.” He took a small bite of the corner. It was the same bar every day. Same brand, same flavor. But today, something metallic snuck in there. He closed his eyes. He could detach himself from a lot of things, but the taste and smell of iron never ceased entirely. Somehow, they always managed to squeeze through the cracks in the walls he’d built up.

He cleared his throat. “You drive?”

“Sure.” When Riley finally opened his eyes, he couldn’t help but notice the glaring concern written all over Tara’s face.

But she did him a favor and didn’t mention it. Riley appreciated that. Cold, detached, efficient. Couldn’t move forward if you were looking back. Addressing the concern was looking back. Addressing the copper was looking back.

And he could only stand to move forward.

***

Midmorning, after dropping off a patient who’d been in a hell of a bar fight the night before, Tara gently backhanded Riley’s chest, pulling his gaze up from the spattered blood on the floor. “I gotta pee. Go get yourself a coffee or something from the vending machine. Better yet, go pay that cute doctor of yours a visit. Anything to get rid of…” she waved a hand over him “…this.”

“Rude. And he’s not mine. He’s just… a guy.”

“Mmhmm. Sure he is.” Tara smiled. “Well, a ‘guy’ is coming this way, so pretend to be alive for a few minutes.”

“Could you just go take your damn piss already and leave me alone?”

Tara snorted, patting his shoulder as she walked past him. Riley straightened himself out just a hair as she walked away, dusting his hands down the front of his shirt. Tara admittedly wasn’t right about most of things, but she was right about just this one — Doctor Sian Hopkins wasn’t just a guy.

A warm hand brushed against the back of Riley’s. “Missed you at trivia last night.” A pause. “Hey.” The gentle tug on Riley’s hand pulled his attention away from the floor once more and to the man standing beside him. “Where’d you go?”

“Last night?”

Sian offered a soft smile. “No. Now.”

“Oh.” Riley cleared his throat, forced a careless shrug of his shoulders. “Just tired.”

“Mm.” Sian nodded, pulling his lips into his mouth as he turned toward the TV in the corner of the waiting room. “What about last night?”

Riley’s eyes slowly drifted back to the floor. “Shift got switched. Needed to sleep early. Thought I texted you.”

“You didn’t.”

“Oh. I’m… sorry about that.”

Sian rocked back on his heels, shoving his hands into the pockets of his lab coat. “Do I need to take a hint, Riley?”

“A hint for what?”

“Like… how you’re just not that into me?”

Riley turned toward Sian again. “What?”

That soft smile came back to his face. “I’m not stupid, Riley. But I’d just prefer… some communication. Something direct. Closure. Just tell me you aren’t interested. I won’t be offended, I promise. I won’t make anything weird if you won’t. We can just be friends, right? Friends… who have seen each other naked a time or two. People do it all the time.”

“Four,” Riley said after a moment. “Four times. I’d like a fifth.”

Sian raised a brow. “You would?”

“Desperately.”

Sian snorted. “Your desperation is much different than mine.”

Riley rolled his eyes. He walked past Sian, grabbing his coat sleeve on the way. He pulled him around the corner and down the hall, into Sian’s little office next to the lab. He closed the door and pushed him back against it, one hand on the wall, the other wrapped around Sian’s chin. He closed the distance between them, lips only a breath apart. “It’s me. It’s not… I come with baggage, Si,” Riley whispered.

“We all do,” Sian whispered back.

“Five or six times is when… when my dates start wanting to spend the night. Want me to start spending the night.”

“Yeah?”

Riley leaned his forehead against Sian’s, closing his eyes so he didn’t have to see that compassionate, understanding look on his face any longer. He’d seen enough of that to last him a lifetime. “I’ve got night terrors, Si. Kicking, screaming, thrashing. The whole shebang. My room’s a fucking mess, my house is a fucking mess. I am a fucking mess.”

Riley’s cheeks flooded with warmth as Sian took his face in his hands and pulled him back a few inches. Riley forced himself to open his eyes again. “Let me help you clean it up. The room. The house. You.” Sian offered a smile. “I want you, Riley,” he whispered, “even if you come with night terrors and PTSD, or late nights and early mornings, or skipped trivia nights and no-shows. I want you, and that includes everything you’re carrying.”

A smile tugged at one corner of Riley’s mouth. “You’re gonna regret that.”

“That sounds like future me’s problem.”

“I… think I can live with that.”

“Perfect,” Sian whispered. “Now, can you fuckin’ kiss me already? You drag a man down a hall and pin him against a door, and you can’t even kiss him?”

Riley rolled his eyes and muttered a quiet, “Always so damn dramatic,” before leaning in to kiss him. Sian let out a little hum of appreciation, one hand sliding back into Riley’s hair.

The beep of Sian’s pager pulled them apart with a groan. Sian stuck his hand in his coat pocket and pulled the offending device out for a look. He raised a brow, but the lack of immediate concern or hurry was, at the very least, comforting. Comforting compared to his brother’s ominous message earlier in the day, and comforting compared to the fact that Eli still hadn’t even read Riley’s response.

“I’d like to see you tonight. For real this time,” Sian said, tucking his pager back into his pocket.

“What’s tonight? Karaoke or something?”

“I was thinking… my place.” Sian reached up to comb his fingers through Riley’s hair, un-disheveling it a bit. “You, me, takeout, a movie, maybe we lose the clothes at some point. Just a night in.” He smiled. “You don’t have to put on a mask for anyone. It’ll just be us. Okay?”

Riley offered a smile, though he could feel his looked far less warm and far more tired than Sian’s did. “Okay.”

“Perfect.” Sian pressed a kiss to his lips. “I’ll text you a time. And if you stay the night or not? That’s up to you. I won’t be mad if you don’t, and I won’t judge you if you do.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course,” Sian said, his voice soft. His pager beeped again. “I need to go deal with this, and I’m sure Tara’s wondering where you headed off to. I’ll see you later, okay?”

Riley nodded. “Okay.”

“Be safe out there.”

Even though the words brought Eli’s text back to the forefront of his mind once more, Riley managed a smile. “I will. You be safe in here.”

“I will.”

***

By noon, Los Angeles was baking beneath one hell of a heatwave. After successfully loading their empty gurney back into the rig, Riley wiped the sweat from his brow. “You’re staring at me again,” he said as he closed the doors, doing his best to avoid meeting Tara’s gaze.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Yep.”

“You sure?”

Riley scratched his jaw. Tara knew more about him than just about any other living person. Telling her wasn’t going to hurt anything. If he believed his therapist, talking to Tara — or anyone, for that matter — was good for him. For his ‘trauma’. “My brother texted me this morning.”

“The scientist brother you haven’t spoken to in, like, forever?”

“The one and only. And I think he’s technically a researcher.”

Tara slashed a dismissive hand through the air. “What’d he want?”

“I… don’t know. He told me to be safe. It just felt… ominous, I guess. Out of the blue.”

“It is. Out of the blue, I mean. But I don’t think it’s ominous. He probably just saw the news, and it made him think of you.”

Riley laid a hand on the door, raising a brow in Tara’s direction. “What news?”

“The TikTok stunt thing?”

“You lost me at ‘TikTok’.”

“Some kid uploaded a video of a guy thrashing around in the middle of traffic, blood all over his mouth and around his eyes. When people started calling it fake, the user deleted the video, but because it’s the internet, someone else re-uploaded it, and now there’s like, two ‘sides’ of TikTok, where one side thinks it’s fake and one side thinks it’s the beginning of an apocalypse or something.”

“Like zombies?” Riley asked.

Tara shrugged. “Or something.”Riley was going to go back to not believing his therapist.


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back to book details

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Zombie book voting poll

I have succeeded in writing a small portion of the zombie book I talked about previously, as a way to escape some of the hellscape of my real life and give my brain and hands something to do for at least a few minutes a day. That said, I have two options here for you in regards to characters

  1. All brand new characters
  2. Alternate universe, featuring characters we know and some that we don’t

The main character of this specific book is a brand new character regardless, but the option that wins the poll will determine the people they meet along the way

An Update

Hi. It’s been a while, the last update was depressing, and I have gone dark on most of my socials, so I wanted to confirm for everyone that I am alive. I am, to be frank, not okay, and I will not be ever again. The long version of what happened can be read here: https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1Bf9GcRSdb/

The short version is that, after an extreme abuse of implied authority, an animal shelter here in Iowa threatened me for hours in April until I “voluntarily surrendered” most of my disabled animals, and when I made it clear that I wanted them back, they retaliated by claiming I was an animal abuser and I was required to “voluntarily” surrender any of my remaining animals that they wanted or face animal cruelty charges. Basically, what the on-staff vet with this shelter said outweighed any proof I have, as well as the deputy who was there the first time and determined it was not a cruelty case, and because I am not a millionaire, I just had to let it happen.

My animals were and are my babies. They stole my babies from my home, which is now an empty, traumatizing shell I’m forced to live in, that I cannot escape because I’m disabled and homebound. They murdered at least one of my babies, permanently blinded two of them, and are continuing to intentionally prevent them from going back to the rescues, shelters, and owners they legally go back to if I cannot care for them. This has been nothing but a show of power and control, and they will continue to do it until, likely, the day *I* die.

With all of that said, I am still trying to write. I haven’t succeeded any yet, but I am trying. I have essentially nothing but free time now, which pains me to my very core, and I’m trying to do something useful with it instead of rotting away on the couch and dissociating my day away like I’ve been doing for over a month. I still don’t think writing Bo right now is a good idea, and I haven’t opened his book at all because of that. I’m trying to start something new. I’ve toyed around a bit with a zombie book, as zombies are oddly one of my comfort medias to watch and play, and I’m hoping I’ll be able to get actual words put down for it soon and start uploading chapters that will hopefully be enjoyable for some. I know zombie books aren’t everybody’s thing.

I will get back to Bo someday. He was the first character I wrote that I was actually proud of, and I have no intention of permanently leaving him behind. I just need a bit more time away from a character who is in the same place I am, even if that place was reached for different reasons.

I appreciate your patience during this time. I have not once been harassed or sent angry messages for the lack of chapters, which used to happen to me all the time on Wattpad, even when I was posting daily updates for multiple books at a time. “Appreciate” honestly doesn’t do it justice. You have all been very kind during every break I’ve taken, intentionally or otherwise, and it means a lot to me. Thank you.

I hope to see you soon with some zombies, and after that, hopefully with some Bo.

A Break

I will be taking an intentional break from Highway Butcher. I do not know when I will be in the headspace to write Bo in the same headspace I am in. I didn’t think life could get any worse but yesterday was the absolute worst day of my life, and how I force myself to live every day from here on out is… I don’t even know.

I know that’s heavy. And I’m sorry for that. I cannot in good faith write a character that is also depressed right now. I’ve been depressed for a long time, but it was somehow able to be worse, and it is now. And I just can’t.

I love and appreciate everyone who has read and loved the Bo Austen series. I desperately hope someday I will get back to it. My only request here is that I beg you not to tell me it will get better. I’ve been hearing that since I was four. It has only gotten worse. I cannot bear to hear it any further right now.

Surgeon – Epilogue

NOT EDITED

Epilogue

Sunday: May 31, 2020

6:00 AM; LOS ANGELES, LAS VIRGENES ROAD

The thing about crimes of opportunity is that there’s no time for planning. No time to pursue the stores for your weapon of choice. No time to decide if you commit it during the day or at night. No time to decide if you bring a gun or knife, if you catch them off guard or get their attention before striking, let them put up a fight.

The crime simply presented itself. The when and how were up to the universe, not the perpetrator. The only thing left up to the perp, really, was if they followed through on the opportunity the universe had blessed them with.

And with a cute little hitchhiker like her, out in the middle of nowhere, thumb stuck out on a dark road to hell, how could they not?


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I need to work on the cover for The Highway Butcher, and then we’ll dive into book two!


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Surgeon – Chapter Thirty-Four

NOT EDITED

Chapter Thirty-Four

5:00 PM; LOS ANGELES, THE ROGER ROOM

Bo didn’t have to look up to place the footsteps approaching his booth. “Did you stalk me here, or does this just happen to be your lunchtime booze run?”

“I didn’t stalk you, but I… did come here for you,” Jamal said. “May I have a seat?”

“How’d you know I was here if not for stalking?”

“Eyes and ears all over the country, Bo.”

“Right,” Bo whispered. He gestured to the other side of the booth before wrapping his hand around his long-since-warm beer bottle again. Jamal cleared his throat as he sat down across from him. “So… to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Though I generally wish Franklin had kept his mouth shut, he was right to do what he did. And he’s been right for years. Right that… you don’t deserve the way I treat you. That the universe doesn’t determine which way to push you based upon how much I make you hate yourself.” 

“I’m not sure what you want me to say,” Bo said after a moment.

“I’m not sure, either.” Jamal rubbed a hand along one side of his jaw, dark eyes focused on the bartender. When his gaze finally dragged back to Bo’s face, his expression was softer than Bo had seen it in years. “There are unfortunately two sides to the twisted coin in my mind. Would you like to hear them?”

Bo offered a shrug before taking a sip of his less-than-appealing beer. “Sure.”

“On one hand, just about every child I have taken under my wing has betrayed me, is a killer, was a killer, wants to be a killer, or runs away with a killer. On the other hand, most everyone I’ve ever loved is dead, dying, or hates every aspect of my being. I wanted to push you away from both sides of the coin. I couldn’t have you… dying. I couldn’t have you turning to homicide, either. I thought I could handle you hating me, but I couldn’t handle the other possibilities. I was trying to push you away, but you kept coming back. And I… I unfortunately couldn’t stop myself from letting you come back. It doesn’t justify how I’ve treated you. It doesn’t make up for it. It doesn’t erase it. But Franklin is right. You deserve the why. You deserve to know it isn’t you, it’s me. You did nothing wrong to deserve it. You aren’t worthless. You aren’t trash. You aren’t gum beneath my shoe. You are Bo fucking Austen, and you have not deserved a single iota of the shit I or the rest of the world have ever thrown at you.” Jamal held his hands out for a moment, almost gesturing to the invisible pile of shit he had dumped before Bo. “That’s it. That’s all I wanted.”

“Kathy running away with Dallas… That’s what triggered it? The… the drinking, I mean.”

“That’s why I relapsed, yes.”

“You were an alcoholic before that?”

“Mm. Recovering, I suppose. Once you fall on it to cope once, it’s hard not to be tempted by it to cope again.”

“Why…?” Bo blew out a harsh breath. “I know you raised her. I know she was a daughter to you. I know you loved her. But why? Why did her leaving cause all of this? I-I mean, if I had run away, would you have taken it out on her?”

“You wouldn’t have run away,” Jamal said after a moment. “Katherine knew that if she had come to me when she found out about Dallas, I would have helped her. Helped him. She knew that, and she chose to flee. She chose to pack up her family, my family, and flee with a serial killer.” Jamal grabbed Bo’s bottle cap from the table, staring at it as he flipped it between his fingers. “You… you would have come to me if you had found out about Dallas before she did. You would have gotten Dallas help, like you did with that Vivian woman you helped way back when. You and Katherine are so fundamentally different that I can’t even begin to imagine a world where I could honestly answer that question.”

If nothing else, Jamal was probably right. One of the very first cases Bo had worked, when he had discovered the killer had been instructed to kill by the voices in her head, voices she had been battling her whole life, he had forced her to take him hostage at knifepoint until it was guaranteed that she would get psychological help instead of county jail and then prison. Had it been an intelligent thing to do? No. Had it worked? Yes. If Dallas had confided in Bo instead of Kathy, he would have done the same, and Jamal would have gotten Dallas help instead of prison.

Jamal stopped toying with the bottle cap only long enough to set Bo’s ID on the table and slide it over to the blonde. “If you don’t want to be at the LAPD anymore, I understand, and I support you in that decision. But if you do, your office and your badge will always be waiting for you. I’ll spend my days in one of the other stations if I’m the only true problem, if everything else can be overcome. I can move Detective Decker to the West Department, and then you’ll have two detectives you like in the same building.”

“I… It isn’t a matter of who I like or don’t like, or who likes me or hates me. It’s that I’ve spent the last thirty years living in a brain in a body in a world that doesn’t want me in it. The way I feel, the way I think? I-it isn’t compatible with… with life anymore. A-and for a long time, getting to work forensics was enough to keep me going because it gave me something I truly love doing, but it hasn’t been enough in a very long time.”

Jamal cleared his throat. “I… am aware that you were considering ending your life while you were in Clinstone. I had hoped having a solved case under your belt would… improve your worldview in some sense.”

“You knew?” Bo asked, his brow furrowed. “Jesus, Jamal. Please tell me you didn’t buy out the damn bartender in Clinstone to tattle on me.”

Jamal shook his head. “I haven’t bought out anyone in Clinstone. There’s nothing in Minnesota that I… meddle in, buying out bartenders included. No, I followed you to the bar instead of heading to my hotel room for the night. I was in the parking lot when the bartender told the Mason kid about what you had said inside. I was… I was worried about you, but I knew my distance was likely to be better than my presence. For quite some time now, I believe that’s been the case for you. And I understand why. But I can’t…” He cleared his throat again. “Your life is worth living, Bo. You deserve to live long enough to find your happy ending.”

“I don’t believe that there is one, Jamal.”

“I-I can move you to Iowa. Back in Ellepath. You liked that little station there, didn’t you? The people were okay?”

Bo snorted. “They’ve already had the misfortune of their lab tech murdering people and their school bus driver murdering kids. They don’t need me to be another stain on their town.”

“Stain? Bo, any town that you work in is a town that is undeniably lucky and honored to have you protecting them. You are not a stain on any town.”

“I should’ve known,” Bo whispered.

“Should’ve known… what?”

“That Dallas was Hangman. I-I should’ve known. I worked with him day in and day out for years. I lived with him. Drank with him. Shared late night secrets by the campfire with him. I should’ve known. I should have figured it out long before Kathy did. M-maybe I knew, deep down. Maybe I knew and hid it to keep him out of prison. And that? That makes me a stain on any town I will ever walk into, Jamal.”

Jamal shifted, cleared his throat. “When Dallas was a teenager, his father was murdered. I’m sure you know that?”

“I do.”

“I worked said murder. By the end of it, I was pretty sure Dallas was the one who did it. Father was an abusive piece of shit, Dallas was finally fed up with it, and… beat the everloving shit out of him. I can’t say the man didn’t deserve it, and it’s why I let the case go cold. But despite believing he was capable of murdering his own father as a teen, I hired him without question when he applied to the LAPD. Promoted him to detective, to homicide. I gave him my blessing to marry Katherine. Congratulated him for becoming a father. You didn’t know Dallas was capable of murder, but I did.” Jamal waved a hand between them. “If you want to call one of us a stain on Los Angeles, on any town or state or station, it is not you, Bo. It’s me. It’s Katherine. We knew, and we enabled. You are not at fault for my mistakes or hers or Dallas’s.”

Bo stared at him for so long that even Jamal became uncomfortable. “You hired someone you believed to be a murderer and partnered them with me?”

“Well, he had… been with the station for a while before that. He had a partner before you.”

“A partner who died.”

“Yes,” Jamal said after a moment. “Dallas didn’t kill his partner, if that’s what you’re insinuating. He was shot and killed during a stakeout on a crack den. It… destroyed Dallas. Admittedly, at the time, I was worried it would take him back to a darker part of himself. I figured that if anyone would protect him, save him, it would be.” He gestured to Bo with the bottle cap between his first two fingers. “You had a bit of a track record for that.”

“Defending one woman who killed one person because she lost a lifelong battle to the dark voices in her head is different than defending and protecting a serial killer who murdered his father.”

“His abusive, piece of shit father who got what was coming to him.”

Bo drew in a long breath, closing his eyes for a moment. “I love Dallas. There is… no world in which I recover from that.”

“Oh,” Jamal whispered. “That’s why you don’t care that Katherine is sick.”

“No. I care, just not in the way you expect me to. I care because I know what it will do to Dallas if she dies. I care because I know what it’ll do to you. But I don’t care about Kathy for Kathy. She’s an abuser too, whether you recognize that or not. She did everything she could to cut Dallas off from the people he cared about and the people who cared about him time and time again, and when she found out he was Hangman, she finally found a way to get what she wanted. She convinced him to pack up his life and run away to a place where he would only have her. No one else. My work, whether it be in L.A. or Clinstone or Iowa or Timbuktu. It’s permanently contaminated by Kathy’s… disease. She lives in my mind, telling me what I can and can’t do. Telling me how I can and can’t live. There is no recovery from how deeply her poison is embedded in every fold of my mind. I can’t… do this anymore. I’m not a genius. I’m not an analyst. I’m not a scientist. I’m hardly even a living person anymore.” Bo slid his LAPD ID back across the table. “I can’t, Jamal.”

“I fear you won’t be able to survive without this job, Bo.”

“I can’t survive with it, either. There’s no win in any choice of this situation. Every option is a loss. So I’m… I’m going to choose this one, and whatever happens to me because of it? That isn’t your problem.”

“Bo,” Jamal said as the blonde slid out of the booth. “I’ll put you in therapy. I’ll put you in any station in any part of the world you want. Let me help you.”

“I’m not your problem,” Bo repeated. “Goodnight, Mister Pitman.”


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Surgeon – Chapter Thirty-Three

**A/N: Thank you for your patience while I worked on this chapter. Two of my girls have come down with a mystery illness, and the only kid I was actually friends with in school who didn’t use and abuse me every day died in a car accident last Friday. This whole year has been a lot, and the last week hasn’t helped, to say the least. So again, thank you so much for your patience.

NOT EDITED

Chapter Thirty-Three

Saturday: January 18, 2020

8:00 AM; WEST LOS ANGELES POLICE DEPARTMENT, PARKING LOT

With his own car in Clinstone, Bo had picked up a rental to drive to the police station. Bridget had done more than enough driving him around the day before. He could have walked from his place to the station with relative ease, but he hadn’t minded the possibility of getting stuck in traffic. Prolong the inevitable. Of course, that morning, traffic had moved along quite smoothly, and Bo had made it to the station without delay.

Go figure.

Bo shut off the engine and pulled the key from the ignition. He dropped his hands to his lap, blue eyes focused on the front doors of the station as he fiddled with his ID lanyard. Almost two years ago, Jamal and walked Kathy and Dallas through those doors in handcuffs. Bo wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to truly forget the daggers Kathy had shot at him as they walked past. He’d seen a lot of hatred in that woman’s eyes over the years, but it had truly all accumulated right there on her face in that moment. As if Jamal had told her on the flight back to Los Angeles that Bo was the only reason they were caught. Like it was all Bo’s fault. Like she hadn’t run away with a serial killer, fled the state, harbored a fugitive, and endagered her children in the process.

And maybe Jamal had told her all of those things. Maybe he had said it was all Bo’s fault, that he was the one to hate, to blame. Bo had never asked.

He’d never forget the smile Dallas had given him, either. Permanent nerve damage from his childhood made it so only one corner of Dallas’s mouth ever lifted when he smiled, but that hadn’t made the one he had given Bo any less bright. Or breathtaking. It had crinkled the corners of his eyes and shined so brilliantly through those crystal blues. Like it hadn’t mattered that he’d been arrested, that he was going to lose his children, that he was going to spend the rest of his life in jail. Hell, if Jamal had a true say in it, he would have found a way to legalize the death penalty in California again just for Dallas.

It had almost been like Dallas had been happy to be arrested. Maybe he had been. Bo was sure he had probably asked the man about that, or maybe Dallas had told him, but it was so incredibly hard to focus on what Dallas was saying nowadays. Over a prison phone. Behind bars. Behind bulletproof plexiglass.

It was hard to focus on his best friend’s words when they were coming out of a murderer’s mouth.

Bo blew out a harsh breath and lifted his ID lanyard over his head. He gave it a gentle tug to even out the sides, allowing the ID itself to rest dead center on his chest. He climbed out of the car, closed and locked the door, and pocketed his keys. There were so many times he had dreaded walking into the police station, and he couldn’t quite place a direct comparison for where today fell, but it was definitely toward the top of his list for ‘most dreaded’.

Inside the station, Bo hesitated outside the closed door of Jamal’s office. Maybe he’d do a lap around the place, just to fully settle things, make sure he was doing the right thing. He made his way downstairs to the lab. The lights were off, but the door was unlocked. Despite knowing Regina was dead, the emptiness still left him a little surprised. Though Regina hadn’t been the only forensic analyst in the West Department, she had been the one who spent the most time inside of the lab, even with an office of her own sitting upstairs. A part of him had almost expected to still see her there behind one of the tables. Maybe a part of him had even hoped Jamal had been lying about her death to try and lure Bo back to Los Angeles.

He and Regina hadn’t exactly been the best of friends or anything, but she had always been cordial and understanding and polite. She certainly hadn’t deserved to be murdered. Nobody did, for the most part, but Regina was one of the only bodies that had ever been in the LAPD morgue that he had actually, truly known. And there would always be something about the dead person being a familiar face versus a stranger that settled in his stomach a different way.

Bo blew out a breath and stepped into the room, flipping on the lights. No flickering. No buzzing. The floors, walls, and counters were clean. The drawers were well-organized. Everything was perfectly in its place. It smelled clean, but not the horrifically strong, overwhelming chemical smell. Just… clean.

Bo flipped off the lights and closed the door before making his way upstairs. He walked down the main hallway off the detective desk hub. It was still lined with newspaper articles of the achievements of the people who worked there. Including Bo’s. That… was surprising. His achievements had been noted there, framed alongside everyone else’s, before he had moved to the West Department, but Bo hadn’t spent much time down this hallway during his last several years at the station. He had entirely expected that Jamal had removed them during the Kathy and Dallas manhunt. Finding them all there, pristine and still in the exact place they’d been the last time he’d seen them was… shocking.

Bo stopped at his office door. His name was still stenciled neatly onto the window at the top of the door. Bo stuck his key in the door and turned, surprised once more to find that Jamal hadn’t changed the locks during the manhunt period of things. Or maybe he had, simply changing them back to the old ones when Bo had promised to come back to L.A. within a week of finishing the case in Clinstone.

He only bothered opening the door all the way to confirm his desk was still there, that his file cabinets were still locked, that Jamal hadn’t planted a booby trap in the room for when he finally returned. Everything was perfectly normal. But the way ‘normal’ made him feel in every corner of the station was more than enough proof that what he’d come here to do was still the right call.

Bo locked his office back up and made his way to Jamal’s. The door was still closed, but Franklin, Jamal’s personal… Assistant felt like the wrong word. Driver? Bo had heard ‘bodyguard’ tossed around a time or two by other people, but he wasn’t sure how true that was. Jamal could guard himself more than well enough without another man doing it for him. Regardless of his title, the man had just come back from the breakroom, two coffee cups in hand.

“Mister Austen,” Franklin greeted. “It’s good to see you.”

Bo offered a smile. “You too, Frank.” He nodded toward the door. “Is he busy?”

“No.”

“How… is he today?”

“No better or worse than usual, I suppose.” Franklin cleared his throat. “How are you, Mister Austen?”

“Oh, you know… Surviving.”

Franklin nodded, looking back at the door almost nervously. “I’ll come in with you.” Franklin spent the majority of his time in Jamal’s office, even for meetings Jamal had with other people, but something about the way he said it made it seem so damn ominous.

When Bo made no move for the door, Franklin opened it and walked into the room. “Mister Austen is here to see you, sir.”

“Well, send him on in,” Jamal said.

Franklin looked back at Bo. “Come in.”

Bo drew in a long breath before forcing himself to step over the threshold, out of the lobby and into the lion’s den. Franklin reached past Bo to push the door closed. He crossed the room to set one of the coffee cups on Jamal’s desk. He grabbed the newspaper from the corner of the desk and settled into the chair pushed against the wall opposite the door.

“Bo,” Jamal said after a moment. “I wasn’t expecting to see you so soon. I figured you’d draw out the week after the case was over for as long as you could.”

Bo cleared his throat, fiddling with the strap of his satchel. “I considered it. But, in the end, I figured that… the sooner I get this over with, the better.”

Jamal’s hand, about halfway to grabbing his coffee, froze. His dark eyes lifted to Bo’s face. “What do you mean, ‘get this over with’? That doesn’t exactly sound like the words of a man planning on working at the station.”

Bo offered a smile. “They aren’t.”

Jamal stared at him for entirely too long before picking up his coffee. He took a sip, clearing his throat as he set the cup back down. “So what is this? You’ve come to tell me the CPD Dork Squad won you over?”

Bo couldn’t help but snort. “No. It isn’t about Los Angeles versus Clinstone. It’s just…” He let out a heavy breath, shoulders sinking. “I walked through the station to see if I was wrong. I went into the lab and the morgue. I went into my office. I walked the halls. I just… The West Department no longer feels like home to me. It’s cold and foreign a-and I don’t want that. That’s why I left. It’s why I left Clinstone too. I want… to belong, a-and I don’t… belong here.”

“You belong here just fine.”

“Respectfully, Mister Pitman, you have a funny way of showing that these days. The West Department hasn’t been my home in… a very long time.”

Jamal cleared his throat again. “What do you want me to do? Transfer you somewhere else?”

“No.” Bo pulled his ID lanyard over his head and walked up to Jamal’s desk to set it down in front of the man. He took a few steps away from him, tucking his hands behind his back. “There isn’t a department in the LAPD that would welcome me. For just a little while, I don’t want to live and breathe life as an outcast. I just want to be… free.”

“Free,” Jamal echoed. He glanced over at Franklin. If looks could kill, the glare Franklin met him with surely would’ve yanked Jamal’s soul right out of his body. “Well, you’re free to do whatever the hell you want, Austen. But when you decide that you can’t live without this place for the upteenth time, don’t come crying to me. I will no longer entertain your games, and this time, your job won’t be waiting for you when you’re done dicking around.”

The words stung, but they were far from the worst thing Jamal Pitman had ever said to Bo. Hell, they were far from the worst thing anyone had said to him. Still, the way those words affected him from anyone else would never compare to the way Jamal’s calousness made him feel. Once upon a time, Jamal had been a police chief who had hired a child genius fresh out of college without question. Once upon a time, Jamal had put his career on the line for a teenage forensic analyst making stupid, teenage decisions.

Once upon a time, Jamal had seen Bo as some sort of invaluable addition to the LAPD. But those days were long gone, and Bo was painfully aware of it.

“I understand, Mister Pitman.” Bo sunk his teeth into the scar inside his bottom lip, trying his best to keep his emotions in-check at least until he made it back out of Jamal’s office. “Thank you, umm, for taking a chance on me all those years ago. No matter how things… turned out between us, I will never forget the incredible opportunities you allowed me. And I thank you deeply for that.”

Something flickered across Jamal’s face before it was gone again, replaced with the hard, unreadable expression his face usually carried. “Your time at this station since Katherine and your BFF fled is more than enough proof that you wasted all of those opportunities you were given. You flushed everything you were ever given down the drain, and you were not worth the chances I gave you.”

Bo did his very best to bite back the pitiful sound that squeezed past the lump in his throat, but his best, as per usual, wasn’t enough. “Of course, sir,” he whispered. “I’m sorry you wasted so much time on me. I’m still grateful and thankful for… said wasted time, regardless.” He took a small step back before turning toward the door.

“Jamal is an alcoholic piece of shit.”

“Franklin,” Jamal bit out.

When Bo turned to face the man, he was still seated in his chair, newspaper unfolded in his hands. “Umm… pardon?” Bo asked.

Franklin cleared his throat, gave the newspaper a small shake. “Jamal is an alcoholic piece of shit who believes that his karma in life is to lose everyone he cares about. He believes that being an absolute horrid asshole to the people he cares about will prevent the universe from harming them, twisting them, or making them leave him. He, however, cannot admit that this is what he believes or what he does, because if he admits that, he would also have to admit that he has still lost people while being horrible to them, including you, multiple times, and if he admits that, then he would also have to admit that the way he has treated and continues to treat you has been entirely pointless and nothing but cruel and abusive. He would have to admit that he has never once protected you or kept you safe with this method, only harmed you and pushed you away.” Franklin turned the page of his newspaper. “But what do I know?”

Brow furrowed, Bo turned back to Jamal. He sat back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest, eyes shooting daggers at Franklin. “Are you drunk now?” Bo finally asked.

Jamal’s gaze shifted to Bo’s face. “Get the hell out of my station.”

“He’s buzzed. You came in before he had the chance to spike his coffee,” Franklin said. “I used to spike it for him, but I stopped that particular form of enabling when he continued to be an old bastard even after the Silvers were convicted.”

A low growl rumbled in Jamal’s throat, but he didn’t offer up a defense.

“This… thing you do, thinking you’re protecting people? Your words eat me alive every single day. I wake up knowing that Jamal Pitman believes I am worthless. Useless. Not even worth the water it would take to extinguish a small desktop garbage can of fire. Who the hell do you have to protect me from for the way I feel to be worth it?” Bo asked, unable to stop the shake of his voice.

Jamal didn’t answer, simply picking up his coffee for a sip instead.

“Since you started acting upon this belief of yours? The only person in the entire world I have needed protecting from has been you, Jamal. You.” When Jamal stayed silent, again, Bo turned and left the office, closing the door behind him. He made it outside before his legs simply couldn’t carry him any further, and he sunk to the ground just outside the doors, his back pressed to the brick wall. He needed a moment to collect himself, and then… well, maybe he’d take a page from Jamal’s coping mechanism book and go get wasted.


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Surgeon – Chapter Thirty-Two

***A/N: This is the final chapter before the epilogue! I’ll give the rest of this week to vote for book two (which you can do here), and then I’ll hopefully write the epilogue this weekend!

NOT EDITED

Chapter Thirty-Two

12:30 PM; LOS ANGELES, RENEE AUSTEN’S HOUSE

Clearing his throat, Bo lifted a fist and lightly rapped his knuckles against the door. When the door opened, he found himself looking at an older black woman. She was about the same height as him, her natural, kinky curls forming a short afro on her head. Her brown eyes, soft and warm, lit up at the sight of Bo.

Bo offered a smile. “Hey, Mom.”

Renee Austen smiled widely, the corners of her eyes crinkling. “Bo! Oh, come here, baby,” she said, holding out her arms. Bo walked into her embrace, quickly wrapping his own arms around the woman who adopted him after his birth parents gave him up for being abnormal. “I thought you left L.A.?” she asked as she pulled away, hands on his shoulders.

“I did. I was in Minnesota. But I thought visiting you was long overdue,” Bo said. “Very long overdue.”

“Well, I’m so glad you decided to drop by. I’m so happy to see you, sweetheart,” Renee said. “Would you like to come in?”

“Well, I was thinking we could go out to lunch, my treat.”

“I would love that! We have so much to catch up on,” Renee said. “Would you like me to call your father up? He’d love to see you,” she said. Bo smiled faintly. Bo was convinced that Renee and Denzel Austen had had the most amicable divorce in history. She had kept his last name, and they still had lunch together at least twice a week. The only thing that had truly changed was their shift to separate houses.

“Yeah, Mom, I’d love to see him too.”

“Great. I’ll get changed and then I’ll give him a call.” Renee looked her son up and down, a smile on her face. “It’s so good to see you, sweetheart.”

“It’s good to see you too, Mom.”

She stepped away from the door. “Well, come on in and sit down while I get changed,” she said. Bo walked into the foyer, shutting the door behind him. “I won’t be long, promise. Oh, your father is going to love seeing you.” Bo smiled as Renee hurried out of the foyer and headed back to her room. No matter how terrible he believed California was, no matter how many bad memories he had because of the state, his mother always had a way of making even the dreariest of states seem bright.

1:00 PM; LOS ANGELES, SLICE OF LIFE DINER

The Slice of Life Diner in Los Angeles was important to Bo for precisely one reason. It was a small restaurant chain, and there was one back in Maryland, where Renee and Denzel had lived before moving out to L.A. when Bo went to college. The one in Maryland was the first place Renee and Denzel had taken him after they adopted him. They hadn’t even made him order lunch. They had ordered pie instead. Every year after that—at least until he moved away—they had gone back to the diner in celebration of the day they brought Bo into their lives, and they’d order the same pie.

Today was no different.

“So, Squirt, what have you been up to?” Denzel asked.

“I was in Minnesota since, uh, the first of this month,” Bo said.

“Oh, that, umm… Surgeon case, right?” Denzel asked. Bo nodded. “I saw that on the news. That, uh, Detective Mason spoke very highly of you in the press conference.”

“He did?” Bo asked.

“Yes. He said that, due to your hard work, you were able to stop another five women from being killed. He seemed very impressed with your work, Squirt.”

Bo chuckled, passing his fingers through his hair. “He was… on my side the whole time I was there. A few of the other employees were treating me like I was a…”

“Freak?” Renee asked. Bo nodded. “Oh, honey, come on. You know you’re not a freak,” she said. “You’re my favorite intellectual. You’re my favorite son too.”

“I am your only son,” Bo said, one eyebrow raised.

Renee smiled. “Shut your mouth,” she said, punctuating each word with a tiny shake of her head. “That doesn’t make it any less true.”

Bo smiled faintly. “I know, Mom. Thank you.”


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